Bipolar check-in #60

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 @BethRags I hope your son recovers quickly. That’s exactly what it was for me, a bad head cold. I only went to get tested because I was more exhausted than I’ve ever been with just a cold. As for trauma work, I suppose you’d have to decide how bad it is still affecting you. For me I’m learning that there’s certain things ingrained in me that will not change and picking the ones I’d like to be more comfortable with to deal with. For example, I would like to be able to enjoy my sons baby pictures and even be around other people’s babies/small children without getting panicky and dissociating. Whether emdr would help, I don’t know. But that’s what I’d like to work on. I agree with Christina’s idea of a pro/con list. As for cutting down on therapy, I support that if that’s what you want, but I can totally understand being worried about telling your therapist. I would be afraid mine would take it as some sort of rejection, when in reality she’d probably be happy that I’ve come far enough to reduce sessions. Maybe your therapist would feel the same?

Thank you, wfc! I think he'll be fine. He's feeling much better today, said it's just weird because he has no sense of smell yet.

Thank you...you've given me food for thought about the trauma work. And yes - I am afraid of my therapist taking my suggestion as rejection. Truthfully, in a way it is . I feel like we're kind-of going nowhere with the therapy, for the most part.

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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 Beth something I’d say about emdr is it Is SO hard but the memory we’ve worked on (pre Covid and Telehealth) no longer bothers me. During emdr you are taught safe spaces and functions before you begin the trauma work. Whatever you decide I am sure if the right thing for you

Thanks Halliebeth! Your experience is helpful.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Aww Beth I hope your son recovers quickly! So glad you got out to see some lights! Steve and I went around a few subdivisions in town last week was pretty. As for trauma work ? I think sometimes picking at it can help but I also think maybe not so much. Maybe do a pro/con list on paper and see how it goes??! Take care of you Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you, dear Christina

@BethRags
I hear the sense of taste and smell can take weeks to come back. My smell is getting better, I can smell my strong perfume if I put my nose right against my wrist. I have a friend though who lost her smell/taste for a year! However she got it before the vaccine was available and got extremely ill. She only didn’t go to the hospital because she was too afraid she wouldn’t come out. So hopefully his comes back sooner rather than later!

I'm doing better then yesterday. I dont know what was wrong yesterday. I was weirdly tired and incredibly anxious despite sleeping normally with just one melatonin and no extra anything. I also didn't have any caffeine. Yet I just felt like complete crap. I took 6 vistriel throughout the day yesterday which equaled to 150 mil which is about the dose a normal person is on. Then I tossed that and my zofran in the garbage since I couldnt stop eating while on them and they werent helping anyways.

I slept normally last night without any sleep meds and this morning I got to walmart and Target which is rare. Normally I try to avoid the stores whenever possible not just this time of the year. But I wanted a couple non black plain colored T shirts.

But today I've had a lot of caffeine and I just feel normal. Not anxioius or tired or anything. My therapist yesterday seems to think my moms immediate care visit the day before freaked me out and I ate too much cheese the night before. I ate an entire thing of straight up baked brie with a spoon.

I have a lot to do before M gets here tomorrow. I’ll easily be up all night. She’s asked for 3 things: a concoction of orange peels, cloves and cinnamon that I boil to make the house smell holiday like, my famous cube steak with golden mushroom gravy and to drive her around to see the Christmas lights - all of which I will happily do. I have all her presents as well.

I sent sister a text yesterday before she came over setting a boundary and in essence saying don’t poke the bear and that I didn’t want conflict before Christmas. It worked! She was quiet and subdued. I spoke up for myself diplomatically and I took back my power. Yay!

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

That’s excellent Jennifer! Very brave of you. I still haven’t made it that far. I need to set a boundary with my brother about not being his emotional support for his problems with our mother, but I’m afraid he’ll get mad and stop talking to me. I’m proud of you for having the confidence to set a clear line and I’m very happy it worked!

RS “allowed” me to come out for awhile last night. It sounds bad to say that, sounds super controlling, but obviously that’s not the case. He said he doesn’t think I’m contagious anymore and I should just hang out as long as I sit in the far chair and we wear masks just in case. I felt physically better in the chair and I was happy to watch a Christmas movie with him. My son was too busy chatting on discord with his friends and playing an online game with them. God it’s hard to watch him pull away. It’s healthy, of course, and expected given his age, but it’s hard.

I have one more day and then I can resume normal activities. I’m going to wait until Christmas Eve to start making cookies and treats just in case.

I’m fatigued again, but all other symptoms are still improving, except for the cough. But a cough is often that last thing to disappear for me when I have a bad cold so I believe it will stick around for awhile. The fatigue probably will too to a degree.

I need to go to the grocery store tomorrow but I can’t face it. Just going to the pharmacy yesterday was a complete madhouse in terms of traffic! The grocery store will be swamped, I’m sure of it. What I need isn’t necessary for Christmas so I’m going to wait. I’m not leaving the house at all. I was going to get some stocking stuffers but we actually never got our stockings out so I’m going to call it a day on that.

Yay! To setting boundaries.

Does anyone else have a feeling that something really really bad is about to happen in the world?

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 ... I spoke up for myself diplomatically and I took back my power. Yay! ...

You go, girl!!!

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Does anyone else have a feeling that something really really bad is about to happen in the world?

What gave you that feeling?

:In 2019 at this time I had this same sudden feeling of unease and like something bad would happen real soon and then Covid happened. But I got suddenly scared like Christmas 2019 would be the last time things would be peaceful in the world.

I didnt know it would be a virus though I thought maybe someone big would die or there would be a giant terrorist attack or something like that. It was so strong I asked my mom if we could go look at Christmas lights which we never did before. So we could just really enjoy our Christmas.

But I just have the feeling again.

But my mom just counted and I have 17 (I take 3 a day) extra days of valium. So I can take an extra here and there and not run out.

I dont know if my doctor or the pharamcist screwed up and gave me too many.

I dont know. Maybe I do need to get into huge trouble to wake me up.

On day two of lousy sleep and really irritated. Every light particle and every noise sets me off. I took my package in to ups and the cold helped. I don’t feel so much like ripping everyone’s head offf. Haven’t felt this irritated in a long while. All I need is some decent sleep. Sitting at the red light on the way there I was tempted to floor it and scream my way though but nope, took a breath and opened the window. Then after I dropped off the package I stopped at the drug store everyone keeps telling me is so good, ehh. But it did help distract me.

That’s great that he’s doing better. Hopefully you can get him back on track

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Fantastic!!!! You did great

Yes enjoy M and the traditions. For over a decade my Daughter and I would go out late night on Christmas (after she did Christmas with her dad ) always went to IHOP ..

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Ooooo Nammu

I hope you sleep well tonight

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Oo IHOP sounds so good right now. I’m hungry but there’s not much to choose from in this town. Was just debating a gyro from Arby’s. But that means going out in the cold again. Brr

Well hell I went to fill my pill boxes and I can’t find my last refill of Geodon. According to pharmacy records I got it on the 19th.

I have no refills left but couldn’t afford to buy out of pocket anyway since insurance won’t pay. I am not sure the new NP would send a new script. Dr Graves would have since I never ever lost any medications in 13+ years. So only 40mg and I’m spacing out every 3 or 4 days. This has a bit longer half life than most meds.

It’s always something ! Just hope withdrawals arent hellish.

Today is the one year anniversary of us bringing Gus into our home. He’s just a joy !

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Saw my case manager at my pdoc's office. She helped me fax my EBT renewal form along with all the proofs. I hope they take it by fax- why shouldn't they- my case mgr does this for a living so she should know what she's doing right?

Christina, your mention of IHOP was just the ticket 🎟! I made pancakes for supper. We had a real Scandinavian dinner. Pancakes with applesauce and cool whip and salmon.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed : In 2019 at this time I had this same sudden feeling of unease and like something bad would happen real soon and then Covid happened. But I got suddenly scared like Christmas 2019 would be the last time things would be peaceful in the world. I didnt know it would be a virus though I thought maybe someone big would die or there would be a giant terrorist attack or something like that. It was so strong I asked my mom if we could go look at Christmas lights which we never did before. So we could just really enjoy our Christmas. But I just have the feeling again. But my mom just counted and I have 17 (I take 3 a day) extra days of valium. So I can take an extra here and there and not run out. I dont know if my doctor or the pharamcist screwed up and gave me too many. Possible trigger: But how do I tell anyone that I've run out of my geodon 20mil 11 days early because I kept taking extras, without getting into huge trouble? I dont know. Maybe I do need to get into huge trouble to wake me up.

I think just about everyone, especially Americans, are feeling very tense about the political rivalry in our country. It gives one a feeling of doom, I think.

All I can think of with regard to your Geodon is to tell your prescriber that you lost some pills down the sink, or something like that. But of course you can only pull that once. So yeah...basically, it IS a wake-up call.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Fantastic!!!! You did great Yes enjoy M and the traditions. For over a decade my Daughter and I would go out late night on Christmas (after she did Christmas with her dad ) always went to IHOP .. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh...my mom and I had some fun times at IHOP over the years.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Well hell I went to fill my pill boxes and I can’t find my last refill of Geodon. According to pharmacy records I got it on the 19th. I have no refills left but couldn’t afford to buy out of pocket anyway since insurance won’t pay. I am not sure the new NP would send a new script. Dr Graves would have since I never ever lost any medications in 13+ years. So only 40mg and I’m spacing out every 3 or 4 days. This has a bit longer half life than most meds. It’s always something ! Just hope withdrawals arent hellish. Today is the one year anniversary of us bringing Gus into our home. He’s just a joy ! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Gus got so big! He's really sweet looking, and a pretty pup.

Please, please ask your prescriber for a Geodon script. Everyone truly does lose a prescription at least once.

I'm basically obsessing over whether to tell my therapist that I want to cut back to one session per week. I'm getting annoyed with myself...I absolutely hate when I start ruminating instead of just letting things be.

I was thinking that maybe switching my testosterone injection to every other week wasnt helping. So I had my mom email my doctor and ask if I could go to every 1.5 weeks. Then she realized after looking at his notes and the prescprtion bottle that she thinks shes giving me too low of a dose. Which could very well explain the fatigue and anxiety that I had for no reason yesterday and the feeling of doom and depression I have today. Low testosterone can cause just as severe physical problems as too high of a dose so I'm hoping to get this figured out this week but with it being the week of Christmas it could be tough to get an answer. I don't feel right but I thought it was just stupid intution stuff not more testosterone related stuff. This seems never ending.