[Nammu]

I took the garbage out this morning, brrr -20 windchill. Then watched part of the news while I psyched myself up to go out in the cold to get our preordered turkey dinner. We did get a white Christmas 🎄 after all. There was a blizzard yesterday. But it’s supposed to warm up again tomorrow, not a lot but much better than single digits. The store was packed, yuck 🤢. I haven’t been around that many people since last year! Made me nervous, everyone had mask but you couldn’t stay 6 ft away. Blew off the idea of getting Bailey’s. My daughter gave me a can of White Russian along with the cookies and gifts that will suffice. So got everything and it’s really pretty outside. The only thing that’s missing is the social aspect of the holiday

[wildflowerchild25]

@Moose72 - I really don’t know as I’ve only had one longish term relationship since my husband died, and even then it was only six months (and basically ended emotionally at four months). I never noticed it with him but we didn’t have a meaningful connection so I guess it wasn’t subconsciously scary? I’m not sure how much of it is physical and how much is emotional. I’m still struggling to put things together from my marriage. It’s hard to admit some of the things that happened and how they look to others. I downplay most of it, but I’ve downplayed the severity of basically every bad thing that has ever happened to me so whatever.

I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’m just frustrated. I want to feel whole. I don’t want to feel like I’m in separate pieces.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

A new flavor of Mountain Dew came out the other day and people are buying the entire stock that the store has. It drives me crazy when people do that. I’m not sure if those bots are involved. I hope they are somehow gotten rid of. The bots. Basically scalpers are now able to track stores inventory and take anything new that comes out and resell it. If it’s not scalpers doing it then how will these people know they will like it, and also this is a permanent flavor. So it’s not going away in 2 weeks like a couple other recent flavors did. I plan on buying one case and one 20oz bottle. I’ve found the new flavors to be not that good. I still have a lot of the Walmart exclusive, Halloween and Christmas stuff left.

Well now I'm curious...what's the new flavor?

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Well now I'm curious...what's the new flavor?

It’s watermelon. Which is kind of a big deal to Dew fans since there has never been a watermelon flavor before but people have wanted one for a long time.

[*Beth*]

The temperature is 50 degrees, I have the heat blasting, and I feel like I'm going to freeze. I have nice, thick brown fingerless wool gloves and I'm wearing them in the house.

I had to do some grocery shopping yesterday and completely forgot that people would be shopping for Christmas. The store was packed, masks are mandatory, but distancing was not a possibility. I was anxious because I have have not left my apartment to go to a public place more than 15 times for the past 8 months. I'll be so relieved to get vaccinated when my turn comes around.

I've decreased my Lamictal dose from 250mg to 200mg and have stopped having suicidal thoughts. I went from struggling with the thoughts, to 2 days later not having them. I'm disturbed by it, in a way. It leaves me wondering how much Lamictal is really helping me.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

It’s watermelon. Which is kind of a big deal to Dew fans since there has never been a watermelon flavor before but people have wanted one for a long time.

That sounds so good. I hardly drink soda, but I wish I had some of that right now.

[Sunflower123]

I got into a big and loud argument with my mom and said some things I’ll probably regret later on. She said some pretty outrageous things herself. It’s too bad it happened on Christmas Eve. I’m really upset. I think I’ll go to bed and start fresh tomorrow. I’m determined to have a good Christmas regardless of whether we are getting along. Great start to the holiday.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am doing a little better today. Wrapped my son’s presents yesterday. Turns out I didn’t get him TOO much so that’s good. I still have to wrap RS’s surprise gift. We told each other exactly what to get for each other this year. I am receiving a beautiful new set of dishes and a penguin blanket. I bought him some random truck part that he directed me to on eBay. Don’t even know what it is but he asked for it so I delivered . But we each got a small surprise gift for each other. I got him a tee shirt and a bob Ross bobble head because he likes to watch bob Ross on YouTube when he’s really stressed. I also got him a gag gift.

If I’m up to it I plan to make some things today. I have pillsbury sugar cookie dough so that’s easy enough. Lemon cookies are easy too. I really want to make some polish cookies, kolaczki, but I’ve never made them before and I don’t have a rolling pin so we’ll see.

The reason for the polish cookies is that my cousin has been working on an ancestry project for my dad’s side of the family. My dad died when I was so young and we were never close with my nana so I didn’t know much about our history. Turns out my nana was first generation polish and my grandfather was first generation Czech. I remember my father making Czech food growing up, specifically roast pork with bamboraky, which is similar to a latke. I found a recipe for the flicky he used to make that I loved but reading it I can’t understand why I would have liked it, it sounds disgusting! Ham, egg noodles, eggs, butter, and milk/cream and nothing else! It sounds so bland. I can’t make it anyway because it would probably kill RS due to his lactose intolerance. But my mom reminded me of the knedlicky, which is a bread dumpling, and I am super excited about that. I remember eating those soaked in gravy and they were soooo delicious! I’m excited to try my hand at that. I also remember my nana made that she called footprint soup. Not sure if it was polish or not though. All I remember is it had some sort of pasta, which actually could have been a gnocchi of some sort, and I believe it had a beef broth.

There’s not much I like to remember about my childhood. I’ don’t appreciate anything about my mother at all. But my dad was a good man, and I would like that warm fuzzy feeling I would get from his cooking.

On another note, I seem to be really struggling with some dissociation recently. It’s just being physically intimate with RS, not even full intimacy but even just hugs/kisses/innocent cuddling. I just don’t feel like I’m really there. I want to, I seek comfort from him, but I just feel like it’s so far away. I don’t know what it’s about. It could be a lot of things. I brought it up with my therapist a couple of months ago but never revisited the topic. I’m not sure how to overcome it and reintegrate back into my body permanently.

Ah well. Hopefully I will be able to figure it out someday.

That's so nice that you plan to make some foods of your ancestral background. All of the Czech dishes you mentioned are still commonly eaten. As for Šunkafleky, I quite like it. I don't have access to the recipe I use, but the one at Czech Noodle Ham Bake aka Šunkofleky | Everything Czech | by Tres Bohemes is pretty much the same. I have tried to make the noodles from scratch twice, but feel that extra wide No Yolks or yolk noodles are better.

If you ever want to make Czech Christmas cookies, the most popular ones are at 10 Varieties of Czech Christmas Cookies (Česke Vanočni Cukrovi) and more – Bird Flight Almost every Czech makes vanilla crescent cookies and Linzer tart cookies. Vanilla crescent cookies are easy to make. Some of the others are a bit more involved.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I got into a big and loud argument with my mom and said some things I’ll probably regret later on. She said some pretty outrageous things herself. It’s too bad it happened on Christmas Eve. I’m really upset. I think I’ll go to bed and start fresh tomorrow. I’m determined to have a good Christmas regardless of whether we are getting along. Great start to the holiday.

I'm so sorry, Jennifer. I know that crap feeling after an argument. I hope you have a good sleep.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm so sorry, Jennifer. I know that crap feeling after an argument. I hope you have a good sleep.

Thank you. That means a lot.

[~Christina]

Gus keeps us very busy.. One minute he rip roaring through the house the next he barks and its so "little" for us to pick him up so he can sleep, Yes.... spoiled already LOL

Steve is having a really rough day today as it marks a full year since we have seen the kids or his granddaughter.. don't get me wrong I miss my Daughter soooo much, But I dont and just cant let it engulf me as that would not be healthy for me on many levels.

Hope everyone has enjoyed there Christmas Eve

[*Beth*]

*~~**~*Good morning/afternoon,


and a very


Merry Christmas!*~**~*

[Mountaindewed]

Merry Christmas everyone!

I’m doing pretty good so far. Much better than yesterday. I slept ok last night but I woke up at 3:30. But I slept from 7:30-3:30. So I got enough sleep. I’ve been sleeping better these last few nights. This morning I bought this light up turtle that when you turn it on the ceiling lights up with stars and it plays music. It’s actually made for kids like under 3 but I had one briefly when I was about 20 but my therapist made me feel bad about it. She said “so it’s a baby toy?” My current therapist would be like “wow thats great!” And she’d be excited about it. She loves when I find coping skills to help me get through the night that aren’t medications. My mom was cool about it too and thought the previous therapist was a jerk for making me feel bad.

My sister is coming up in a few hours. We’ll probably open presents as soon as they get here because my nephews will be so excited. I’m getting a weighted sleep mask, a burrito blanket, and a skateboard from my mom. From my brother I’m getting an indoor basketball hoop you put on the walls. And from my sisters family I think I’m getting a Dicks Sporting Goods gift card. I gave everyone gift cards and my nephews got toys and Santa Pez dispensers. I also got a special kind of treat for my family. My sister got a 1 pound Reese’s, my brother in law got a box of assorted teas, and my brother got a Krampus candy bar.

I’m wearing my Home Alone Christmas sweater today. It says “merry Christmas ya filthy animal.

[Victoria'smom]

We opened our gifts at Midnight. He loved his gifts!

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi all! To those who celebrate, Merry Christmas, and to those who don't I hope it is a great day for you as well

Yesterday I was tired, in pain and feeling down. We tried to do a video call with my niece and nephews and it didn't work and I felt sad about that because I've spent every Christmas Eve or Christmas with them since they were born! But mostly I am just glad they are doing okay. I am feeling a bit better today in terms of pain at least, which is helping my mood, so that's good. I am also feeling hopeful that by next Christmas maybe we can get together and celebrate.

I don't have too much more to report really, but I hope everyone is doing well.

[Nammu]

Family checked in and texted and sent pictures. Saw the grandkids with tired faces being thrilled with what Santa brought. My sister set her table with mums tablecloth and the fancy dishes just for the two of them. My other sister sent pics of her grand kids with there tired faces! It’s raining in Seattle! Snow on the ground here . All is well though we’re separated.

[Blue_Bird]

Merry Christmas! 🎄🎁 I’m spending the afternoon with my family having a big nice dinner.

I got my gamer mental health kit in the mail today. It has a safety plan, a sleep mask, a fidget toy, some play doh, a small journal, a coloring book, some colored pencils, and a pen in it. I was surprised to see it in the mail because I had kind of given up on it coming since I signed up for it many months ago.

Hope everyone has a great day, regardless of whether it is special to you or not.

I don't really *do* much xmas, but I do like the lights a lot, so I have a bunch up. My room looks magical, lol! My xmas eve went pretty sideways. But I should know better, given who I was hanging out with. It had a couple of nice bits, but overall was weird. That's ok-- just headed home. Texts later on returned to good mode.

Aaaanyhow! Today, slept in a bit, took a nice hot shower and dressed up. To spend the day by myself. Weird little quirk. I like dressing up for no reason. I'll be burning a lot of incense, have little candles on my desk where I plan to spend the day doing art. I picked up some new art supplies the other day to play with (watercolors, which despite doing many formats of art, it is not among them). And yanno, basically spending the day doing only what I want and nothing else! I've got the house to myself.

The weather is very cold, windy and rainy. Which doesn't bother me, though I will say it is *quite* cold in my room (I don't control the heat). But never fear! I have some rice bags to warm in the microwave and will let them keep me warm. (I LOOOOOVE my rice bags. So simple, so glorious.)

Make it a good one, peeps!

[Nammu]

My daughter got married last year in December so we dressed up in our wedding clothes for Christmas dinner. Mm I must say our local grocery out did themselves. Way too much food for two people. We’re going to be eating turkey for weeks. It was dinner for two but 4 could eat comfortably and there would still be leftovers. We have pie for later.

[Mountaindewed]

I have honestly not felt this good in a long time. I stopped drinking a lot of caffeine 2 weeks ago. Today I had an iced coffee and I swear the caffeine is actually making me feel less anxious. Because the coffee is the only thing that has changed. I’ve had over 500 milligrams of caffeine in one day before and my anxiety was super low.

[Soupe du jour]

Christmas day is not usually as big of a deal day as Christmas Eve for my husband and me. Yesterday was our especially nice night out. Today we did a little exploration of Charleston, and then went to a restaurant at 2 pm instead of the originally planned 3:30 pm. The meal was good today, but not nearly as fancy and delicious as yesterday's.

I called my father a bit ago and the poor guy didn't even remember that today is Christmas day. When I told him, he was distressed not knowing. I can't believe that the assisted living facility said little or nothing. My brother called me earlier in the day to wish me Merry Christmas and said that neither he, nor my sister, had been able to reach our father. I was the first to do so, then I told Dad to call my sister and brother back. He said he would. What's sad is that his assisted living facility now again has covid-19 cases, so all residents are confined to their rooms/suites. That is just horrible! Horrible. When I mentioned that, I accidentally referred to it as a "war". That was a slip of the tongue, but in the end I said it isn't that far from one. Though I do feel for my father, there is no reason he must stay at the assisted living. He could have returned to his home many months ago, but was afraid to. My dad is just too afraid to face life without the extreme seclusion of the facility. It's a shame! My sister would be supporting him greatly. I don't even think he would be as alone, but would at least have some freedoms he doesn't have at the facility. As it stands now, the facility wouldn't even want me to hug or kiss him goodbye before I leave for Europe.

I'm getting frustrated that I have been waking up every morning with tingling half numb hands for well over a month. I told my nephrologist about it last week, but he blamed it on me sleeping in a funny position. It does go away immediately upon waking up. I said it seemed odd that that would be 28 out of 30/31 days, though. He blew it off, anyway. I think perhaps a blood pressure med I've taken during that period is the culprit. He said no, yet as often is the case, "tingling hands" shows up in the side effect list for the particular med I'm questioning. This side effect wouldn't be a no-go for me, but I just wish I knew it was a side effect and nothing more.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I have honestly not felt this good in a long time. I stopped drinking a lot of caffeine 2 weeks ago. Today I had an iced coffee and I swear the caffeine is actually making me feel less anxious. Because the coffee is the only thing that has changed. I’ve had over 500 milligrams of caffeine in one day before and my anxiety was super low.

Glad you are feeling well! I find sometimes caffeine makes me feel much better, sometimes it makes me super anxious. I can't predict my body sometimes. Do you think you were getting some caffeine withdrawal symptoms when you stopped?

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Glad you are feeling well! I find sometimes caffeine makes me feel much better, sometimes it makes me super anxious. I can't predict my body sometimes. Do you think you were getting some caffeine withdrawal symptoms when you stopped?

Yeah I think that’s what was happening. I was having withdrawals which was throwing off my mental health. The more caffeine I have the better I am. I just chugged 2 diet code red mountain dews because my family is coming up late and I still feel pretty good.

[~Christina]

So much violence in the world.. I just cant, cant even deal..

Pray for Nashville

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas

[Blue_Bird]

I had a great time with my sister and family. We had a delicious dinner, and I got a lot of leftovers to take home. We played Cards Against Humanity, which is so freaking hilarious. We played another game after that too which was fun.

I got a necklace, a toaster, a sweater, a hello kitty funko Pop, a journal, and a green sweater that has cats on it that plays we wish you a merry Christmas or something like that in meows lol