[Mountaindewed]

I’m not sure what to do about therapy. The info I discovered about her is scary. All those pictures of her husbands and young kids shooting guns. But I’m not sure I have a choice until I can get into see the new one. I really hope it’s before Christmas because last Christmas sucked because I didn’t have any support. I mean I don’t necessarily feel concerned for my safety. But I don’t think I’ll ever trust my current one.

[Brentus]

Hey all,
Just wanted to update on how I'm feeling. No one wants to hear me gripe about my pharmacy experience-- I won't go there lol. My day has been very difficult because of it. I've had a hard time not letting it get all over me. I got my traditional "uncomfortable, uneasy" feeling a few hours after taking my meds, as usual, but I feel a lot better now. At the end of the day. I won't have to skip days of medicine. That's really all that matters in the end. I do hope the pharmacy does something about the way I was treated though. It was well beyond outrageous. I'm not the type to really formally complain and only if it grows to such a matter do I do it. I don't want anyone to lose their job (but let's be honest, I don't forsee that happening from one incident) but I don't think that should be tolerated and the pharmacy reps seemed to very much agree.


I called my doctor about since I'm having some issues sleeping well, (falling and staying asleep), I do have some Seroquel on hand, just a few pills and she said I could take them. I called to see if she'd be able to prescribe me a few more until I see her again. Unfortunately she can't, since she didn't prescribe them the first time she'd have to see me. [the center was relaying this to me, I didn't speak directly to the doctor] They were willing to push up my appointment but I declined. I explained the new meds I'm on we are gauging it for dosage and efficacy and moving up the appointment just for this would put things out of wack. It'd just mean I'd need another few weeks to come back to report back on any change. I'd prefer to keep my original appointment and kinda just deal with it as I can. -- Funnily, no issues came up there. I'm just happy to know ONE interaction didn't go south today lol.

It's really incredible how much better I feel with my medicine, and knowing I have it makes me feel a huge sigh of relief. I feel bad about the scenario. The only person who is gonna advocate for me is me, but at the same time I feel like I had the world agaisnt me and I'm in the wrong for trying to ensure I don't go without medicine... I'm also seriously looking at other pharmacies.

So, I said I wasn't gonna talk about it, and I am. lol. I'm gonna read a book tonight, play a video game, practice a little foreign language and try to rest well. Let's hope it happens.

[Mountaindewed]

I wish I could for once just sleep until 8AM. I went a bit crazy on the melatonin tonight. But taking my 180 mil of Geodon seems to be working out ok. I’ve been doing it for awhile. I just now asked my mom to hide my meds because I am not confident I won’t take anything else. My brother talks about Paul Walker a lot because he has the same birthday. I talk about Heath Ledger a lot since we have a lot in common with the sleep and meds. He was my age when he died. I need this surgery so badly because it will make me stable. Recovery will be hell mentally and physically. It will still take a couple months before I feel stable. I may regret getting it done and I’ll still have to work on things. But it will work out in the end and I am just so ready to do this.

So far I’m not feeling anything from the melatonin. I think I’m just going to throw it all out. I slept well in the hotel without taking any. So I know I can do it. My current therapist does work with people who have substance abuse issues. But when I tell her stuff, and I tell her everything. All she says is “hmmm. That’s not good.”

[Victoria'smom]

Anna 1, MM 0

I'm no longer eating chicken or eggs. The only meats I eat. Back to protein shakes and vegetables and fruits. I just can't take the grossness my mind is putting me through. Hopefully this isn't the first of many restrictions.

[Blue_Bird]

I spoke with my primary care doctor today. He wants to see me in person to discuss the 2 meds I want to get back on, so I have an in person appointment w/ him on the 30th of this month. They also went ahead and gave me an appointment in November too for a physical.

Tomorrow I'm going to see if I can get a dentist appointment. I really need a cleaning/exam, and probably follow-up appointments to get some fillings and possibly root canals done.

My smoke alarm has been randomly going off for no reason, I think the batteries need to be changed, so maintenance is going to come fix that in the morning.

I'm in the process of coming off perphenazine, (trilafon) hoping the withdrawal isn't too bad, after that I might come of the thorazine too, it depends whether I can sleep or not without it, I'm on the abilify maintena monthly injection and it gives me terrible insomnia when I'm not on the thorazine with it. like getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night every night. But I want to have more energy and also lose some weight.

[Travelinglady]

I am hoping to survive without an episode until November 15. If I can, then it will be 11 years since I've had an episode and been hospitalized.

I have to say I don't check in here because your stories bring back bad memories of numerous hospitalizations and doctors experimenting with all sorts of drugs. I think getting on the right list of meds, a good psychiatrist (finally) and good counseling have made all the difference. I even went through two bouts of DBT. My first episode (manic) was in August of 2000.

That said, I feel for you all, and I care. Hugs to you and love . There's hope.

Trav

[Furtheryet]

I'm back after years gone...used to post on Psych Central. Been up and down lately. Anxious during the night, down during the day. Feeling VERY isolated. Feel like old friends have deserted me because of my bipolar and now I am basically alone in the world except for my partner and my cat. Pitty party for Furtheryet. Not sure how to get out of feeling rejected and fearful of other people.

[~Christina]

Richard was furious over what has gone on about getting Rexulti. Its a long mess and I am not comfortable posting on here. He did step in to get things done and have me file a formal complaint. Then today something else happened today about it. I literally can not believe.

Things are very very bad I am now having visual hallucinations also. I am still able to fact check but its very difficult.

Hugs to anyone in need

[Soupe du jour]

Today is packing day for Hubby and me. I did a mess load of laundry these past few days. We leave for the mountains in Slovakia on Sunday. The high temps in the town where the hotel is will only be in the low to upper 50s F (11 to 15 C) with evening lows just above freezing. Up on mountain hiking trails, even lower. Way up there even has snow in the forecast. Yes, snow. I'll be taking photos.

It's hard to believe that a year ago we were in the midst of preparing our house for sale. We found the house wer'e living in now in September 2020 and started renting it in October 2020, even though we didn't move here until January 2021. A lot of water under the bridge!

Hubby emailed our old neighbor recently. Apparently the houses on our old street had no damage from Hurricane Ida flooding, but many other houses, roads, and some cars in the township didn't fair as well. A couple people in the township died as a result. A handful of people whose cars were swept away in the floods, were rescued hanging on to trees for their lives.

[Brentus]

Promise this is the last time I'll post about it. I know I obsess over things that in the grand scheme of things don't matter -- but I can't shake yesterday. I'm still horribly upset about the whole ordeal and I just don't how to resolve these feelings. A phone in a few days is probably not gonna be enough and waiting for something like that is torture. I know no one hear has told me I can't, or shouldn't, or don't -- but I annoy myself by my own posts these last few days. I'll take my leave for awhile. No need to put others through it with me. I think the problem is within me. No one else is suffering but myself. I'm the one with the inability to let it go.

[Mountaindewed]

I must have taken 50mil of melatonin last night. And I woke up not a minute past my usual time at 4:30. Why the **** is nothing helping me sleep past this certain time? No matter what I take or don’t take or how early or how late I go to bed it’s always the same frigging time.

I also weighed the same this morning even though I ate healthy yesterday. I ate an entire bag of frozen broccoli and a piece of salmon for dinner. I don’t understand why when I eat total crap I drop 3 pounds overnight but when I eat healthy my weight doesn’t budge. And people don’t understand that this is just how my body works and why I eat this way. They think it’s an issue.

Although I do feel better mental health wise and physically then I did yesterday. So I guess eating a healthy dinner may have helped but I honestly just want to lose 25 pounds. Not maintain at 165 even though I don’t look bad right now. But I was 187 last Thanksgiving so there has been a lot of progress.

I expect to lose quite a bit after my surgery based on what I’ve read. And with my experiences with my other surgeries.

[Nammu]

Took the full dose and woke up very early. Cleaned the liter box got the trash out for pick up. But debating going swimming. It’s not nice out. Rainy and chilly. My bed calls me back. But I’ve only gone twice this week, really need to go more than that.

[Mountaindewed]

I was out shopping today. Which I hate. The stores are crowded and I’m always on edge as I should be. I shouldn’t be scared but I should just be aware of my surroundings. Although I’ve never really had an issue. But we stopped at a TJ Maxx because I need a soap dish. I didn’t find one. Then we stopped at a few other stores in the area and I got some macaroons which are hard to find. Then we decided to stop at a couple Goodwills. They had some good looking Nike shoes but people were just hovering over me so I left that area and then I came back and some bigger taller intimidating dude just hovered over me. That’s when I had enough and just left the store completely. There have been other creepy people at that particular store before. So then I went to a nicer goodwill and I got a couple sweaters and a Batman hoodie. That one was ok but I felt like some guy was following me and I was getting a bit panicked. He was just behind me everywhere I went. Finally my mom found me and called my name and he looked up at me and then I think he left. I went to the fitting room to try the stuff on and by the time I got out he was gone. But it’s just frustrating for me to leave my house. Ever since Covid I’ve adapted to online shopping for everything and now going into stores freaks me out. Also the cashier at the Goodwill was on her cell phone while ringing my stuff up. I’m guessing she’s the manager if she can get away with that.

I don’t know about the guy at the first Goodwill but I assume I was just being paranoid about the other people. I then went to get lunch and I asked for the lunch special and they ended up giving me full size servings of everything. Which is cool if you don’t eat the way I do. So I gave my mom the second piece of pizza and I’ve just been fooling around with the spaghetti for half an hour not really eating it and not sure now how to figure out my calories for the day. I mean I’m probably the only one who’d complain about being given extra food for free.

But still no news from my doctors which I think is greatly impacting how I’m functioning and controlling my moods and anxiety. I have a few more hours where they could possibly call today. Or else I’ll have to deal with this same anxiety all weekend. I’ve been good about relaxing these past few weekends though.

Oh yeah and I first stopped at Big Lots because they brought back those creme savers candies but only to Big Lots. I didn’t find them but I found some pumpkin spice Moon Pies. I don’t know if stores just sold out really fast or didn’t get enough in, but it’s only the middle of September and the fall food sections at stores are pretty much empty. They usually get stuff in mid august.

[Mountaindewed]

I have 2 weeks exactly until my surgery and still no answer about insurance. I am panicking right now. I really hope they call in the next couple hours. It needs to be approved a certain amount of time in advance and I’m just worrying and getting everyone else in my house worked up over my anxiety.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel like I am going to explode with anxiety. I need a double Valium after just taking one and I think I need to get my weekly shot tonight instead of tomorrow night because Fridays can often be bad because it’s been 6 days without my shot. And I don’t want to get it early tomorrow morning because it makes me hungry. I’m not sure if that’s how it really works but I do feel more anxious and on edge the night before my shot. But I am just out of control and I’m not sure what else to do at this point besides take more meds. I am really really hoping this will be the last time I deal with my PMDD. I just need to make it until Monday when I get my supposed period. This month my PMDD has been pretty unusually bad.

Edit: Ok so I took 2 Valium which is still only 5 today. Not like the other week when I took 6. Then I took a couple of my other meds. My mom says she’ll do the shot tonight. I ate a birthday cake flavored macaroon with my meds because I haven’t eaten much today due to anxiety. So hopefully that helps the meds along and I can calm down for the night.

I went as far back as page 28 on this thread which was at the start of august. And I have not been stable mental health wise for a long long time.

My supposed period is actually on the 19th. Not the 20th. I just counted. Which may be why I have been especially unstable and anxious these last 3 days and why my weight hasn’t moved and why I haven’t slept well. So I’m hoping if I get the shot tonight then I’ll feel ok at least regarding that part of things and I’ll be able to make it until Sunday.

Edit again: I got my shot and I ate a tablespoon of peanut butter. I’m not sure which, I’m guessing the peanut butter combined with all that Valium, but I feel chilled right now for the first time all day. Peanut butter is my go to food for when my anxiety gets tough and I need to eat something legit. I don’t remember who I heard it from but I’ve heard peanut butter is good for helping meds work.

[Blue_Bird]

I made banana bread by myself for the first time!! I'm proud of myself. Here's a pic of it, my whole apartment smells like banana bread now, it smells amazing. I hope it tastes good, I put chopped walnuts in it too, I'm giving most of it to my sister when she comes over Sunday

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Looks good Blue Bird. Enjoy it!

[MuddyBoots]

Sending hugs to everyone going through a rough patch right now

I've got a lot of appointments. Therapy yesterday, pnurse this morning, therapy again monday, podiatrist tuesday, benefits specialist wednesday. Does anyone here have an ABLE account who wants to share it's pros and cons?

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I made banana bread by myself for the first time!! I'm proud of myself. Here's a pic of it, my whole apartment smells like banana bread now, it smells amazing. I hope it tastes good, I put chopped walnuts in it too, I'm giving most of it to my sister when she comes over Sunday

Looks super delicious, Blue_Bird! And what a great color and rise. My husband would definitely approve of your addition of walnuts. On the rare occasions I've made it without nuts, he's complained.

I am quite hurt about a woman in my ZOOM IRL support group who said i was being judgmental. It was after i had made some remarks about human nature that i have learned thru reading and find very compelling.

It is true that i was not using *i* statements and was maybe being overly intellectual. That's not appropriate in support groups where you are supposed to speak from the heart, not the head.

I'm in such pain to have been publicly criticized like that. The woman relates like a mildly developmentally delayed person. But anyone can speak the truth.

I *thought* that what i said was worthwhile but maybe more for a university psych discussion group, not a support group. I feel so wounded, but i won't indulge it or reject it and it will pass.

I feel very alone with my knowledge of human nature and evolutionary biology and wonder where i would be welcome to talk about such things. Obviously NOT a support group. Any ideas?

I don't really feel safe in that support group now.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I went out and brought fall flowers for the deck. I got three smaller kinds instead of one big pot of mum’s. Pushed together they make a nice display. Golden, dark yellow and purple.

Had a up and down sort of night. Every time I fell back to sleep though I continued the same dream.

Doing alright but I gotta fight apathy. I’m finding poor excuses to skip aqua fitness classes. Just got my front closers bra today so one less excuse to use. ( being damp it’s hard to get dressed so I change at home and wear a towel like wrap to and from. But it’s starting to get cool out. ) my stomach has gotten much better since I started classes. All that jumping around must be good for it! But I’ve not lost one pound! Hhmf

I love hearing about your fall flowers and your aqua fitness classes!

[Sunflower123]

I’m feeling better now. I went to the creek with an iced white chocolate mocha and a warm slice of banana nut bread. I left the sun roof open and a curious squirrel scampered up the car. Close call! I’ve booked a cabin in the Smokies to get away for a couple of days so I have that to look forward to. I’ve also made a list of things it’s essential for me to do and trimmed the excess so to speak. Oh, and I got an outstanding spa pedicure with a bold red color. I’m back!

I think I’ll take a page from Nammu’s book and shop for fall flowers tomorrow.

I think I already mentioned that the church is delivering meals each Wednesday to us but they also sent someone over to rebuild our ramp and stairs and the church paid for it. I’m most appreciative. It’s a very professional job.

I hope everybody has a peaceful weekend.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I found my therapists Facebook account last night. We have very very different beliefs. She has pictures of a lot of guns and blue lives matter posts and “I support the unborn.” And I’m Black Lives Matter, we need tighter gun laws, and women’s right to choose.

.........

Yuck

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I spoke with my primary care doctor today. He wants to see me in person to discuss the 2 meds I want to get back on, so I have an in person appointment w/ him on the 30th of this month. They also went ahead and gave me an appointment in November too for a physical.

Tomorrow I'm going to see if I can get a dentist appointment. I really need a cleaning/exam, and probably follow-up appointments to get some fillings and possibly root canals done.

My smoke alarm has been randomly going off for no reason, I think the batteries need to be changed, so maintenance is going to come fix that in the morning.

I'm in the process of coming off perphenazine, (trilafon) hoping the withdrawal isn't too bad, after that I might come of the thorazine too, it depends whether I can sleep or not without it, I'm on the abilify maintena monthly injection and it gives me terrible insomnia when I'm not on the thorazine with it. like getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night every night. But I want to have more energy and also lose some weight.

Hi Blue, how are you doing the perphenzine withdrawal? I'm on 16mg and would like to cut back because I'm having such severe side-effects. But I've had a rough withdrawal from perphenazine in the past. So I'm wondering how you're going about it.

btw- your banana bread looks glorious!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hi Blue, how are you doing the perphenzine withdrawal? I'm on 16mg and would like to cut back because I'm having such severe side-effects. But I've had a rough withdrawal from perphenazine in the past. So I'm wondering how you're going about it.

I keep cutting back then going back onto my original dose, because I start feeling weird with less/or without it. I used to be on 16mg too but I'm only on 4mg now, down from 8mg, because I'm also on the abilify maintena injection and the 200mg thorazine. I don't want to be on 3 APs. Tonight will be the first night I don't take it at all, I'll definitely let you know if I have any side effects. I've been down to 4mg the past few days, I haven't had too many major withdrawal effects. I originally stopped 8mg cold turkey and the withdrawal effects were really bad, having psychotic symptoms, bad anxiety, panic attacks. But now that I'm doing it a little bit slower by tapering down it seems to be going a bit better.

I would just recommend going down slowly with your doctors guidance, as slow as you need. I don't know if perphenazine comes in 2 mg tablets but if it does maybe you could ask about going down to 14mg and so on, over a long period of time so the withdrawal is easier