Bipolar check-in # 66

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Originally Posted by Nammu I called him at 1pm and he said they need a part for the computer. I caught him at a bad time though and he was supposed to call back, but didn’t. It’s been 5 days! and I’m supposed to go in Wednesday for my fitness evaluation and to re sign up for my fitness class. (It’s sponsored by the state free for all seniors but of course that means paperwork. So every 16 weeks we have evaluations on things like balance and standing on one leg. ) both my daughter and my nephew said to let us know if we need to get groceries and I’m about to take them up on it cause, cheese 🧀 and yogurt.

5 days is getting on to too long. If it's not done by the 6th day...hmm. I've had a ridiculous amount of experience with old cars/mechanics and oftentimes if they stall it means they're not sure what they're doing. The "have to order a part" is sometimes true, and sometimes it's their way of blowing you off because they're overly busy or understaffed. Have you been to that mechanic before?

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I am bone deep weary and my eyes burn but it’s done. It was beautiful weather and a beautiful internment service. We did right by my brother. I don’t know yet whether I can go to Florida or not. I’m too exhausted tonight to pack. I may decide to stay home. We’ll see in the morning. I hope everyone has a peaceful night. Hugs to all.

I hope you are deeply asleep by now. You've carried out one of the hardest tasks and ceremonies life presents us with.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Yeah I have to get one of them again but not until the Fall?? Or maybe December? Is the shingles shot a 2 dose one? Right now I feel hot but maybe that's just a hot flash. edit: just took my temp. The thermometer made the fast fever beep but it was only 99.5. I got your DM and wrote you back! I tried changing the color but it didn't work.

Yes, Shingrix is a 2-shot thing. Four months apart, I think?

Yeah have been going to him for 5-6 years. Started with my Buick. Always got my car same day or next day. He also comes and picks it up or gives me a ride home if it’s going to take hours. Never had this happen before. It’s a ford escort and I’ve been reading that transmission problems are common. Something about it combining the engine and the transmission to get better fuel mileage. To be honest everything I’m reading about it is scary so I quit reading about it.

I had my appointment with Dr. B. this afternoon. It is a damned shame that he's leaving because he's a really talented therapist. He asks the right questions and comes to good conclusions. I have 5 sessions left with him, it's a weird feeling because how deep do I go? But I figure I'll do the 5 sessions and get the best out of them that I can.

I talked with Dr. B. pretty extensively about finding a new therapist. He was lightly discouraging on a couple of levels. He said (again) that he's extremely fond of Mary. He rather encourages me to stay in therapy with her. Secondly, he said he has several clients who are looking for new therapists, but that none have found one yet. "There is a shortage of therapists." I know that's true...I also know that I can be extremely persistent in finding a mental health service if I need it. But then there's the difference between finding a therapist, and finding an excellent therapist.

Dr. B. said that Mary is extremely ill (I have heard that from a number of people; I don't doubt it), but that he has no doubt she will be back. (Back for how long though, until she's out again?) He also talked about the reality that more and more, therapists are working from home, doing telehealth (true, and definitely not how I want to do therapy).

I left the session feeling mostly blank. A kind-of leave-it-up-to-the-universe feeling. Then I felt inspired to buy a bouquet of purple flowers with one pink rose in it and I took it to Mary's porch, where I left it in a big plant pot. I noticed a special rock I had given to her a couple of years ago in the pot. I felt happy to see that.

Then I came home, spent 90 minutes practicing roller skating/roller dancing in my apartment, and took a nap.

This week-end the temperature will be 106 degrees. Ohhh, and I just realized that David's family reunion is on Saturday. Sssssss, I sure hope there's a breeze in the park.

Our gas here is at $6.39.

177 miles northwest of here (California is very large) there's a quaint town called Mendocino, it overlooks the Pacific. Check this out: gas there right now is $9.67/gallon.

I wonder if Americans will be forced to learn to share at some point and not be so isolationist? Europeans and middle-easterners are so good at community.

Good-night, dear ones Love all around

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Originally Posted by Nammu Yeah have been going to him for 5-6 years. Started with my Buick. Always got my car same day or next day. He also comes and picks it up or gives me a ride home if it’s going to take hours. Never had this happen before. It’s a ford escort and I’ve been reading that transmission problems are common. Something about it combining the engine and the transmission to get better fuel mileage. To be honest everything I’m reading about it is scary so I quit reading about it.

Well, good that you've known him for years. I used to drive a Ford Escort. I really liked it!

Hmm. Well, maybe he really is super busy, waiting for the part, maybe someone is out sick. I hope it's ready tomorrow, Nammu

Beth, I understand your frustration with the therapy inconsistency and soon to be missing your doctor B. I'm curious if, putting her illness aside, do you otherwise like and feel comfortable with Mary? If so, maybe when she's well the frustration will ease. If she is sick, it's definitely not her fault.

This morning when I read about your roller skating, Blondie's "Heart of Glass" came to my mind, so I watched the video. It is definitely a great song for skating, in my book.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Beth, I understand your frustration with the therapy inconsistency and soon to be missing your doctor B. I'm curious if, putting her illness aside, do you otherwise like and feel comfortable with Mary? If so, maybe when she's well the frustration will ease. If she is sick, it's definitely not her fault. This morning when I read about your roller skating, Blondie's "Heart of Glass" came to my mind, so I watched the video. It is definitely a great song for skating, in my book.

I LOVE that video! Blondie was enormously popular when I was a hs senior, and yep - Heart of Glass is one of the songs I roller dance to. Great suggestion!

Your question is perfect. Thank you for asking it. I adore Mary, I love her. I would trust her with my life. I admire her, respect her, appreciate her. She's astoundingly intuitive. I would say that (besides the illnesses) the only issue I have with therapy with her is that she's forgetful. She tends to forget details I've told her that are important to me - although she does remember the truly important information. She says we'll work on something "next session for sure" - then she forgets she said it.

But aside from her absences I would definitely stay with her, yes.

I am so low that using the word low is an insult

lowest of the low

I woke up in a surprisingly good mood but already have thoughts of all kinds racing through my head... Trying to shove them back down and proceed with the day but it's tough.

Ugh 😣 between worry and the now 10mg, less than half of what I was taking. I’m not sleeping well. On top of that it was 74 in here despite it only being in the 60’s outside, very humid out. I did turn the AC on and that helped get rid of some of the humidity. My head is all buzzy from not enough sleep.

Would they mean once a year as in once every calendar year Jan-Dec? Most masks I’ve used the manufacturers recommend you replace them every 3 months or so. I’ve taken Wegovy - well the lower dose version of the same drug and I lost weight on it but didn’t like the side effects. I stopped taking it because it was so hard to get.

Not a ridiculous question I’ve only ever seen Koalas in wildlife parks and maybe at a zoo but I’m not sure about the zoo. They’re very cute but can hurt you. We lost thousands of them in the bushfires in 2019 and so many are getting wiped out by housing development knocking down the bush where they live. There’s not much room left for them in most areas. I’m pretty sure they’re an endangered species.

Wow having that many earthquakes is hard to imagine. I know our I guess you would call them our sister country / neighbour New Zealand is always having earthquakes and they have had some devastating ones. We get small ones but I don’t want to jinx us. It would be good if we could all have earthquake / tornado / cyclone / fire / flood proof homes. Maybe one day!

My medical problems abound. I went to the ER on Sunday because I was feeling very sick, weakness, racing heart, nausea, shaking…I thought maybe panic attack but I was worried to ignore it because RS was going to pick up his parents at the airport and I didn’t know how long he’d be gone. It turns out my sodium was low, almost low enough for them to admit me. They gave me a bag of saline and said I could stay in observation for the night but they wouldn’t force me to. Yeah, right. So I went on my merry way with the instruction to eat a lot of salty foods and drink only when I’m thirsty. I think I over hydrated myself but I was thirsty…I dunno. I feel ok now. I just can’t eat fatty foods. I get nauseous.

Now, I woke up this morning and my hand is USELESS because the pain is too intense for me to move it. I have a very high pain tolerance and this is overwhelming. I called the dr and have another appt this afternoon. The X-ray was normal so it’s something in the tendons, LIKE I SAID. I know he can’t help me immediately beyond giving me pain meds, which do not work for me.

Im so angry, I’m not holding back at the dr. Im going to spill everything and MAKE him listen. Im tired of being brushed aside. Something is WRONG. And I don’t know if anything is connected but everything went haywire three weeks ago. I need someone to connect the dots for me. And I BETTER not hear that I need to lose weight and this will all magically disappear.

I had my NP appointment today. I'm not happy about any of the changes she made. Increased my Depakote, added Klonopin, and told me to restart the paliperidone tablets. If the injection takes weeks to kick in then why did she take me off the tablets to begin with? And she didn't send it to the right pharmacy but it's easier to go to the wrong one than correct it. She didn't send over all my meds either. I'm kicking myself in the *** because I knew she wouldn't send it to the right place. And now they're giving me weekly pill packs so I don't OD but like I said she didn't send over all my meds so they're not going to be full and convenient.
Oh well. I don't even know when my next appointment with her is. I'll call later and be a pain in the arse and ask. Off to the very inconvenient pharmacy I guess.

Edit: even more pharmacy troubles. I’m too confused to explain but they’re working it out.

Edit2: Got the meds!!!!

My stomach was a mess last night. I skipped dinner. Actually I only had cheese to eat yesterday. My mom said my eating habits are terrible. I woke up at 11 to eat a small bag of chips. I just didn't sleep well because of the pain. I woke up at 4 something feeling decent. I took a shower and got dressed. I was able to eat a Lunchable without an issue. Now my stomach is a mess again. I've basically been starving myself since Friday morning because everything makes me feel sick and in pain. I can drink plain coke and thats about it. Even water is causing issues. I went to the gourmet food and health shop and picked up some fennel, purple potatos, and a purple cauliflower. I wanted exotic vegetables for some reason. I cut up the fennel but I haven't had any yet. Currently my stomach pain is like a 7 but still not enough for me to do anything more then take Advil. I have my gastro appointment on Monday and there are no other options for me besides waiting for that appointment. I do not want to go to the ER.

The fennel helped my stomach a lot and I felt better for about 45 minutes. Then I drank a protein shake to try to get some protein and the pain came back. So idk. My mom is accepting of all my own personal trans stuff but I don't think she totally gets everything else And I guess maybe I shouldnt expect her to. I told her about the interview Elliot Page did and how he was harrased and threatened on Sunset Boulevard and my mom said "I don't condone what the guy did but Elliot kind of did it to himself by putting himself out there by posting all those selfies and posing for those magazine pictures" I just ignored my moms remarks since I didn't feel like arguing with her ignorance. I took my first shirtless picture last week but I didn't post it or share it with anyone but it did feel great being able to do that.

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Originally Posted by HauntedWeirdo I woke up in a surprisingly good mood but already have thoughts of all kinds racing through my head... Trying to shove them back down and proceed with the day but it's tough.

Hi HW, welcome to the forum

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Originally Posted by Nammu Ugh 😣 between worry and the now 10mg, less than half of what I was taking. I’m not sleeping well. On top of that it was 74 in here despite it only being in the 60’s outside, very humid out. I did turn the AC on and that helped get rid of some of the humidity. My head is all buzzy from not enough sleep.

I hate that buzzy feeling. I'm trying to remember from visiting friends in San Antonio...do some a/c's have an anti-humidifier option?

Have you heard from the mechanic yet?

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 My medical problems abound. I went to the ER on Sunday because I was feeling very sick, weakness, racing heart, nausea, shaking…I thought maybe panic attack but I was worried to ignore it because RS was going to pick up his parents at the airport and I didn’t know how long he’d be gone. It turns out my sodium was low, almost low enough for them to admit me. They gave me a bag of saline and said I could stay in observation for the night but they wouldn’t force me to. Yeah, right. So I went on my merry way with the instruction to eat a lot of salty foods and drink only when I’m thirsty. I think I over hydrated myself but I was thirsty…I dunno. I feel ok now. I just can’t eat fatty foods. I get nauseous. Now, I woke up this morning and my hand is USELESS because the pain is too intense for me to move it. I have a very high pain tolerance and this is overwhelming. I called the dr and have another appt this afternoon. The X-ray was normal so it’s something in the tendons, LIKE I SAID. I know he can’t help me immediately beyond giving me pain meds, which do not work for me. Im so angry, I’m not holding back at the dr. Im going to spill everything and MAKE him listen. Im tired of being brushed aside. Something is WRONG. And I don’t know if anything is connected but everything went haywire three weeks ago. I need someone to connect the dots for me. And I BETTER not hear that I need to lose weight and this will all magically disappear.

Yes, yes! I hate it, but anymore only the squeaky wheel gets the grease. We have to basically fight for ourselves when it comes to medical stuff. And WOW am I fed up with the "lose weight" thing. When I was thin they were forever telling me that gaining weight was the answer to all problems. Now it's lose weight. And all of it is directed especially at women.

I hope you will really advocate for yourself today. Please let us know how your appointment goes.

btw, did anyone tell you why your sodium was so low?

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I had my NP appointment today. I'm not happy about any of the changes she made. Increased my Depakote, added Klonopin, and told me to restart the paliperidone tablets. If the injection takes weeks to kick in then why did she take me off the tablets to begin with? And she didn't send it to the right pharmacy but it's easier to go to the wrong one than correct it. She didn't send over all my meds either. I'm kicking myself in the *** because I knew she wouldn't send it to the right place. And now they're giving me weekly pill packs so I don't OD but like I said she didn't send over all my meds so they're not going to be full and convenient. Oh well. I don't even know when my next appointment with her is. I'll call later and be a pain in the arse and ask. Off to the very inconvenient pharmacy I guess. Edit: even more pharmacy troubles. I’m too confused to explain but they’re working it out. Edit2: Got the meds!!!! Possible trigger: tempted to take 'em all

Totally understand the feeling of wanting to take too many or take them all. Don't do it.

I'm surprised she prescribed K-pin. The mental health people are so weird about it now.

Welcome to the forum, @HauntedWeirdo! I hope that your thoughts have slowed back to normal by now and your day is getting easier.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed My stomach was a mess last night. I skipped dinner. Actually I only had cheese to eat yesterday. My mom said my eating habits are terrible. I woke up at 11 to eat a small bag of chips. I just didn't sleep well because of the pain. I woke up at 4 something feeling decent. I took a shower and got dressed. I was able to eat a Lunchable without an issue. Now my stomach is a mess again. I've basically been starving myself since Friday morning because everything makes me feel sick and in pain. I can drink plain coke and thats about it. Even water is causing issues. I went to the gourmet food and health shop and picked up some fennel, purple potatos, and a purple cauliflower. I wanted exotic vegetables for some reason. I cut up the fennel but I haven't had any yet. Currently my stomach pain is like a 7 but still not enough for me to do anything more then take Advil. I have my gastro appointment on Monday and there are no other options for me besides waiting for that appointment. I do not want to go to the ER. The fennel helped my stomach a lot and I felt better for about 45 minutes. Then I drank a protein shake to try to get some protein and the pain came back. So idk. My mom is accepting of all my trans stuff but I don't think she totally gets everything. And I guess maybe I shouldnt expect her to. I told her about the interview Elliot Page did and how he was harrased and threatened on Sunset Boulevard and my mom said "I don't condone what the guy did but Elliot kind of did it to himself by putting himself out there by posting all those selfies and posing for those magazine pictures" I just ignored my moms remarks since I didn't feel like arguing with her ignorance. I took my first shirtless picture last week but I didn't post it or share it with anyone but it did feel great being able to do that.

If it's your gallbladder causing the pain and nausea foods high in fat will really aggravate it.


Elliot Page is adorable. I'm not surprised about anyone being harassed on Sunset Blvd. I don't know where he was walking, but if it was through the nicer part it's very rare to see people walking there. Most of SS Blvd. is a cesspool. It's beautiful and fun to drive down because of the way you can see the sky, lots of tall palm trees, and the mountains around L.A. It's all good as long as you're safely in your car.


In the mid-90's I stayed in a hostel on Sunset Blvd. and I had to walk because I didn't have my car there. I'm not afraid to be in places, I'm just not. But that strip was one hell of a trip. The freakiest, scariest people and situations, everything imaginable. Really interesting, though. Any time there's a special event, when actors or whoever attend, the cops block off the entrance area really tightly, so all you can see are stretch limos. It is a scene there.

I do not agree with your mom on this one.

I'm thinking that Jennifer decided to go to Florida. I hope you check in, Jennifer

Today I'm trying to figure out how to come up with enough gas money to put 2 gallons in my car. If I can keep it at 1/4 tank it's something. I had ordered a toe ring from Etsy a few days ago, but decided to ask the shop owner to cancel it. I felt so bad to ask that. I was honest and told her that I need the $15 for gas. She was incredibly nice. David is riding his bike instead of driving. At least the heat doesn't bother him, he loves it.


Supposed to hear today whether or not Mary will be back for our Thursday appointment. I'm numb at this point.

I'm going to lie down, see if I can sleep a bit.

Unfortunately no but I appreciate the comment!

Yeah so many therapists are doing telehealth now its unsettling. I'm often the only one in my therapy clinics office regardless of the time of day. She's mostly remote for the summer. She goes in the office twice a week. Then my Pdocs office is a shell of its former self. Pre pandemic he was always running late so there would be the person in with him, the person next, then me, then the person after me. The office would be really full. On Thursday I was the only one there the entire time. Its just spooky how things have changed with therapy and how they haven't gotten back to normal.