[Mountaindewed]

I’m honestly thinking of going inpatient. My anxiety is so bad and I don’t really trust myself around medication right now. I think my therapist is the issue. I can’t think of anything else that’s just downright making me this depressed. I don’t know what to do. I need to save my mental health.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m honestly thinking of going inpatient. My anxiety is so bad and I don’t really trust myself around medication right now. I think my therapist is the issue. I can’t think of anything else that’s just downright making me this depressed. I don’t know what to do. I need to save my mental health.

Maybe you should discuss this with your psychiatrist.

Your therapist does seem to be a trigger for you. Many times I recall you complaining about her. And yet didn't you also write recently that you missed her? Maybe there is a negative transference and countertransferace going on? It's common enough. Her putting up strict boundaries to the point of forbidding you from contacting her is a bad sign.

I'll say this, though I can't be sure of your situation, I do know that I have had therapists in the past who gave hints that they wanted to end the relationship when they should have been forthright. To me, "hints" can be cowardly. This does not mean you are to blame. Sometimes the therapist is just not the right person for the job. Find one who is better. You deserve better.

[*Beth*]

Md, I agree with Soupe. Your relationship with your therapist tortures and triggers you. Maybe not seeing her anymore is a good idea, after all. She sounds overwhelming. I thought it was odd way back when she had her baby there. Now the email BS. She sounds kind-of wacky.

[Moose72]

I got a haircut appointment for a week from today. Haven't been in ages. Need several inches of split/dead ends removed. I think I might get long layers. I want it up to my shoulders.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m honestly thinking of going inpatient. My anxiety is so bad and I don’t really trust myself around medication right now. I think my therapist is the issue. I can’t think of anything else that’s just downright making me this depressed. I don’t know what to do. I need to save my mental health.

Is there someone who can hold your meds for you?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m a bit frustrated today because of the therapy situation. I feel like she’s being hypocritical. She says not to email her. So I take her out of my contacts. Then this morning there’s an email from her. I replied to it and she’s *****ing at me that I’m not following boundaries. Then don’t email me in the first place you yutz. I ended up taking 3 milligrams of Xanax after the email exchange because I just want to be numb the entire day. This morning I did get out shopping to a few international grocery stores I like. I didn’t find anything cool except a Kinder Bar but I got more bananas. Yesterday I ate 3 of them for breakfast.

Sorry your therapist is being an ***. Seems like she could be toying with you. "Don't email me but I can email you." Double standard. Seems a little sadistic to me.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I got a haircut appointment for a week from today. Haven't been in ages. Need several inches of split/dead ends removed. I think I might get long layers. I want it up to my shoulders.

That will feel so good! Our salons here just reopened, think I'll go for a cut next month.

[*Beth*]

I feel sad because some members say they're leaving due to the ads. I haven't even seen any ads yet.


I saw a video of my friend James giving a talk at a NAMI dinner one year ago and I felt sick to my stomach. He was only 61 when he died on Sunday. He would have been able to get the vaccine this spring.

I'm waiting for my stimulus check. It was supposedly sent out on the 6th...same day as the Capital insurrection, plus the mail has been so slow.

The weather is so warm this week it's disgusting. Feels like late May. I'm sure (?) we'll have more cold weather.

I've been sleeping a lot. Too much. My pdoc had to stay out for 2 weeks because she has a small cold. Seems like she could just get tested for covid instead of having to be away for 2 weeks.

[Victoria'smom]

Putting out fires all day today. I'm drained emotionally, financially, everything. I just want to rest but I'm always "on". Always looking at the bright side. My boys are in horrible moods, my families in horrible moods, I feel it's me and it's stressful. Walking into my family's house was heavy because of negative emotions. Then I came home to the same thing. It's nothing I can change but I'm anxious and want to SH because of it. I know T would say I was taking on to much but they all need me. My dad called and said I sounded exhausted. I wish SH wasn't looked down at. I know I can't or I have to call my treatment team but **** I want to release all this ****. Is it okay to take a PRN just to sleep even if I'm not having sleeping problems?

[Moose72]

Here is a picture of me from 20 years ago. I was conceiving N3 at that time but didn't know it. The babies are my identical twin nephews the day they were born.

@Moose72: Beautiful! What a smile!

I forgot to take my meds last night and lay awake until dawn. I couldn't understand why i wasn't drowsy. I finally got up and checked and took them and slept for several hours. Today has been a write-off because i feel too sleep-deprived for anything challenging. Looking forward to bedtime.

Hugs to all who struggle!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Putting out fires all day today. I'm drained emotionally, financially, everything. I just want to rest but I'm always "on". Always looking at the bright side. My boys are in horrible moods, my families in horrible moods, I feel it's me and it's stressful. Walking into my family's house was heavy because of negative emotions. Then I came home to the same thing. It's nothing I can change but I'm anxious and want to SH because of it. I know T would say I was taking on to much but they all need me. My dad called and said I sounded exhausted. I wish SH wasn't looked down at. I know I can't or I have to call my treatment team but **** I want to release all this ****. Is it okay to take a PRN just to sleep even if I'm not having sleeping problems?

I don't know if it's okay...but I do it. Because if you're emotionally wrung out, you surely do need the sleep.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Here is a picture of me from 20 years ago. I was conceiving N3 at that time but didn't know it. The babies are my identical twin nephews the day they were born.

Absolutely adorable! As I was looking at your warm, sweet face and beautiful smile I found myself smiling back. Thanks!

[Mountaindewed]

Thanks @BethRags @Moose72 and @Soupe du jour

I’ve often thought of my therapist as kind of a narcissist/ kind of a sociopath. And yeah it seems like she’s giving me hints that she wants to get rid of me but wants me to make that choice myself. She’s done this before with the emails. In the summer she told me not to email her and then the next day emailed me and asked if I understood why I shouldn’t be emailing her. That time I blew up and said “then why are you emailing me?” And she apologized.

I know if I just end things with her I’ll feel so much better in the long run. I’ve gone 3 months before without seeing a therapist while I was in the process of transferring. I can do it again.

I have a Pdoc appointment next week after I see her. Kinda concerned about that since I’d just have seen T. Right now I’m just trying to focus on my weekend and ignore T and Pdoc.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Is there someone who can hold your meds for you?

I gave them to my mom awhile ago.

[Soupe du jour]

@Moose72, you are a lovely lady!

@whatever2013, I experience the same when I forget my evening meds. No fatigue at all if I forget them. But from experience, that is then a clear reminder. In such cases, I do take my evening meds even if at 2 am.

@Miguel'smom, please don't SH. There are many ways to release tension and stress that are healthier. Just a couple examples for me are dancing, cooking/baking, organizing/cleaning a room in the house, watching some uplifting movie, etc.

@BethRags, I'm also sad and even surprised at people saying they will leave PC solely because of the ads. As many others wrote, ads can be blocked. Plus, I can't understand how an ad is so bad that it outweighs the value of this online support group. Perhaps some who've said they would leave will realize this. Also, I feel for you about loss since your friend James recently left your life. Loss is always a tough pill to swallow. It's a shame that over time we must get more and more used to it.

[Soupe du jour]

Well, yesterday I discovered a wonderful thing about these stupid masks we have to wear because of covid-19. Hubby was tired, but we really needed some items from the grocery store, so I went to Trader Joe's alone. I did my small shopping, so went to the shortest cashier aisle. Included in my order were a couple bottles of wine and a six pack of beer. As soon as the 20 something year old cashier saw them she asked "Can I see your ID?"

Instant shock and perplexity!

"What?!?!?" I asked with a laugh. "You've gotta be kidding! I'm almost 50 years old!"

She then responded "Sometimes it's hard to tell, especially with people wearing masks."

Of course I had to show her my ID in the end, and she giggled when she saw her huge mistake.

When I got back to the hotel, I of course told Hubby the story and asked him if he thought the cashier was playing with me. He said that "Perhaps she was partially blind."

Anyway, it was funny and made this middle-aged lass feel a little good.

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Well, yesterday I discovered a wonderful thing about these stupid masks we have to wear because of covid-19. Hubby was tired, but we really needed some items from the grocery store, so I went to Trader Joe's alone. I did my small shopping, so went to the shortest cashier aisle. Included in my order were a couple bottles of wine and a six pack of beer. As soon as the 20 something year old cashier saw them she asked "Can I see your ID?"

Instant shock and perplexity!

"What?!?!?" I asked with a laugh. "You've gotta be kidding! I'm almost 50 years old!"

She then responded "Sometimes it's hard to tell, especially with people wearing masks."

Of course I had to show her my ID in the end, and she giggled when she saw her huge mistake.

When I got back to the hotel, I of course told Hubby the story and asked him if he thought the cashier was playing with me. He said that "Perhaps she was partially blind."

Anyway, it was funny and made this middle-aged lass feel a little good.

OMG, the very same thing happened to me a couple days ago! And I'm 58(!!) Last time it happened was 8 years ago, so it came as quite the surprise, lol. And Soupe, I'm sure she wasn't partially blind -- you're a lovely lady.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

OMG, the very same thing happened to me a couple days ago! And I'm 58(!!) Last time it happened was 8 years ago, so it came as quite the surprise, lol. And Soupe, I'm sure she wasn't partially blind -- you're a lovely lady.

Interesting times, for sure.

Carded at 50 (without a mask)? That must mean you really look particularly young, Innerzone. Before yesterday, I hadn't been carded for some years. Maybe since my early 40s.


Thanks, my friend

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Well, yesterday I discovered a wonderful thing about these stupid masks we have to wear because of covid-19. Hubby was tired, but we really needed some items from the grocery store, so I went to Trader Joe's alone. I did my small shopping, so went to the shortest cashier aisle. Included in my order were a couple bottles of wine and a six pack of beer. As soon as the 20 something year old cashier saw them she asked "Can I see your ID?"

Instant shock and perplexity!

"What?!?!?" I asked with a laugh. "You've gotta be kidding! I'm almost 50 years old!"

She then responded "Sometimes it's hard to tell, especially with people wearing masks."

Of course I had to show her my ID in the end, and she giggled when she saw her huge mistake.

When I got back to the hotel, I of course told Hubby the story and asked him if he thought the cashier was playing with me. He said that "Perhaps she was partially blind."

Anyway, it was funny and made this middle-aged lass feel a little good.

That reminds me of last year when I went to Friday’s for my 27 birthday and the cashier thought I wasn’t old enough to drink. Also I went to Red Robin when I was 25 maybe and the server asked my mom if we needed a kids menu.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Also I went to Red Robin when I was 25 maybe and the server asked my mom if we needed a kids menu.

OMG! This is so funny!

Did you order the kid's meal? Sometimes I wish I could in places where the prices are really high and portions are huge .

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

OMG! This is so funny!

Did you order the kid's meal? Sometimes I wish I could in places where the prices are really high and portions are huge .

Once he actually really looked at me he was like “oh Nevermind”

I’m not sure there’s any rules about how old you have to be to order from the kids menu. Unless it’s like an all you can eat buffet or a kids eat free day. I’ve ordered from the kids menu at fast food places.

My dad used to lie about me and my siblings ages when we’d go to Old Country Buffet so we could get the kids prices. He was also a genius at sneaking food out of buffets without getting caught.

[rwwff]

Just wanted to thank yall for the reassurance and helpful comments about changing pdocs. All went nicely, no changes to what seems to be working well. We talked some about the state of my life and that sort of thing, as well as how my mood and sleep are running. Very pleasant.

Thanks all!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Well, yesterday I discovered a wonderful thing about these stupid masks we have to wear because of covid-19. Hubby was tired, but we really needed some items from the grocery store, so I went to Trader Joe's alone. I did my small shopping, so went to the shortest cashier aisle. Included in my order were a couple bottles of wine and a six pack of beer. As soon as the 20 something year old cashier saw them she asked "Can I see your ID?"

Instant shock and perplexity!

"What?!?!?" I asked with a laugh. "You've gotta be kidding! I'm almost 50 years old!"

She then responded "Sometimes it's hard to tell, especially with people wearing masks."

Of course I had to show her my ID in the end, and she giggled when she saw her huge mistake.

When I got back to the hotel, I of course told Hubby the story and asked him if he thought the cashier was playing with me. He said that "Perhaps she was partially blind."

Anyway, it was funny and made this middle-aged lass feel a little good.

Geez, that does put a new light on having to wear a mask!