[Victoria'smom]

My MIL comes tomorrow the house is a disaster and all I can do is concentrate on not flipping the **** out. I’m shaking, I'm hyper just to stay sitting. The thorizen was supposed to knock me on my ***. The fact I can hear through my blaring music bothers me. TMI: hyper sexuallity

Possible trigger:

I can’t even finish (side effect?). I get bored and frustrated. So calming down that way isn’t available and that’s my go to calming down method , SH is my back up to that and I can’t because it’s not socially acceptable and I might go to far.

I’m getting genuinely angry I can’t spend money. I’d color but I’ll ruin whatever I color. I don’t know what to do with myself. Everything feels good but not enough. I love this feeling but the anger is building. I’m usually good at hiding my hypo but they're going to for a while (weeks). I can’t go IP with them here. Plus they’re going to see I take pills 3x a day.

Everyone knows I have BP. Hell they know I was IP (after the fact). Because they were talking about how going to the psych hospital is a vacation and M trying to stick up for people said “My mom went on a hospital vacation two times.” The looks I got. Anyway they come tomorrow. I can’t isolate , I figgity as ****, my language is more colorful, There’s no way I can be a functioning adult and good host. They can’t delay their trip. How do I get through this without looking “crazy”? We’re all going to be stuck in the house together for weeks. It's not like I can plan outings. I’m not psychotic so that’s good. She going to look at our place and be so sad and clean my whole house. H is down I think, he’s not appreciating me spamming him with things we have to buy before they get here. He keeps telling me wait. I DON’T WANT TO WAIT! They are things we are going to need and I’ll be damned if I fight in front of his family, that’s just rude. I don’t know how coherent this is but any suggestions would be helpful.

Also when does hypo turn into full mania?

[*Beth*]

If I were you, with my in-laws coming, I'd most likely be where you are...hypo and super anxious. I'm wondering about the Thorazine, though? My experience with it is that it knocked me out. And it's known for that, as you know. Knocking people flat. I'm wondering if you're experiencing break-through mania, or if the Thorazine is having a weird effect on you?


To answer your question, though...I'm pretty sure that hypo turns into mania for me when I start having rage. And it's a "justified" rage. I believe I have every reason - even with God's approval - to do whatever it is I'm raging about.


But also, maybe at the same time I go into manic when I feel rage but also feel ecstatic. Everything is meaningful, beautiful, I can't understand how most others cannot see and feel what I see and feel. And definitely hyper-sexual.

I think that's the clearest answer I can give you.

Any idea what your next step might be? Any chance you can connect with your pdoc?

[Victoria'smom]

The thorazine was added because I started getting hypomania and I called. So was the prn. I'm going to wait until my therapist appointment tomorrow. Word vomit to her. And see what she says to do. Maybe I'm not on enough thorazine? He wanted me to take a half then a whole if that didn't work. I took a whole right from the get go. It's doing it's job I am sleeping. I'm just bouncing literally the rest of the time.

So you think this passed the hypo stage?

[*Beth*]

I don't know if you've passed the hypo stage because I'm not with you, but I'm really glad you're seeing your T tomorrow. To me, it sounds like you need a higher dose of Thorazine.

[Victoria'smom]

I don't want to meet a new T tomorrow, it's not safe. My cadence and speech is a dead give away. What if I say something that I don't want her to know? It's very easy to do hypo with first meetings. My intake interview has been hours. What if I make her feel uncomfortable? Or I go into detail of things I shouldn't. I have a dark mind. Should I just write down what I want to say? So I don't get set IP. I can't go IP.

[bizi]

how did it go?
sorry I guess you meet her tomorrow.
keep us informed.

bizi

[Victoria'smom]

I ended up doing nothing today! We have to REALLY clean tomorrow before she comes. It's not going to be good but at least get the bathroom and master bedroom set for them. If It's not what she expects she'll clean again. H says not to stress/ be embarrassed because she knows how we are and she loves us. But I'm Still stressing. I took my night meds so there's nothing I can do.

[*Beth*]

Let us know how your appointment goes tomorrow - remember, anxiety about it is normal.

[Victoria'smom]

I will let you guys know. It's been an hour and I'm still not asleep.

[bizi]

I am sorry that you are not asleep they say you should turn off all electronic devices one hour before going to bed.
bizi

[Soupe du jour]

Are your in laws coming by plane or train? Are they already on the road? If no to all, have your hubby maybe tell them to come another time.

Have you called your psychiatrist? If not, call him/her.

[Victoria'smom]

They're coming by plane. I can't say come latter. I'd rather she see then not come. I talked to pdoc Thursday he put me on thorazine and vistaril. So I don't know how long to wait to call him again. I'll ask t tomorrow. She's can message him.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

They're coming by plane. I can't say come latter. I'd rather she see then not come. I talked to pdoc Thursday he put me on thorazine and vistaril. So I don't know how long to wait to call him again. I'll ask t tomorrow. She's can message him.

I hope your new medications help, Miguel'smom. It may take a few days to really see a difference. Hopefully in the meantime they'll arrest the growing mania from worsening.

Sorry about the timing of your in-laws' visit. Yea, if they're coming by plane it's a done deal.

[Victoria'smom]

So I slept for 8 hrs which is good for me. I see her in 3 hours and I'm getting more and more nervous. I don't want to do this. Therapy's embarrassing. I don't know this person but I'm going to have word vomit when talking to them, this sucks. H isn't getting ready to go yet. Our house is still trashed. I'm just hoping it'll be okay. Hopefully I can isolate, with headphones and coloring for a couple of days. I haven't even shopped for them yet because H keeps saying to wait. So I don't even have dinner ready for them. I don't know what H has planned but I'm worried it's nothing. I'm trying not to fight but my anxiety is getting really high.

[*Beth*]

I understand that it all seems totally overwhelming, and I well understand your anxiety. Remember to break each hour of the day down, so you do what needs to be done only for that hour. It will work itself out, I promise! I don't think therapy is embarrassing. I think it shows that you care about yourself and your loved ones enough to get off your arse and DO something.

[Victoria'smom]

That was the best therapy session I've had in a long time. She said she'll always have her agenda but If I have something to bring that's okay too. She worked all the IP questions into the conversation which I like a lot better. It let me answer them fully without fear. She says it's okay that I don't trust her that that won't effect how everything goes I can still move forward without trusting her. I didn't over share or anything. I said probably a dozen times I was hyper and sorry for the weird cadence and speech. She reminded me it's only 3 weeks till I see pdoc again. I told her the med was suppose to make me feel drugged but it doesn't. All she has is my intake from over 2 years ago and that I'm having destressing thoughts. So everything is new to her. I'm starting at 0. She went over some grounding techniques and kept me from getting over stressed when I didn't know the answer to things. She may even be better then WV T.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

She may even be better then WV T.

I am so glad to read this! I hope now therapy won't be something you dread. When do you see her again?

[Victoria'smom]

In Two weeks, It's so hard over the phone. I hope she sticks with me for a little while.

[MickeyCheeky]

i Hope the visit will go well! i think it is good that your sessione went well! Do keep us updated if you can if that is possible. i think you are able to handle this. Hugs. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Miguel'smom, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[*Beth*]

That is outstanding, Mm! YAAAAY!!!

[bizi]

I am so happy that you had a good session!
bizi
((((((HUGS)))))

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

In Two weeks, It's so hard over the phone. I hope she sticks with me for a little while.

It is so hard over the phone. The good news is that going back in person, which will happen, is GREAT. I've had 2 "real" appointments and I honestly think our relationship is better than before (and we've got 15 years of before and were at a somewhat difficult spot when we went to telehealth last year).

I hope that this one lasts for a while too.

[Victoria'smom]

I only slept 5 hours but I'm incredibly less fidgety. My anxiety is higher then it has been. Thank-you guys for your support.

@Miguel'smom:

So happy that you like your new therapist. Does the Thorazine work instantly? I'm more familiar with meds that take weeks to take effect. Don't know much about Thorazine except that it's an old med not in wide use anymore.

Visitors are stressful, others invading your personal, private space, losing your privacy. But it will only be temporary. Try to enjoy your mother-in-law as best you can. She will probably be so overwhelmed by being in a new place that she won't notice if it's not immaculate.

New spaces are very stimulating, i've only had four guests since i moved in here sixteen years ago but i am always surprised that they don't comment on some exquisite features i have in my home. Mostly they comment on how beautiful my large heirloom Chinese Rubber Plant is!

Sorry it took me so long to chime in on this thread. Hopefully the visit is underway now and going well. It was nice to read you writing so much and so passionately. I'm used to you being so brief!

[Victoria'smom]

The pdoc said it would make me feel drowsy/drugged the first few days. It takes up to 2 week to fully work. I expected to be sleeping the first few days. I wasn't but now I fall asleep when it's not crazy high amount of stimulation.

She's slowly cleaning my house, and cooking for us. I don't mind but she deserves better. I'm usually quiet unless hypo/manic then I'm all over the place and type a lot.