Home Menu

Menu


Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #201  
Old Dec 13, 2020, 09:27 PM
Moose72's Avatar
Moose72 Moose72 is online now
Silver Swan
 
Member Since: Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 18,649
So I spent some money today. My phone shut itself off at 40% battery last night around this time. It had been not charging all the way and draining quickly for months. It was 3 years old and way overdue for a replacement. So I went to the phone store and got a similar phone, but it's upgraded from the old one. It's thinner and longer and the built-in apps are different. I spent several hours downloading and setting up some of my apps that I had on the old phone. That meant looking up passwords and usernames and resetting some of them. I'm still not done, but the most important ones are set up. I kind of feel bad for spending the money but it's not an Iphone or anything It's just a basic phone, though not a flip phone.

My friend Caleb got a covid test on Friday because he has a sore throat and slight fever. Well, it came back positive but then when he clicked on that result in his patient portal, it said it was negative. I guess it really is positive though, since he said he was knocked out for the last two days feeling miserable. But now, he feels better and is hoping its for good, not just a reprieve and the symptoms will come back, like someone told him can happen. He isn't very talkative, so it seems he's still not feeling that well. This is the first person that i've known to have covid. Except, I heard that an ex-friend of mine and her husband had it, but I don't talk with her anymore, so I don't think that counts.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg
Propranolol 40 mg
Benztropine 1 mg
Vraylar 4.5 mg
Risperdal .5 mg
Gabapentin 300 mg
Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily
Hugs from:
*Beth*, lightly toasted, Soupe du jour, Unrigged64072835
Thanks for this!
lightly toasted

advertisement
  #202  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 12:48 AM
Victoria'smom's Avatar
Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 15,960
Do I take my sleeping medicine even if the problem is I'm too paranoid to sleep?
__________________
Dx:
Me- SzA
Husband- Bipolar 1
Daughter- mood disorder+


Comfortable broken and happy

"So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk
My blog
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Fuzzybear, lightly toasted, Sunflower123
  #203  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 01:40 AM
Anonymous41462
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I only had one single Coke Zero today, down from many a day for years! Yay! Hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs from:
*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, Fuzzybear, lightly toasted, Moose72, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, wildflowerchild25
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear
  #204  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 04:44 AM
Crazy Hitch's Avatar
Crazy Hitch Crazy Hitch is offline
ɘvlovƎ
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 28,387
Only four days left of work then I'm on what most of you call 'Summer break'. I'm a high school teacher. I've had so much time off work already this year due to BP mania.
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous45023, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
  #205  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 08:53 AM
Soupe du jour Soupe du jour is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,172
It seems that our hot water heater is kaput. Hubby managed to get it going again briefly the day before yesterday, but it stopped working again, then it wouldn't get going again. Great! Huh? How many house problems will we have before the final sale? What else will go wrong? I don't really want to know. So, we must get a new water heater before the sale. Big money. Plus, every type of worker seems to be busy. We are running out of time. There is no way the buyer would accept a non-working water heater. This is infuriating! I just want this sale finalized so we can run the heck away, already.

Tomorrow the moving company comes to take most all of our stuff away for shipment to Europe. We aren't taking the bed or bureaus, though, so we'll have a place to sleep. But then later we will need to get rid of that stuff. Same day the buyer comes with his mold inspector. The first one he hired was a no-show last week. It sucks that they may come while the movers (and non-working water heater) are here. Having the water heater replaced today is surely a pipe dream.

My psychiatrist suggested I do a medication inventory, so I did. The only medication I will have very little of after the move is the stupid arse Klonopin, since they only fill 30 days worth at a time. I do have one prescription at one pharmacy and a second one at another, but that still won't give me much more than max 30 pills at any time. And it's possible none will be fillable until after we leave the US, though that's not sure. He's going to have to artificially raise my dose, I'm assuming. Wish I didn't even have that blasted medication in my cocktail to begin with!

Last edited by Soupe du jour; Dec 14, 2020 at 09:24 AM.
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, lightly toasted, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
  #206  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 09:02 AM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
I'm sorry you miscarried. Especially a late miscarriage like that. What did you do at the time- did you have a burial, service, take pictures? When I was 15 weeks with N2 I had this really bad lower back pain and the nurse I called said, '"Awww.... There's nothing we can do for a late miscarriage like this..." which i thought was insensitive. Of course, N2 is 20 now so it doesn't much matter now. I'm sorry that happened to you. I can imagine that it was very hard and sad.

Thank you, Moose.
__________________




  #207  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 09:08 AM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
Do I take my sleeping medicine even if the problem is I'm too paranoid to sleep?

~~~~Yes.
__________________




  #208  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 11:06 AM
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 42,068
I had my ultrasound this morning. I don’t know why I was thinking of an MRI or cat scan. I just had an ultrasound at the gynecologist. So I don’t know why I didn’t think it would be that. But I didn’t have to take any of my clothes off I just had to lift my shirt half way up. It took about 15 minutes but I had to keep holding my breath for about 20 seconds at a time. She kept holding the wand over areas that hurt. I didn’t tell her that it hurt there. She kept holding her wand at like bones that hurt really badly in addition to my left side. She’d just keep going back to specific areas where I felt pain. So I don’t know what that means. But it’s out of my hands so I’m just going to try to relax until the results come in.
__________________
"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Moose72, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
  #209  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 11:18 AM
Nammu's Avatar
Nammu Nammu is offline
Crone
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 76,848
I don’t know if I’m being overly paranoid or cautious. Last night my daughter said she’d had a covid test and she was negative so she and the kids would come over today and open their presents 🎁. Here so we could watch. But all night I couldn’t sleep. Kids get covid and have no symptoms. Mum is 92 and not doing well. She spends most of her time in bed or going though old stuff like photos and throwing them away. She doesn’t want us kids to have to do that. So all I could think was that the kids can give mum covid without symptoms. So I texted my daughter. She feels I’m accusing her of being cold and unthought full. I know she’s negative but the kids weren’t tested . Oh I hate this pandemic
__________________
Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, lightly toasted, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Victoria'smom, wildflowerchild25
  #210  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 12:57 PM
NaoSky NaoSky is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 174
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch View Post
Only four days left of work then I'm on what most of you call 'Summer break'. I'm a high school teacher. I've had so much time off work already this year due to BP mania.
I’m so excited to find another high school teacher with BP! I teach Sociology and AP Human Geography. What do you teach?

I was off work for 10 days in the Spring due to being hospitalized for a manic episode. It was my first time. I’ve been able to teach since I got out and it was easier during the spring while I was still going through hypomania.... but it’s been a struggle this semester with depression... BUT I made it through and very proud of myself for being able to get everything done, teaching both virtual and in the classroom. AND a new subject this year that I am not very familiar with.... I keep telling myself that I can keep going. I have taught for 10 years. I don’t want to give up now and lose my retirement....

What about you? How long have you taught with BP. Does anyone at your school know you have it?
Hugs from:
Anonymous41462, Crazy Hitch, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
Thanks for this!
Crazy Hitch
  #211  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 01:02 PM
MuddyBoots's Avatar
MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
Where am I?
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: Live Free or Die!
Posts: 7,160
I am ON FIRE today! Did some Xmas shopping and I’m trying valerian root instead of klonopin (I was using but dont have a rx for anymore) I took one capsule (450mg) about half an hour and I do feel a bit more slowed down but still my regz hyper self but contained a bit better. It’s definitely not as strong as klonopin. Oh, and it is snowing!!!! I look quite grand today too, only wearing leggings and a t shirt but I am ROCKING IT! I feel like I could do anything! I should’ve picked up a job app at the grocery store but I forgot that’s why I went there lol. Picked up patchouli oil and valerian root instead haha whoops.

Oh my God I wrote so much but I deleted it all because it was just like 10 paragraphs of rambling. I should do something productive with this ability to write nonstop haha but I feel like everything is worthless.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
  #212  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 01:23 PM
Blue_Bird's Avatar
Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
Violinist
 
Member Since: Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 38,944
I went grocery shopping today. The first time I've gone in a month and a half to 2 months. I was nervous about it at first but it went very smoothly. I found everything I needed and my anxiety didn't interfere. At least now I have some real food (other then protein shakes and protein bars) in the house.

I got a Christmas present in the mail from a friend from here at PC today. It's an embroidery starter kit. It has a cat pattern on fabric that I can embroider. I'm excited to start learning. I'm too tired to do it today, I only slept about 3 hours last night but I'll get into it tomorrow

I've been having some issues with one of my medications so I left a message for my psych about wanting to get off it.
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, lightly toasted, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
  #213  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 01:35 PM
Scooter9's Avatar
Scooter9 Scooter9 is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,528
Hey,, I'm still around.

I've been quiet because nothing much has changed, I'm still depressed. I'm still trying to find ways to help myself.

There was a solar eclipse today and here's a shot of totality. The famous diamond ring effect caused by the hills and valleys on the moon.

Also jupiter and saturn are getting really close to each other. They haven't been this close since the year 1226! You can see the pair in the southwest sky just after sunset. Don't wait until it's dark, you can see them while the sky is still partially lit by the setting sun. If you're on the east coast of the u.s. you should be able to see them around 530pm....southwest sky.

They are closest on Dec 21.

Bipolar Check-In Thread #53
__________________
* Dx: Bipolar II (finally, after years at Bipolar NOS)
* Rx: minimal dose of Lamictal

My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016.
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous45023, MuddyBoots, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, lightly toasted, MuddyBoots, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123
  #214  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 01:47 PM
yellow_fleurs yellow_fleurs is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: US
Posts: 1,512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
I don’t know if I’m being overly paranoid or cautious. Last night my daughter said she’d had a covid test and she was negative so she and the kids would come over today and open their presents 🎁. Here so we could watch. But all night I couldn’t sleep. Kids get covid and have no symptoms. Mum is 92 and not doing well. She spends most of her time in bed or going though old stuff like photos and throwing them away. She doesn’t want us kids to have to do that. So all I could think was that the kids can give mum covid without symptoms. So I texted my daughter. She feels I’m accusing her of being cold and unthought full. I know she’s negative but the kids weren’t tested . Oh I hate this pandemic
Three kids I know who were exposed came back with positive tests I just found out. They haven't had any symptoms at all. You're just trying to protect your mother, so hopefully your daughter will come to understand that.
Hugs from:
Nammu
Thanks for this!
Nammu
  #215  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 01:58 PM
Sunflower123's Avatar
Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,579
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
I don’t know if I’m being overly paranoid or cautious. Last night my daughter said she’d had a covid test and she was negative so she and the kids would come over today and open their presents 🎁. Here so we could watch. But all night I couldn’t sleep. Kids get covid and have no symptoms. Mum is 92 and not doing well. She spends most of her time in bed or going though old stuff like photos and throwing them away. She doesn’t want us kids to have to do that. So all I could think was that the kids can give mum covid without symptoms. So I texted my daughter. She feels I’m accusing her of being cold and unthought full. I know she’s negative but the kids weren’t tested . Oh I hate this pandemic
I’m sorry you’re having to make those kind of decisions. I hate this pandemic too.
Hugs from:
Nammu
Thanks for this!
Nammu
  #216  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 02:48 PM
childofchaos831's Avatar
childofchaos831 childofchaos831 is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,037
I looked back and I don't think I posted anything about this but if I did, I apologize for repeating myself... my memory isn't what it used to be...

I found out back in October that I had a stroke. I think I had mentioned being nervous about needing an MRI and the MRI showed that I had indeed had a stroke from my attempt in August or the sepsis that I developed from being in the hospital. I've been struggling with following with PC since August basically... I haven't been able to jeep up with threads and keep track of who is saying what and such... its making me sad that I can't keep up with y'all.
__________________


Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, lightly toasted, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
  #217  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 03:18 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
I am ON FIRE today! Did some Xmas shopping and I’m trying valerian root instead of klonopin (I was using but dont have a rx for anymore) I took one capsule (450mg) about half an hour and I do feel a bit more slowed down but still my regz hyper self but contained a bit better. It’s definitely not as strong as klonopin. Oh, and it is snowing!!!! I look quite grand today too, only wearing leggings and a t shirt but I am ROCKING IT! I feel like I could do anything! I should’ve picked up a job app at the grocery store but I forgot that’s why I went there lol. Picked up patchouli oil and valerian root instead haha whoops.

Oh my God I wrote so much but I deleted it all because it was just like 10 paragraphs of rambling. I should do something productive with this ability to write nonstop haha but I feel like everything is worthless.


Oooh, I love patchouli oil! When my sister was alive she used to give me gifts of 'chouli oil soap and lotion (she hated the smell, haha).
__________________




  #218  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 03:20 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by childofchaos831 View Post
I looked back and I don't think I posted anything about this but if I did, I apologize for repeating myself... my memory isn't what it used to be...

I found out back in October that I had a stroke. I think I had mentioned being nervous about needing an MRI and the MRI showed that I had indeed had a stroke from my attempt in August or the sepsis that I developed from being in the hospital. I've been struggling with following with PC since August basically... I haven't been able to jeep up with threads and keep track of who is saying what and such... its making me sad that I can't keep up with y'all.

I don't recall you mentioning having had a stroke. I am so sorry to hear that, child. Please try your best to keep posting, certainly no one will judge if you make a mistake.
__________________




Thanks for this!
childofchaos831
  #219  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 03:47 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I went grocery shopping today. The first time I've gone in a month and a half to 2 months. I was nervous about it at first but it went very smoothly. I found everything I needed and my anxiety didn't interfere. At least now I have some real food (other then protein shakes and protein bars) in the house.

I got a Christmas present in the mail from a friend from here at PC today. It's an embroidery starter kit. It has a cat pattern on fabric that I can embroider. I'm excited to start learning. I'm too tired to do it today, I only slept about 3 hours last night but I'll get into it tomorrow

I've been having some issues with one of my medications so I left a message for my psych about wanting to get off it.

Congratulations on your grocery store success!

The embroidery kit sounds so nice. I used to embroider when I was a little girl and I absolutely loved it. I've been thinking about trying it again one of these days. I'd love to see a pic when you're done!
__________________




Hugs from:
Blue_Bird
Thanks for this!
Blue_Bird
  #220  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 03:56 PM
Soupe du jour Soupe du jour is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Czechia
Posts: 5,172
Tomorrow morning the moving company comes to pack up the rest of our stuff and take all of it for shipping to Europe. It didn't occur to me how underprepared we were until a few hours ago. Now there will be a little bit of a panic. Plus the buyer and his mold inspector are coming in the afternoon. What a chaos!
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous45023, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
  #221  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 04:00 PM
prettymccute's Avatar
prettymccute prettymccute is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: lost in NC
Posts: 70
I am here. Waiting to watch my granddaughter dance in her Christmas program. I think it is so wonderful that the studios have found a way for them to be able to show their families their skills. They are doing a live presentation on FB. I'm so proud of her! Now there are only three more little girls in our family that I'll be watching....and that's with a young one that's not old enough for dance yet. Pffft....with all boys myself, I don't know much about dancing, but those little girls sure look pretty.
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous41462, Blue_Bird, Daonnachd, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Blue_Bird
  #222  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 04:00 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooter9 View Post
Hey,, I'm still around.

I've been quiet because nothing much has changed, I'm still depressed. I'm still trying to find ways to help myself.

There was a solar eclipse today and here's a shot of totality. The famous diamond ring effect caused by the hills and valleys on the moon.

Also jupiter and saturn are getting really close to each other. They haven't been this close since the year 1226! You can see the pair in the southwest sky just after sunset. Don't wait until it's dark, you can see them while the sky is still partially lit by the setting sun. If you're on the east coast of the u.s. you should be able to see them around 530pm....southwest sky.

They are closest on Dec 21.

Scooter! It's good to see you Thanks for the magnificent image. I'm looking forward to the 21st when the planets are almost precisely aligned.
__________________




Thanks for this!
Scooter9
  #223  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 04:06 PM
*Beth* *Beth* is offline
catches the flowers
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
I don’t know if I’m being overly paranoid or cautious. Last night my daughter said she’d had a covid test and she was negative so she and the kids would come over today and open their presents 🎁. Here so we could watch. But all night I couldn’t sleep. Kids get covid and have no symptoms. Mum is 92 and not doing well. She spends most of her time in bed or going though old stuff like photos and throwing them away. She doesn’t want us kids to have to do that. So all I could think was that the kids can give mum covid without symptoms. So I texted my daughter. She feels I’m accusing her of being cold and unthought full. I know she’s negative but the kids weren’t tested . Oh I hate this pandemic

I'm sorry, Nammu. In all honesty, I would feel the same way you do.
__________________




Hugs from:
Nammu
Thanks for this!
Nammu
  #224  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 04:30 PM
childofchaos831's Avatar
childofchaos831 childofchaos831 is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,037
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post


I don't recall you mentioning having had a stroke. I am so sorry to hear that, child. Please try your best to keep posting, certainly no one will judge if you make a mistake.
Thank you for saying that, I worry about saying the wrong thing all the time...
__________________


Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Anonymous45023, Daonnachd, Victoria'smom
  #225  
Old Dec 14, 2020, 05:29 PM
Mountaindewed's Avatar
Mountaindewed Mountaindewed is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 42,068
I’m kind of down and anxious this afternoon. I think it could just be anxiety about group. Although I’m not feeling good and I’m in a lot of pain. Some dietician from my program called today and wants to work with me because She saw that I had lost weight. That is exactly what my mom told me she said. Like what the ****. You lose 12 pounds and everyone freaks. When I was 14 and had disordered eating everyone told me I was lying and was just an attention seeker. I guess if you just tell them you don’t have an issue they will think you do and if you try to get help they will just tell you your attention seeking.
__________________
"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Sunflower123
Closed Thread
Views: 53665

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:00 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.