[Soupe du jour]

Happy Belated Birthday, Scooter! I'm glad it was a nice celebration.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I had a terrible few moments on the way to my dog's grooming when i thought i lost my glasses. I pawed frantically thru my purse and pockets only to realize i had them on! Ack! My dog's grooming went smoothly so now she's had a haircut and i had one yesterday so we're both looking spiffy. It's just in the nick of time too as my province is considering another lockdown.

I've been waking up early in the morning and going back to sleep. It's annoying. I can't tell if it's the benzo taper or not but i wish i would sleep right thru.

It's been a busier week than usual and i have my taxes tomorrow yet to go. I'm feeling irritable because of all the demands after all the long calm days of lockdown. I guess it's just hard getting active again. I thought i would be thrilled but i am underwhelmed. Also, i'm not exactly doing things that are fun like going out to lunch with friends, i'm just seeing to tasks that got delayed. When will the good times roll?

Hello to the spiffy couple! My husband and I have resorted to cutting our hair ourselves. Not as spiffy!

As of yesterday (I had a video appointment with my pdoc), I am being weaned off Klonopin. Yay! He said to cut my dose of 0.5 mg in half and report to him any possible withdrawal effects. I start tonight, so we're on a journey together, whatever2013. After that, maybe he'll have me half the half. I've been on Klonopin for about 10 years now. Never liked it. I want to be free from Klonopin jail. At least my dose is already fairly low. I asked if I could take Ativan for situational anxiety and he said yes. Generally I only take three to four of them max, per month. I will not let them replace the Klonopin.

[Soupe du jour]

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist early yesterday evening, right before sunset. I deliberately sat in our living room with the view of it, and beautiful countryside. He got a kick out of me showing it to him using my laptop video cam. He was home in the US, with me in Czech Rep. I did something similar months ago, when my then therapist wanted to see the beach and ocean, when I had a video appointment while staying at the shore.

As I wrote to whatever2013, my psychiatrist is willing to wean me off Klonopin. I guess telling him that I only have 23 pills left, and an uncertain first appointment with a local psychiatrist, did it. By halving the dose (and later more), that gives me lots more time. Not that generic Klonopin is expensive, but I'll feel better being able to say I'm going off. Truth is, it is a useless part of my psych med cocktail.

Today I see my new therapist for the third time. Then soon after I have a virtual phone call appointment with my nephrologist from the US. I think I will end appointments with the latter. There's nothing he can really do anymore. I will ask for a more thorough appointment with my new general practitioner (and blood testing) in a couple months. The only thing I was going to tell the nephrologist was that I had the tingling/numb hands/feet. That's already being addressed with the new GP, and I have hope that it was stop completely soon. So far it seems a little reduced. Placebo effect? Who knows.

I will be extremely sad when I need to stop video appointments with pdoc. He and I have talked about that. He suggested I simply make an appointment to see him in person when I visit New Jersey next time, assuming the pandemic is over. I doubt he'd even charge me for the visit. I just want to see him face-to-face and shake his hand, or even hug him if he'd let me. I've known him for over 13 years, and he's been central in my life and recovery. I love the man. He knows. I perfectly remember the very moment I met him the first time.

Happy Birthday, Scooter!

@Soupe du jour: Glad to hear you're joining me in getting off the Klonopin! Good riddance to bad rubbish! It's always bothered me that i'm dependent on a drug which does nothing. Glad to have you aboard!

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing kinda blah today but not terrible. I took my Geodon at 10:30 last night because I couldn’t sleep. I had taken 80, my night dose at 5:30. I also took a zofran last night which kind of make me drowsy the next day. So I woke up still early, and pretty tired and a bit crabby. I’m trying not to drink coffee or soda for right now so I had 4 mugs of Sakura tea and I was lying down for half an hour around 9 which helped. My mom went to the grocery store I used work at to get some stuff and she got me a lot of healthy stuff. The cashier who was there today was there when I worked there. I am Facebook friends with her. My mom said she was being a nut today and talking about how it’s a zombie apocalypse out there and that someone tried to off Tiger Woods and they need to get the black box out of his car. Ok... that is why I have my mom go into the store for me or I do curbside pickup. I don’t want to run into her. But she did come to my dads wake so she’s a generally nice person as long as you don’t talk about politics with her. But today I’m ok. Kinda anxious because I haven’t had Geodon since last night and also this PMS is getting tough. I’m hoping to feel a lot better by Monday. I only had a couple brief thoughts about my old therapist. But I keep getting better each day.

[*Beth*]

I'm in the Getting Off Klonopin club, too. I've been on it for over 2 decades so it's a very slow taper for me. My usual dose was 2mg./day. Now I'm taking 2mg. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday; 1.5mg Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday. I'm figuring that it will take at least a year and a half before I'm close to off. Going by my previous 2 attempts to stop Klonopin it's all good - until that last .5mg. That was when sleep stopped happening and I felt so weak I could barely walk. The result was ending up back on the Klonopin.

This time it's slow and steady, even if it ends up taking two years.

I've been watching "Spinning Out" on Netflix and i find it very juvenile. It's absurdly unrealistic that the athletes drink alcohol and party hard. I was a competitive gymnast at just a regional level and i lived like a monk. I'm on episode five now and it's a real bore. The sub-plot of bipolar seems like an afterthought, just a marketing gimmick. It seems more like borderline with the self-harm. It's like a family-movie-of-the-week with a few F-bombs thrown in. I'm so disappointed. Hopefully it improves.

I went to bed 90 minutes early last night i was so tired. I've been trying to stick to a consistent time because of my benzo taper but last night i was just knackered. I got to sleep okay but woke up at dawn with an upset stomach. I got up and took some stomach remedy and got back to sleep. I feel okay today, but a bit cranky. I couldn't face doing my taxes today so i put them off til Monday which will be better if i need telephone support. It's a lot easier to get someone on the phone on a Monday afternoon than a Friday afternoon. It's my first time doing my taxes by myself, usually i use a service but that's $85 so i'm going to try my hardest.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

. It's my first time doing my taxes by myself, usually i use a service but that's $85 so i'm going to try my hardest.

I use tax act on line and have for ever.
They make the process really easy.
This year we may have to have some counsel on inheritance. As my mother in law left us monies. today is the one year anniversary of her death, can't believe it has been a year already.
wow
bizi

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm in the Getting Off Klonopin club, too. I've been on it for over 2 decades so it's a very slow taper for me. My usual dose was 2mg./day. Now I'm taking 2mg. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday; 1.5mg Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday. I'm figuring that it will take at least a year and a half before I'm close to off. Going by my previous 2 attempts to stop Klonopin it's all good - until that last .5mg. That was when sleep stopped happening and I felt so weak I could barely walk. The result was ending up back on the Klonopin.

This time it's slow and steady, even if it ends up taking two years.

Patience always pays off in the end!

I'm glad you, whatever2013, and I are in this together. We can do it!

[Soupe du jour]

Since moving into our new home, we've had intermittent problems with ants. We thought we finally got rid of them, but when I opened the dishwasher this morning to load more dirty dishes, there was a major infestation inside. Most were on a particular plastic cutting board that I had cut raw chicken breasts on. Normally we're good at getting dishes loaded, washed, and unloaded, but we slacked off last night. I guess the buggers like raw chicken. I told Hubby we need to be more vigilant about taking care of the dishes.

My dad finally called my husband's old US cell phone number, which we've made into a virtual number. It took several reminders for him to remember he can reach us using it. It was one of the nicer chats we've had for a long time. He's always quick to want to cut calls short, but I managed for that one to last a good 15 mins. I soon after emailed my sister who said she had a similar one with him yesterday. I guess his depression is easing. He even sort of said as much. His assisted living facility has eased up on covid rules since all present there have had vaccinations, and covid numbers are down in the area. My sister even visited him INSIDE the facility in the cafeteria a few days ago. They can now eat meals together in the cafeteria. This is surely a mood booster for him!

[Altarian]

Guilty for buying myself something i didn’t need or use the money for the household. Also feel like a idiot because Monday the universe kicking me down a few steps at work causing me to freak out and freeze up followed by tuesday where i texted my boss, at suggestion of 2nd in charge, my feelings and thoughts.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Since moving into our new home, we've had intermittent problems with ants. We thought we finally got rid of them, but when I opened the dishwasher this morning to load more dirty dishes, there was a major infestation inside. Most were on a particular plastic cutting board that I had cut raw chicken breasts on. Normally we're good at getting dishes loaded, washed, and unloaded, but we slacked off last night. I guess the buggers like raw chicken. I told Hubby we need to be more vigilant about taking care of the dishes.

My dad finally called my husband's old US cell phone number, which we've made into a virtual number. It took several reminders for him to remember he can reach us using it. It was one of the nicer chats we've had for a long time. He's always quick to want to cut calls short, but I managed for that one to last a good 15 mins. I soon after emailed my sister who said she had a similar one with him yesterday. I guess his depression is easing. He even sort of said as much. His assisted living facility has eased up on covid rules since all present there have had vaccinations, and covid numbers are down in the area. My sister even visited him INSIDE the facility in the cafeteria a few days ago. They can now eat meals together in the cafeteria. This is surely a mood booster for him!

Relaxing covid rules - that's great! I can't even imagine how elderly people in care homes have managed this for a year. Depressing is right.

[Victoria'smom]

That stupid little pill is going to make me huge. I can't take it not today. I can't do this. I need an anxiety med just to take the AD. This is ridiculous. I'm a ****in adult. It's not like it contains a ton of calories, it has 0 cals but it can make you gain weight and I can't afford that. I can't afford to be crazy either.

[Mountaindewed]

I felt really sick last night. My pulse was 120 and I was sick to my stomach. This morning I woke up feeling better physically. I didn’t take my Geodon until 6AM. I usually take it at 2:30 and fall back asleep. So I was very tired and I ended up taking a 2 hour nap at 11:30. When I woke up at 1:30 my heart was beating very fast. Things are ok now although I’m still pretty tired and my PMS is bad right now. I need to just keep my Geodon on my nightstand so I can take it and go back to sleep. I couldn’t do anything today because of the tiredness. I think I may have to go back to a lower dose once I start working again.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Patience always pays off in the end!

I'm glad you, whatever2013, and I are in this together. We can do it!

[*Beth*]

A Saturday filled with chores. A normal day, and it occurred to me a while ago that a normal day like this one is to be cherished. There have been far too many days when the day was not normal. I feel really lucky today!

[wolftrap]

Disassociated for a few hours again today...just went with it, trying to stay connected to the physical world. What a pain in the head! Anyway, got back to reality, went grocery shopping then home. OK by mid-afternoon. Yes Beth, normal days are awesome!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wolftrap

Disassociated for a few hours again today...just went with it, trying to stay connected to the physical world. What a pain in the head! Anyway, got back to reality, went grocery shopping then home. OK by mid-afternoon. Yes Beth, normal days are awesome!

~~~~~~~~

[Mountaindewed]

Jeeze does it make a huge difference not taking my Geodon at 2:30AM and then not going back to sleep. I’ve been feeling all day like I was on heavy sleeping pills last night. I layed in bed a bit this morning. Then I took a 2 hour nap. Then I still couldn’t get out of bed. I took another 2 hour nap at 4:30. Now I’m thinking of just going to bed for the night. I feel fine both physically and mentally. I’m just so tired. I can barely keep my eyes open after I just took a 2 hour nap.

And all this is from the Geodon I’ve been on for a few months. Nothing else.

Edit: I took another 2 hour nap. Now I’m up and it’s kind of late but I’m hoping I won’t be up too long.

Basically all I did today was sleep because of the Geodon and have a lot of diarrhea because of the stuff I took yesterday. Everything I eat and drink goes right through me. I’m getting kind of concerned with dehydration. I just drank a Gatorade and my stomach feels funny. But I’m not sick and I feel ok. Not like I have a bug or anything.

And I also apparently gained 11 pounds since Friday. Wtf. I think it’s all the fluids and stuff I’ve been drinking to try and stay hydrated.

[bizi]

5 days sober then tonight 4 drinks.
bizi

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing much better today. I took my Geodon at 1AM and got up at 8 and my tiredness has been fine. My stomach issues have stopped as well. I really do need a good 6-8 hours of sleep after I take my Geodon. Taking it and not going back to sleep just causes trouble.

It is so nice outside today. I’m wearing shorts. I don’t plan on going out but I do have the window open.

I ate a few bananas for breakfast and when I peeled the first one my fat orange cat immediately ran over and jumped from the couch to the recliner and stared at me while I ate it. He’s very friendly now.

[buddha1too]

A few weeks ago we had two feet of snow on the ground & daytime high temperatures were in the single digits. The snow has melted, & tomorrow & Tuesday we're supposed to have highs near 60F. Someone recently asked me if I thought spring had arrived. I said no...I remember significant snowfalls in April in the past.

It kind of reminds me of bipolar disorder. Back in January I emerged from a long winter of depression & began feeling "normal." While I will revel in the early arrival of spring-like days, just as I revel in my improved mood, I know both are temporary reprieves. I wish things were different, but that's the hand I've been dealt. All I can do is focus on today...on the emotional warmth & sunshine. Living in the moment is key. Just for today, I will make the most of my life & accept things for what they are.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

All I can do is focus on today...on the emotional warmth & sunshine. Living in the moment is key. Just for today, I will make the most of my life & accept things for what they are.

This is what I try to do nowadays. It serves me well.

[Soupe du jour]

I woke up so exhausted this morning that I declared I'd take a day off, finally. I mostly did. I'll admit when I was doing work today I sort of put on a sound of strain and exhaustion hoping that Hubby would get the message. He didn't. Oh well! Anyway, dinner will be microwaved leftovers.

This coming week, we will be contacting a prospective psychiatrist close to my home. My new therapist also recommended someone, but that psychiatrist works even further from my home than she is, which I find a bit far. I mentioned this to my new therapist, and she understood, and even asked the name of the other for any other English-speaking clients she gets. I'll provide it, if it works out, but not until I'm on that pdoc's calendar.

I'm not clicking with my current (new) therapist, and seemingly vice versa. I'm even wondering how much she can help me, or even how much help I really need. My concentration was mostly to be "adjustment" to my new country environment, but she made that seem like a five minute topic. I am already knowledgeable about CBT, DBT, and other coping skills. Not that I don't need reminders to use them, sometimes. Plus, she doesn't concentrate on CBT, more psychoanalysis, which I don't need. I could present "Myself" in an hour-long spiel and that would be that. I just think I need someone to chat with in a way I don't with Hubby. I sense that that's not what she's willing to accept. I'll give her another session, or two, before possibly quitting her. My mindset does change.

I sort of hope that my future psychiatrist can offer both med management and a teensy bit of therapy. That would be ideal! I've gotten that from my American psychiatrist in recent years. It made my American therapist less significant.