[Mountaindewed]

I am a complete S mess right now. I applied to my old job last night. I just got a call from them. The guy was super excited because I had expiernce and he also worked at another job I worked at. It was going great.

Then I told him about the surgery. And his tone darkened and he said “oh. Then that may be a problem. But come in anyways.”

Why the **** didn’t I listen to you guys or my mom? You were all so correct. I don’t know what to do now. I want to hurt myself right now.

Do I have any rights as a trans person? If I tell them it’s gender reassignment surgery can they refuse to hire me? I thought Biden made it so you couldn’t discriminate against trans people in the workplace.

But there was literally no other plan B besides working here.

But why didn’t I just wait like everyone besides my therapist told me to do? I feel like my therapist was wrong for telling me to go back to work now

What options do I have regarding this job? I want to OD on Valium so badly right now. I don’t feel safe with myself.

[Mountaindewed]

I have like 3 emails in a row to my therapist freaking out in all 3 of them. I don’t think I’m going to go on the interview. I just can’t emotionally mentally or physically handle it. I’ve been curled up in the same spot on my bed since I got off the phone.

I’ll figure out something next year. But this guy sounded like he had 2 different personalities once I told him I was having major surgery.

I saw another job on indeed before I moved that I thought would work out. With better hours and in the backroom like I’m used to and not on the sales floor

But man did I **** up so so badly.

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist just called my mom. To make sure I was ok and that she didn’t have to call 911. She said when she gets those types of emails she needs to call the primary crisis person or whatever the name is. I hope I don’t get in trouble with her too. But I was having such a mental breakdown over this I didn’t know what to do. But I just took my Geodon and a Valium. And I’m hoping to calm down for the night. I’ll leave a message for the store after they close explaining I cant make the interview.

[Nammu]

It’s not about the Tran stuff it’s the fact you’d be off work so long in recovery. It’s the same thing for pregnant woman nobody wants to hire them knowing they’re going be taking a huge chunk of time off.

[Mountaindewed]

That’s exactly what my therapist told me on Monday. That this is in the same category as pregnant women. But not hiring them either is considered discrimination. That’s why my therapist told me to go ahead and apply. And I trusted her when I should have listened to everyone else on MSF and also my mom.

[*Beth*]

It may or may not be about trans. And maybe the law states that no one can be denied a job for being trans, but the fact is, if the hiring person doesn't like the idea of someone being trans they can just hire someone else and give a different reason..."Has more experience" or whatever.

Then too, Nammu may be spot on.

I agree with your idea of not going to the interview. Are you on disability? Sorry, I can't remember.

[Moose72]

I agree with Nammu. It's the big chunk of time off, not the fact that you're trans. I'm sorry you are freaking out this badly. I hope you can settle down and feel calm tonight and sleep well. It will work out. Don't cancel your surgery!

[Mountaindewed]

My therapist emailed me. She said she called my mom since she’s my emergency contact person. She told me that sending crisis emails is not an appropriate way to handle things since she doesn’t always check her emails or is with clients. But both her and my mom agree that I need to cancel the interview.

It’s social security disability. I don’t know if that’s what you mean Beth. But basically I have been be ok financially since not working since June 2020. Especially with the help of the 3 stimulus checks we got. I also have good medical insurance so my medical bills are not much. I’ve been doing just fine.

But I won’t cancel the surgery Moose. I get so worked up like this because my hormones make my moods so out of control and the only way to fix them is to get this surgery. So it’s really really important. More then working right now.

I had a medical condition come up a couple days ago and I needed to go get a urine test done at the doctors today. My physical health is not great right now anyways. Especially with my eating habits.

But I took my Geodon and a Valium and I’m just trying so hard to calm down right now.

But I’m just so mad at myself

[*Beth*]

Give yourself a break, Md. You meant well when you arranged the interview. You're going through huge changes...it's natural to be emotional.

[unaluna]

Agree, its the fact of any kind of major surgery. Besides, a hysterectomy isnt gender reassignment surgery. It may be PART of it for some people, but for other people, nothing to do with sex or gender at all.

NOBODY at any kind of job needs to know your medical surgical situation. When i had hemorrhoid surgery done, i volunteered the info because, as i explained to anyone who would listen, i didnt want people to think i was having "female trouble." That did not fit my Ms. Equal Rights persona. I'd rather they think about my butt.

[unaluna]

Also, i thought you moved. Did you move BACK to / from someplace? How can this be somplace you worked before? Or is it just the person / company?

[Mountaindewed]

It’s the same company. Different state

[unaluna]

Also, trans rights vary from state to state. And they have not been improving for the most part. I see stuff about restroom legislation, school and otherwise. Also murders of transwomen are not declining.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m sorry about yesterday. Last night I got some fried fish and French fries for dinner. It was the most I ate in days. I then went to bed right after and I woke up and I finished the fish around 3:30. I woke up this morning at 4:30 feeling much better. I believe that last night I was just severely hungry from my recent restricting that I just had a panic attack and I lost it. I am still confident in my decision not to do the interview. I called them this morning and I talked to a cashier I assume, who will relay the info back to the manager and she will call me. But hopefully she doesn’t call.

But literally the only difference from yesterday to today was that I ate an actual meal for the first time in a long time. Not rice cakes. Not a bowl of cereal. But an actual meal.

I didn’t realize how much of a problem my eating was.

But thanks everyone for your help and replies and concerns.

[Mountaindewed]

They called me today. A different lady. Said they wanted to reschedule the interview for tomorrow at 2. With the same snobbish guy who told me taking 6 weeks off might be an issue. When I woke up on Thursday morning I felt like I wasted a big opportunity. So I figured I’d just go in at 2 and talk to them but stress that this surgery is very important. But also say I really want the job, I was good at it, I worked at the company for a long time and I’m eager to work and I can start as soon as possible.

But I’m glad they called back. I honestly don’t know what set me off the deep end on Wednesday. Because now I feel pretty chilled about it all. Although waiting until 2 in the afternoon will be a nerve wracking nightmare of anticipatory anxiety.

But I’m excited now at this second chance. I have my clothes picked out. A pair of dark jeans and a long sleeve blue and white buttoned shirt and the best pair of shoes I own. High top blue Vans. I hope I’m not too under dressed but this is the best I have.

[bizi]

so how did the interview go?
bizi

[RoxanneToto]

I hope it went well, Mountaindewed.

[Mountaindewed]

I got the job. I’m not sure when I’ll start. A lot of mangers seem to be taking vacations. I think he said I’ll get the paperwork on Thursday.

[divine1966]

Just take one day at a time. Start the job. Then go do surgery, then recover from it and return back to work. People do it all the time. People start a new job knowing they’ll have to be gone right soon after starting. Typically many employers would honor it. Good luck with your job

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I got the job. I’m not sure when I’ll start. A lot of mangers seem to be taking vacations. I think he said I’ll get the paperwork on Thursday.

Woohoo! Congratulations!

[Mountaindewed]

Now I just have to figure out how to tell my relatively new therapist all this. How I went from being in a complete crisis over just a phone call about an interview to actually doing the interview and then to finally accepting the job. I don’t know how she’ll respond. I sent her an email on Sunday explaining the things I could. But then I remembered she’s out of the office until Friday. So I’m just gonna have to wait until then. Basically all I have to do now is wait for stuff.

I am super excited though that I’ll get a chance to wear my brand new boots and my new flannels for work. Originally I had planned on wearing all that to therapy but I wouldn’t be surprised if we go back to virtual soon.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Now I just have to figure out how to tell my relatively new therapist all this. How I went from being in a complete crisis over just a phone call about an interview to actually doing the interview and then to finally accepting the job. I don’t know how she’ll respond. I sent her an email on Sunday explaining the things I could. But then I remembered she’s out of the office until Friday. So I’m just gonna have to wait until then. Basically all I have to do now is wait for stuff.

I am super excited though that I’ll get a chance to wear my brand new boots and my new flannels for work. Originally I had planned on wearing all that to therapy but I wouldn’t be surprised if we go back to virtual soon.

Ugh, my fear is that we'll go back to teletherapy.

I love having new boots.

As for telling your T, meh, I wouldn't worry about it. People do all sorts of surprising things. It'll be productive to talk with her.

[Mountaindewed]

I just signed out of all my email accounts. That way I won’t be obsessively refreshing the page all night. I’m gonna take a melatonin and hope to just chill soon.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Ugh, my fear is that we'll go back to teletherapy.

I love having new boots.

As for telling your T, meh, I wouldn't worry about it. People do all sorts of surprising things. It'll be productive to talk with her.

My therapist told me some of the other surrounding therapy offices are already going back to virtual. So I assume it’s just a matter of time before my place does too. I also didn’t get a clear answer from my current T if the one she is switching me to does in person sessions or not.

I wish I could stay with this therapist especially since my Pdoc told me I don’t have an ED. Although I’m not sure she’s been much of a help with anything. Since she doesn’t get the trans stuff and doesn’t understand whats all involved with the hormones and surgeries. Mainly I’ve just been telling on myself in therapy. Like with the melatonin. And I’ve talked a lot about transference T. But I’m not sure we’re getting anywhere.

Every other week is for sure better then every week for therapy. I don’t think of it quite as much as when we go every week. Unless I do something semi dumb like last week.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I just signed out of all my email accounts. That way I won’t be obsessively refreshing the page all night. I’m gonna take a melatonin and hope to just chill soon.

Sounds like a plan!