[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Sounds like a blast! The first concert I went to was to see The Knack. 1977.

That must have been fun!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

That must have been fun!

It was! The place was packed.

[Mountaindewed]

I see my surgeon on the 11th. I didn’t know it was so soon. I am nervous to get another surgery but I know things look a bit wonky and that they need to be fixed. I do have 6 months of free IOP. I’ve used up 3 weeks. So I guess if I feel like I need to go back for extra help it won’t be a big deal.

[*Beth*]

It's raining today! What a joy! We did get our stimulus money; I had no idea the $600 was being sent out already. I purchased a new blow dryer because mine burned out . It was such a good one, too. Bought an organic cotton shirt for my birthday gift. The rest will go to car repair so I can drive again. This not driving and relying on my husband stuff sucks big time, especially because we don't live together. If we did we'd need only one car. Sleep for the past 2 nights has not been fab.

[Soupe du jour]

BethRags, I'm glad you got to finally treat yourself to something and get a couple necessities to make your life a bit easier. I'll be glad to have the money to pay some of our hotel bills. We've basically been traveling only with the expectation of paying for it all with our house sale.

Last night I didn't get to sleep until after 3 am and then woke up terribly tired in a down and foul mood. Today was not that interesting at all, and the higher north we go the colder it feels again. When I'm used to it, it's fine, but after several 70 F days, it's a shock again. We're staying tonight in some off of the highway place to the west of Little Rock, Arkansas. Tomorrow we will stay in a much nicer place for three whole days. It'll have a kitchen, washer/dryer, more room and a nice view. I want to cook so badly! So badly!

After Hot Springs National Park, we'll head east again. Hubby told his friend that we'd be back by no later than January 14, but I wish we'd just head back asap after Hot Springs. I'm tiring of the road trip. It seems like "normalcy" is a long long way off. I can't even speculate when that feeling will return.

We were listening to Beethoven's 9th Symphony, while waiting for take out from a restaurant for almost one hour. I almost cried because that is my favorite classical music piece of all, and it made me feel homesick. The food ended up sucking, in the end. We didn't want to sit in the place. It looked like there were around 100 customers in there with almost no social distancing. Though I do see people in Arkansas wearing masks, not all of the time. The front desk guy at the hotel wasn't wearing one. The plexiglass at the front desk was all there was. That didn't prevent him from breathing on our room card. Dr. Fauci would not have approved, for sure! We spray everything with Lysol and wash our hands countless numbers of times per day. I want this pandemic over with already. Just wishing it away is NOT enough, and pretending it is almost over is borderline insanity.

[wildflowerchild25]

I just had a freak out. Triggered simply by laying in bed and RS putting his arm around me like we do every night. I just felt like I was going to be forced into something I didn’t want to do. I know that’s not true, RS would never ever do that and I am safe with him but I just freaked the **** out. My mind went crazy and my thoughts raced and jumped from how I ****ed up my life to how I’m ****ing up my kid’s life to how my first husband may or may not have done something to me.

I tried to do a grounding exercise but my mind went totally blank and I couldn’t remember the five senses one. There’s nothing to see in my room anyway except clutter that also makes me anxious. I need to put up some art or something. I need to arm myself with easily accessible sensory items.

I’m going to have to talk about this sooner or later. I just can’t put it into words, I can’t. And with telesessions with my therapist I can’t write either, she doesn’t give her email to clients. I can text in emergencies but obviously I can’t have a whole written conversation over text.

It seems impossible to ever say it out loud, to admit that maybe it’s what people have been labeling it as. But something is freaking me out. I can’t even look at baby pictures of my son for gods sake.

Well I’m focusing right now on looking at the two houses tomorrow. I’m hoping they are as nice as they seem in pictures. The first one we looked at in august was ****** as hell, but they purposely didn’t put more than four pictures of the interior because they knew it was ******.

[Sunflower123]

Hello all! I’ve been up all night but I feel pretty good. I have a feeling my SAD has been in abeyance because my daughter has been in town and because it’s been sunny and mild. I guess I’ll know after the 8th. We’ve had a great time just hanging out taking walks, cooking together, watching sunsets and talking.

My family has asked me to request a referral to have my memory tested. I’ve had increasing memory problems and it makes me uneasy. I think it’s either medicine or stress related. Whatever it is, I don’t like it. I have a brain health program from Dr. Daniel Amen that I’ve been meaning to do but I’ll now make a priority. I understand meditation has many benefits including adding volume to critical areas of the brain. I already do that but I’ll bump it up.

I’ve been blessed enough to be able to stay in during the pandemic but I’m surely looking forward to getting my vaccination and getting back out there. I know it will be several months. There was over a 5 hour long wait for folks my mom’s age and many got turned away.

Hugs to all who are struggling.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m kind of anxious today. But it’s not terrible. I found the new Mountain Dew online at a kind of far away Walmart but this morning when I went to check again they were almost out of stock of everything. So I most likely will just have to wait until it gets to my Walmart. I am sure it will be there by the middle of next week. Then I can just run in and grab some.

My chest looks flat like I asked my surgeon to make it, but the right side is still a bit swollen and no joke, I’m missing my nipple on my left side. He said the graft on that side may not take. So not sure what’s all involved in the second surgery, but I’ll know on the 13th.

I slept well last night. I was thirsty for some reason and I had to stumble into the kitchen to get water and I was so groggy. But I didn’t take anything to help me sleep. I think it’s just the increase in Geodon.

[MuddyBoots]

Hey guys, can you just send some healing vibes towards my family or prayers or something? A family member had a stroke yesterday. They took him down to Boston and he's getting some of the best care in the country down there so fingers crossed he'll be alright.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

BethRags, I'm glad you got to finally treat yourself to something and get a couple necessities to make your life a bit easier. I'll be glad to have the money to pay some of our hotel bills. We've basically been traveling only with the expectation of paying for it all with our house sale.

Last night I didn't get to sleep until after 3 am and then woke up terribly tired in a down and foul mood. Today was not that interesting at all, and the higher north we go the colder it feels again. When I'm used to it, it's fine, but after several 70 F days, it's a shock again. We're staying tonight in some off of the highway place to the west of Little Rock, Arkansas. Tomorrow we will stay in a much nicer place for three whole days. It'll have a kitchen, washer/dryer, more room and a nice view. I want to cook so badly! So badly!

After Hot Springs National Park, we'll head east again. Hubby told his friend that we'd be back by no later than January 14, but I wish we'd just head back asap after Hot Springs. I'm tiring of the road trip. It seems like "normalcy" is a long long way off. I can't even speculate when that feeling will return.

We were listening to Beethoven's 9th Symphony, while waiting for take out from a restaurant for almost one hour. I almost cried because that is my favorite classical music piece of all, and it made me feel homesick. The food ended up sucking, in the end. We didn't want to sit in the place. It looked like there were around 100 customers in there with almost no social distancing. Though I do see people in Arkansas wearing masks, not all of the time. The front desk guy at the hotel wasn't wearing one. The plexiglass at the front desk was all there was. That didn't prevent him from breathing on our room card. Dr. Fauci would not have approved, for sure! We spray everything with Lysol and wash our hands countless numbers of times per day. I want this pandemic over with already. Just wishing it away is NOT enough, and pretending it is almost over is borderline insanity.

I hope you are able to return to NJ really soon. 11 more days is such a long time, and it sounds like your stress level is maxed out. Traveling during this pandemic has to be exceedingly challenging.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Hey guys, can you just send some healing vibes towards my family or prayers or something? A family member had a stroke yesterday. They took him down to Boston and he's getting some of the best care in the country down there so fingers crossed he'll be alright.

Absolutely.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Hey guys, can you just send some healing vibes towards my family or prayers or something? A family member had a stroke yesterday. They took him down to Boston and he's getting some of the best care in the country down there so fingers crossed he'll be alright.

Absolutely! And vibes that he/she is not alone.

[Soupe du jour]

Sapien, I'm also sending positive thoughts and vibes your way for your family member and all his loved ones.

[Soupe du jour]

Today we made it to Hot Springs in Arkansas and briefly went to part of the park. Very lovely place. The bath houses were also lovely, though most were closed to baths, with the exception of a couple. One doesn't have bath services available until Wednesday, for men, which is too late since we'll be gone by then. The other we need to contact to inquire. Only my husband likes such things. As a Czech, it's common to go to such spas, and the like. In fact, in some cases doctors even give prescriptions for them that are covered under Czech public health insurance. Nice, huh? Obviously in Czech Republic the mineral waters are supposedly good for physical ailments, but also apparently some for mental wellness. It may sound strange, but think Lithium baths. Plus, any kind of relaxing therapy in bucolic areas can't be harmful. Right?

We went to a grocery store to pick up groceries for my cooking, for the next couple days. I know it may seem odd, but cooking will be an extreme treat for me. Hubby put some beer and wine in the cart, but when we got to the cashier she said we couldn't buy it. No, we don't look under 21 . Apparently in Arkansas they don't allow alcohol to be sold on Sundays. Very shocking to us, indeed! I had even planned a meal for tonight that included wine in the preparation. I told the cashier that and she said, in a rather obnoxious way, "Well, I guess you have to change your meal plans."

In a sudden burst of...not so amused...I responded "So much for democracy!"

[Nammu]

Oh, Blue laws! Minnesota just changed those so liquor stores can open on Sundays. It’s an outgrowth of religion. Fundamentalist thinking. If you make it illegal to do anything on Sunday then people will rest and think of god.

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oh, Blue laws! Minnesota just changed those so liquor stores can open on Sundays. It’s an outgrowth of religion. Fundamentalist thinking. If you make it illegal to do anything on Sunday then people will rest and think of god.

Um yeah, riiiiiight. When I was a kid, we were stopped from buying a cat toy. Guess the cat was supposed to understand what day of the week it was and act accordingly as well.

@Sapien -- will do!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Today we made it to Hot Springs in Arkansas and briefly went to part of the park. Very lovely place. The bath houses were also lovely, though most were closed to baths, with the exception of a couple. One doesn't have bath services available until Wednesday, for men, which is too late since we'll be gone by then. The other we need to contact to inquire. Only my husband likes such things. As a Czech, it's common to go to such spas, and the like. In fact, in some cases doctors even give prescriptions for them that are covered under Czech public health insurance. Nice, huh? Obviously in Czech Republic the mineral waters are supposedly good for physical ailments, but also apparently some for mental wellness. It may sound strange, but think Lithium baths. Plus, any kind of relaxing therapy in bucolic areas can't be harmful. Right?

We went to a grocery store to pick up groceries for my cooking, for the next couple days. I know it may seem odd, but cooking will be an extreme treat for me. Hubby put some beer and wine in the cart, but when we got to the cashier she said we couldn't buy it. No, we don't look under 21 . Apparently in Arkansas they don't allow alcohol to be sold on Sundays. Very shocking to us, indeed! I had even planned a meal for tonight that included wine in the preparation. I told the cashier that and she said, in a rather obnoxious way, "Well, I guess you have to change your meal plans."

In a sudden burst of...not so amused...I responded "So much for democracy!"

In Arkansas, and in all the southern states - including Texas, and probably Oklahoma - there are "dry counties." In those counties there are no sales of any alcohol except beer (on certain days, and at specific times). The only hard liquor is sold at "country clubs", where you have to be a member...so wealthy and white.

[MuddyBoots]

Thanks everyone! He is going to be okay physically. He will need to learn how to talk again through speech therapy though. He's going to be in the hospital for a few more days too. I'm just glad he's able to come home soon.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

In Arkansas, and in all the southern states - including Texas, and probably Oklahoma - there are "dry counties." In those counties there are no sales of any alcohol except beer (on certain days, and at specific times). The only hard liquor is sold at "country clubs", where you have to be a member...so wealthy and white.

Wow! Come to think of it, I now don't recall any hard liquor in that store I mentioned. Even their wine selection was quite limited. Definitely not like where I am from or where I am soon moving. We did, however, see a beer there called "Highboy", by the rapper Snoop Dog, that apparently has higher alcohol than most... but no pot in it.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm noticing how easy some people are to manipulate (not anyone here)

Clearing out some old papers (sort of a journal)

My inner cub has been buying too much stuff

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Thanks everyone! He is going to be okay physically. He will need to learn how to talk again through speech therapy though. He's going to be in the hospital for a few more days too. I'm just glad he's able to come home soon.

Glad to hear he is on his way to recovery.

[Mountaindewed]

I was assertive in an email this morning and told my case manager I felt like I was ready to leave program. She called after group and asked a few questions and then agreed that I could be discharged on Friday. She told me to email my therapist so I could set up an appointment and also call and set up an appointment with my Pdoc. I was pretty nervous emailing my therapist after 4 weeks. I treaded carefully and I just told her I was leaving the program and that it was very helpful and I asked if we could set up an appointment for next week if she was ok with it. She replied back pretty fast and she was nice and said that she’s really glad the program was so helpful and that she kept my regular slot open so we could go back to that time. It made me feel good that she kept my time slot open this whole time. It makes me feel like she really does want to work with me.

Today I am doing ok. Kinda anxious but I’m dealing with PMDD. So far I’m just a bit moody and anxious, but overall I’m ok. I didn’t sleep all that well last night. And poor sleep is a symptom of my PMDD. But my thoughts are ok. I didn’t get my shot yet, I will in a few minutes. So I’m not sure how the shot and my PMDD will respond to each other. But I am prepared to handle whatever emotions come with it.

I did 3 grocery pickups this afternoon. I am scared to leave my house to go into stores because of COVID. The news was scary this morning and I ended up turning to a sexist sitcom from the 50’s called Father Knows Best.

Originally Posted by BethRags

In Arkansas, and in all the southern states - including Texas, and probably Oklahoma - there are "dry counties." In those counties there are no sales of any alcohol except beer (on certain days, and at specific times). The only hard liquor is sold at "country clubs", where you have to be a member...so wealthy and white.

Where I live in Kentucky, a dry county doesn't have an exception -- 0 sale of alcohol in that county, period. I grew up in a dry county and I went to the city as a kid and was shocked to see cases of beer in Walmart or the gas station. Today, my town has went from "dry" to "moist" (restaurant only sale of alcohol), to wet -- but it definitely is a culture shock to enter that scenario from any angle.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

Where I live in Kentucky, a dry county doesn't have an exception -- 0 sale of alcohol in that county, period. I grew up in a dry county and I went to the city as a kid and was shocked to see cases of beer in Walmart or the gas station. Today, my town has went from "dry" to "moist" (restaurant only sale of alcohol), to wet -- but it definitely is a culture shock to enter that scenario from any angle.

Wow. That's wild. Yes, it really is a culture shock.

I am doing alright – I’m just struggling to get a grip on who it is I want to be. I know that’s a weird statement but the thing is, I’m never a good fit for anything. I either have to conform to a society and lifestyle that isn’t who I am or continue to be alone – there isn’t a middle ground there. Decency, honesty, and compassion just aren’t part of the societal vocabulary for where I’m “supposed to belong”. I don’t think I’ve ever been part of any relationship (friendship, group etc.) that has ever accepted me for being uniquely me. I have such a hard time with that sometimes. I’m always being opposed, I’m always having to fight, and for what? To simply say I deserve to exist? I roll over and take it because I just don’t have energy to fight – but I won’t give up my dignity and integrity or morals. That said, it means I’m not going to live out my life in a way that I do not see for myself just to appease others so that I may get affection in return.

I know I’m being vague, but I hope my point isn’t lost in that. It’s no specific situation. It’s not work, home, friends, etc and yet it’s all of it. I don’t even see the point in trying to find someone to talk to or try to fit in. It ends poorly. On more than one occasion I have tried using apps to make friends – being very upfront I am looking for friendship and nothing more. On multiple occasions I have met someone and we talked in the park or had lunch and I would have a good time and the moment the meeting was over I was blocked. That really hurts the psyche. I don’t know what I did wrong. I just don’t know. In those cases, it’s hard to place the blame on them. They knew from the get-go (unless they just didn’t believe me) I wasn’t looking for anything but a friend…. So what happened? Clearly the premise of being friends is viable until they met me in person….

That’s nothing recent, but it’s just an example of why I don’t like dealing with people. Plus it’s like a needle in the haystack to find someone decent anymore. Someone who acts like a civil human being or doesn’t embody every negative aspect of humanity and magnifies it by x1000. We shouldn’t have to sacrifice core values of what we believe in order to experience and know any form of love and affection. I’m not talking religion, I’m not talking politics, I’m not talking general world view. I’m talking about just being a decent person. You know? Anyway…

Today I’ve just been in my own little rabbit hole of emotion. This world is far too dramatic for my taste – adults and teenagers in the YouTube comments share so much ideologically these days it’s quite sickening. Lol. There’s just too much there I don’t wanna touch, but we could talk for days on the topics that flow out of that one statement. Lol. I’m just hoping the world gets a more tolerant and rational head on its shoulders.