[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I feel anxious since lowering then stopping the perphenazine. Like I’m having obsessive thoughts of death

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My tapers took years...how long did you reduce it for?

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[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

My tapers took years...how long did you reduce it for?

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I went from 8 to 4 mg for a few days then stopped it completely

I had a nice day, it was sunny with cool air and warm sun, a "peach" of a day the bus driver said. The leaves are already starting to turn here in Ontario and it will be a low of 7 degrees Celsius (45 degrees Fahrenheit) tonight so that will hurry them along.

I emptied all my overflowing garbage cans and recycling and it is tidy in here again. I got my meds smoothly (going to pick them up in person seems to be the key [their delivery service sucks]) and took my spiffy cart intending to get just a few things and got a cart's worth. It's a nice feeling to have a stocked kitchen!

I'm feeling niiiiiiiiiiice and smoothed out on 5mg Valium and registered for the concurrent support group. I'm looking forward to it as i've always had a fondness for street junkies, from my late and lovely brother being one no doubt.

I'm loving my bald head, so easy in the morning, so refreshing to wash my face and head and be done with it. I have greasy hair so i have to shower every day and it's impossible to get the temperature in my shower steady so it's usually waaaaaaaaaaaaay too hot and it gets my heart-rate up and makes me frantic to get outside with my dog and cool off and i get angry and aggressive.

I almost yelled, "Chop-chop!!!" at my sweet neighbor the other day because i was boiling from my shower and she was delaying me from getting outside. All-around, showering is a bad scene, so unpleasant.

Plus our federal Green Party leader is a bald woman and i think it's so brave. Her name is "Annamie Paul," very unusual and pretty. She was calm and assertive when another leader was being aggressive with her in the debate, just raised her hand against him and told him it was her time to talk. It was very impressive!

I saw an ex-boyfriend in Walmart yesterday but i decided NOT to call out to him. Unfortunately he saw me resting on a bench outside Walmart and came up to me and tried to chat but i just made poor eye-contact and he got the hint and moved on hastily. It's for the best.

@Jennifer 1967:

I also find violent action movies calm me down. I think it is because it satisfies my aggression. Much better than yelling at the cashier at Walmart! My favorite movie is "Natural Born Killers" which is just a splatter-fest and for newer movies i like "Sicario" and the sequel, also very grisly. I've also watched them over and over too. I've been watching NBK since 1998. I like Bruce Willis too, soooooooooo handsome! Something so comforting about a familiar movie!

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I went from 8 to 4 mg for a few days then stopped it completely

That sounds like cold turkey to me. you will need to rethink your taper a few days is not a taper it is a crushing doom to fail trial.
good luck
sorry you have to cold turkey it out. I would rebel if I were you.
bizi

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by bizi

That sounds like cold turkey to me. you will need to rethink your taper a few days is not a taper it is a crushing doom to fail trial.
good luck
sorry you have to cold turkey it out. I would rebel if I were you.
bizi

Thanks, I just wanted to get off it because I'm on 3 APs. I'm not having any side effects from them, I just don't like the idea of being on 3 antipsychotics. One of them is just low dose for sleep, but still. I want to be on less meds

[Blue_Bird]

Maybe tapering too fast explains why I was nauseous and threw up the other day. I guess that's one of the withdrawal symptoms

[~Christina]

Hi Friends

Things are just going from worse to wors-er. I didnt think it was even possible.

Long story to long to babble along.

My husband went into a rage with what happened on Thursday and wants to sue. I should have called back but I seriously can not speak to that nurse ever again, never never.

Since then I have been in bed, literally around the clock, of course I am not sleeping 20 hours a day. I'm having panic attacks one right after another despite Xanax. The hallucination auditory and visual are getting worse but I can fact check. I REFUSE to go IP because of the nurses dangerous incompetence.

I'm going to call Richard Monday and tell him what she has done now.

I know that eventually things will get sorted out but boy it's hard to go day by day. hour by hour and often minute by minute sometimes.

Hugs to anyone in need

[Brentus]

I’m feeling a lot better this evening. This morning was very rough and I found myself in a scenario I’ve never experienced before. My options for help were very limited and I reached out here on the forum and quickly changed my mind about posting about it. However, someone did respond before its deletion and it meant a lot to me they took the time to read and respond as they did. They really helped me out today with that. They even helped me find words to explain what I was experiencing in a more concrete way. So, thank you to them for doing that for me. I was at a loss and I felt very fortunate that person stumbled on my post when you did.

Tonight is better – but if I were to gauge my stability today – it’s really quite scary how unstable I’ve felt most of the day. I do have a therapist appointment next week, which I’ll mention what happened today. I have a psychiatrist appointment the week after next. I just gotta make it through the weekend and a few days. I found myself scared, but at the same time knowing I wasn’t in a medical emergency – felt stupid for even bothering another person. Emotionally it was hard to go through. At least tonight, I feel some relief from all of that.

I promised to take a “leave” is how I put it. I wanted to clarify that a bit. I’m on the forum and I may reply to things, but I’m leaving the bulk of my stressors at the door when I come to the forum for awhile. I feel emotionally drained constantly by the stuff going on in my life and I can only imagine how others feel reading my crap lol. So, my holding back a bit is something I am choosing to do for awhile. Besides – learning to focus on something else may be good for me, instead of constantly ruminating on things beyond my control. Besides – I really do enjoy hearing about everyone and seeing what they are up to in the check-in thread.

Thanks everyone who gave supportive words to me these days!

– I know I haven’t been very vocal with showing support to others. I do read and care, I just don’t always reply. I could literally list off things I enjoy about each of your writing styles and activities for the majority of those here! I’ll try to use this forum a bit more therapeutically to shift focus for a short time to being a contributing factor in something positive.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hi Friends

Things are just going from worse to wors-er. I didnt think it was even possible.

Long story to long to babble along.

My husband went into a rage with what happened on Thursday and wants to sue. I should have called back but I seriously can not speak to that nurse ever again, never never.

Since then I have been in bed, literally around the clock, of course I am not sleeping 20 hours a day. I'm having panic attacks one right after another despite Xanax. The hallucination auditory and visual are getting worse but I can fact check. I REFUSE to go IP because of the nurses dangerous incompetence.

I'm going to call Richard Monday and tell him what she has done now.

I know that eventually things will get sorted out but boy it's hard to go day by day. hour by hour and often minute by minute sometimes.

Hugs to anyone in need

Oh Christina! sending full force intense purple healing rays to you and jet black barbs to stick just under the nurses skin and itch!

[HALLIEBETH87]

I’m not as stressed bc I got several assignments completed today. Still have several more but luckily only one due tomorrow. I work tomorrow 7-3. I’ll get my human behavior and social environment homework done in the am there.

[Cocosurviving]

Being on Disability Does Not Mean I'm 'Lazy' or 'Lucky'

“I have been told the following quotes recently after people finding out I’m on disability:
1. “You’re so lazy, you don’t do anything all day.”
2. “You’re so lucky to not have to work.”
3. “Man, I wish I had your problem.”
I hear these on a regular basis. I suffer from debilitating chronic pain as well as a handful of mental health issues, and I can honestly say I am not lucky or lazy. In fact these words are quite hurtful.

So to those who said these comments, please take this into consideration:

1. I can’t work because I am always in pain. If it felt like someone was stabbing you in the abdomen every two seconds, would you?

2. I am not lazy. I physically cannot move. Yep, that means I can hardly even walk two steps without crying some days.

3. My day revolves around medication, doctor visits, and even finding the strength to get out of bed. Please tell me how you would want this. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

4. I miss working and socializing. This is not fun. I miss being a “productive” member of society and doing what I love.

5. It takes a lot of fight to even get on disability. It takes endless documents and months to process. I am on it because I need it. I am not lazy or lucky. However, being on disability is something that I am not ashamed of. Although, with comments like these, some days I feel like it’s something I should be. Please take time to consider why someone is on disability, or even better, look into it. It actually takes a lot of courage and strength.
For those of you who are on it – never be embarrassed! You are not lucky or lazy, you are doing the best you can. We should be applauded for going through what we are. Disability and all.”

Being on Disability Does Not Mean I’m ‘Lazy’ or ‘Lucky’ | The Mighty

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@~Christina:

I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering again! And this time because of medical negligence -- that's just awful. I've had my share of negligent medical professionals, still dealing with the legacy 26 years after. I'm so sorry you've encountered one. Sending healing vibes your way!

I encountered a negligent psychologist in 1998 and made a formal complaint to her professional board. I won but only temporarily. It was overturned when she appealed the next year.

But i was glad to make trouble for her for a year. And i felt i had done what i could to establish a pattern-of-behavior so that when the next person came forward they'd be taken more seriously.

Of course, healing is your priority right now but maybe you can make a mental note of this and when the pain passes (and it will!) make a formal complaint against the nurse. If we don't speak up, nothing will change.

[Blue_Bird]

I enjoy your posts and hearing from you @WindsThatBlow I'm glad you're sticking around

[Blue_Bird]

I'm sorry about everything going on Christina, I hope things get better for you soon

[Blue_Bird]

I went to sleep early but I slept until 12:30pm, I don't know why I slept so late. I just couldn't get up and was having super vivid dreams.

My sister is coming over today so I get to see if she likes the banana bread I made, and I'll give her the rest to bring home to eat later/share with my niece.

I'm happy fall is on the way. I love this time of year. It makes me so happy, the weather, the leaves (it gets really pretty here in upstate NY), the pumpkins, scary movies. Of course also all the autumn themed foods and drinks, apple cider, pumpkin donuts, pumpkin spice coffees/lattes, etc

[Soupe du jour]

Arrived in Slovakia in the early evening. Here's a pretty photo I took at a mountain lake nearby. Sorry it's sideways.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Arrived in Slovakia in the early evening. Here's a pretty photo I took near a mountain lake nearby. Sorry it's sideways.

Gosh, that’s gorgeous! Have fun.

[Daonnachd]

I go for ECT tomorrow morning. I'm leaving at 0415 because I have to be there at 0615. I always get nervous about missing my alarm and end up waking up about 0200.

I hope I remember to stop by when I get home. :haha:

I love you guys!

Struggling lately. And though I'm trying, I don't think I'm fooling anyone today (work is non-optional). I'd rather not be here. It was really hard getting my sorry carcass out of bed. And doing anything else for that matter.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing good today for once. There’s been a noticeable difference in my moods and anxiety. I guess my PMDD is over. I started reading again for the first time in 10 days which is a good sign that I’m over the PMS. I still have some cramps and I was reading all day and I’m a bit nauseated right now. I was too nervous to take my full 180 mil Geodon at one time. Since yesterday it was so spread out. So I just took 160 tonight. I may take the 20 in a bit. I slept in until 7:15 this morning. Which is great. I’m hoping to get some news tomorrow from my doctor since it’s getting really close to October 1st and I still need my insurances approval.

[Brentus]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Arrived in Slovakia in the early evening. Here's a pretty photo I took at a mountain lake nearby. Sorry it's sideways.

I swear if I didn't know better I'd say that photo is a postcard! It's breathtakingly gorgeous!

[Victoria'smom]

So I got home last night the place was clean-ish but it smelled horrible (just finished cleaning all the dishes and taking out a lot of trash). Apparently they really didn't do well without me here. I can't go away without them again. I'm not picking up but I am making sure they eat, simple meals. and I'm not touching meat. So they have to do that themselves. I'm going to be cooking vegetables for dinner tonight. I'm still seeing where I fit. My heads still loud and Anna is around making "healthy" suggestions but I can't go down that road. I know myself it'll go to far.

Possible trigger:

I've been wanting to SH for awhile but I don't want to tell anyone. I want to just do it and deal with the aftermath hell I don't think I'd tell anyone after the fact

I need to find my voice again Instead of looking put together. No one can help me until my meds are back to normal. So I'm in this waiting game that sucks. I wish they would find a solution to mental illness.

Update on Miguel: He had a good appointment. We have a plan for him it involves us being more hands on with his MH team which feels really weird because of my twisted feelings of MH teams but I'll do it.

[Blue_Bird]

I can’t sleep. I’m up having

Possible trigger:

suicidal thoughts

.

I’m not going to act on them, I’m just having them.

Sorry to hear you are suffering @Innerzone, @Miguel'smom and @Blue_Bird. I care about each of you and want only good things for you. Hang in there, i know you're under a lot of pressure. Sending healing vibes your way!