Bipolar check-in #56

@Sapien

I get where you’re coming from. I was hospitalized unnecessarily (in my opinion) in may. I knew there was absolutely no reason to be IP because there was nothing they could do that couldn’t be done on the outside. It was absolute torture being stuck in there. I really needed to be able to exercise to get my anger and frustration out but I couldn’t because I was confined to the unit. All I could do was pace my room. When I got out I went back to my PHP/IOP program and FINALLY got the dr to listen to me and put me on a med I knew worked. The hospital dr was only willing to put me on lithium which I knew from past experiences didn’t do jack ****.

I also have a problem contacting my regular psychiatrist outside of appointments, but mainly because her office staff is completely incompetent and my messages hardly ever make it to her.

I hope you’re able to find a solution fast. You don’t deserve to be jerked around!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Thanks, it did go pretty smoothly. I left mum in the produce section and zoomed around the rest of the store, then went back and mum was still picking out stuff. Transferred everything to my cart and checked out. She was supposed to meet me by the chairs but she forgot and went to the car. When she didn’t see me she came back tho. So all ended well. Today was major stocking up on liquid s day and I had the big cart for the water. I found that by buying bottled water and keeping it stocked in the frig I can encourage mum to drink more water. So I have 3 pallet s in the garage now. Since I moved in with her she’s only been in the hospital once in 5 years, instead of 5 times in one year. It does require patience.

I'm glad it went well. I had to giggle at "I left mum in the produce section and zoomed around the rest of the store." That technique brought back memories for me.

Dinner at RS’s cousin’s house wasn’t bad. Turns out everyone like the cousin but no one likes his wife and her adult children so we only stayed a couple of hours. Then we stopped at an ice cream shop where I got an ice cream cookie sandwich. A scoop of ice cream between two freshly baked chocolate chunk cookies. Delicious!!!

I don’t know what we will do tomorrow yet as it will be storming like hell. I don’t know how WiFi here will react with such storms so I may or may not be able to sign on to group. I have to try though, they WILL call you and track your down if you don’t. If they can’t reach me they’ll call RS and if we were home and they couldn’t get him either they would send the police for a “wellness check”. I’d like to keep police out of my life. I’ve not had good experiences with them during mental health crises.

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Originally Posted by Sapien So the nurse called, said my lithium levels were good (while I'm taking half my rx'd dose (which she knows) and threw up all the prescribed doses I took), but she wants me in the hospital. Didn't say why and I was busy wondering wtf is up her ***. She's going to call back with instructions on what to do with the lithium because I'm on the IR and I don't think taking 600mg at night is going to do much... but 1200mg was too much. I'm kinda freaking out now though because she said she can't force me into the hospital so of course I'm thinking she's going to send someone to my house and every car that drives by gives me panic. I'm thinking she's waiting until I told her my mom would be home to call because she's going to try and convince her to get me hospitalized. I don't need it. I just need someone competent to change my meds to get me out of this "episode" (which I'm starting to think is my normal) and I did find out who is covering for my aprn and turns out I had two appointments with her earlier in the year. She's my favorite that I've had so of course they wouldn't stick me with her too long. But still, I don't need to sit in an ER for a week or a month depending if it's IEA or not. If I could just talk to the covering aprn directly that'd be great, but no, that's apparently not allowed outside of scheduled appointments.

I'm sorry you're having to jump through all the hoops just to obtain the proper medication. It's just wrong.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 .... I’d like to keep police out of my life. I’ve not had good experiences with them during mental health crises.

Amen to that!

Beth said it! Police have no business in a health situation!

My apartment complex is having a little 4th of July celebration lunch tomorrow outside. I’m gonna try to go to it if I can face my agoraphobia and actually get out my door. It’s been 4 days since I’ve even left my apartment. But I think I can do it. It will be good for me to get outside.

My sister is dropping off some McDonalds for me this weekend, I’m excited.

I’m getting more into baking. So I bought my first electric hand mixer, it’s a KitchenAid one. It should be here by next Wednesday. And I also ordered 2 loaf pans so I can try making banana bread for the first time.

I spent the past week or so in a kind of depression. Like my apartment is a mess, I haven’t cleaned in like 2 weeks or longer. And there’s a bunch of trash I need to take out. I’ll be spending part of tomorrow working on that. Im starting to feel better now. I’ve been practicing my ukulele. I got a book of 21 easy Christmas songs for Ukulele so I’m hoping I can learn some by December and post a video of myself playing a couple on Facebook for my friends and family to see around the holidays.

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Congrats on the new apartment! I hope you enjoy it

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I want to be done with SzA no more meds, counting spoons, looking on the bright side of everything. My family is changing, Miguel is growing up. I lack motivation to even to take a shower. My dad's in town and didn't even have the energy to go see him. H is in a horrible mood. I'm just feel defeated.

I guess it could have been. Especially if some killer came out of the woods, when we reached the dead end. Anyway, I haven't a clue what triggered that bizarre statement from Google. Or "the powers that be". Google really shouldn't allow/do such things. I know that some people would have been far more freaked out than my husband and me. My husband thinks it was likely an "Easter egg" a computer programmer's term for a silly statement or computer-origin action triggered by some odd combo of words or typing action.

Hubby now thinks the triggering statement came from him. He recalls saying something like "How the [F expletive] do I know which way is south!"

Well I’m
Now on 50mg
Of lamictal, 25 mg of seroquel and 100Mg of Wellbutrin, a mood stabilizer, an antipsychotic and an antidepressant . My brain seems to have sucked up all those chemicals and is doing fine.

Yeah I agree. I had 911 called to my house by my therapist in 2006 when I was 13. But like the police would really give a 110 pound 13 year old girl trouble. They just told me to sit down at the table because I was standing up. I did and then they took me in the back of an ambulance but I just sat down with the police officer and it was ok and we rode to the hospital.

Now as a 28 year old man I don’t think it will be that simple if the cops were called.

I swear these mental health professionals don’t care how the police treat you just as long as you yourself are not a danger to yourself.

My last last T was constantly wanting to call 911 to my house.

You are doing a great job with your mother. You are a good daughter.

I've been pretty busy lately. I'm sorry I haven't supported others here, as I usually like. With so much to do, that's about all I can really manage. At times I feel like I freeze, if you know what I mean. Sending hugs to all, in the meantime.

I hope things will slow down later next week. On Monday and Tuesday we're hosting my husband's sister, adult nephew, long-time childhood friend, and her adult son. Actually, they won't be sleeping at our house (thank goodness), but we'll spend most of the time with them. They're staying nearby in an inn. We already ordered a huge platter of open-faced sandwiches to have upon their arrival in the afternoon. We'll eat out for the rest of the meals (restaurants are now open). I did order a nice chocolate cake to have for them. I will also be making (homemade) what is called "Bishop's Bread". That is a loaf cake made with lots of egg whites, as well as chocolate chunks, roasted chopped hazelnuts, and lemon zest. It's my mother-in-law's recipe, so it will be popular. We'll have our house and property looking very nice for their arrival, but unfortunately the weather forecast is kind of lousy, with some rain expected. Oh well! Unlike what the poor folks in places like Portland, Seattle, and British Colombia are experiencing, the temps where I am are suddenly lower than normal. Today's high is only 69 F (21 C), with the upcoming days only barely higher, until next Wednesday. The low evening temp tomorrow will be only around 53 F (12 C). How weird the world's climate is nowadays!

I can feel my mind unraveling. I know I am unwell and unstable. I am having intense SI and feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t want to miss my daughter’s visit and I loathe inpatient but that’s where I may be headed. I’m not capable of doing anything but staring at the wall so it’s every man and woman for his and her self right now in this household. I’ll contact my sister this morning to step in. I just keep thinking if I try hard enough or think hard enough, I’ll pull out of it.

In any event, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend including a good 4th.

I hope you get to go to that celebration and have a blast!

The Bishop’s Bread sounds delicious. The world’s climate is indeed weird. I’m in the Deep South and we should be baking but it’s been in the low to mid 80’s. Very peculiar for this time of year. I hope you have a good visit next week. Sounds like you have everything planned out nicely.

The sad part is now I'm actually considering the hospital just because I've lost all hope that I'll ever get a med change outpatient and I just want one ****ing night of good sleep.

I’m so happy for you! Moving into a nice, new place is exciting. It sounds like you’re doing well. I’m glad!

I enjoy baking, too. I love banana bread. Now I want to make some. It’s so cool that you play the ukulele. It’s too bad you can’t share a video of your Christmas songs here.. I’m sure your playing is lovely.

I’m sorry you haven’t been able to get the med change that you need. Going without sleep is so hard. I hope you’re able to get the help you deserve.

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. You’re not alone. I’m glad you’re reaching out, and I hope you start feeling better soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird My apartment complex is having a little 4th of July celebration lunch tomorrow outside. I’m gonna try to go to it if I can face my agoraphobia and actually get out my door. It’s been 4 days since I’ve even left my apartment. But I think I can do it. It will be good for me to get outside. ....

Thank you about my new apartment

The 4th of July party sounds like fun. Do you think that once you get there you'll feel less anxious?

Not really sure how I feel today. I guess I’m just “meh.” It’s gloomy out, and that always affects me. Not that I get outside much. I don’t have a car so I’m pretty much stuck in my apartment. My cousin lets me borrow her car when I have a doctor’s appointment for which I’m very grateful. On those rare occasions when I feel motivated, I enjoy drawing and painting. Maybe I’ll do some today. I have a sketch I could paint with watercolors. It’s a girl from my imagination. I hope I don’t end up just binge watching Netflix to distract me from the fact that I’m missing my son. It works, but I know it’s not healthy. I hope everyone has a good day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom I want to be done with SzA no more meds, counting spoons, looking on the bright side of everything. My family is changing, Miguel is growing up. I lack motivation to even to take a shower. My dad's in town and didn't even have the energy to go see him. H is in a horrible mood. I'm just feel defeated.

I'm so sorry, Mm.