Bipolar check-in #59

Thank you

Not yet, I should be soon though, I'll definitely post a pic once I get the pics and pick one out

I actually did cut myself accidently while carving, I didn't notice until later when I saw the bleeding, it wasn't a big cut though, very tiny. I'm surprised I didn't do worse though, considering how clumsy and uncoordinated I am lol

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I just had my Pdoc session. I feel kind of gross now. Just the way he encourages my weight loss is strange to me. He’s starting me back on topamax again. This time a higher dose to encourage faster weight loss. I just find it so odd. He asked what I weighed and I told him I weigh 168 and he said that’s not much. I am 5’5 btw so a bit short for a man but 168 still isn’t huge compared to that height. I told him about the surgery and the 2 ER trips after and then the poison control center call on Tuesday. I told him I took all the meds to sleep through my hunger. So maybe he thinks the topamax will help me cut out on my sleep med ODs and then maybe get into a better sleep pattern? That’s the only thing I can think of because he sounds like a wack job. He said he could refer me to a weight loss clinic and a weight loss clinic would probably just send me to an eating disorder clinic instead. I mean it went decently and I remembered to tell him everything and told him I was happy with my new therapist and I was really happy with my surgery and how I hadn’t been S since and he was happy for me but he just makes me feel kind of gross sometimes. Physically and mentally. But I think he thinks the topamax will help me cut back on all these meds I’ve been overtaking since my hunger is the reason I take them all in the first place. At least the night ones. Yesterday I took all the benzos because of the Benadryl that was causing insane anxiety and I’ve since thrown the Benadryl out.

Why are so many pdocs creepsters?

I wouldn't touch Benedryl. The stuff is very weird and unpredictable.

Benadryl makes me hypo/ causes akathesia. I found that out when I was IP with severe akathesia and they gave me benadryl as a PRN. I had a miserable day waiting for it to leave my system. The nurses kept encouraging me to take long hot showers. It was awful and I no longer will take it again. Hydroxyzine is fine but not benadryl.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina I saw on the news that areas of California we getting a huge storm and hoped it wasn't going to hit you ` Thank you! I saw footage of an avalanche that looked terrifying. We broke a record for the amount of rain. What a blessing! I'm safe where I am - except for street flooding. As for laying in bed listening to the rain and hopefully some wind for me is the best soothing thing on the planet. I've bought tons of music in the past and even a machine that offered all kinds of sound and Nothing compares of course. I hear you...the sound of rain is healing. You recent stop of Lamictal cold turkey? I have done that numerous times in the past and I always fell into feelings that you are having Couple years ago I went off all my meds but I did a slow taper on one med at a time and factoring in the half life too. The dipshite zoom pdoc never called in my refill (despite the pharmacy and I calling repeatedly). I ran out of Lamictal and decided I'd stop taking it. I tried that for a few days. It was odd; I didn't feel anything at all. BUT I was concerned that the lack of Lamictal would contribute to these awful mind states. She finally called in a refill today so I'm taking it again. I hate that right now you have a sucky out of state useless zoom Pdoc Hope your able to see the new Pdoc soon. Thank you! Me, too! Until then? just work coping skills until something helps even if its just a little. I hate that you feeling just about all emotions Its really hard. Thank you, Christina. Thank you for being such an empathetic and logical woman. Question....... when was the last time you did something just for yourself??? My son's birthday was 10/3 so I treated myself to a pedicure. It was wonderful, but ya know...I always feel miserably guilty when I do anything just for me. Big HUG

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Originally Posted by Nammu Don’t go blaming your doctor he never prescribed. and you are adding discontinued meds to the mix. If you’d take your meds on a schedule as prescribed there would be none of the drama

True, Md

Aw Beth I’m sorry you feel guilty getting a pedicure. My daughter feels that way too and is trying to work on it by taking my granddaughter with her sometimes so my granddaughter can learn to treat herself without guilt. 😃 she’s only 4!

I've had an adventure tonight. When I was in bed reading I heard something fall and thought that I hoped it wasn't my phone. I was pretty sure it wasn't so I just went back to relaxing.

I got up at 1:45 to pee and realized I hadn't set my alarms on my phone. So I tired to get the phone out. But the problem is that I can hear it if I have my Alexa call it but I don't see it. I have a general location but I can't do it myself. So now I'm out a phone until my mom can come help me figure it out and (I think) move some bookshelves so the drawer under my bed can come out. I think the phone is under the drawer.

I'm really anxious about not having a phone. I don't feel that safe. But I can't do much about it and I know it's paranoia anyway.

I really hope I calm down and go back to sleep. I probably am going to take some PRN gabapentin.

I hope everyone else is having a better night. My hour of sleep was really good.

I'm so glad to read that you had a nice time. I imagine you'll eventually get the bill, but if not, maybe that is a "sign"

You should definitely take those other trips in the future. Lady, you may only have one life to live on this earth (unless you believe otherwise). You have to make the most of it, to the best of your ability.

We will get a new gp. I hope it can be done quickly. At least I did receive what they call "E-recepts" here for the medications I needed. I'm hoping one won't be missing. We get the prescription requests in the form of a text with a Q-Code to show at the pharmacies. The E-recepts don't indicate which medications they are for. We can only figure that out when we go to the pharmacy.


There are drop-in clinics in CZ, but people are supposed to have a primary care doctor here. It sort of works similarly as in the US, where urgent care places still want patients to have a gp for "regular" stuff, rather than semi-emergency stuff.

I hope your hubby has continued the back rubs to help you fall asleep.

OMG! That truly looks like a real fish!

I hear you on wearing the right shoes. I did recently buy a pair of hiking boots, but one day last week I went for what I thought would be a short walk in one of my Sketchers. A sort of more stylish type. It was rocky with hills. That pair wasn't up to snuff for the walk. I do have an older pair of Sketchers that are a little more sneaker-like. Maybe they would have been better, but really the hiking shoes would have been the best.

@Blue_Bird, your Jack O Lanterns are great! They are far nicer than any I have ever made. The kitty version looks especially ominous. I hope you get your kitten soon.

@BethRags and @wildflowerchild25, I hope the weather calms. I, too, heard about the weather on the west coast and what may be coming towards NJ.

I was blaming my doctor for the fact that I told him I was completely out of control with my Xanax yet he decided to prescribe me Valium instead. Which is now causing issues as well. That is on him for being irresponsible. I’m not blaming him for anything else.

And the Benadryl I did throw out. Last night the topamax seemed to help and I just took my usual melatonin and nothing extra and I slept fine.

When I was on topamax before I noticed it worked as a good mood stabilizer in addition to helping me with my weight and my appetite.

Feels weird getting up at 7AM and it being pitch black out. I'm not complaining, just makes it seem like I should still be sleeping.

It should help you with your sleep too.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Aw Beth I’m sorry you feel guilty getting a pedicure. My daughter feels that way too and is trying to work on it by taking my granddaughter with her sometimes so my granddaughter can learn to treat herself without guilt. 😃 she’s only 4!

Well, the thing about pedicures is that they're healthy for your feet.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I carved pumpkins today. One was a Frankenstein (it came out a little lopsided) and one was a cat (it's tail fell off lol) I tried my best. I'm not very experienced with carving more intricate designs. And also haven't carved pumpkins at all in a long time. I have horrible heartburn right now. It feels terrible. The famotidine is really not helping with my acid reflux unfortunately. I talk to my doctor on Thursday so maybe he has some idea of what to do about that. I think he said if the famotidine didn't work he'd have me try omeprazole next.

Terrific pumpkins! Good job! The cat is adorable.

I'm not surei f I'm being paranoid but I think my gyno's office is trying to **** with me. I just want to make an appointment. I really need an appointment and she just did an 8 ball or something but I don't think I'm going to get an appointment if she's answering the phone.

Well, as predicted, our general practioner neglected to send some of the requested refills. We got to the pharmacy and my Synthroid was NOT included. He did give both Hubby and me our own refills for one blood pressure med (we both take it), and there was the beta blocker, but we needed two person's worth (Hubby and I both also take that) and only got enough for one. Hubby tried calling him while we were at the pharmacy, but his office is predictably closed for the day as of 11 am. We'll be looking for someone new, but will first try to get the current one to send what he forgot. If he does, we'll have about 1 month to get a new gp.

I had a wonderful discovery today. I needed two new pairs of jeans, so bought them through Amazon Germany. I was a little worried about the sizing, but managed to get it just right. I swear they are the best fitting and looking jeans I've had in ages. And they were much cheaper than my old usual GAP jeans. I started to feel like in the US I had to buy what I thought of as "old lady jeans" to have them fit, but I found them devoid of style. The ones I bought here are just what I wanted. GAP does sell jeans in Europe, but they are, as usual, overpriced, and they also seem to be designed for someone other than me. Every pair of jeans from GAP is labeled some form of "skinny", "girlfriend", "slim fit", etc. Goodbye GAP!

Yeah I noticed that last night.

Your pumpkins are fantastic! I hope your doc switches you over to omeprazole. It helps me greatly with bad acid reflux. It’s a good medication. Good luck.

I’m tired today. But I’ve only had one Valium. I’m drinking a 52oz bottle of zero sugar fruit punch without a glass. I used to do that at work. I’d drink a 52 oz bottle of diet tea straight from the bottle. No one cares or pays attention unless your overweight and doing it.

I ordered an unwhich from Jimmy Johns and I’m trying to avoid taking a nap. I’ve been doing laundry all day because I’ve been neglecting it but I’m out of jeans and I have therapy tomorrow. I’m glad I’ll be able to tell her I talked to my Pdoc about our last session and we came up with a plan.

I’m waiting on a delivery but I’m not sure it’s coming today. When they say there are delays they really mean it. I have gotten so many cancelled or postponed orders in the last few days.

It doesn’t look like the delivery will come today. It should have been here by now. It didn’t make sense to begin with. It is coming by FedEx and it said that it was coming today but it also said it was still 2 states away.

My mom went to the library and got My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 for me. I saw it once at the theatre's in 2016. It wasn’t as good as the original and most of it was just recycled jokes from the first one, but I liked it. I’ll watch it later probably during the weekend. I have got to get out of the house this week and do something. Probably after therapy in the morning. I need a tie for Thanksgiving.

I often have 5 sodas a day. Today I only had 2. Which is pretty good progress. I did drink that entire bottle of zero sugar juice though. I didn’t drink any tea. I had some water. I wasn’t very thirsty in general today. I should drink some more water.

I feel better after my 160mil geodon and 20mil melatonin. But I do not need anything else tonight. Except maybe some mint herbal tea since I’m kinda nauseated.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Aw Beth I’m sorry you feel guilty getting a pedicure. My daughter feels that way too and is trying to work on it by taking my granddaughter with her sometimes so my granddaughter can learn to treat herself without guilt. 😃 she’s only 4!

What a wise thing, to take her young granddaughter for a pedi. There is so much to be learned...feeling nice about your appearance, taking care of your body, etc.

Yeah my daughter wants her to grow up confident. She’s only 4 but she can do so much. Of course she has a big brother that helps.

Oh my gosh, something has broken in my brain. I've been having waves of panic that are a torture. I was sleeping well, but last night the panic affected my sleep.

I'm seeing that icy pdoc today...I am praying she prescribes something that works.

Ohhhh I hope she does something right. I'm so sorry that your dealing with so much right now