Bipolar check-in #59

I am doing very well today. I stopped at Wendy’s early around 6 to get a couple drinks and then I just read all day. I finished 2 books I had started awhile ago. My nephews were over all day so I just stayed in my room. But I did say hello to my sister when she dropped them off and I hung around a bit when she and my brother in law came to pick them up. I didn’t have any anxiety besides being a bit disturbed by the book 1984. I also didn’t eat a ton because I was distracted all day with my books. But I did eat a cauliflower crust pizza and my mom picked me up an unwhich from Jimmy Johns for dinner. I had a reward for a free sandwich. But I feel pretty good today. Yeah this surgery was a major success. I’m glad I was distracted from online stuff all day. And I’m glad I gave my podcasts a rest. I did listen to one this morning but I don’t even remember what it was about. It was one of the urban legend podcasts. I think it was on some haunted app that involved a monster. But it didn’t phase me like those usually do.

I truly need to learn the @ thing ! Maybe one day. I shift between using my computer and Talk A Tap not sure if I can use it on there.. anyway ~

Soupe, I hope that your monthly gets sorted out and starts to ease up. Maybe time for a check up in case something is going on?

Nammu, Oh you're dinner.... I havent had homemade bread pudding honestly since my Mom passed away in 2004 ! I have tried to make it and its pretty Meh ! I'm thinking of your Meal tonight as I have Cereal for dinner *** dripping in jealousy***

Wild, I am over the moon happy for you and hope your wedding day is all you have hoped for

Whatever, I'm so sorry you have had a on going struggle with getting a pharmacy to real do a professional job, hope things get better soon.

Jennifer, Oh Hun I think more than ever you need that trip to just get away from it ALL... You sure can make the trip to Atlanta ( ugh I hate that damn traffic for sure) Just breathe and think of just taking care of YOU

Moose, I hope that your friend is able to come for a visit

Hugs to anyone I missed by accident

Finally I have FALL to celebrate !! low 60's, sunny and with a lovely breeze ! Absolute perfect weather for me

I am still getting a okay amount of sleep nightly which is so strange for me ! I am trying to live in the moment but fear of going back to days and days of no sleep worries me.

I'm fighting the strong urge to graze all day and night. I expected the AP munchies but ugh the struggle is real. Steve insists I have actually lost some weight. I don't think so but I am trying to just take his word for it. I am really pushing myself to believe what he is telling me.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend

@~Christina No my friend never did show up! "Friend"! Hrumph! Just as he was debating whether or not to come just for dinner, his parents called and wanted him for something so he said he had to go do that! What a waste of a day. All I did was eat and now I'm taking N1 out for her birthday dinner! Yes it is late.

It sounds like you had a super day!

I'm happy to be home. I didn't want our recent trip from the beginning. What joy being back to my home routine, my own bed, my own cooking, etc.

As a reward for getting through the week, I asked Hubby to go with me to a flower shop (květinářství in Czech). There we bought a beautiful wreath, a funky-looking cactus, and a flower bouquet. The florist there commented to Hubby that "You're really going to make someone happy!" to which he responded "Yes, us!"

Oh soupe, sounds lovely. At the end of the month I’m going to the nature center to make my own wreath. They supply the boroughs and nuts and bows. You can bring anything else you want to put on it. I found some 3D gold. Deer heads and bright poinsettia flowers. I’m looking forward to it. There’s nothing quite like having a wreath for the holidays

I feel kinda strange today. Not sure why. I slept decently last night. I was cold and I was having dreams where I was cold yet I didn’t get under my blanket. I watched the season premiere of Project Runway from Thursday night this morning. Same **** different season. I lifted a kinda heavy suitcase off the top rack of my closet which probably wasn’t the best idea. So now my right side kinda hurts. And I found some bleeding this morning. So I’ll probably have to talk to my doctor. I sent him a message through my portal on Friday. I mean I was just feeling really good for a week and I felt like I could handle doing these things. But I guess when they say 6 weeks to recover they really mean 6 weeks.

But I’m not sure what’s up with my mood today. I haven’t had any coffee or tea or anything with a lot of caffeine. I just had a couple cans of Coke Zero

I’m just kind of worn out today I suppose.

I ordered a Home Alone cartoon shirt from Old Navy. And I ordered a spider web hoodie from Forever 21 this morning.

I just got done watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding on TV. There weren’t any commercials so it went fairly fast. I haven’t watched a movie in I don’t know how long. I don’t usually have the attention span for movies. That’s such a feel good movie though. Now I’m eating a pint of halo top peanut butter cup ice cream. I’m wearing way too big men’s sweatpants despite the fact they are a medium and an oversized North Face hoodie. I wish I could wear mens clothes and not have to shop in the boys department.

Today is just a lazy Sunday. But I’m glad I’m giving online and my podcasts a break and doing more reading and watching TV.

I just went to the bathroom and I’m actually bleeding a lot. It’s not dark but there’s a lot of it. I for sure need to call my doctor first thing in the morning. I don’t think it’s an urgent ER trip. I don’t have a fever. I know I have not been careful this whole time.

I took my night meds too early and got my "unease" and it was awful. I don't know how to explain it. It lasts only a few hours, but I feel absolutely emotionally awful -- trapped in my own pain and horrible thoughts can ensue (none I would act on). Taking it before bed has really taken that burden off me, because I feel great afterwards. It's a small reminder I need to take it when I do, the problem it is with food. Nightmares/dreams still every night, but that is two months in the making now. I'm used to it.

Had roast and mashed potatoes for lunch and probably for dinner too. I buy the hormel roast beef and beef tips. You just heat it in the microwave and it's ready to go. They are really good if you ask me. The meat is tender enough to cut with a fork.

I’m
Worried

I went to the movie theater with my friend on Friday night and saw Halloween Kills, it was really good and I had fun! When I was walking home though that night, it was almost 10pm, I generally am never out at night because I live in a bad neighborhood, anyway a bunch of guys in a car pulled up right beside me and kept trying to get my attention, thankfully my apartment complex was across the street so I just quickly walked and got inside into the locked lobby that has a security guard in there 24/7. I don't know what they wanted but it just kind scared me because I was alone. I think I'm going to get something for self-defense to have, just in case, like an alarm, etc. It would be good to have something anyway because of the area I live in.

I've had to be persistent to get my new pdoc to refill my medications. The pharmacy sent her a request, I called several times last week, and the nurse called that worthless pdoc, too. So Friday came around, the pdoc was off that day, and I'm stuck with no Lamictal - in addition, my pharmacy is closed on Sundays.

Therefore, here I am with no Lamictal for last night and tonight. I'm trying not to panic from anticipating a severe reaction from stopping the med abruptly. But there's nothing I can do. So far, I feel okay. If I don't have a reaction I'm seriously considering stopping the Lamictal and see how I do. I'm on a fairly low dose and I'm not convinced it's doing anything helpful. It definitely doesn't alleviate depression and anxiety. It does, however, cause me to feel flat and dull.


Hugs all around

My temp is 98.9 and I feel hot and spacey and my hands are clammy and I’m in pain. I wonder if I legit hurt myself and if I should be concerned. My mom says to just call the doctor in the morning. I already took Tylenol because of an ice cream headache.

But I still don’t want to take it easy. I want to get up and make food. I don’t want to have to rely on my mom again the way I had to the first week. But yeah I ****ed this up probably by not taking it seriously. I don’t know how bad though.

Beth, I stopped my lamictal for those reasons. It didn’t seem to be doing anything and it made me flat. That was three or so years ago so now I’m just on my AP and still stable.

Listening to ...

Everything's Not Lost

ColdPlay

To get rid of an ice cream headache, put your tongue on the roof of your mouth. It really works!

That's not good that you're bleeding a lot! At least call someone to ask about it now.

I walked to Starbucks and back today. That's a good 20 minutes walk each way if not 30!

I feel like I’m about to get full blown hysterical and I don’t really know why except that I don’t feel very good. I’m just tired and in pain. I don’t think I caught a bug since I have both my flu and Covid shots. But I woke up feeling like this and I don’t know what I want. Im hungry but I don’t feel like making anything. My mom just came in and asked if I was ok and she gave me the heating pad and got me some water. But I don’t know. I’ve just felt off all day.

@~Christina thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I’m getting ready at a steady pace today and will leave early tomorrow. I’ve just decided to change my dates and stay down there the same amount of time.

@Soupe du jour I love flower shops! How fun!

@Nammu making your own wreath sounds like so much fun! You pick the neatest activities!

@BethRags I hope everything turns out okay.

My sister brought dinner over last night and is over here today cooking taco soup. She brought me a bag of my favorite jelly beans for my trip. That was thoughtful and it’s a sign. I’m off tomorrow on my adventure! I hope I have a blast! If nothing else I’m getting away for awhile.

I hope everyone has a peaceful week ahead.

Call the after hours line for your primary doctor's office. They should direct you to help- maybe a phone call with an on-call doctor.

My mom really just wants me to wait until the morning because the after hours place will just direct us to the ER. And I’m not sure what they can do. If my doctor tells me to go then that’s different. I just took one of my night meds and I have the heating pad on. My temp is still 98.9 so it’s not really a temp.

I’m getting a sandwich from Jimmy Johns for dinner. I can’t handle any hot food right now for some reason and I had a lot of calories left over for the day since I haven’t eaten much. So I’m just going to eat the sandwich and hopefully that helps me a bit.

I just sat up to take a Benadryl and I got a lot of pain in my stomach. But I think I’ll be ok until the morning as long as I just stay calm tonight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Beth, I stopped my lamictal for those reasons. It didn’t seem to be doing anything and it made me flat. That was three or so years ago so now I’m just on my AP and still stable.

Thank you for sharing that, Nammu. I was upset and scared when I knew I would have to go through the week-end without Lamictal. So far, the only thing I feel is a slight bit of increased energy. It'll be great if I can stay off the stuff and have more motivation. A normal conversation would be a fine start.

I’ve had a good day. It’s a beautiful sunny fall day, coolish but not cold. This morning I peeled carrots and potatoes, put them in the crock pot with the roast and we ate at 3pm. Had leftover bread pudding for dessert. And oh I’m still in my pjs. What a perfect day. Tonight is some of our favorite PBS shows, call the midwife, grantChester and professor T. There a new season of Baptist. I enjoy my stability and want to mark out the good days so I can remember them when things go wonky. Despite my recent long streak of stability I don’t want to forget that it’s a house of cards and I have to appreciate the good days.

I'm sorry there is a hold up on your meds being refilled. The reason its bad to go cold turkey off Lamictal is because its a seizure med actually. You should be ok for a few days.. Most providers are off 3-5 days is okay, but if off longer then its best to titrate back up. Call tomorrow and let them know you are totally out. Shame on your provider for not handling this ASAP. Do you know when you will be set up with new Pdoc/ NP ?? I hope its soon

Good for you