Sorry so far behind... I will have forgotten much, but...

@wildflowerchild -- That is such good news that it isn't covid!! So glad for you! Be sure to pace yourself when you go back to work, ok?

@Jennifer 1967 -- Sending strength, and wishing maximum peace for you.

@BeyondtheRainbow -- Yea! Happy for you.

@Daonnachd -- Good luck on the job!

I'm doing ok. Super busy at work. Fortunately, I can do overtime, so it eases the stress (somewhat, lol). My personal life is rather stressful. I need to make a substantive decision very soon. My birthday was nice, but at the same time, I was hoping for so much more, especially given tone of pre-event textings. Couldn't help but feel let down. Sorry so cryptic.

Hugs all around. Will be keeping up with the goings-on, and sending good thoughts, so even though I might not be writing much, know you are in my thoughts.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Trying so hard not to the flip the fck out right now!!! I LOST MY SOCKS in ANOTHER DIMENSION! THESE are very important socks!!! Don’t get me started on losing things in other dimensions. All the FCKING TIME!!!!! Trying to not so hard scream right now because of these REMLINS.

Am ditching therapy this week. I need mountain therapy more than psychotherapy with an imbecile who is a dozen levels below me.

STOP STEALING MY SOCKS!!!!! Some quantum tunneling shyt going on I’m done I’m teleporting to Earths core

The Secret World of Lost Socks

Why does my “official” sock drawer have fewer socks than my “lost sock drawer”? Please someone, tell me why so many socks form pairs no more. Do you, too, have dozens of forlorn socks waiting for their mates? Is there a world out there, like the Island of Misfits, where lost socks wait?

Sometimes when I’m delinquent doing laundry, I find myself with no sock choices. I’ve been known to open the “lost sock drawer” in hopes I’ll hear the voices of some pairs of choices. After all, when I put my clean laundry away there’s always going to be at least one or two stray. With luck, there are some reunited pairs in there. A match of socks sure would be fair!

If I score a find, I smile, and remove them from the huge deep pile, but when they’re on my feet, what often shows are two big holes above my toes and the sight of my big toenail. Other times their elasticity has gone, so when I put both of them on, one stands straight around my shin, the other falls down and shows it’s ready for the garbage bin. I’ve been known to wear a mismatched pair, if they don’t show through my shoes and below my pants, why should I even bother to care?

[Mountaindewed]

I think I figured out my mental health problems and why I get so angry and moody and why I’ve been so anxious but then I’m fine a few days later.

I think I’m still dealing with PMDD. I haven’t gotten my period since April but for a few months I was still getting bad PMS every month. I kinda forgot that PMDD existed until I looked at my calendar this morning and realized I was supposed to get my period 2 days after the S incident in November. Now I’m supposed to get it again tomorrow. So that’s why I had no idea what was going on mental health wise. I completely forgot I have PMDD. I was gonna tell my treatment team on Tuesday and hopefully they will all come together and help me get the approval for a hysterectomy. I had planned on getting one done anyways but I didn’t know how bad things still were.

But there’s also something physical going on as well with my kidneys which makes this month especially hard. The pain is real bad today. I have every symptom of kidney disease which worries me. I had the symptoms before looking them up. Leg cramps and even my loss of taste of food are symptoms. And having no motivation to eat plus all the pain too. I’m pretty worried.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

The Secret World of Lost Socks

Why does my “official” sock drawer have fewer socks than my “lost sock drawer”? Please someone, tell me why so many socks form pairs no more. Do you, too, have dozens of forlorn socks waiting for their mates? Is there a world out there, like the Island of Misfits, where lost socks wait?

Sometimes when I’m delinquent doing laundry, I find myself with no sock choices. I’ve been known to open the “lost sock drawer” in hopes I’ll hear the voices of some pairs of choices. After all, when I put my clean laundry away there’s always going to be at least one or two stray. With luck, there are some reunited pairs in there. A match of socks sure would be fair!

If I score a find, I smile, and remove them from the huge deep pile, but when they’re on my feet, what often shows are two big holes above my toes and the sight of my big toenail. Other times their elasticity has gone, so when I put both of them on, one stands straight around my shin, the other falls down and shows it’s ready for the garbage bin. I’ve been known to wear a mismatched pair, if they don’t show through my shoes and below my pants, why should I even bother to care?

I had both of them! They were paired in my boots and this morning they left me! This is very obviously suspicious, as socks are obviously from the fourth dimension or higher and can leave our alpha-axis. Just as easily as we can leave a cartoons universe.
I’m really scared and mad what if fifth dimensional beings are after me and that’s why I cant sleep and why things go missing and I can throw up without eating?

[Blue_Bird]

I'm feeling really good today. Like amazingly good. Got myself a new journal, it's cool seeing patterns in moods and whatnot when reading through older journal entries. I've been journaling for many years. It's a good coping skill too.

I'm listening to music and it sounds extra amazing today.

I got my family a 48ct gift box of ferrero rocher chocolates. They have the regular ones, the dark chocolate ones, and the coconut ones in it. I didn't know what else to get them, I hope they like them. They said not to worry about getting them anything if I couldn't because Christmas isn't about presents and they know I'm on a fixed income but I wanted to do a little something at least.

Here's a picture of the card I've chose for them.

I have an inspection tomorrow. It's just the apartments quarterly inspection by Orkin to make sure there are no pests around. I always worry about having people in my apartment, but it always goes well, so logically I have nothing to worry about.

Hope everyone is doing okay

[*Beth*]

A beautiful rainy day to bless our parched region and help to soothe fire-stricken land.

So far this year, my typical autumn depression and anxiety has been fairly manageable. I wish I felt more solidly stable, less fragile, and more certain of maintaining. What I would really like to do is to go IP, but at a nice hospital, not a dumpy one, and not in some other town (because there are only 7 beds in my town). So there are problems with going IP; the aforementioned, and no one to care for my cats. So IP is not an option. I just would like to rest my tired mind.

Oh, well. I have a new book to read.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I had both of them! They were paired in my boots and this morning they left me! This is very obviously suspicious, as socks are obviously from the fourth dimension or higher and can leave our alpha-axis. Just as easily as we can leave a cartoons universe.
I’m really scared and mad what if fifth dimensional beings are after me and that’s why I cant sleep and why things go missing and I can throw up without eating?

My husband is a major Frank Zappa fan. In a song of his, he asks where his motor mysteriously went. The answer:

"Well, it was eaten by snakes!"

It does seem mighty strange how things disappear. In regards to my missing socks, I wondered if the clothes dryer perhaps feeds on some. I've had many other beloved items go "poof" in the night. It's been 23 years and I still want to know where a favorite black jacket went. Like you, I suspect it's in that secret world (other dimension)... likely dancing a jig.

[*Beth*]

I put rubber bands around each pair of socks when I wash them & haven't lost a sock in years. I flatly refuse to lose any more socks!

[*Beth*]

I've started feeling a bit nervous, realizing that Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. 15 years ago (can't believe it's that long!) I was 4 months pregnant with my third baby (N1 and N2 were teens at the time). I miscarried. It was the worst event of my life, absolutely unbearably emotionally painful. Awful. The baby was due on Christmas day, 3 days before my own birthday. No one else ever mentions it. I don't even think anyone remembers. But I remember. I have not celebrated Christmas since that year. 2005. Every year at Christmas time I feel nervous.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I've started feeling a bit nervous, realizing that Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. 15 years ago (can't believe it's that long!) I was 4 months pregnant with my third baby (N1 and N2 were teens at the time). I miscarried. It was the worst event of my life, absolutely unbearably emotionally painful. Awful. The baby was due on Christmas day, 3 days before my own birthday. No one else ever mentions it. I don't even think anyone remembers. But I remember. I have not celebrated Christmas since that year. 2005. Every year at Christmas time I feel nervous.

That's horribly sad that you miscarried at such a late stage of pregnancy, BethRags. Do you ever do anything to memorialize the baby on the day you lost him/her? Perhaps if you did more formally recognize that day, then Christmas could be looked at differently in the future. Or could you create a special tradition on Christmas that would help you cope with the due date better?

[Soupe du jour]

I'm so tired. My brother and I visited my Dad earlier, but then soon after I returned home I got an email from my brother saying that my talking about my move to our dad makes him anxious and want to leave. Yes, I did notice that behavior during the visit, but what am I supposed to do? I am moving. It will happen. Should I pretend that it isn't in front of my father? He'd not a child! I understand it will make him sad, but I'm sad, too. And I'm the one facing a major change in my life. Frankly, my family has done very little to support me during this whole stressful process. Yet I'm supposed to start feeling guilty about my dad being sad I'm leaving? That's his issue to process. Adult children move away all of the time. It's nothing that odd.

[Mountaindewed]

I ate a couple eggs for dinner at 4:30. They caused this bad nausea. It was my first time eating since I had a packet of cup a soup at 2. Eggs and meat has been doing that I’m wondering if I need to go full vegetarian not by choice. Even if this sudden aversion to meat is a symptom of an ED I don’t think it’s good to eat food that makes you sick. Today I did ok. My side wasn’t too bad until I went 26oz, sorry for the tmi. Then I instantly felt the pain. My mom says going 26oz at one time is a lot. I have my ultrasound tomorrow morning at 8:30. I can’t eat or drink anything not even water starting at midnight.

I got out of my comfort zone and turned off the show I’ve been watching for 3 years that I was just watching repeats of, (something I’ve learned in the 2 days of group is that I can push myself to do new and uncomfortable things. I just have to really try) so I started getting really involved in Americas Next Top Model. I had been watching it just for the season with the girl with autism but now I am actually enjoying the entire show. But man does that show promote a lot of unhealthy behavior and ideas.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm having really bad tooth pain, it almost made me cry earlier. I'm gonna have to call my dentist and set up a same day appointment. This is frustrating because I just finished getting all the fillings I was supposed to get in November. That's what I get for all the years of binging on sweets and/purging I guess. Wish I could go back in time and change my behavior and never have a stupid ED.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

That's horribly sad that you miscarried at such a late stage of pregnancy, BethRags. Do you ever do anything to memorialize the baby on the day you lost him/her? Perhaps if you did more formally recognize that day, then Christmas could be looked at differently in the future. Or could you create a special tradition on Christmas that would help you cope with the due date better?

Thank you for asking, Soupe. No, I never have done anything special. It just hurt so much...the best thing I could do was allow time to pass. Also, for the first time, I recently brought the loss up in therapy. My therapist was extremely supportive and kind. That helped a lot.

The situation was, my husband and I were newly separated and I was seeing another man. Well, people get judgmental. So I heard a lot of "It's for the best." And maybe it was for the best - but that doesn't take the pain away. Strangely, the man I was seeing also had BD1.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm so tired. My brother and I visited my Dad earlier, but then soon after I returned home I got an email from my brother saying that my talking about my move to our dad makes him anxious and want to leave. Yes, I did notice that behavior during the visit, but what am I supposed to do? I am moving. It will happen. Should I pretend that it isn't in front of my father? He'd not a child! I understand it will make him sad, but I'm sad, too. And I'm the one facing a major change in my life. Frankly, my family has done very little to support me during this whole stressful process. Yet I'm supposed to start feeling guilty about my dad being sad I'm leaving? That's his issue to process. Adult children move away all of the time. It's nothing that odd.

Well, I've been there (am there)...a parent with a child/ren that move away, even to another country. It is hard, no doubt about it. But, like you said, it's common. And it's not just common in modern times! Think of all the pioneers that left the east to move west. Most of them left their parents and never saw them again. Letters were the only communication, and they were rare.


I sure do know how it feels not to have family support. It hurts like hell.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I ate a couple eggs for dinner at 4:30. They caused this bad nausea. It was my first time eating since I had a packet of cup a soup at 2. Eggs and meat has been doing that I’m wondering if I need to go full vegetarian not by choice. Even if this sudden aversion to meat is a symptom of an ED I don’t think it’s good to eat food that makes you sick. Today I did ok. My side wasn’t too bad until I went 26oz, sorry for the tmi. Then I instantly felt the pain. My mom says going 26oz at one time is a lot. I have my ultrasound tomorrow morning at 8:30. I can’t eat or drink anything not even water starting at midnight.

I got out of my comfort zone and turned off the show I’ve been watching for 3 years that I was just watching repeats of, (something I’ve learned in the 2 days of group is that I can push myself to do new and uncomfortable things. I just have to really try) so I started getting really involved in Americas Next Top Model. I had been watching it just for the season with the girl with autism but now I am actually enjoying the entire show. But man does that show promote a lot of unhealthy behavior and ideas.

Eggs often cause me to feel nauseated. No idea why, but I kind of avoid them.

I'm glad you're having the u/s in the morning. And it sounds like group is already of benefit! That's exciting!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm having really bad tooth pain, it almost made me cry earlier. I'm gonna have to call my dentist and set up a same day appointment. This is frustrating because I just finished getting all the fillings I was supposed to get in November. That's what I get for all the years of binging on sweets and/purging I guess. Wish I could go back in time and change my behavior and never have a stupid ED.

I'm sorry, Blue_Bird

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry beth.

[Daonnachd]

Just a quick update: I'm having problems with my computer crashing many times a day so I'm simply avoiding it. Consequently, you will be seeing less of me. Not to worry though.

a'best to all yez.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Just a quick update: I'm having problems with my computer crashing many times a day so I'm simply avoiding it. Consequently, you will be seeing less of me. Not to worry though.

a'best to all yez.

Thanks, D

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Moose, when is all creatures going to be on?

January 10th at 9 p.m. on PBS

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Moose72

January 10th at 9 p.m. on PBS

Thanks!!!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I've started feeling a bit nervous, realizing that Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. 15 years ago (can't believe it's that long!) I was 4 months pregnant with my third baby (N1 and N2 were teens at the time). I miscarried. It was the worst event of my life, absolutely unbearably emotionally painful. Awful. The baby was due on Christmas day, 3 days before my own birthday. No one else ever mentions it. I don't even think anyone remembers. But I remember. I have not celebrated Christmas since that year. 2005. Every year at Christmas time I feel nervous.

I'm sorry you miscarried. Especially a late miscarriage like that. What did you do at the time- did you have a burial, service, take pictures? When I was 15 weeks with N2 I had this really bad lower back pain and the nurse I called said, '"Awww.... There's nothing we can do for a late miscarriage like this..." which i thought was insensitive. Of course, N2 is 20 now so it doesn't much matter now. I'm sorry that happened to you. I can imagine that it was very hard and sad.

[Daonnachd]

@BethRags We lost our first. I understand the feelings. It's so difficult because it's a grief that everyone tiptoes around and no-one wants to help you address. Love and hugs.

You're welcome to direct message me if you'd like to have a private conversation.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm trying it's hard. H wants to go out and take pictures tomorrow. I think he wants me away from the house because I'm sleeping a lot. I don't want to go but I will.