[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Saw the neurologist yesterday. She was a little rough-edged, but empathetic and friendly. She said I have an essential tremor complicated by medication(s). She prescribed propanolol. I have my fingers crossed that it will also provide some anxiety relief. If it works, at all.

Any thoughts? Advice?

I think propranolol worked quite well for my past Lithium tremors. The first time I took Lithium, I took 1,200 mg, had horrible tremors, but wasn't taking propranolol yet. The second time (3 years later) I took 900 mg Lithium, was then taking propranolol, and barely noticed tremors.

As for anxiety...also helpful. I wouldn't say it fights it like a benzo, but as a supplemental anxiety fighter, it might better help do the trick. I was actually originally prescribed propranolol for tachycardia. For that, it also worked great. In many peoples' cases anxiety shows itself in the form of racing heart. If something calms that, often some anxiety is calmed.

The highest propranolol dose I ever took was 60 mg per day (20/20/20). For at least 10 years I took at least 40 mg daily (20 mg morn/20 mg evening). I don't recall even one solitary side effect, at those doses. Only did me good. I don't take it now only because it's not available in Czech Republic. My doctor had to switch me to metoprolol, which is also a helpful and friendly beta blocker. I don't count this in my psych med list, but rather as a physical issue med. Actually, it's hard to know how much my tachycardia has been from anxiety and/or mood elevation, and how much heart-related. I have mitral valve prolapse, but how much that was the cause, is unsure.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Saw the neurologist yesterday. She was a little rough-edged, but empathetic and friendly. She said I have an essential tremor complicated by medication(s). She prescribed propanolol. I have my fingers crossed that it will also provide some anxiety relief. If it works, at all.

Any thoughts? Advice?

I’ve been taking propranolol for about 14 years. I’m on it for the physical side effects of anxiety. I was taking it 3 times a day. I’m now supposed to take it twice a day but I only take it once a day in the afternoon and I’ve been fine with the one dose a day. I’m on 20mil. I don’t feel much of a difference being on it. It has no side effects good or bad. In 2016 I think, my stupid Pdoc tried taking me off it for who knows why. But my heart rate and blood pressure shot way up and I had to go immediately back on it.

My current Pdoc never even mentions it.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Maybe I'm wrong. Your doctor can confirm one way or another. I do suppose if you are knocked out (unconscious) there is a strong chance you might need intubation, especially if some form of muscle relaxant is administered as part of it. See What Is Intubation and Why Is It Done? If there is a muscle relaxant as part of it, it would be the case that you would not be able to sufficiently breathe on your own. I've been under general anethesia for ECT and had to be intubated. The very first time I came to with a sore throat. A lot worse could result, in my view. Surgeries are always a big deal. It's not like simply having a tooth pulled.

That article was interesting. Especially the part where they said that during some surgeries a med is administered to quickly wake the patient while other times they wake up on their own. I woke up immediately after my first surgery while I was still in the operating room but with my second one a nurse woke me up about an hour after I was in surgery recovery. I was confused and worried I had blanked out when they woke me up and I had said a bunch of goofy stuff I don’t remember. Now it makes sense that I woke up on my own.

Thanks for the article.

I’ve never had ECT but I do not want to get it done ever.

And I’m glad my teeth are ok as well. I don’t need that stuff on top of everything else.

[Brentus]

OK day today I suppose. Spent all day driving all over creation to every darn supermarket in town but got everything I wanted. I didn’t go walking today, just didn’t feel up to it after all the exercise from carrying groceries and walking miles around stores lol. I just had a sandwich and some chips for dinner. I’m feeling alright, although the day has been a bit hectic for my liking.
My psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow morning. I have good news to report I think, I don’t think there will be much change if any to what I have going on now since it’s working. I’m surprised how much of my issues have been resolved or quelled. I’m really quite happy about it. I’m waiting to see what happens tomorrow before doing anything, but my pharmacy is gonna give me hell if the prescription doesn’t change (dosage or otherwise) but, we will see. Lol [long story I don’t wanna explain right now].

Language study has been fun these days. I’m so happy to find interest in something again. It really is such a relief.

[Mountaindewed]

I am in so much pain right now from my ultrasound. I don’t think this is very normal. But I’m not sure. It burns to use the bathroom. I’ve never had sex before. Should they have even been doing that type of ultrasound?

I’ll take Tylenol and hopefully sleep it off. No one is at the doctors office now anyways. And yeah I’m not going to the ER. “Hey Mountaindewed (who clearly looks like a guy) has severe pain from a vaginal ultrasound.”

I’ll save myself the embarrassment and sleep it off and hope it’s gone by tomorrow.

I tried ordering something with a gift card. Then I changed my mind and cancelled the order because I wanted a different color. Now all of a sudden the value of my gift card has gone way down. I don’t think that they can do anything about that. Gift cards are basically as is and can’t be refunded.

Also I ordered a 4 pack of candy. 3 of them are opened. Like the seal is broken and the tops are open. One is unopened and I can clearly see it is closed. So I’ll have to figure out if I can return them.

I’m getting hangry and I had coffee and a regular soda today so I don’t have much calories left for anything but zucchini.

Well, today was epic.

I had my Women's Social Group in my condo building this morning and my closest friend in the group was in rare form, waaaaaaaaaaaaay out on the lunatic fringe, i don't know what got into her.

Of course i didn't SAY that, just kidded her that she was a "cynic." I really saw a whole other side of her today and it was fun and everything but a wee bit disturbing if she actually believes all that stuff.

I guess she figures she is 70, she can say what she wants, but i thought it was somewhat bad judgment to be so absurdly controversial and such a conspiracy theorist. I'm usually the one pushing the envelope but today she just ripped it to shreds.

It was funny and i laughed, but i am a bit uneasy with her now. I guess it's just the process of getting to know someone and making assumptions that because they style themselves conventionally, their ideas are also conventional.

She's sure a wolf in sheep's clothing tho she did dye her hair brilliant pink but it washed out right away. I gave her the benefit of my experience with an excellent wild-color hair dye brand and hopefully she will try again as i think it's great when older people have fun with their grey hair as it will take any color dye in this brand i like and fade over 42 shampoos and wash out completely so there's no commitment and it only costs $8CDN and is easy to work with.

Then after Group, which was outside, the friend went to see the cast-off furniture a man had been carting out to trash while we chatted and i went along just to get more time with her and i discovered this exquisite rustic treasure chest! The friend helped me carry it up to my place and when i cleaned it out i found two lovely heavy open-glass-box candle holders and have been burning a candle for hours and studying the flame and trying to calm down from all the excitement.

I love candles!

@Soupe du jour:

Good luck with your hair. Hope it's everything you hope for. That's too bad about your friends' wife being so pushy. She was the guest in your home, why didn't she just respect her hostess' wishes? I was irritable today too in the mall when an eejit insisted i move out of the way when i was trying to disentangle a strand of faux fall leaves and they were falling down on me and i was clearly overwhelmed so i let an eff bomb fly at her which is not a good idea as posters warning aggression in the mall will not be tolerated are up everywhere, but i was really mad and she was being an @$$hole. There were no consequences this time but i have to keep better control of my temper. Really cranky because of the benzo taper and feeling mildly aggressive, wearing a Hell's Angels ring and not suffering fools gladly. I did good in Group this morning when one member was boring, just cutting my eyes away and talking to someone else. I'm the most curious one there and i think the women respond to my interest quite favorably.

[Polibeth]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Is there some kind of risk if they don’t intubate me, why wouldn’t I be happy? Not everyone who gets general anesthesia gets intubated. I wasn’t during my last top surgery but that was less then an hour. My mom wasn’t intubated during her hysterectomy. I’m just trying to understand why they do it with some people and surgeries and not others even if they are all going under general anesthesia.

With my first surgery the first thing I said when I woke up was “my throat hurts” you can’t feel it when your asleep but you can feel the after effects of it. And it sucks. My throat hurt for several days.

If you have general anesthesia you ARE intubated because it interferes with your breathing function. If you are just sedated you may not need intubation.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

When I had my hysterectomy they considered doing it without GA because of complications after a prior surgery. They were talking about doing it with a spinal. Ultimately my doctor felt it wouldn't be safe to do it without meds to keep me from moving at all which means intubation is necessary. She said it was too dangerous to have the potential for movement while they are cutting. I hope I'm remembering that completely accurately but it was similar if not precisely that.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Saw the neurologist yesterday. She was a little rough-edged, but empathetic and friendly. She said I have an essential tremor complicated by medication(s). She prescribed propanolol. I have my fingers crossed that it will also provide some anxiety relief. If it works, at all.

Any thoughts? Advice?

It's helpful to alot of people. It's kind of a medication that either helps or it doesnt. It can make people feel a bit sleepy until your body adjusts just due to the lowering of your heart rate.

I'm crossing my fingers that you will get relief for both

[Soupe du jour]

It's a little before 10 am and I'm sitting on church steps downtown, by myself. I have dreaded the stress of the day to a degree of almost tears, but haven't said that to Hubby because I know it would upset him. I wanted to take an Ativan in the car, but realized I left it in my pocketbook I took to Vienna. Not the one I'm now using. We were early and Hubby couldn't find parking, so he dropped me off almost 30 mins before my appointment.

I will be in the salon for three hours, then have to take an Uber home. Too much! I got my monthly early yesterday, which exacerbates the discomfort. I hope my hair looks good in the end.

Update: Looks more like it'll be at least 3 1/2 hours. Huge project! Good grief!

[Moose72]

Good morning all. I'm listening to the radio and just had oatmeal and coffee.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

When I had my hysterectomy they considered doing it without GA because of complications after a prior surgery. They were talking about doing it with a spinal. Ultimately my doctor felt it wouldn't be safe to do it without meds to keep me from moving at all which means intubation is necessary. She said it was too dangerous to have the potential for movement while they are cutting. I hope I'm remembering that completely accurately but it was similar if not precisely that.

My last surgery I was not intubated but I had my legs restrained to the table so I could not move. Kinda freaky. My last one was just liposuction revision surgery. So not a big deal.

I did have some tube but I was told it was not a breathing tube. So I don’t know what it was.

[Mountaindewed]

I got kinda down last night. I originally had just taken a vertigo med and a melatonin and my 160mil geodon. But then I kind of went crazy and I took 40 extra mil of Geodon, a Valium, and a second melatonin. My mom woke me up for dinner and I actually screamed when she woke me up because of how deeply I was asleep. I stood up to get dinner and I had to sit down once before fixing my plate because I was so dizzy. I ate dinner in bed while half asleep. I woke up early at 2:36. I felt very crabby and angry for a few hours but now I feel ok.

This happens when I don’t eat a lot during the day. I end up having meltdowns and episodes like this. Yesterday I barely ate all day until at night. If I could just get my eating habits under control then the other stuff would be under control. That is why I’m being switched to a new therapist. Because mine doesn’t specialize in EDs.

[Soupe du jour]

Well, I'm very happy with my hair. Thank goodness! I have to say that I was even surprised. I gave the hair stylist a good tip, which I think wowed them a little since tips are much smaller in the Czech Republic, than in the US. The total price was higher than what they quoted my husband, but it didn't bother me since she did A LOT and it took almost an hour longer than they originally thought.

Hubby is still with his friend and he couldn't pick me up to take me home. I attempted to order an Uber, but there were none available, at all. I had exhausted my money supply at the hair salon, so had to walk a ways to a Bankomat (aka "ATM"), and then call a taxi company to pick me up. It was a little hard to hear them with the city noises (trams going by) and the communications were a little struggle. At least the taxi driver was pleasant. He said he had lived in Texas for a couple years, in the past. He asked if New Jersey is as big as Texas. Not even close. Also asked if I knew some Czech professional ice hockey player who plays for NJ. No, but at least I know Jaromir Jagr. He was still satisfied.

At one point I even considered taking mass transportation home. I saw a tram with the name of a nearby town on it. I know a bus goes from that town to my street, but it would have been a real task to figure everything out (paying, transfers, all the extra time). So I nixed that idea.

Hubby took MY key to the front gate door. We temporarily gave a friend his key since she'll come to water our plants, while we're away. And we have no third. I thought I'd let myself in the property by remotely opening the garage door with an app we have. It always works fine...except today! I tried three times. So I couldn't get to our front door through the garage or through the main gate door. I literally had to climb over the wooden fence we have in front of the house. Wasn't pleasant, especially at 50 years old! At least I had the key to the house entrance! Otherwise, I'd be sitting on the bench we have near the grill until Hubby returned home. Of course I had to pee starting when my appointment was over. I was hungry, too. I only just ate lunch at 3 pm. Also a half of a beer!

I plan to do zero, zip, nada, nic, tomorrow. If Hubby has some other idea, he can...

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Well, I'm very happy with my hair. Thank goodness! I have to say that I was even surprised. I gave the hair stylist a good tip, which I think wowed them a little since tips are much smaller in the Czech Republic, than in the US. The total price was higher than what they quoted my husband, but it didn't bother me since she did A LOT and it took almost an hour longer than they originally thought.

Hubby is still with his friend and he couldn't pick me up to take me home. I attempted to order an Uber, but there were none available, at all. I had exhausted my money supply at the hair salon, so had to walk a ways to a Bankomat (aka "ATM"), and then call a taxi company to pick me up. It was a little hard to hear them with the city noises (trams going by) and the communications were a little struggle. At least the taxi driver was pleasant. He said he had lived in Texas for a couple years, in the past. He asked if New Jersey is as big as Texas. Not even close. Also asked if I knew some Czech professional ice hockey player who plays for NJ. No, but at least I know Jaromir Jagr. He was still satisfied.

At one point I even considered taking mass transportation home. I saw a tram with the name of a nearby town on it. I know a bus goes from that town to my street, but it would have been a real task to figure everything(paying, transfers, all the extra time). So I nixed that idea.

Hubby took MY key to the front gate door. We temporarily gave a friend his key since she'll come to water our plants, while we're away. And we have no third. I thought I'd let myself in the property by remotely opening the garage door with an app we have. It always works fine...except today! I tried three times. So I couldn't get to our front door through the garage or through the main gate door. I literally had to climb over the wooden fence we have in front of the house. Wasn't pleasant, especially at 50 years old! At least I had the key to the house entrance! Otherwise, I'd be sitting on the bench we have near the grill until Hubby returned home. Of course I had to pee starting when my appointment was over. I was hungry, too. I only just ate lunch at 3 pm. Also a half of a beer!

I plan to do zero, zip, nada, nic, tomorrow. If Hubby has some other idea, he can...

Lol 😂. My life in Czech! at least your hair looks nice! 👍

[Gabyunbound]

So after 6-7 weeks of hypomania, according to my pdoc, hypomania-lite, according to me, she has completely upended my medication regimen because I'm already on the maximum dose of Abilify and nothing I've tried has helped me sleep.

I'll be gradually switching from Abilify to Latuda. Despite the ads to the contrary, my pdoc says that at higher doses Latuda also helps with mania (the ads say it's only for Bipolar depression).

I will also stop Klonopin and start Temazepam; stopping Klonopin to not double-up benzo's and taking Temazepam for sleep. Though only temporarily: per pdoc, once Latuda fully takes effect, the hope is that it will take care of the source of not sleeping (hypomania) and therefore preclude the need for a sleep med. At that point, I'm to go back onto the Klonopin for anxiety. I told my pdoc I was worried about withdrawal from Klonopin, especially cold turkey, but she said taking Temazepam instead (another benzo, as I say), will preclude any need for tapering. We shall see...

I'm so scared... I work, and I'm afraid all of this will affect my work performance, social interactions, etc. How can my body/brain not go doolally, for a period of time at least, while making all of these radical changes?? And we don't even know if the Latuda will work for me. As we know, so much of this is trial and error. But once I'm completely off the Abilify, I'll be totally dependent on the Latuda helping me, both to prevent mania and depression, and to get me out of this hypomania-lite and to sleep.

Scared, scared, scared...

[Mountaindewed]

I got into a huge argument with my mom. I said some really bad things you don’t tell someone you have a close relationship with. Like I was viscous with her. I went into my room and I have the door shut and she was on the phone with someone but I don’t know who it was. If it was for my surgery or not. But I think it might have been. But I feel too guilty to go out there now and ask. I’m also super hungry and I need a Valium.

I guess I’m just pissed because she found a $20 bill yesterday and has money from selling the house and i’m living off credit cards. We were at a store today because she thought we had a coupon but we didn’t. I mean it would have been nice if she had given me the $20 so I could buy a few things I needed. I know I’m acting super entitled but I’m freaking out my surgery isn’t going to be paid for by my ****** insurance and I’ll be on a payment plan for 10 years.

Also most of my gift card disappeared and I don’t think I can do anything about it and my Amazon return is nonrefundable even though everything in it was opened.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

It's helpful to alot of people. It's kind of a medication that either helps or it doesnt. It can make people feel a bit sleepy until your body adjusts just due to the lowering of your heart rate.

I'm crossing my fingers that you will get relief for both

Thank you, love.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Well, I'm very happy with my hair. Thank goodness! I have to say that I was even surprised. I gave the hair stylist a good tip, which I think wowed them a little since tips are much smaller in the Czech Republic, than in the US. The total price was higher than what they quoted my husband, but it didn't bother me since she did A LOT and it took almost an hour longer than they originally thought.

Hubby is still with his friend and he couldn't pick me up to take me home. I attempted to order an Uber, but there were none available, at all. I had exhausted my money supply at the hair salon, so had to walk a ways to a Bankomat (aka "ATM"), and then call a taxi company to pick me up. It was a little hard to hear them with the city noises (trams going by) and the communications were a little struggle. At least the taxi driver was pleasant. He said he had lived in Texas for a couple years, in the past. He asked if New Jersey is as big as Texas. Not even close. Also asked if I knew some Czech professional ice hockey player who plays for NJ. No, but at least I know Jaromir Jagr. He was still satisfied.

At one point I even considered taking mass transportation home. I saw a tram with the name of a nearby town on it. I know a bus goes from that town to my street, but it would have been a real task to figure everything out (paying, transfers, all the extra time). So I nixed that idea.

Hubby took MY key to the front gate door. We temporarily gave a friend his key since she'll come to water our plants, while we're away. And we have no third. I thought I'd let myself in the property by remotely opening the garage door with an app we have. It always works fine...except today! I tried three times. So I couldn't get to our front door through the garage or through the main gate door. I literally had to climb over the wooden fence we have in front of the house. Wasn't pleasant, especially at 50 years old! At least I had the key to the house entrance! Otherwise, I'd be sitting on the bench we have near the grill until Hubby returned home. Of course I had to pee starting when my appointment was over. I was hungry, too. I only just ate lunch at 3 pm. Also a half of a beer!

I plan to do zero, zip, nada, nic, tomorrow. If Hubby has some other idea, he can...

Somehow it's easier to do things like maneuver a ride home when one's hair looks spectacular I'm so glad all went well.

[*Beth*]

So I've mentioned that my previous pdoc suddenly left her job at the clinic. I miss her very much. I needed a refill for an AD yesterday, so contacted the new (obnoxious) pdoc. Rather, DO - she's not even a pdoc. She said she would refill the prescription, but "unlike Dr. W. she does not give multiple refills; in fact, she doesn't give extra refills at all."

WTH?! First, Dr. W did not give extra refills...1 at most...I always had to hassle for s med refill to be sent in. This new one is a real dilly. The clinic claims they're hiring a new (another) pdoc soon, and that I have the option to transfer to that one if I wish (because I made a grand complaint about the current bozo).

Nothing more fun than having a jerk for a pdoc

[Mountaindewed]

So I guess my mom set up an appointment with a lawyer to go over some will and trust stuff, as soon as we got home. I texted her a couple minutes ago and asked who had called thinking it was for me. Man I must have really set her over the edge with what I said in the car.

[Brentus]

Today has been a pretty good day!

1) I went walking this morning, and my mom tagged along.
2) Bought some donut holes from a local bakery here in town. Nothing like a fresh donut hole to pick up your spirits!
3) I had my psychiatrist appointment, same technical hiccup as last time (it's telehealth and they don't have the correct link associated for her "waiting room") but we figured it out.

4) Mom made some chilli, one of my favorites of hers, which I'm chowing down on now.
5) Generally, just feeling pretty OK.

My psych appt went as expected. This was just a check in to see if adjusting was needed. It's only been two weeks and I'm doing well right now. So, we kept dosages as is and made an appointment in 3 weeks. She did give me 3 refills on both meds prior so that's fine... but it is gonna be a bit of a struggle between pharmacies. When I was put on these meds, my pharmacy didn't have one of them in stock, and they wouldn't until med next week. I was struggling so poorly I didn't want to go that long without starting it and getting it in my system. I found a pharmacy that had 23/30 pills they could fill for me. I had my prescription transferred to them (15 miles away) and they filled it. Now, to get it back to my pharmacy, I don't know how it's gonna work. They told me they won't even attempt a transfer of prescription until it's almost time to refill. [don't ask me why they cant just take it and hold it..]. I don't know if they will comp me my week of pills they didn't fill, and then a 30 day supply, or not. I DO know they will comp you a 3-day supply no issue. So, that means at worst, it'll be four days without one of my meds. They told me to call back when I have about 5 pills left to transfer the prescription. I'm dreading that debacle...

Other than that, I'm taking today pretty well. Good things have happened. There are minor things, neither here nor there, that have made it a bit, odd, but in the end -- I'm feeling good. I'm doing OK. Let's just enjoy that. I don't see a reason to waste a good mood when they're still so rare for me.

That's all.

EDIT: Called the pharmacies -- basically we've come to the conclusion my insurance will pay for it in a few days again, just get the 30 days supply then since my normal pharmacy won't take a transfer unless it can be dispensed now.

She explained what the issue PROBABLY is, it's a named brand drug where it costs a lot to have them in stock and on supply. They don't want to pay for something they don't have to. That's why there's all this fuss. If my insurance will pay for it in 4 days, just transfer it then to my normal pharamcy, and they WILL fill a full prescription (the 7 pills I didn't get will be irrelevant right now, and it'll make sure that I have meds on hand AND a new prescription, so there won't be days without meds.). If they absolutely refuse to fill the partial, it won't matter-- I'll get a new prescription the next time I see the doc. I'll just explain they won't fill a partial. I hope it works out like that.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m not happy. But I’ve been distracted and I’m currently not S. I have an email into my therapist just telling her what I want to discuss on Monday so I don’t forget. I’m getting such bad memory loss from what I assume is long term benzo use. I’ve been on them nonstop for 3 years now. often I have trouble remembering what happened the day before. I thought September 11th was on the 20th for some reason. But it’s the 20th anniversary. But I was super confused about why they were talking about it so much these last few days. I haven’t heard back from my T but she’s probably with a client or has already left for the day. She responds to everything if she’s working.

My dentist mentioned some possible neurological thing and why it’s only affecting my right side. The teeth stuff. But he specializes in TMJ and my sister and my brother both have it. So he thinks it’s just that. I’ve been worried about neurological issues before based on the symptoms I’ve been having and ignoring. I’ve had memory loss and my right foot moves nonstop and I do that pill rolling thing with my left hand whenever that hand is free. This was the first time it’s been suggested by someone that my stuff could possibly be neurological.

I apologized to my mom through text. She accepted my apology but hasn’t talked to me since the incident in the car.

My 4 out of 6 boxes of tea came today. They came from Russia and I ordered them on the 8th of August. But I knew since ordering this tea before that it takes a long time to get here. The tea was in great shape. Still in the plastic wrap. The guy even threw in some kind of Russian chocolate bar. Which was cool.

But yeah I’m pretty depressed about what happened today. I listened to one 2 hour and something podcast. Then I finished a season of a show I started awhile ago. Since before I moved. Then I went back to the podcast. I’ve been up since 2:26 this morning and I’ve already taken my melatonin and I took an extra Valium but I’m just waiting for a bit until I take my Geodon. Then hopefully I’ll fall asleep soon.

But yeah overall I feel down in the dumps as I most certainly should be.

[wildflowerchild25]

Work has gone well for the first week. Fingers crossed we’ll have a relatively calm classroom. At least not violent. I’ve been told my student sometimes gets internally triggered and starts sobbing and screaming out of nowhere but she’s not aggressive. I can handle raw emotional pain, lots of experience in that area.

She’s actually very sweet, I feel really bad for her because it’s clear she’s not sure what’s real and what’s not. A lot of it due to gaslighting from her family. She really needs to have someone to talk to who won’t judge her it seems. Enter me!

I was ok for most of the day but I just got a notification that there is already a case of covid at my son’s school. Now listen, last year I was nervous but it was like oh well, all we can do is stay as safe as possible. But I am FURIOUS because there was an “unmask the children” protest put on by parents at my son’s school today.

I’m not going to get into it here because I know it’s a push button topic but I am SO ANGRY.

I just hope they release a vaccine for younger children ASAP. I need him to have at least some protection among the selfish morons.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m not happy. But I’ve been distracted and I’m currently not S. I have an email into my therapist just telling her what I want to discuss on Monday so I don’t forget. I’m getting such bad memory loss from what I assume is long term benzo use. I’ve been on them nonstop for 3 years now. often I have trouble remembering what happened the day before. I thought September 11th was on the 20th for some reason. But it’s the 20th anniversary. But I was super confused about why they were talking about it so much these last few days. I haven’t heard back from my T but she’s probably with a client or has already left for the day. She responds to everything if she’s working.

My dentist mentioned some possible neurological thing and why it’s only affecting my right side. The teeth stuff. But he specializes in TMJ and my sister and my brother both have it. So he thinks it’s just that. I’ve been worried about neurological issues before based on the symptoms I’ve been having and ignoring. I’ve had memory loss and my right foot moves nonstop and I do that pill rolling thing with my left hand whenever that hand is free. This was the first time it’s been suggested by someone that my stuff could possibly be neurological.

I apologized to my mom through text. She accepted my apology but hasn’t talked to me since the incident in the car.

My 4 out of 6 boxes of tea came today. They came from Russia and I ordered them on the 8th of August. But I knew since ordering this tea before that it takes a long time to get here. The tea was in great shape. Still in the plastic wrap. The guy even threw in some kind of Russian chocolate bar. Which was cool.

But yeah I’m pretty depressed about what happened today. I listened to one 2 hour and something podcast. Then I finished a season of a show I started awhile ago. Since before I moved. Then I went back to the podcast. I’ve been up since 2:26 this morning and I’ve already taken my melatonin and I took an extra Valium but I’m just waiting for a bit until I take my Geodon. Then hopefully I’ll fall asleep soon.

But yeah overall I feel down in the dumps as I most certainly should be.

I'm sorry, Md