Bipolar check-in # 66

I took 12.5 Seroquel and slept well, but dreamt about Mary for what seemed like all night. In the dreams she was the Mary I thought I knew...kind, gentle, compassionate. I awoke feeling awfully sad. I'm sure glad I'm getting my hair done today, I think that will pick up my spirits.

After that I have an appt. with my nice med dude. Nothing major there, except that it's going to be in the upper yucky 90's today. Out of the money I'm supposed to use to pay my gas/electric I'll be using $10 for gas which will bring the needle up just under 1/4 tank with where it is now. 1 gallon and a tiny bit of change. I remember, when the kids were little, getting $1 together for gas in our VW Bus. That would keep us going here and there for 3 days. What's freaky is that that wasn't so long ago...30 years.

Stay gold, Ponyboy ~ Love you, dear ones

I’ve been to both my fitness classes but I need tea and I don’t want to go out in the muggy thunderstorms again. My chai is pricey and I’ve been looking for an alternative but Amazon isn’t it. I got a powered form but the can was half empty plus it was not spicy, and it took two big scoops to make one cup. I limit myself to only one glass in the morning. I get the liquid chai from Walmart and mix it with vanilla soy milk. But that still adds up and I’m trying to find ways to cut costs with gas and food going up so much. Not to mention the car which I have no idea how much that is going to cost, I’ve not asked. I could get the tea bags but that’s so not chai. But it is cheaper. As it is now I’ll not have anything for tomorrow unless I head out. Blah 😒 first world problems

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I’ve been to both my fitness classes but I need tea and I don’t want to go out in the muggy thunderstorms again. My chai is pricey and I’ve been looking for an alternative but Amazon isn’t it. I got a powered form but the can was half empty plus it was not spicy, and it took two big scoops to make one cup. I limit myself to only one glass in the morning. I get the liquid chai from Walmart and mix it with vanilla soy milk. But that still adds up and I’m trying to find ways to cut costs with gas and food going up so much. Not to mention the car which I have no idea how much that is going to cost, I’ve not asked. I could get the tea bags but that’s so not chai. But it is cheaper. As it is now I’ll not have anything for tomorrow unless I head out. Blah 😒 first world problems

Not really first world problems, the economic crisis has become a 2nd world problem. Tea bag chai and powdered chai are icky. In my opinion Oregon Chai is the best quality and really nice with vanilla soy milk. But yeah, it's pricey.


One of the things that concerns me about the cost of groceries is that items are sitting on the shelves, not being purchased, and getting old/stale. I'm being careful about checking expiration dates.

I prefer the Tazo brand which is even more pricey than Oregan tea.

Yeah with longer shipping time you even have to check dates on newly stocked stuff too.

Beth, I missed your first post. Sorry about the dream of that which you wish was with Mary. I’m glad you have appointments with doctor B and you med pdoc.

Yeah I remember too when $5 would get a half a tank. I try to keep my tank alway over half a tank. It’s supposed to be better for the car. My grocery store has specials which can be acquired and saved up on a card to be used for their gas stations. I’ve got .63 cent off per gallon right now, it does add up!

Can you check your sent mail and see what you wrote them?

NOT a good day today. I feel awful mentally. Not bad physically which is good. But damn. I woke up out of sorts and I just feel like I’m being crushed under the weight of my responsibilities.

Insurance has not covered any of my partial/IOP program. None. I can only guess that a) they are going to claim It was never pre authorized or b) I’ve been fired and no one has told me and therefore I have no insurance. Thing is if my job sent me a letter outlining my firing it would have been sent to my old address, because my renewal contract was sent there in august. Better than that, I already changed my address in the system like they told me to and they STILL sent it to my old address. But they also only covered maybe 25% of a dr appt for my son which is ridiculous. EVEN IF they are out of network, which they are NOT, they should have covered 75%. So now I have to call them and get them to explain to me why they are refusing to pay all these bills.

If they claim they never pre authorized that’s BS, I know for a fact the director got them to.

Anyway I’m trying to switch to RS’s insurance but apparently I need to cancel mine first. Hmph. Ridiculous again. I may not be able to until open enrollment in NOVEMBER, if I still have a job. So am I supposed to go 7 months without insurance? Is that it? How tf is this allowed?

I have all these dumb@$$ procedures coming up and now I don’t even know if they’ll be covered. I guess the ortho is gonna have to wait

The company my work uses to determine if a medical leave is real or not called and said I might have missed the appeal window. That’s funny because it wasn’t my fault that the paperwork wasn’t done on time. I WAS SICK WITH MY MEDICAL PROBLEM you jerks!!!! How am I supposed to get all this **** together when it’s all I can do to stay alive?

I’m just so frustrated and once again NO ONE can help me and I’ve got no one irl to even talk to besides RS and it’s not fair for me to keep dumping everything on him. All my one SIL does is talk about how abusive her husband is and I’m not sure how to respond anymore. Like I can only say he’s a d—- so many times. She knows, I know, there’s nothing else to say. She can’t get out, it’s not her fault but she can’t. She needs a damn therapist and it can’t be me. And my other SIL doesn’t even talk to me anymore and I don’t want to talk to them either because what’s the point? They will just cancel if we try to get together.

Ugh. I’m over all this ****ing pressure. I just want to curl up and plug my ears for awhile.

I’m sorry you’re going through all this frustration over other people’s screw ups. Thinking of you.

I’m under the weather today with some fierce respiratory illness. I guess my immune system wasn’t up to the past two weeks. Mom insisted that I stay in bed and she drive a mile for severe cold and flu medicine. It’s her first time driving for about 3 weeks. I kept saying I would drive or ride with her but she insisted I rest. I hope things turn out well.

I haven’t felt well enough to float in two days. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be up and at it again. We have been busy handling brother’s estate both days. It’s been beautiful but hot weather with a heat index of 105. Thank goodness for air conditioning.

Not to the point yet that I feel like socializing or dating again. That will come with time I’m sure.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Hugs to all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ...I got a message in my portal that said: biopsy final result. But the page was blank. Which has me a bit spooked that they want to call me about the results. I know they were really fretting about that right side.

Have you called your doctor?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Can you check your sent mail and see what you wrote them?

I didn't email them. Apparently I messaged them on Yelp. All I can see, and have to admit, is that I wrote messages to 3 salons. The messages read perfectly normally, but I have absolutely no memory or sense of having sent them. Nothing. And I already had the appt. booked with my stylist. There was no reason to ask other salons for an appt. It's a darn unsettling feeling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 NOT a good day today. I feel awful mentally. Not bad physically which is good. But damn. I woke up out of sorts and I just feel like I’m being crushed under the weight of my responsibilities. Insurance has not covered any of my partial/IOP program. None. I can only guess that a) they are going to claim It was never pre authorized or b) I’ve been fired and no one has told me and therefore I have no insurance. Thing is if my job sent me a letter outlining my firing it would have been sent to my old address, because my renewal contract was sent there in august. Better than that, I already changed my address in the system like they told me to and they STILL sent it to my old address. But they also only covered maybe 25% of a dr appt for my son which is ridiculous. EVEN IF they are out of network, which they are NOT, they should have covered 75%. So now I have to call them and get them to explain to me why they are refusing to pay all these bills. If they claim they never pre authorized that’s BS, I know for a fact the director got them to. Anyway I’m trying to switch to RS’s insurance but apparently I need to cancel mine first. Hmph. Ridiculous again. I may not be able to until open enrollment in NOVEMBER, if I still have a job. So am I supposed to go 7 months without insurance? Is that it? How tf is this allowed? I have all these dumb@$$ procedures coming up and now I don’t even know if they’ll be covered. I guess the ortho is gonna have to wait The company my work uses to determine if a medical leave is real or not called and said I might have missed the appeal window. That’s funny because it wasn’t my fault that the paperwork wasn’t done on time. I WAS SICK WITH MY MEDICAL PROBLEM you jerks!!!! How am I supposed to get all this **** together when it’s all I can do to stay alive? I’m just so frustrated and once again NO ONE can help me and I’ve got no one irl to even talk to besides RS and it’s not fair for me to keep dumping everything on him. All my one SIL does is talk about how abusive her husband is and I’m not sure how to respond anymore. Like I can only say he’s a d—- so many times. She knows, I know, there’s nothing else to say. She can’t get out, it’s not her fault but she can’t. She needs a damn therapist and it can’t be me. And my other SIL doesn’t even talk to me anymore and I don’t want to talk to them either because what’s the point? They will just cancel if we try to get together. Ugh. I’m over all this ****ing pressure. I just want to curl up and plug my ears for awhile.

Oh, my God. The insurance situation is appalling! What a terribly stressful bunch of crap. Disgusting.

It sounds to me like both SIL's and your brother need therapy.

I'm sending you love

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I’m under the weather today with some fierce respiratory illness. I guess my immune system wasn’t up to the past two weeks. Mom insisted that I stay in bed and she drive a mile for severe cold and flu medicine. It’s her first time driving for about 3 weeks. I kept saying I would drive or ride with her but she insisted I rest. I hope things turn out well. I haven’t felt well enough to float in two days. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be up and at it again. We have been busy handling brother’s estate both days. It’s been beautiful but hot weather with a heat index of 105. Thank goodness for air conditioning. Not to the point yet that I feel like socializing or dating again. That will come with time I’m sure. I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Hugs to all.

Yes. Your body is telling you that on no uncertain terms it is time to rest your body, mind, and spirit.

I had my hair appointment, and what a joy! I was delighted to spend some time with my awesome stylist, what a blessed break. And she did a cute cut & style.


Now I have to go to my med appointment. I need refills, there are small co-pays, I am flat broke. I'm just trusting the universe right now.

Gas was $6.59/gallon, I put $10 in, and with what I had the needle is just touching the 1/4 line. This is madness.

I don't have words that help but you do have my great sympathy. I'm a sleep walker and I've done some weird stuff, sometimes embarrassing stuff, while sleeping. I've done it all my life. The most recent is that I more than likely ate something during my fasting time for my blood tests and now I have a pre-diabetic diagnosis even though it may not be accurate. So I have to repeat it in a few months. I know my levels were probably not that high fasting because I had non-fasting tests done a few weeks before the fasting test and my BS was 141 (and I'd eaten carbs including sugar). Fasting it was supposedly 119 and that doesn't add up. Plus this happened one other time and the only explanation we could find was sleepwalking since my A1C was excellent. So I went about a year with the pre-diabetes diagnosis and then it went away as it probably will this time. I've also done things recently like sending my surgeon a message for my pdoc and sending my mom completely nonsensical emails. One was because I woke up getting ready to go somewhere at 2 AM and I was trying to find out if I really was supposed to be getting up at that time but the email came out as just a bunch of random letters. So embarrasising. I can think of tons more but you get the point: I understand.

I kind of got the results through the portal. Both nodules are benign, but that follow up care is suggested. So hopefully I hear back from my doctor tommorow to see what that means.

But whatever it is it isnt cancer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I prefer the Tazo brand which is even more pricey than Oregan tea. Yeah with longer shipping time you even have to check dates on newly stocked stuff too.

Oh, yes - Tazo is excellent.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I don't have words that help but you do have my great sympathy. I'm a sleep walker and I've done some weird stuff, sometimes embarrassing stuff, while sleeping. I've done it all my life. The most recent is that I more than likely ate something during my fasting time for my blood tests and now I have a pre-diabetic diagnosis even though it may not be accurate. So I have to repeat it in a few months. I know my levels were probably not that high fasting because I had non-fasting tests done a few weeks before the fasting test and my BS was 141 (and I'd eaten carbs including sugar). Fasting it was supposedly 119 and that doesn't add up. Plus this happened one other time and the only explanation we could find was sleepwalking since my A1C was excellent. So I went about a year with the pre-diabetes diagnosis and then it went away as it probably will this time. I've also done things recently like sending my surgeon a message for my pdoc and sending my mom completely nonsensical emails. One was because I woke up getting ready to go somewhere at 2 AM and I was trying to find out if I really was supposed to be getting up at that time but the email came out as just a bunch of random letters. So embarrasising. I can think of tons more but you get the point: I understand.

Thank you, Rainbow Yes, the experiences you've had are familiar. Are you diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, or do you think you have one?

Once I got online during the night and asked an online friend to call me. I gave her my number - problem was, it was an old cell phone number that, for the life of me, I couldn't have remembered while I was awake. Poor woman, she kept calling and couldn't get through. I had zero memory of any of it.

I got the results in my portal but kind of in code. I'm just guessing but I'm wondering if maybe they will want to remove the nodules as a precautionarty type of thing. Or if they even do that with thyroid stuff. I was reading a comment on facebook about some lady whos thyroid "collasped" and she gained a lot of weight.

Mustachio's spay surgery is tomorrow! I will drop her off at the vet at 7:45am and her pickup time is 4pm.

Yeah I tried gabapentin many years ago but stopped because I was taking 3 pills, 3 times s day and I had difficulty keeping that up. But you're right, it's really effective!

I know that it keeps your blood level stable to take it three times daily but it can also work as a once daily med. I just can't do meds more than once a day. I've tried numerous times and I just can't do it. So I take a whole gabapentin dose at night (1200 mg at 8:30 and 300 mg at 11:00) and it helps my anxiety and sleep both. It's unorthodox but it's worth knowing that it can be done this way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Mustachio's spay surgery is tomorrow! I will drop her off at the vet at 7:45am and her pickup time is 4pm.

Hurray! I know it will feel hard not to have her all day, but she'll be home before you turn around, much happier and more peaceful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9 Yeah I tried gabapentin many years ago but stopped because I was taking 3 pills, 3 times s day and I had difficulty keeping that up. But you're right, it's really effective!

I kept forgetting the afternoon dose, too. So now I take it at bedtime and in the morning.

I'm not sure. I know my therapist has said dissociation would be expected with the degree of PTSD I have had but I also have little PTSD left generally after some intense therapy. Mostly what I've done has been while asleep or recently soon after anesthesia that I had a hard time kicking. So maybe but I really don't know. On the other hand my therapist and I had a disagreement last week and I shut down to the point I didn't remember the rest of the session. So there's that kind of thing too. My pdoc has never mentioned it that I remember.