[Blue_Bird]

Thank you BeyondtheRainbow and Soupe Du Jour, the banana bread ended up tasting great as well so I'm really happy. I can't wait to give some to my sister on Sunday. I think maybe at the end of next month I'll try making chocolate chip pumpkin bread for Halloween

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Sending hugs to everyone going through a rough patch right now

I've got a lot of appointments. Therapy yesterday, pnurse this morning, therapy again monday, podiatrist tuesday, benefits specialist wednesday. Does anyone here have an ABLE account who wants to share it's pros and cons?

What's an ABLE account?

[*Beth*]

Gorgeous weather; 81 degrees and breezy. Finally not scorching hot.

My highly dislikeable new pdoc raised my Wellbutrin dose; I have high hopes of alleviating this long episode of depression.

My mind has been stuck on too many of the "Big Questions" lately...when will I die? What will it be like? Why did my sister-friend die at age 58, so young? And so on. Not good stuff for me to delve into. I've been making myself watch Modern Family to lighten my mood. It does help!

[Daonnachd]

Hey, all. Lots to sort out for each of yez.

Today I had to leave work early to drive two hours to my ECT hospital for a preparatory covid test. Now, as usual, I have to quarantine until my ECT on Monday when I do the two hour trip again.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Hey, all. Lots to sort out for each of yez.

Today I had to leave work early to drive two hours to my ECT hospital for a preparatory covid test. Now, as usual, I have to quarantine until my ECT on Monday when I do the two hour trip again.

Hi! How's the ECT coming along?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I keep cutting back then going back onto my original dose, because I start feeling weird with less/or without it. I used to be on 16mg too but I'm only on 4mg now, down from 8mg, because I'm also on the abilify maintena injection and the 200mg thorazine. I don't want to be on 3 APs. Tonight will be the first night I don't take it at all, I'll definitely let you know if I have any side effects. I've been down to 4mg the past few days, I haven't had too many major withdrawal effects. I originally stopped 8mg cold turkey and the withdrawal effects were really bad, having psychotic symptoms, bad anxiety, panic attacks. But now that I'm doing it a little bit slower by tapering down it seems to be going a bit better.

I would just recommend going down slowly with your doctors guidance, as slow as you need. I don't know if perphenazine comes in 2 mg tablets but if it does maybe you could ask about going down to 14mg and so on, over a long period of time so the withdrawal is easier

It does come in 2mg. tablets. Thank you for sharing your method. Yeah, it's the anxiety that hits me when I drop it down too rapidly. Ugh. I hope your taper goes smoothly.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hi! How's the ECT coming along?

It's good because we shortened the interval between sessions from every four weeks to every three. That has cut free the dip that always came in the last week before a treatment.

As messed up as I felt last weekend, it was the identifiable result of a trigger I'm now doing better avoiding. Really, every third week seems it will make a huge difference.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by BethRags

What's an ABLE account?

It's like a trust fund for people and their families with disabilities to be used towards the cost of living with the disability. A lawyer recommended me to open one up a few years back and I don't really remember why but I think it might help me in my mission to get on medicaid so I can get in ACT.

[Brentus]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I made banana bread by myself for the first time!! I'm proud of myself. Here's a pic of it, my whole apartment smells like banana bread now, it smells amazing. I hope it tastes good, I put chopped walnuts in it too, I'm giving most of it to my sister when she comes over Sunday

Just tell us the truth-- you must be a professional chef and photographer because I swear your food looks incredible and I'm sure tastes just the same. I may have to talk my grandma into making me some banana bread! -- P.S. Nuts are not optional for good banana bread :P I agree with Soupe's husband on that one!

[HALLIEBETH87]

I keep crying and panicking. All over schoolwork. I took Valium. Hoping I can relax

[Soupe du jour]

I spent a long time this afternoon doing self-care (or rather "beautification) to prepare for the trip. Both Hubby and I have been looking pretty shabby. It's amazing how much there is to do, in this regard, though I know it takes much longer when you let things go too long. I'm glad I got my hair cut and colored recently. I cleaned up my own eyebrows, though I'm not nearly as good at that as professionals. I haven't had that done in a salon for almost a year. Yesterday I bought myself mascara. I almost never wear that, unless I'm going out somewhere formal. When I moved, I threw away the one I had that was already old. I did have a face powder, blush, and lipsticks. I am even packing some nice jewelry, which is something I also rarely wear. I know this all sounds a little superficial, but I think it's good that we'll be dressing up a bit.

I haven't been snacking much at night, these last few days. The scale reading back then scared me a bit. We bought tons of snacks for the road. I need to watch it.

[Mountaindewed]

I was pretty pissed this morning when I woke up. Then I decided to give myself a cheat day regarding my diet because all this restriction this week was really setting me off. So I feel better now. I went to Dunkin’ Donuts and I ordered a pumpkin cream cold brew and an Oreo hot chocolate. The coffee was really burnt. And the cream at the top looked a bit off. So I went to a gas station for a couple 99 cents sodas. This gas station is a bit shady but they have a good selection of bottled sodas and a good fountain drink selection and their prices are cheap. When I ask my mom if we can go to the shady gas station she knows which one I’m talking about.

I looked up how much hysterectomies cost. The one I’m getting is a bit under $9 thousand roughly. So a payment plan with that wouldn’t be bad. My mom says I’m jumping to conclusions. Especially since the surgery is out patient and I’m not staying overnight. So she says that makes it even easier for it to be covered by insurance.

But I know I can’t keep feeling this way every month. Today is my last day of PMDD thankfully. It hasn’t been too bad besides the cravings. I got my shot late yesterday afternoon and that usually makes me feel stable the next day. So I’m guessing that’s why I don’t feel the PMDD much.

I took my 20mil of Geodon just now. Instead of taking the entire 180 mil at night. I’m hoping it helps to keep my anxiety low. 20mil doesn’t make me tired. I’ve only taken one Valium surprisingly. Usually I’m on my second one by now.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow

Just tell us the truth-- you must be a professional chef and photographer because I swear your food looks incredible and I'm sure tastes just the same. I may have to talk my grandma into making me some banana bread! -- P.S. Nuts are not optional for good banana bread :P I agree with Soupe's husband on that one!

Thank you! You definitely should, banana bread is the best, and it smells so good while it's baking I'm thinking of trying to make chocolate chip pumpkin bread at the end of next month for Halloween

[Sunflower123]

I’m so happy today and nothing has outwardly changed. I hope it stays this way. I’ll talk to my med provider Monday about increasing my meds since I had that down turn and it’s going to be the SAD time of year soon. Maybe I’ll beat it this time.

It’s raining so I’ll look for pretty flowers tomorrow. I have a lot to do in the house and homework for therapy. I did take mom out for ice cream yesterday so we could take a break. She always takes a big bowl and paper towels and still ends up wearing a large portion of it.

I’m debating about meeting my daughter next weekend. She’s just “living her life”. She’s been to a fair, a rodeo, work after working from home, a restaurant and a painting party in the week ending Friday. She’s the luckiest unvaccinated person I know knock on wood. Of course, I pray heavily for her. Still I must decide. My brother is heavily compromised as is mom. Plus my state is number one for Covid per capita.

Die Hard 1, 2 and 3 are coming on today. Yippee! I’ll record them. Those are my go to movies for stress relief. Strange I know that an action/suspense movie calms me down tremendously. I figure I’ve seen each one 25+ times. I play them in the background.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful day.

[MuddyBoots]

I hate how a bunch of businessmen that have no ****ing clue who I am or how my disorder manifests and reacts to treatment have more say about what treatment I get than my ****ing doctor. You don't want to cover my shot? Fine. Pay for another hospitalization then. They're practically family over there by now, see if I give a ****. I have no quality of life anymore because this disorder has beaten the will to live out of me. Replace the paliperidone injection with carfentanyl if you want to save money on me. WTF do I care?

[Mountaindewed]

I was so angry for some reason around noon. I think because I couldn’t find my head phones and my beats weren’t connecting and I was just super bored. I tried another 20 mil of geodon thinking if I spaced my Geodon out all day instead of taking the entire 180 at night it would help my moods. But I took one this morning around 9 something. Then I tried the second Geodon right around noon and it just made me a frigging S angry anxious person. Then I just like passed out for 45 minutes and I feel great now. I know naps can help with everything from your moods to your metabolism.

I tried ordering grocery delivery from a local store that uses Shipt. I just wanted a bunch of flavors of hot chocolate but I didn’t feel like going to the store. This store often doesn’t keep up with the inventory they say they have online. But they actually had all the flavors I wanted.

We are getting dominoes for dinner. I want to try their pineapple pizza since other people on this site have said it’s good. They have a $5.99 buy 2 deal. My mom said we can get pineapple on half of one since I’m the only one who likes pineapple on pizza.

I have 120 mil Geodon left for tonight. I took a 3rd one with 2 of my night meds. I have not taken my 3rd Valium yet

[Nammu]

That’s a huge problem with the American health care system. Paper pushers with no medical training making health decisions based on short sighted profit. In the short term it may benefit them to deny the shot but long term they pay for another hospital. Stupid greedy people. Sapien I feel you.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

We are getting dominoes for dinner. I want to try their pineapple pizza since other people on this site have said it’s good. They have a $5.99 buy 2 deal. My mom said we can get pineapple on half of one since I’m the only one who likes pineapple on pizza.

You only pay $6 for a pizza?! At the cheaper of two pizza places in town we pay $20 per pizza. With tip when buying for the whole family it's over US$50.

[Nammu]

There’s a you bake it pizza place here that has a large special on Tuesdays for $10. We like the one called “the cowboy” I forget what all on it but it’s good. My sister and brother-in-law were here we all ate for $10.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

You only pay $6 for a pizza?! At the cheaper of two pizza places in town we pay $20 per pizza. With tip when buying for the whole family it's over US$50.

Yeah it’s a special they have. They let you choose from a variety of things like cheesy bread and I think salad or wings and a cookie pizza or a medium pizza and if you buy 2 or more of any of those things it’s $5.99. My mom just ordered and it came out to $13. When I’m ordering for just myself I get a medium pizza and stuffed cheesy bread.

[Daonnachd]

I got to talking about pizza and forgot why I stopped by... We're having a dreich day so I went out to enjoy it and walked 4 miles in the cool, damp haar. It's such a wonderful thing that the weather is finally changing. Of course, we got evacuated because of wildfire in October of last year so the chance is still there. Back to my point, I'm feeling really good after the walk.

[wildflowerchild25]

Haven’t been here for a few days, I just caught up!

@whatever2013
That’s awesome that you shaved your head!!! I SO wanted to do that when I was a teenager but though I was wild with my looks I was too scared to try anything that rebellious. Stuck to a longer pixie cut and wild colors, which are actually much more acceptable these days and less rebellious than they used to be.

@Sapien
About your foot, you really should see an orthopedist or spine doctor if your podiatrist doesn’t find anything. When I herniated a disk in my back eventually it pinched a nerve and caused “foot drop”, which means I couldn’t lift my foot and ended up dragging it. I got surgery three weeks later because I was also in extreme pain but it could have become permanent if the pressure on the nerve hadn’t been decompressed. My sister in law and the same thing happen but from falling on her knee and they delayed surgery, and it is permanent and she must wear a brace. She gets around great but still.

And RE: invega, I couldn’t get mine approved either! I went through my pdoc’s office and got the injection for free through her stock of free samples but after a year of that she ran out and I had to find something else.

@WindsThatBlow
I really hope your pharmacy situation gets sorted out!!! I have similar frustrations with the one town location’s pharmacy. Last august I remember giving live hourly updates on FB detailing the drama I was going through. They said they didn’t have it, then my insurance wouldn’t cover, then it would be there by Friday, then on Saturday it wasn’t there, then I had to transfer which they wouldn’t do bc they wouldn’t answer the phone, and finally on Sunday they called to transfer but called me first to ask why I was transferring because they had it right there anc yes, it WAS covered by insurance.

I hadn’t had any sleep in two days because I ran out five days prior and was white knuckling it while they pretty much held it hostage in the computer system.

So I relate. I do hope there is some resolution, at least the people there weren’t downright rude, they were just short and impatient.

[wildflowerchild25]

Haven’t been here for a few days, I just caught up!

@whatever2013
That’s awesome that you shaved your head!!! I SO wanted to do that when I was a teenager but though I was wild with my looks I was too scared to try anything that rebellious. Stuck to a longer pixie cut and wild colors, which are actually much more acceptable these days and less rebellious than they used to be.

@Sapien
About your foot, you really should see an orthopedist or spine doctor if your podiatrist doesn’t find anything. When I herniated a disk in my back eventually it pinched a nerve and caused “foot drop”, which means I couldn’t lift my foot and ended up dragging it. I got surgery three weeks later because I was also in extreme pain but it could have become permanent if the pressure on the nerve hadn’t been decompressed. My sister in law and the same thing happen but from falling on her knee and they delayed surgery, and it is permanent and she must wear a brace. She gets around great but still.

And RE: invega, I couldn’t get mine approved either! I went through my pdoc’s office and got the injection for free through her stock of free samples but after a year of that she ran out and I had to find something else.

@WindsThatBlow
I really hope your pharmacy situation gets sorted out!!! I have similar frustrations with the one town location’s pharmacy. Last august I remember giving live hourly updates on FB detailing the drama I was going through. They said they didn’t have it, then my insurance wouldn’t cover, then it would be there by Friday, then on Saturday it wasn’t there, then I had to transfer which they wouldn’t do bc they wouldn’t answer the phone, and finally on Sunday they called to transfer but called me first to ask why I was transferring because they had it right there anc yes, it WAS covered by insurance.

I hadn’t had any sleep in two days because I ran out five days prior and was white knuckling it while they pretty much held it hostage in the computer system.

So I relate. I do hope there is some resolution, at least the people there weren’t downright rude, they were just short and impatient.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am doing fairly well. Been working with my student for a week and a half, she’s great. I can relate to her, even though I can’t tell her exactly how. She is very slow to process and respond so I learned pretty quickly to just give her time to answer without staring at her. She seems to want to talk but not have a back and forth conversation which she may not be really capable of at this point. She seems to think about something for a long time, then tell me about it, but not really need a long reply. Just enough to show I’m listening. For example, she told me she feels like people are judging her because she gained weight from being on psych meds. I mean, I couldn’t say that’s not true, could I? But I said it’s unfortunate that it happens that way but not everyone is like that. At least she knows I heard her.

The wedding is 27 days away and I’m trying not to freak out and call the whole thing off. It’s not because I don’t love RS and don’t want to marry him. I do. I’m feeling more and more isolated from him through no fault of his own, I’m dissociating from him. I should talk to him about it but first I need to figure out why that might be on my own with my therapist first otherwise I’m just gonna make him upset and think I don’t want to marry him.

Other than that almost everything for the actual ceremony is taken care of.

Tomorrow we are going to a sunflower maze. We went last year and it was gorgeous. It’ll lift my spirits.

[Blue_Bird]

I feel anxious since lowering then stopping the perphenazine. Like I’m having obsessive thoughts of death

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