Bipolar check-in # 66

Moose72 · May 27, 2022, 06:21 PM

Watching Kanye West discuss being bipolar with David Letterman on the Netflix series "My Next Guest Needs No Introduction". Very interesting!

~Christina · May 27, 2022, 07:38 PM

I am hopelessly behind ! I have no idea where all my time is going. I mean yes Johnny Depp v Amber Heard trial has me glued to it. Closing arguments today and that vile lying Witch needs to lose. 6 years ago today she claimed abuse. She is the lying abuser. There is audio proof.

Otherwise I’m rereading my favorite book series. So yeah I guess I am really busy lol

Hugs and love to all ~

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Moose72 · May 27, 2022, 07:47 PM

I was just getting ready for bed. I started to hear a man's voice talking- it sounded like he was in the other room because I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. I can't take my prn (Haldol) because I'm afraid something bad will happen if I do. The voices have stopped but for a while I thought I hadn't paused the tv when I went into the bathroom. And it's not people outside because I have the windows closed. I'm afraid they will come back tonight. They didn't say anything bad, it was as if there were two people in my apartment having a conversation.

Moose72 · May 27, 2022, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I saw my doctor today. He said my blood test results are really bad. And staying on my testosterone is not a really good idea. He is saying I am just at such a high risk for a heart attack and a stroke right now that it is downright dangerous for me to continue to stay on it. But he also knows that being without the testosterone will effect my mental health and can cause depression and an increased risk for suicide. So he is continuing it for ethical reasons. I had to repeat back to him that I was aware of the risks of staying on it. He said if it was his choice he'd stop it. But I just remember when I did stop it before a couple months ago for a few weeks and how depressed and lost I felt without it. I felt like a part of me was missing. I didn't feel like who I truly was and it was really unsettling. He sent a message over to my blood doctor urging her to see me sooner then July and have me do a 3rd phelbotomy procedure. He said the swalloing issue is in my head. I can't feel the nodules. They are in the back of my head. He showed me the nodules on his computer and he said he couldn't tell if there was one really long one or if it was two small ones. He said if it was one it would be concerning. If it was 2 it was probably not a big deal but the biopsy will tell us. He told me about what the biopsy would be like. And yeah the pain involved. He said it would be like a flu shot but they do numb the area. He said he'd send a message over to the ENT doctor saying we talked beforehand about everything. He wants to see me in 2 months instead of 3 since things are concerning with the blood work and theres just the uncertainty with the thyroid. He also wants me to do a sleep study to check for sleep apnea since that can increase the blood level. I asked if any life style change can fix it. Like eating healthy or excercising. Since I had just inhaled a Taco Bell Mexican pizza in the car on my way to the apppointment and felt kinda guilty. He said no, lifestyle changes wouldn't decrease it.

So it was kind of a not really good news appointment but hes a really good and understanding doctor at least and he's doing a lot to help me.

This just majorly sucks!

If it were me, I'd go off the T but I can understand your not feeling like yourself, too.

BeyondtheRainbow · May 27, 2022, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

I was just getting ready for bed. I started to hear a man's voice talking- it sounded like he was in the other room because I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. I can't take my prn (Haldol) because I'm afraid something bad will happen if I do. The voices have stopped but for a while I thought I hadn't paused the tv when I went into the bathroom. And it's not people outside because I have the windows closed. I'm afraid they will come back tonight. They didn't say anything bad, it was as if there were two people in my apartment having a conversation.

How's it going now Moose?

*Beth* · May 27, 2022, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I am hopelessly behind ! I have no idea where all my time is going. I mean yes Johnny Depp v Amber Heard trial has me glued to it. Closing arguments today and that vile lying Witch needs to lose. 6 years ago today she claimed abuse. She is the lying abuser. There is audio proof.

Otherwise I’m rereading my favorite book series. So yeah I guess I am really busy lol

Hugs and love to all ~

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So how long will it be until there's a verdict?

*Beth* · May 27, 2022, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

I was just getting ready for bed. I started to hear a man's voice talking- it sounded like he was in the other room because I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. I can't take my prn (Haldol) because I'm afraid something bad will happen if I do. The voices have stopped but for a while I thought I hadn't paused the tv when I went into the bathroom. And it's not people outside because I have the windows closed. I'm afraid they will come back tonight. They didn't say anything bad, it was as if there were two people in my apartment having a conversation.

Hi Moose, what are you afraid will happen if you take your Haldol?

Moose72 · May 27, 2022, 10:22 PM

@BeyondtheRainbow
@*Beth*

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Hi Moose, what are you afraid will happen if you take your Haldol?

I didn't take a prn but I did take my nightly meds and there is Haldol in there. It must've been the little fan or air conditioner (?) whirring that did it. I know there was nobody else here. I am still afraid of what the Haldol might do- as if it was poisoned or maybe there's a separate pill in my pack that is solid poison- but I did take 5 mg which is my normal nightly dose. Didn't take a prn dose. (I just put all the pills in the pack in my hand and swallow them all at once with water.) My brain won't quit telling me that someone is going to break into my apartment tonight and that someone put poisoned powder on the raw broccoli that I bought yesterday and ate some of earlier. I did eat more but I cooked it and I don't know if boiling broccoli would get rid of poison.

*Beth* · May 28, 2022, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

@BeyondtheRainbow
@*Beth*

I didn't take a prn but I did take my nightly meds and there is Haldol in there. It must've been the little fan or air conditioner (?) whirring that did it. I know there was nobody else here. I am still afraid of what the Haldol might do- as if it was poisoned or maybe there's a separate pill in my pack that is solid poison- but I did take 5 mg which is my normal nightly dose. Didn't take a prn dose. (I just put all the pills in the pack in my hand and swallow them all at once with water.) My brain won't quit telling me that someone is going to break into my apartment tonight and that someone put poisoned powder on the raw broccoli that I bought yesterday and ate some of earlier. I did eat more but I cooked it and I don't know if boiling broccoli would get rid of poison.

A whirring fan can certainly sound like voices. At least, I've experienced that. I hope you're soundly asleep, but if not would watching a show help distract you?

I'll be looking for you in the morning (well, 3 hours behind you) to see how you are feeling.

BeyondtheRainbow · May 28, 2022, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

@BeyondtheRainbow
@*Beth*

I didn't take a prn but I did take my nightly meds and there is Haldol in there. It must've been the little fan or air conditioner (?) whirring that diid it

In my old house the AC unit was outside my bedroom and it took me a couple of years to figure out that the voices I heard at night were the AC unit kicking on and off.

Hope you got a good night of sleep and the voices are all gone when you wake up.

May 28, 2022, 02:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I talked over the situation about Florida with my daughter. I understand her reasoning now. I was also dead serious when I said that I had changed my behavior to help build the relationship but that she had not changed hers and it was hurting us. She agreed. She is coming to visit me Sunday - Tuesday and then we’ll take a five day trip to another destination later this summer. I’m okay with that.

As to my former best friend, they say living well is the best revenge. I don’t want revenge but I do want to live well. I WAS using him as a crutch to avoid facing things. It’s time for me to get back into the game of life. Some day in the near future I may thank him for being a vicious jerk.

I’m feeling even better about both situations now.

I hope everybody has a peaceful weekend. Hugs to all.

I hope the time with your daughter goes well!

When it comes to your insight about your relationship with your so-called friend, I admire that you have come so far in your life that you are able to take a good introspective look and accept what you find.

A good weekend to you!

Mountaindewed · May 28, 2022, 05:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

This just majorly sucks!

If it were me, I'd go off the T but I can understand your not feeling like yourself, too.

I know I've had the surgery already. So my body shape wouldn't change back. People often thought I was male before I was even on T anyways. Plus my voice wouldn't undeepen again. I'd probably lose a lot of weight since it makes me hungry. But theres just that weird feeling of missing my identity that is just too unsettling to deal with.

Blue_Bird · May 28, 2022, 07:00 AM

Just wanted to share some pics of Maybelle and Mustachio I took yesterday

I’m doing well, my psychiatrist said she’s proud of me and the progress I’ve been making

Sunflower123 · May 28, 2022, 07:02 AM

Thanks @GoGo2 for your kind words.

The pain has found me today. I’ve put these things in my rear view mirror and am practicing good self care yet I am in pain. I wish I could extricate all memories of the friendship and move on. I have a tapping app on my phone and I’ve been tapping a lot to the dealing with grief meditation. It states that although you can tap away the stress, tension, anxiety etc associated with grieving, you can’t tap away the grief over losing someone. You have to go through it. I’m moving on but I find myself impatient with this pain that makes me want to sit and stare at the wall. I feel stuck right now. This episode makes me want to say to heck with relationships. Nothing but trouble.

I’m glad my daughter is coming down tomorrow for a few days. She’s going to help me with a tough project, we’ll go floating and hiking and up to the mountain to view the sunset and try a new restaurant and I’ll beat her at uno and rook. It will lift my spirits. We’ll take a picnic to the lake as well.

I’m going to be okay. I’m a strong, resilient woman and I don’t give myself enough credit for the things I’ve overcome. I am an amazing person with lots to offer. I won’t let this bias me. I’ll keep an open heart and mind.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

Sunflower123 · May 28, 2022, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Just wanted to share some pics of Maybelle and Mustachio I took yesterday

I’m doing well, my psychiatrist said she’s proud of me and the progress I’ve been making

Precious pics!

Mountaindewed · May 28, 2022, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

I was just getting ready for bed. I started to hear a man's voice talking- it sounded like he was in the other room because I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. I can't take my prn (Haldol) because I'm afraid something bad will happen if I do. The voices have stopped but for a while I thought I hadn't paused the tv when I went into the bathroom. And it's not people outside because I have the windows closed. I'm afraid they will come back tonight. They didn't say anything bad, it was as if there were two people in my apartment having a conversation.

I've been having that same thing happen lately. thought it was my brothers TV but it wasn't on. It was freaky. I've noticed the fan thing too and I sometimes turn it off.

*Beth* · May 28, 2022, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Just wanted to share some pics of Maybelle and Mustachio I took yesterday

I’m doing well, my psychiatrist said she’s proud of me and the progress I’ve been making

They both look adorable I love Miss M.'s mustache, it's quite darling. Where did you buy the fuzzy thing Miss M. is lying on? My cats have a cat tree that is carpeted and it's coming apart already.

Blue_Bird · May 28, 2022, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

They both look adorable I love Miss M.'s mustache, it's quite darling. Where did you buy the fuzzy thing Miss M. is lying on? My cats have a cat tree that is carpeted and it's coming apart already.

Thank you! I got it from Amazon, here's a link to it

Amazon.com

*Beth* · May 28, 2022, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Thanks @GoGo2 for your kind words.

The pain has found me today. I’ve put these things in my rear view mirror and am practicing good self care yet I am in pain. I wish I could extricate all memories of the friendship and move on. I have a tapping app on my phone and I’ve been tapping a lot to the dealing with grief meditation. It states that although you can tap away the stress, tension, anxiety etc associated with grieving, you can’t tap away the grief over losing someone. You have to go through it. I’m moving on but I find myself impatient with this pain that makes me want to sit and stare at the wall. I feel stuck right now. This episode makes me want to say to heck with relationships. Nothing but trouble.

I’m glad my daughter is coming down tomorrow for a few days. She’s going to help me with a tough project, we’ll go floating and hiking and up to the mountain to view the sunset and try a new restaurant and I’ll beat her at uno and rook. It will lift my spirits. We’ll take a picnic to the lake as well.

I’m going to be okay. I’m a strong, resilient woman and I don’t give myself enough credit for the things I’ve overcome. I am an amazing person with lots to offer. I won’t let this bias me. I’ll keep an open heart and mind.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

No, that one relationship is not cause for you to become bitter or to give up on relationships. But I know that you are aware of that.

Your plans with your daughter sound lovely. I hope you enjoy every moment

Soupe du jour · May 28, 2022, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Just wanted to share some pics of Maybelle and Mustachio I took yesterday

I’m doing well, my psychiatrist said she’s proud of me and the progress I’ve been making

Such extremely healthy and happy looking kitties! I'm glad you're feeling healthier and happier, too. I'm sure even that makes your kitties happy.

So are Maybelle and Mustachio buddies yet? Who is the alpha cat?

Nammu · May 28, 2022, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Just wanted to share some pics of Maybelle and Mustachio I took yesterday

I’m doing well, my psychiatrist said she’s proud of me and the progress I’ve been making

Ohhhhh adorable 🥰

Nammu · May 28, 2022, 09:21 AM

I dreamed so I know I slept, but it feels like I didn’t. It was 77 when we went to bed, just too hot. I got up and turned the AC on, then later I got up to turn it up, was worried mum would find it too cold and turn on the heat. Then I had to get up again to turn it back down as it was too hot again. In between I had this weird romantic sci fic dream about this couple being in love but having all these obstacles and my aunt who died 10 years ago was one of the things keeping them apart. Every time I went back to sleep I played a different part. Once I was the guy, once I was the girl, once I was separate and watching the drama on a tv in a sky rise on another planet. I feel quite exhausted. For some reason the fashion was French 1400-1500 dress with pink wigs.

Soupe du jour · 11:51 AM

I encouraged my husband to go for a walk with me a bit ago. Boy, are we out of shape! Our walk was almost 50% up semi-steep hills. Along the walk was a line of "chata", which are typical Czech summer cottages, many not much bigger than sheds. People buy these little shacks, of sorts, along with a strip of land where they grow veggies and fruit. One place had strawberries already getting red and some bushes containing angrešt (gooseberries). I hadn't actually even seen them on the bush before. Before long, other fruit will be coming. Moravia is particularly chock full of plums called "blumen" that are free for the picking along country roads.

Our landlady had invited us for coffee last week, but we managed to weasel out, though Hubby went just to pay the rent for two months (since we'll be away). She asked us again, so we're sort of obliged to go. She's had us over for coffee in the past. I'll confess that I'd rather not be that chummy with our landlady, but I imagine she means well. However, there's always a mini fear she'll ask for something out of it or make another request. She also has foreigners renting in her apartments downtown. I doubt she has them for coffee. Perhaps that's the trouble with renting within walking-distance of her home. Plus, maybe because Hubby speaks Czech and can chat with her Slovak husband. She likes speaking English with me.

I confess to have splurged on a couple dresses for my trip, plus a new pair of summery shoes. Hubby submitted the order, including a "surprise" third dress. The dress he picked out is sadly not my style, but I won't tell him that. It's way too crazy with pineapples, papaya, and even a parrot on it. Almost costume-like. I'm sure the parrot was what grabbed him.

Moose72 · May 28, 2022, 10:07 AM

I bought contacts earlier this month which came with a $30 rebate. I had to take photos of the receipt and the box tops and upload them to a website. Now I get an email saying to click the link in it. It went through what is your email etc which was already filled in. It asked whether I want a virtual card of a physical card. BUT it went to a page that wanted me to accept their terms but when I clicked "accept" it gave me half a message about scrolling down but I couldn't scroll down. So I decided to click the email link from my laptop. But it wanted me to input some code numbers which it filled in for me but then did nothing when I clicked it. So I decided to click on log in and I had written down my password so I knew that was right. But it told me my log in was incorrect so I thought I made a mistake typing the password so I tried again. I thought my username was my email but I tried logging in the second time and it told me that I only get three login attempts before it will lock me out. So I clicked "contact us". They obviously know who I am since they've emailed me- even if it's automated. There is no way to recover your username- just the password. Soooo..... I guess I'm ****ed. I don't expect them to be able to help me. So I'm out $30.

May 28, 2022, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Thanks @GoGo2 for your kind words.

The pain has found me today. I’ve put these things in my rear view mirror and am practicing good self care yet I am in pain. I wish I could extricate all memories of the friendship and move on. I have a tapping app on my phone and I’ve been tapping a lot to the dealing with grief meditation. It states that although you can tap away the stress, tension, anxiety etc associated with grieving, you can’t tap away the grief over losing someone. You have to go through it. I’m moving on but I find myself impatient with this pain that makes me want to sit and stare at the wall. I feel stuck right now. This episode makes me want to say to heck with relationships. Nothing but trouble.

I’m glad my daughter is coming down tomorrow for a few days. She’s going to help me with a tough project, we’ll go floating and hiking and up to the mountain to view the sunset and try a new restaurant and I’ll beat her at uno and rook. It will lift my spirits. We’ll take a picnic to the lake as well.

I’m going to be okay. I’m a strong, resilient woman and I don’t give myself enough credit for the things I’ve overcome. I am an amazing person with lots to offer. I won’t let this bias me. I’ll keep an open heart and mind.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

Am glad you have the will to move on. It is very difficult to make new friendships when passed the middle age (which is 45 years), but it is not impossible. We can find some sort of friendship at work (I am pensioned

). Other places are a church, courses in the real world, not online, and among some sort of clubs. One has to set the border low. The friendships don't come in a hurry, butt slowly over time because one has learned to appreciate each other. (I am not the right person to give advice because I feel lonely myself).

The (hopefully) good idea is to plan days and set small aims for what one want to do with life and how to get there step, by step.

God wishes!

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Bipolar check-in # 66

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