Bipolar check-in #59

I just looked at my calendar and I should have been dealing with PMS these last 6 days but I have felt nothing PMS related. Physically or mentally. So I guess the surgery did actually work.

The only side effects I’ve had was that one week of pain and fatigue and a couple days of post op stuff. And my appetite has been super low. But basically I’ve been really stable since.

My package is still not here. I told my mom I was getting something and she didn’t ask what. She’s good at respecting my privacy when it comes to these things. It’s going to come in a prime box so it’s not like she’s going to know what it is. She’s never asked questions. I told her in text one time around April 2020 that I have private things that I discuss with my therapist but I’d like her to respect my privacy. And she has.

I just hope it doesn’t come during world news when she goes into the family room. Then I’d have to walk right past her with it. If she’s in her room where she watches jeopardy, then cool. I’m not sure she’s really into it right now though. She had been super involved for a long time. My echo also dings when I get something. So I’m just in my room waiting.

Edit. It came. She was in the family room getting ready to head to her room and I got a notice on my phone. She asked if I needed help and I said no that I could handle it that it wasn’t that big. She said ok. Then went into her room and I got the package in and put away in my dresser. Easy.

Well pdoc hasn't called me back and it's after 530. Of course!

I feel like pdoc doesn't care about me because she didn't call back. Probably didn't even read her email about me.

Had pot throwing tonight. I’ve done it one other time but it didn’t turn out. There was only three others there so it was nice and small. I didn’t make a single cylinder. Most of my stuff looks like coin pots. Go back in two weeks to glaze them. I had visions of Christmas presents but ha ha these, nope. They look like a three year old made them. the artworks has a November painting class I think I’ll sign up for. I have better luck with painting but also I’ve spent more time doing it. Now I’m wondering about getting a membership and being able to go to the center and practice throwing. It was sure fun, but I think I need hours and hours of practice! Clay is cool you use it then reform it and use it again! I’ve done tons of hand building but never tried the wheel but once. Never had the opportunity. It’s fun.

Maybe if you try smoking pot while throwing pots you'll have a really great time, Nammu.

It`s been a pretty hard few days. One of my older nieces cat had to be put down while she was on a trip. She and her boyfriend rescued her cat from a shelter and she was very much loved. Of course my nieces and nephew and her boyfriend were devastated. My sister was devastated as well because she and my brother in law had to take the cat to an emergency vet to see if she could be saved. She couldn`t be saved. I felt so awful for them because my dog passed away in April and I could really sympathize with them.

On Monday my Mom was coming into the house after shopping and she tripped and fell and cut her nose. My dad and I were there and helped her. I remained calm and got some paper towels for her nose and also some ice. She did get the bleeding to stop but we thought she should go to the urgent care center. She went and they took x-rays and they said they would call if something was wrong. She`s ok now thank God. I was calm but that night I couldn`t sleep and I had racing thoughts. It was so scary to see that. I love my Mom very much and to see her hurt was awful and scary.

I`m really tired right now and my head is starting to hurt . I hope I can sleep tonight. Sending out hugs to all that need them. I hope this week gets better.

That’s hard to see our mum’s frailty like that.

Apparently I'm yelling instead of talking and my frustration is showing. IDK. I have to shower tonight but I don't wanta. It's an hour passed my night time meds and I don't want them. I have two hours until I have to take them. I will. but everything is getting me angry. this sucks. My headphones are blocking out any noise. last night I was getting tactile hallucinations. I still feel like I can't breathe. this mood sucks.

MM, you sound like you could be mixed. I'm so sorry; that's a horrible thing to go through. My pdoc once told me it's the hardest thing that she sees.

I know it's hard but please take the meds. This can only get worse without them. Try to sleep your way through it.

BeyondtheRainbow I was thinking that or angry manic. I'm trying not to do anything "stupid" but man do I want to.

MM, I understand. Mixed just takes over and tells you all kinds of bad stuff. But you've got to fight back. Don't let this awful stuff take over. You are stronger than the bad thoughts.

Hubby and I really slept in this morning, getting up only to have breakfast at the hotel restaurant, then going back to our room for more sleep.

It's been raining for much of the day where I am. Cold rain. When heading back from a walk, it started to hail. Right now it's 3 C (37 F) where we are, a little after 3 pm.

I bought my first two pieces of new clothing in my new country. Maybe I'll blend in a little better. Or maybe not. I don't look Czech. Obviously my husband does, but people can tell he doesn't seem totally local because of his clothes and likely his sunglasses. One day walking down the street, silent, some woman we never saw before looked at Hubby and said, in English, "Hello, my friend!" LOL! Sizing in Europe is a bit different than in the US. The numbering is different, plus when there is S, M, L, XL, 2 XL, etc., in Europe you need one larger than in the US.

Oh ohh I’ve fallen off the wagon with regards to aqua fitness. My alarm went off this morning and I reluctantly got up but didn’t make it out the door. It’s cold and rainy plus my back is killing me from bending over the potting wheel last night. So I decided to get dressed instead. This make two weeks of not going. Ever since it got too cold to just wear a wrap around to and from. I’m very reluctant to use the changing rooms as most people do not use masks and my area is very extreme high risk. My sister knows a lady who works for the hospitals in this area and several hospitals in this and other hospitals around here are full up. I know I’ve got my shots and I wear a mask, but ugh, why can’t others do the same? I’ll try to go again Friday morning.

Been around, just silent. Nothing to report. Life goes on.

I just called and left a message for my case manager asking if we can reschedule the appointment I missed a week ago. I hope she calls back and says yes.

My friend just called and invited me to go to the dog park with her (and her dog). We're going to hit up Starbucks first.

Speaking of dogs, my mom's dog went in to get her teeth cleaned and the vet called to say that the dog has two teeth where the bone is bad and the teeth are loose so they have to take those two teeth out. But that she'll still be able to eat. My mom wanted to know if the dog's tongue was going to stick out of her mouth and the vet said no.

I helped Noah get his dining room table and some chairs and drinking glasses from my mom's neighbors and helped him get from the cars (it took 2). Although, I made a mistake and shook the neighbor's hand out of habit! I washed as soon as I could but not before contaminating the car. At least, this is the way I think!

I’m doing good today. I’ve been sleeping well lately. I’ve been taking Benadryl ligiud capsules along with melatonin and Lush sleep lotion and it’s been working pretty well. I also think the Benadryl is helping with my anxiety too. I feel much better mental health wise since the surgery and my mom has noticed it too. I had planned on getting my haircut today but I don’t want my doctor thinking I’m not taking recovery seriously. Plus to be honest I wasn’t up for it the minute we left the driveway. I did get some quick shopping done and I did ok but I am slightly worn out right now despite all the caffeine I’ve had. So I know I’m not 100% there yet.

I tried Sonics broccoli cheddar tots today. I’ve been eating a lot of breaded vegetables lately along with regular vegetables but to be honest breaded vegetables aren’t very good and I’d much rather have regular cheese tots or fries but I’ve already had a donut today and I am trying to eat better but not like totally healthy and deprive myself of stuff.

I’ve lost 6 pounds since my surgery. 24 since last thanksgiving.

I would likely love the broccoli cheddar tots, Mountaindewed. I love both ingredients but rarely have them. My husband hates broccoli and likes most other cheeses over cheddar. Sometimes I make grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches with it, which he'll eat. Like, who in the heck doesn't like a grilled cheese sandwich?

I am trying hard to be a good sport during this vacation. Lazně in Czech Republic includes all kinds of prescribed treatments, some of which I'd never elect for, but I'm doing some. Today I got a massage. I don't mind Hubby giving me one, but am not keen on strangers give them. It was a guy and he spoke zero English. We managed, but it makes me nervous when communications are difficult. Also, Czechs have no issues with nudity at all. Though I am not religious, I come from a family of semi prudish types. It's hard for me to totally lose it. Americans, in general, are more so than Europeans. At least he didn't touch my feet. I don't like anyone, including Hubby, to do so. I don't have podophobia, I just don't like it. At one point before he finished, I sort of went to jump up asking "Hotovo?" [Finished?] And he said no. When he finally was, he responded "Hotovo!" Oh, gosh! What I do for my husband!

As with most all Czech men I've spoken with alone (except Hubby), once they learn I am an American from New Jersey, the first thing they ask is if I know Czech ice hockey players of the New Jersey Devils team. I really don't. I don't follow that sport, but I'd better learn who they are already. I just say that I know "Jaromir Jagr" who was one of the best ice hockey players in the world, and also played for the NHL. Most all Czech men love both ice hockey and football (soccer in the US)...except my husband. Only slightly less than they love beer.

Went to the library and picked up some of my requests that were in. A few horror movie DVDs and a book, still waiting on another book and a DVD. Going to watch a couple of the movies tonight. Reading my book right now.

I’m hoping my sister is able to drop off two pumpkins this weekend so I can carve them sometime next week. I don’t drive so it would be hard for me to carry them home and she has a car.

A new movie I’m excited about is being released this Friday. It’s coming out in theaters and on a subscription streaming service so you have a choice as to how you want to watch it, considering the pandemic. So I’m going to watch it at home on my laptop with the subscription service. It’s cheaper than the theater and I don’t have to pay for overpriced snacks, can eat whatever I want that I have at home. Plus it will stay on the streaming service for like 60 days so I can rewatch t as much as I want anytime for only $4.99 a month.

I can’t wait to carve my pumpkins. I hope I don’t mess them up. It’s been a few years since I’ve done any and I’m trying to do a little more complex designs than I normally do. I’m wanting to do one Frankenstein pumpkin and one vampire pumpkin.

Anyway, I’m doing well. It’s been over a week since the mood stabilizer increase and I’m not having any problems with it. The blurry/double vision went away thankfully, it only lasted a day. I’m sleeping well, not staying up for 36- 40 plus hours at a time anymore, I’m having less impulse to spend money recklessly.

Hope everyone is well

Got my flu shot today. Three others were there likely getting the covid shot and only two of them had mask on! they had to sit and wait after their shots, you need’nt wait with the flu shot. I’m glad their getting their shots tho if they’re not wearing masks! On the National news covid is dropping but not here.

I agree with you on that maskless person, but yea, at least they're getting the shot!

Covid numbers and deaths had been very low in my new country, but now they're going up again. CZ also has its people who don't get vaccinated. I think most are just folks who put it off or don't bother, but there are some antivaxers who also got duped by conspiracy theories and social media misinformation campaigns. My brother believes certain conspiracy theory crap, but at least he got the covid vaccine. He does believe in science and trusts the FDA.

I'm way overdo for a flu shot. I'd also like to get a shingles vaccination now that I'm old enough.

I am out of pumpkin air freshener which I use a lot and I needed some other stuff so I went to Walgreens and I had a bit of a scare. Some guy was standing outside just starring at my mom and me as we pulled up. We got out and he kept looking at us and said to my mom “hi. Mame how are you doing?” And my mom mumbled “fine.” And he said “do you have $2 for gas?” And my mom said “no”. and the guy said “thank you.” I almost forgot half of what I went in there for because I was so spooked. By the time we left he was gone. but I think he was in the car next to us. I wasn’t sure. There was another person in the car with him a lady. I told my mom to make sure he wasn’t going to follow us. I told her if he started driving behind us to make 3 right turns and if he was still there to call the police. I read on Facebook that’s what you should do if you think people are following you. She didn’t say she was freaked out but I think she was a little bit unsettled since that never happened at our old place.

I’m sure he was most likely harmless and legit needed gas money. But it was still freaky at the time.

I didn’t find the pumpkin air freshener though. These seasonal items are tough to find.

@Mountaindewed That's scary. People panhandle here all the time. It's against the law but they still do it.

It’s getting closer! I think I’ll leave for Atlanta around 5:00 am Sunday so I can be at the first sight seeing event when it opens. I decided to come home two days early and rent a condo in Gatlinburg in November so that will be two getaways. Just biding my time. Just biding my time.

I had a meeting with my new med provider. Yuck! We did not hit it off in any way, shape or form. I’ll give her one more chance before I change.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening.

Fantastic to hear you finally got HELP !!!

Oh I love your UKU its beautiful !!! Enjoy My daughter has 5 or 6... She has named them all LOL