[Victoria'smom]

I want to run away when I get vaccinated. Hell, I want to run away now. I want to take my prn early and just sleep and be gone. But I can't. Running away wont help, I can't run away from myself. Besides should I really be unmedicated when running away, probably not. I don't know how to handle me. Hell I don't even know how to explain it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I want to run away when I get vaccinated. Hell, I want to run away now. I want to take my prn early and just sleep and be gone. But I can't. Running away wont help, I can't run away from myself. Besides should I really be unmedicated when running away, probably not. I don't know how to handle me. Hell I don't even know how to explain it.

You've explained how you feel very well

[Mountaindewed]

The second house was way too small. There were the 7 of us and the realtor looking at the house and we could barely fit in it and there was little furniture for staging. Our stuff wouldn’t fit. My mom brother and I would be on top of each other. So we have at least one more house to look at. We’re hoping to look at a really nice second house and my brother in law and sister are willing to give us money so we can buy something nice and what we all want. The issue is the inventory and we have a closing date on our current house. We need something fast. Buying a house is a whole other story then selling one.

I had a bad reaction to my weekly injection. I haven’t had a reaction like that before. I just got nauseated and I had a headache and I felt like throwing up and I was wobbly. We had dinner at my sisters and I couldn’t eat and I actually went to their bathroom thinking I might puke. I think the difference is is that I have always gotten my shot at my house where I could lie down if I felt sick. Today it was nonstop running around.

And I did not have any Kombucha, I took my normal doses of meds nothing more, and did all the other stuff I “should” be doing.

[buddha1too]

I've been busy today...watching too much of the NCAA Basketball Tournament, & working outside. I'm just getting around to checking the threads now. It seems many people are troubled. I hope Sunday finds everyone in a better space. You're my posse, peeps!

[Soupe du jour]

I am still not my usual self. Despite taking my evening meds on time, I couldn't get to sleep until 3:30 am. I wasn't tired at all and spent a lot time researching and listening to music and musical groups. After finally getting some sleep, I woke up late, again very sweaty. Since then, sometimes when I get up I feel dizzy, or at least cloudy headed. Gastro issues, too.

I wish all of this is Klonopin withdrawal related, because then I could label it and expect an end. As I've written, I get sick of doctors saying no to my theories. I have not yet taken any Klonopin (or even Ativan) to ease symptoms. Trying to be tough.

After above, I did make a nice late lunch that tasted delicious. I told Hubby we might order delivery for dinner.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I am still not my usual self. Despite taking my evening meds on time, I couldn't get to sleep until 3:30 am. I wasn't tired at all and spent a lot time researching and listening to music and musical groups. After finally getting some sleep, I woke up late, again very sweaty. Since then, sometimes when I get up I feel dizzy, or at least cloudy headed. Gastro issues, too.

I'm sorry to read that you're going through such an unsettling time. If nothing else, it seems like you were able to keep busy during the night rather than just pacing & ruminating. The latter is sometimes my unhealthy go-to. I read on another thread that you now have some American programming on television (Go Rachael & MSNBC!). Sometimes a taste of home makes one feel just a tiny bit better. I hope you & your husband enjoy your take-out dinner.

I've been experiencing irritability the past few days. I was a very mellow fellow there for quite some time. I hate it when I'm devoid of patience. I apologized to my partner. I've got to check myself & try to return to some sense of serenity.

[wildflowerchild25]

@wildflowerchild...Sometimes the written word can lead one to misinterpret situations, so sorry if I'm about to do that. You acknowledge that you might be in a slight hypo state. You're feeling on edge, you're angry, you want to be in motion & you're writing a lot. Looking in the rearview mirror, it seems I've sometimes been like that as a direct result of hypomania. You know the particulars of your family situation, though. Your anger might be 100% justified. Good luck sorting things out. However, as my own grandma used to say, "Don't break any eggs unless you plan on baking the cake." [/QUOTE]

Yes I certainly understand what you’re saying and being slightly hypo may have been what led me to finally break and blow up. But trust me, I spoke 100% truth and she knows it.

In other news my brother and SIL have put a bid on a house just a few blocks away from us! It would be great to have them within walking distance. We could see my little niece far more often. Can’t get our hopes up though, houses are going super fast and they’ve already been outbid on 3. They put 15k over this time but on the other house they put 10k over and then someone put 10k over THEM immediately! Plus this house had an open house today, there might be lots of people with bigger budgets willing to jump in. But it would be nice!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

The second house was way too small. There were the 7 of us and the realtor looking at the house and we could barely fit in it and there was little furniture for staging. Our stuff wouldn’t fit. My mom brother and I would be on top of each other. So we have at least one more house to look at. We’re hoping to look at a really nice second house and my brother in law and sister are willing to give us money so we can buy something nice and what we all want. The issue is the inventory and we have a closing date on our current house. We need something fast. Buying a house is a whole other story then selling one.

I had a bad reaction to my weekly injection. I haven’t had a reaction like that before. I just got nauseated and I had a headache and I felt like throwing up and I was wobbly. We had dinner at my sisters and I couldn’t eat and I actually went to their bathroom thinking I might puke. I think the difference is is that I have always gotten my shot at my house where I could lie down if I felt sick. Today it was nonstop running around.

And I did not have any Kombucha, I took my normal doses of meds nothing more, and did all the other stuff I “should” be doing.

Md, I remember that you mentioned you had a bad reaction to your last injection...you said you felt nauseated, I think. Kinda weird, maybe you should mention it to your provider?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I am still not my usual self. Despite taking my evening meds on time, I couldn't get to sleep until 3:30 am. I wasn't tired at all and spent a lot time researching and listening to music and musical groups. After finally getting some sleep, I woke up late, again very sweaty. Since then, sometimes when I get up I feel dizzy, or at least cloudy headed. Gastro issues, too.

I wish all of this is Klonopin withdrawal related, because then I could label it and expect an end. As I've written, I get sick of doctors saying no to my theories. I have not yet taken any Klonopin (or even Ativan) to ease symptoms. Trying to be tough.

After above, I did make a nice late lunch that tasted delicious. I told Hubby we might order delivery for dinner.

I understand trying to be tough all too well. That said, you would determine if your symptoms are withdrawal related if you take 1 Klonopin and see how you feel.

[*Beth*]

Today will be almost 80 degrees! A stunning spring day, albeit a bit on the warm side for March.

I'm tentatively feeling less depressed and crazy since taking both the Wellbutrin and the Pristiq. Why do I have the uncomfortable intuition that I'll end up on 2 antidepressants.....
Here's the weirdo thing, though. Yesterday I awoke covered (chest and torso) with a flaming red, burning rash. It had been 10 days sine my 1st vaccine, but I'm wondering if I had a delayed reaction to it. In fact- I'm still wondering if my plunge into depression and anxiety (when I had been quite stable for many months) is an after-effect of the vax. When I have the second one I'm going to pay close attention to these things. There's a CDC place to report all side effects; be wonderful if they take into account possible mental health side-effects.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Md, I remember that you mentioned you had a bad reaction to your last injection...you said you felt nauseated, I think. Kinda weird, maybe you should mention it to your provider?

I’m supposed to get my levels tested in a week or so. That should give me some info. I see my doctor in early May. I feel fine today so it was for sure the injection.

[gina_re]

Could it be shingles? My dad had that and he said it was a horrible rash he woke up with...idk, just a thought...

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Could it be shingles? My dad had that and he said it was a horrible rash he woke up with...idk, just a thought...

Shingles is terrible. I've been vaccinated against it, so I don't think that's it. Hopefully not.

[Mountaindewed]

We saw another really good house. It’s one floor but it’s an open concept and the family room is pretty big, and the bedrooms are huge and all 3 have walk in closets. We put an offer in, again above list price so we just have to see now. There’s only one other offer unlike 10 on that first one.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

We saw another really good house. It’s one floor but it’s an open concept and the family room is pretty big, and the bedrooms are huge and all 3 have walk in closets. We put an offer in, again above list price so we just have to see now. There’s only one other offer unlike 10 on that first one.

Sounds promising!

In the ZOOM Drop-In i go to each day it's a social hour so i usually don't open my mouth unless i have something funny to say. Well, today i was flattered out of my wits because a woman PMed me and thanked me for making them all laugh! I am delighted to think that i am a funny person because i really admire funny people. It was a moment i'll treasure!

Darn it all but i stubbed the toe i already stubbed AGAIN! Honestly, i have nine other toes, why couldn't i have stubbed a new one?! So i still couldn't go for a nice walk with my dog today and barely got my shoes on to take her to the dog-park. But there were two puppies there so she had fun anyways. Tho she is eight and no longer plays like a pup and jumps up on my lap to get away from them, they are so energetic. They just love her tho!

Hugs to all!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Everyone here in California can start getting vaccinated on April 1st. When can you get vaccinated?

April 5th! My mom is going to help me get signed up.

[Victoria'smom]

Possible trigger:

I'm proud of myself I told my husband of my close call last night and that I don't need the temptation of holding my own meds. At least until I talk to my therapist. In a little over two weeks. It's hard to say I'm depressed. This feels normal. I'm wondering if I have BPD also. Nothing happened I'm just wore out. I'm a little better today. Still want to SH but in my "normal" ways

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Possible trigger:

I'm proud of myself I told my husband of my close call last night and that I don't need the temptation of holding my own meds. At least until I talk to my therapist. In a little over two weeks. It's hard to say I'm depressed. This feels normal. I'm wondering if I have BPD also. Nothing happened I'm just wore out. I'm a little better today. Still want to SH but in my "normal" ways

It's great you told your husband. I know that's really hard for you to do but it's an important thing to do. As we grieve Mark we've learned that talking about things that are really uncomfortable is so important and I'm learning that this is true throughout life. But I'm not sure it is ever easy. For you I think it is even harder.

No harm is asking about BPD.

Also no harm in asking for an earlier therapist appointment.

[Victoria'smom]

2 weeks was the earliest they could get me in when I called the other day. I don't want to ask about BPD because it's a fairly new therapist to me. I'd like her to know me better before asking something like that. I am going to ask all my Dx.'s next time I talk to her. PD-nos has been thrown around at couple of centers. This is the first that has SzA. They use to have PD-nos and BP I don't know if that ever went away. So I have to ask. It's weird I feel "fine" but my actions say I'm not.

[Soupe du jour]

The state of emergency (covid) in Czech Republic was extended to around April 27. It is becoming very frustrating that things have not improved more by now. I truly hope that in a month there will be some loosening of restrictions. My husband's nephew had a birthday the day before yesterday, and it was a surprise Zoom meeting call. I have a big birthday coming up in May. I don't want a party, but I have wanted to go to Vienna in such a bad way. I'm not going to count on that until possibly afterwards.

I feel slightly better today, but am still not my usual. I barely want to do a thing, and I look like a mess. Tomorrow I see a psychiatrist here for the first time. I won't say much about my mood, just basically an intro to my history and current med cocktail. I'll tell him I just got weaned off Klonopin.

@Soupe du jour: I'm sorry to read you're not feeling well. About your birthday, i know what one it is and yes it's a big one but don't forget that you can always postpone the celebration if COVID is still raging. Hope the day improves!

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

The state of emergency (covid) in Czech Republic was extended to around April 27. It is becoming very frustrating that things have not improved more by now. I truly hope that in a month there will be some loosening of restrictions. My husband's nephew had a birthday the day before yesterday, and it was a surprise Zoom meeting call. I have a big birthday coming up in May. I don't want a party, but I have wanted to go to Vienna in such a bad way. I'm not going to count on that until possibly afterwards.

April 27th! Yikes! In addition to what I've read about the situation in Europe, I have some friends in Germany. They say things are pretty bad there, too. Spikes in Covid numbers, the the painfully slow roll out of vaccines, & the world famous German bureaucracy all mean they're feeling the pain, too. I hope things improve by the time your birthday rolls around. The "zero birthdays" are biggies, so it would be nice if you & your husband could do something special to celebrate.

@Miguel'smom...Whether you have BPD, or not, DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is a useful tool to have in your toolbox. Drugs aren't useful in treating BPD, so DBT is the primary treatment. DBT is my therapist's "specialty," so I've learned to utilize mindfulness skills to manage everyday "life stuff." Starting anew with a therapist is never easy, but it is done all the time. I'm sure things will go well once you have a few sessions under your belt. Hang in there.

Another day of irritability for me. I'm not sure why, though. I'm so blessed in many ways, but it's not a problem for me to find something to complain about lately. I get very frustrated with myself when I'm like this...which just fuels the fire. It seems to be a circular pattern. I hope recognizing that will end the cycle soon.

[Nammu]

Acknowledging the problems is indeed the first step. Then comes acceptance, which is harder. But acknowledgement is huge whether it’s bpd or irritability. Once you accept it you can work on it. Much love to both of you.

I always find that a deep breath helps. Keeps me from acting on impulse. Today tho I’m taking too many breaks and not enough action. Excuse me now while I go get dressed and fetch the mail in.

[Nammu]

Ohhh 😮 it is absolutely delightful outside. If it wasn’t for the coolish breeze I’d drag a patio chair out to the deck and sit in the sun. For Minnesota this is a super day. Now I gotta figure out some way to honor it. Mother Earth extended a gift. 🎁 maybe I’ll put a jacket on and sit in the sun anyways.