Bipolar check-in #59

I found out last night that my night med box was lacking sleep meds. That explains why I wasn’t sleeping and why I was sweating so much, withdrawals. I really think the only way to get off these is to be hospitalized and given something to wean me off. I’ve been on 20mg for years. I usually take 15 mg and sometimes 10. So that the 20 will still work. Last night finding out they were missing I took 15mg and that was perfect. I slept soundly.the recommended amount for woman are 5 mg and 10 for men. I’ve been on 20 for about 7-8 years. The last time I was hospitalized I was mixed and not sleeping so they kept increasing the med until I started sleeping. I didn’t have the sleepwalking or eating or any other side effects so the kept me on them. Then when I moved to Minnesota the doctors didn’t want to mess with it. There’s been a few times where they didn’t get ordered and I went through withdrawals but this is the first time I forgot to put them in my container! But boy, I’d really like to get off of them.

……and oh. My party was a success! The wine wasn’t very good but we all had fun tasting it. Everyone but one cousin used the spittoons to dump the wine so nobody was drunk. But the talk flowed even though I had relatives from both sides of the family. There were 8 of us. Perfect size for sitting around the table. Perfect way to have the first get together after covid. Everybody had their shots so no worries about that.

That's great. So glad your party was a success!

@Jennifer 1967 Good for you!!!!! You must have such a great feeling of accomplishment! And relief!

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

RS didn’t get home until late last night (he was at the car races with his dad) but I specifically stayed up so I could talk with him. I explained why I may have seemed distant in the past couple of weeks and that I was scared for all the aforementioned reasons. And of course, like he always is, he was very understanding. He knew something had been bothering me but also knew not to press me about it because I would have just closed myself off further. He did understand where it came from and that it had nothing to do with him, which is good because I thought he was going to think I just didn’t want to be with him.

I do feel much better now, and I am proud of myself for talking about it. Most of the time I resolve to talk about something important and then when he actually joins me in bed at night (when we do our talking that we don’t want my son to hear lol) i clam up and just say nothing’s wrong. F so it’s minor but good progress for me that RS also recognized.

Unfortunately we stayed up much later than usual and I had to rouse myself at 8am so we could get our errands done early as we have a party to go to at 1pm. I really feel like I could fall asleep at this moment!

Now everything is worked out for the wedding and the only thing to worry about is the damn license. If RS’s updated license doesn’t come in time I really hope the township can find it in their cold dead bureaucratic hearts to accept the paper from the DMV that states the address change was made with the MVC months ago. It is official enough for police if you get pulled over!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu ……and oh. My party was a success! The wine wasn’t very good but we all had fun tasting it. Everyone but one cousin used the spittoons to dump the wine so nobody was drunk. But the talk flowed even though I had relatives from both sides of the family. There were 8 of us. Perfect size for sitting around the table. Perfect way to have the first get together after covid. Everybody had their shots so no worries about that.

Hurray! That sounds like wonderful fun, Nammu!

I'm still not ready to get off these meds -- they are helping too much but these dreams/nightmares are so intense. I was involved in a house bombing in this dream. MY OWN house. I was both part of the plot and part of the resistance and rescue. It definitely left me unease waking up. Of course characters of my past were in it I really wish would leave my mind...

Other than that, a typical lazy Sunday. I switched most my meds to nighttime, and that really seemed to do the trick. I've not felt the uneasiness I do during the day when I take it AND I slept well, despite nightmares.

I guess that's all I got to say for now.

My tooth has been sensitive lately- one of the ones I had filled several weeks ago now. It "went off" when I ate some cake with frosting on it?? Warm coffee seems to calm it down, though. Are sensitive teeth this far out just part of getting fillings?

I slept in, then FWB came over. Nice to see him. He brought one of the photos that I took of the kids several weeks ago now- an 8x10 print! He's going to work on the other ones I asked him to print- he edits them on the computer and prints them at work. But he said something about not having a lot of time to work on them so who knows when I'll get those.

I got up relatively early today. Speaking of getting up earlier, I'm looking forward to seeing my friend this week, too. We are going to go to Hell and have lunch!

I'm still sleepy even though I've had some coffee. I think it must be the Haldol. I feel sedated, really. A little bit, anyway. Just as long as it is calming my stupid brain down. That's all I want!

I'm glad it went well! That sounds like fun

It's been 5 1/2 hours since I took my first dose of famotidine, and nothing bad has happened, no bad reactions, so I'm less anxious/paranoid about it now, I think it's safe to say it's a safe medication for me and I don't have to worry anymore about it.

I was supposed to go to the park with my friend today but it started raining. Also I was having a panic attack too so that would have been hard to manage anyway. We're gonna go next weekend instead

I'm excited to carve pumpkins later this month

Blue bird I’m glad the anxiety over the medication went away. I can relate though. I’m always on the look out for side effects when I start a new medication too.

Have fun with the pumpkin carving! 😃

I didn’t take a nap after the second narco. I ate some canned roast beef and I wonder if it was too greasy because I am nauseated now. I think I’ll take my petracol at 6 because the left side of my stomach where one of my incisions is is painful. It hurts to sit up and get out of bed. And the narco didn’t do much. But things are still better then yesterday. This surgery feels different then the other 2 and I don’t think I’ll take the whole 6 weeks to recover. I think I’ll be ok in a week. But right now things are a bit tough. It’s been raining and I haven’t felt much depression or anxiety. So I’m glad that’s still ok. I haven’t been stressing about anything all day. Therapy, work, anything. I’ve just been focusing on my recovery like I should be doing.

My mom came in my room and asked if I needed anything. She asked if I was in pain and I said yeah and she said it shows on my face. I can’t take anything else for a few more hours. I hope things don’t get out of control by then. I haven’t moved around much today. I wonder if taking a walk around the house will help. Or if I should really just try to sleep.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow I'm still not ready to get off these meds -- they are helping too much but these dreams/nightmares are so intense. I was involved in a house bombing in this dream. MY OWN house. I was both part of the plot and part of the resistance and rescue. It definitely left me unease waking up. Of course characters of my past were in it I really wish would leave my mind... Other than that, a typical lazy Sunday. I switched most my meds to nighttime, and that really seemed to do the trick. I've not felt the uneasiness I do during the day when I take it AND I slept well, despite nightmares. I guess that's all I got to say for now.

It's amazing how switching meds can make such a difference.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I didn’t take a nap after the second narco. I ate some canned roast beef and I wonder if it was too greasy because I am nauseated now. I think I’ll take my petracol at 6 because the left side of my stomach where one of my incisions is is painful. It hurts to sit up and get out of bed. And the narco didn’t do much. But things are still better then yesterday. This surgery feels different then the other 2 and I don’t think I’ll take the whole 6 weeks to recover. I think I’ll be ok in a week. But right now things are a bit tough. It’s been raining and I haven’t felt much depression or anxiety. So I’m glad that’s still ok. I haven’t been stressing about anything all day. Therapy, work, anything. I’ve just been focusing on my recovery like I should be doing. My mom came in my room and asked if I needed anything. She asked if I was in pain and I said yeah and she said it shows on my face. I can’t take anything else for a few more hours. I hope things don’t get out of control by then. I haven’t moved around much today. I wonder if taking a walk around the house will help. Or if I should really just try to sleep.

I'm a huge believer in the power of sleep. My opinion is that, since you've just had surgery, sleeping is a good idea.

@Mountaindewed I agree with Beth! Sleep helps healing.

Was going to take a shower tonight, but have changed my mind. I'll do it in the morning.

Been talking with the friend I'm seeing this week.

I hope you are doing well, tonight, @Mountaindewed.

We've talked about taking short trips, but haven't really gotten around to it yet. We did have a "date" on Friday; we went to see the Sopranos prequel at the theater. It was the first time we'd been to the theater since COVID hit.

Sorry I don't post much anymore. I just seem to be having a word shortage...

I’m doing decently tonight. I watched TV all day and night. It really distracted me. I took a pain med about 4.5 hours ago. I took one of the stronger ones and it did work better this time and I was in less pain then I’ve been in all day. I can take another one in about 2.5 hours but I’ll take a less intense one. I fell asleep for a couple hours. Now I’m up and I’m not in too much pain. But I haven’t really sat up for a few hours. For dinner I had chicken broth, 2 saltine crackers, and a package of Lorna Dune cookies. I’m not on any restrictions besides soda but I just feel better overall when I eat stuff like that. My mom did get to Starbucks for a couple drinks for me.. I’m very constipated and I’m trying a lot of different things to help. I can’t really strain though.

I guess I’m just frustrated and bored with recovery. But not depressed or anxious. I’ve read that some ftm regret the surgery almost immediately. I don’t regret it though and I am happy I got it done.

I haven’t been too needy with my mom. In fact she’s the one who will come and check on me and ask if I need anything and I’ll most of the time say no. I’ve basically just asked her to open a can of food for me, not even put it in a bowl, or to heat up some broth. Nothing major. She did go to to the library because I had put a book on hold for her that she wanted and I had a couple on hold myself.

I feel like I’ll be ok by the end of the week but i probably shouldn’t push it until after I see my doctor.

I just stood up for the first time since 6 to use the bathroom and I wasn’t in much pain. I guess the stronger stuff works at night and the narco works better during the day for some reason.

Things seem to be calming down here for a little. I think only one more night on the couch. depending on what T says tomorrow. I doubt he'll be happy at our stop gaps but we've done the best we can. Weekends suck.

That sounds fun! I haven't been to the movies since covid. My husband and I are eager to see the new James Bond film and Wes Anderson's new movie The French Dispatch. The latter received a long standing ovation at the Cannes Film Festival, and we've really liked most of his earlier films.