Bipolar check-in #60

My neighbor gave me a Christmas card with a dog on it and a Scrabble magnet in it. It was very thoughtful. My depression continues to get worse. Mostly i sleep as much as possible, doze during the daytime and watch the fireplace app in the evening with occasional breaks for Scrabble games and news. I don't feel well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013 My neighbor gave me a Christmas card with a dog on it and a Scrabble magnet in it. It was very thoughtful. My depression continues to get worse. Mostly i sleep as much as possible, doze during the daytime and watch the fireplace app in the evening with occasional breaks for Scrabble games and news. I don't feel well.

I feel proud of you for having relationships with your neighbors. Give yourself credit for that!

I'm so sorry that you're having a rough go of it these days.

I hope you get some decent sleep soon. You're generally pretty mellow (compared to folks like me, anyways!). I think you must miss dreaming, too. You remember dreams more vividly than most anyone I've ever encountered.

So I never got my injection. I cancelled the holidays and will just sleep 😴 instead. I hate feeling this way but don't want to do anything about it. I know I should go get my shot but that involves taking a 🚿 which I really need to do but I don't have the motivation. I didn't even go to my sister's birthday and I'm not going to a close family gender reveal. They even offered for Christmas here so I would not have to leave the house and I said no. I haven't colored in weeks. It just sucks. I'm not doing much all day. I'm scrolling through the phone. Getting into arguments online. Nothing helpful. I no longer know if I'm staying away from my treatment team for fear of hospitalization or embarrassment is what's driving me to not get the shot.

I don't really want to scare you on this, but Geodon withdrawals were the worst I ever experienced going off any medication. Ever. And that was even weaning off very slowly. I do hope your pill bottle shows up somewhere. If not, and you experience any withdrawals, I'd try to get a replacement. Or try anyway. And not just for withdrawals, but also risk of mood lability

Hugs

Who says you have to take a shower? Put on some
Clothes and go get it. You will feel better.

I kinda sort of slept last night. I was an angry Asian man married to another man and had three children I terrified with my yelling and very strict expectations. The girl was into botany but the boys just seemed rebellious and we’re always losing their shoes. Every time I become conscious I tried to make myself nicer to the kids and fell back into the same dream. But overall I did get more sleep though I’m still exhausted.

I fell asleep last night around 7:30 or 8 I think. I only took one melatontin. I woke up feeling rested at 6:15. I feel good today. My anxiety and depression are ok. I havent heard back from my Dr. yet about the confusion in my dose. I may not hear from him, but I'll probably just do what the bottle and the notes say instead of what my mom has being doing. She thought she heard him say something diffrent so shes been giving me a lower dose then what his notes and the prescription bottle says.

Tomrrow we will order takeout like we did last Christmas Eve. 2014-2019 we went out to eat but even with all of us being vaccinated and boosted we still arent comfortable going out for dinner. Then my sister and her family will be over shortly after the morning on Saturday and we will open presents and just spend the whole day and night together. They are staying overnight despite living so close. They are really excited and so is my mom. My brother in law was over yesterday picking up some stuff and he was just super excited and talking about all the plans and stuff.

So yeah it should be a decent holiday.

@Nammu
Your dreams are crazy! Actually last night I had a weird dream, I don’t remember much but I do remember snoop dogg showed up and I was mad because none of the students knew who he was bc they were too young and it made me feel super old

I used to think my dreams were unique and had new ideas, but I googled some of the far out ones and discovered all ideas have already been done or at least thought of, that was a bit disappointing.

Some people need to get a room.

Oooo nice !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ok ok ok

As you all know I lost my refill bottle of Geodon. I skipped both doses yesterday and woke at 4am sick af.

( I took this in Florida I had forgotten getting off of it was so brutal and I spent at least a week sicker than I have ever been)

I had to call a main scheduling number in Nashville to make appt with NP the office can no longer do that.

I called …earliest appt in Jan 18th ( insert panic)

I call my GP office and they can’t prescribe a refill of an AP due to liability issues.

I called the office. Had to talk to that idiot nurse and she pulls it up and says “ you don’t have a refill until your seen” I said well I can’t until the 18th how can I go without my meds “ I don’t know”

I call back the main scheduling line to at least get an appt nailed down. Nope this guy tells me that they can’t book more than 10 days out and to call back on the 30th.

Dr Graves would have NEVER done this. He would have refilled anything I needed. Yes I lost the bottle some how but regardless I am stunned , shocked and in tears over what I am going to go through. I took a dose this morning to stop the withdrawals

I am backed right into a corner and there’s not a damn thing I can do.

So I have enough to make it til Monday or Tuesday . Steve will be home so he can watch over me.

I am dreading this. I worry that the stability I have is going to be destroyed.

There is absolutely nothing I can do. I have an appointment with Richard on the 5th he’s out for the holidays right now.

Ever since Dr Graves and Jane the nurse retired patient care has gone to hell and every time I turn around nothing is being taken care of at all.

Fml

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh Christina! That’s criminal!! There should be built in safeguards for when people do a very human thing and lose their meds once in a blue moon, but thanks to people who regularly abuse their meds the system just punishes everyone.

Looks like I am one of those people who messed it up for everyone.

Oh well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom So I never got my injection. I cancelled the holidays and will just sleep 😴 instead. I hate feeling this way but don't want to do anything about it. I know I should go get my shot but that involves taking a 🚿 which I really need to do but I don't have the motivation. I didn't even go to my sister's birthday and I'm not going to a close family gender reveal. They even offered for Christmas here so I would not have to leave the house and I said no. I haven't colored in weeks. It just sucks. I'm not doing much all day. I'm scrolling through the phone. Getting into arguments online. Nothing helpful. I no longer know if I'm staying away from my treatment team for fear of hospitalization or embarrassment is what's driving me to not get the shot.

Your situation is worrisome.

Oh, Christina. How terribly frustrating and scary. I so wish I could do something to help you.

I wish I had not spent $87 at Sams Club but I was sucked in with all the panic talk on the news. The bottom shelf of my rack does look very neat though with all the cases of canned stuff and my whole storage rack is organized and does not look like I'm hoarding.

Everyone is telling me not to go back to work because things are going to get very bad, but I miss it a lot. I miss getting paid on Fridays and putting $100 into my savings right away and then taking my mom out to lunch and maybe buying a few things on the weekend. And I never went over the limit so I never lost my SS. But even my brothers therapist was like "yeah its probably best he doesnt go back."

But maybe this variant wont be that bad. We'll see after the holidays.

My doctor got back to us. He said my mom heard him right and she was giving me the correct dose. But he said going to every 1.5 weeks is fine. I feel like that will be better then every other week and also better then every week. I get my injection tommrow and I am kind of ornery and pissed from being without it for 2 weeks.

Actually I wasn’t referring to you. As far as I know you’ve never gone to ERs, urgent cares or begged your doctors constantly for refills. So no. Not you. I was referring to drug seekers. Sorry if you thought I ment you

I just thought you meant me because I am indeed in that situation. I am 11 days short on a strenghth of my geodon due to my own fault. I just took the last one tonight. Its only the 20 mil and I am not one to seek so I will do my best to deal with it. Its just 20 mil not a big deal I just dont feel like telling on myself. Plus its the holidays its not like anything can be done anyways.

Oh christina, that is just terrible! I’m so sorry not even your GP would do anything! I agree, it’s criminal! Some meds cause seizures from sudden withdrawal like that. I don’t understand why no one takes psych meds as seriously as physical meds. I bet if this was a heart medication they’d be all over it. Just another way we’re thrown away by the system!

I will be sending you good vibes and sending hope for a safe landing from this hell.

I have IP type anxiety right now and I've had an advil resistant neck tension ache all day. I went to the library in the dark around 7 to get the next 2 seasons of the TV show I am watching on DVD since the Iibray is closed these next 2 days. I got my shot about 14 hours early. I felt like I couldnt wait until the morning. I had a pint of gingerbread Halo Top ice cream. I dont want to eat all my Christmas stuff on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and have a repeat of I think it was 2016. So I'm eating my holiday stuff throughout these next 3 days.

I'm trying not to panic with the shot the way I normally do after I get it and then have med related issues.

We had almost 20 thousand covid cases today in my state.

. I'm kinda aware but not really. I'm not suicidal, my head's loud, I didn't realize how loud until a little while ago. Bugs feelings on my skin. I maybe getting paranoid because I don't want to go in. I may need to cut my hair at this point. I'm having some self harming thoughts but that's to much work. I'm safe though. I've done nothing all day.

Thanks everyone.

My head is still reeling. Steve is furious of course. The only thing positive is I have enough to take until he comes back home so I won’t be alone going off of it.

I wish I had options for finding another provider for psych stuff but there is none.

This is nuts and I’m tired of breaking down into tears over it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I’m so ticked about your situation Chris. It’s ridiculous how they run things there