After 16 years I can't accept I need meds for life.

Thank you. I see you as a close friend too. I took my meds. I wish things were simpler. I need to just accept meds but for some reason I haven't. I'm going to have to.talk to t on how to accept meds and fix things. I think I ****ed our lives up for months. But we'll see. H said he's thick headed so calling out all his problems was hurtful but he looks at his issues as lazy, as a moral failing but my issues as actual illnesses. Maybe we're getting somewhere.

Doing what needs to be done with the least amount of medication is usually the direction of treatment, I think, was...the way it used to always be.

So I found a breeder selling service puppies and applied for one. It's no obligation and it's $1k cheaper than the one I was looking at. So when I put the money together I'll be able to get one. They're huskies which I was originally looking for my son. But you can do a lot of training with 1k. I'm asking my parents if my dad would be afraid of a husky. Now to get my therapist and pdoc on board.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom Thank you. I see you as a close friend too. I took my meds. I wish things were simpler. I need to just accept meds but for some reason I haven't. I'm going to have to.talk to t on how to accept meds and fix things. ...

Thank you. That means a lot to me, Mm.

I think that talking to your t about your feeling regarding meds is a great idea.

I'm so angry I need meds. I want to dump the meds and say **** it this is me deal with it but I told T I was going to take them so I have to wait till I can talk to her. I'm suppose to be cleaning. was suppose to spend the night at miguel's but H wants me here. I hate when people are in our home. We both want to move but I ****ed that one up. We'll see, I don't see up passing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom I'm so angry I need meds. I want to dump the meds and say **** it this is me deal with it but I told T I was going to take them so I have to wait till I can talk to her. I'm suppose to be cleaning. was suppose to spend the night at miguel's but H wants me here. I hate when people are in our home. We both want to move but I ****ed that one up. We'll see, I don't see up passing.

Your house "guests" are still there? That alone would push me off the edge.

Yep they are. This week or next week should be they're last week. But HUD comes tomorrow and I get so nervous. I understand I'm not "healthy" enough to stay at my son's house. my mom's not to happy with me applying for another dog. It said no fee so I hope I didn't screw up something again. then I'll only have until November to come up with 2.5k. Plus I have to turn all the stuff in for Hud and assistance again. I'm usually the one that completes the forms but I can't like this. I still need to talk to my therapist about the service dog and the meds. Times going so slow for me. I wish I could just work to make up my **** ups not so bad. I may have to borrow money from my parents. I don't know how I say I went manic and spent $XXXX.XX in less then 2 weeks. Honestly I'm still spending $50+ a day.

Ok well I’m just going to be blunt since we have known each other for 107 years now

You have done this exact stuff over and over and over.

You hate meds, but you know you need meds but only X med or Y med. But no they take away my personality but if I don’t I get scared of life and won’t leave the bed. Maybe I can take z med but only if I really really need it but just as a prn. Does this sound or feel familiar ?

You and your husband have almost called it quits many many times a year.. you get annoyed and want a divorce he gets tired of trying to help you when you push him back back back. I think your husband has been a saint to be honest but it’s not his responsibility to make sure you should do what you need to do. Personal responsibility has to happen.

Your life is constant chaos more often than not. Aren’t you tired of it ?! So can you make changes to allow life to flow more easy ?

So honestly I think you really need to sit down with your T and figure out what’s best for you and you’re family.

I hope you don’t think I’m being rude but I’ve seen you struggle with all of this time and time again.

Hugs

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@~Christina, it does sound just like me. But it does take my personality away. Shouldn't I keep looking until I find meds that don't? I know it's not his responsibility and I tell him that. He is a saint.

I don't like who I am on the meds. Quiet, no motivated, thicker than I should be. I've been taking this particular cocktail for about a year regularly. So I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach my therapist about this because we're fairly new to each other. I have a feeling she's just going to say talk to pdoc. I don't know how to make my life less chaotic..

I don't think you're being rude. I just really don't know how to stop this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom .... I just really don't know how to stop this.

That is what you need to work on in therapy.

My mom said when I'm ready for another dog she'll help. So I'm going to try and save $75/month towards the dog and next litter I will get one (2.5 years from now) But that's while paying the debts I recently wracked up. My goal is to save the pet fee, vet fee, and training fees before getting the service dog. H doesn't want us to have 2 dogs at the same time. He's a bit upset my mom said she'd pay for it. I didn't even ask. I just told her I told the breeder that I'm going to wait until next litter. And she asked how much it was so I told her.

Yes you need to keep on a quest for finding the right meds and more so doses of them maybe you don’t need 50mg of X while on 100 of Y ….out of ever speciality of medicine psych is the hardest to find a good balance. I use to take 200mg of Seroquel XR for over a year and it did nothing for my sleep really. Last IP my pdoc there said “ nope I want you on 50mg Seroquel IR and see how it goes ! Well I finally was able to get consistent sleep. So its micro changing medications that I think where fine tuning can make a bigger difference than we could think of.

I would think if you are open and honest with your T about wanting and needing to find a good combo of meds she will have no problem working with you on learning coping and life skills because medications will only go so far. We gotta get up daily and do all the hard work we don’t want to. But by doing all that stuff we can find a rhythm and feel like we matter and our accomplishments are worthy of celebrating.

Just stay in the game and push to truly enjoy your life

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love sent your way !
bizi

Mm, do you feel there's a self-destructiveness to not wanting to take meds and instead, to fly too close to the sun? And if you do feel the self-destructiveness do you feel it, at least in part, because you're angry about some things?

I'm asking because when I feel anger towards certain people (my t for example) I feel like doing self-destructive things (such as taking too many pills). I want to let that person know in a major way that they have caused me emotional pain.

I think it's often a sign I'm going up or going down.

Well, then that is definitely treatable with medication. Your work in therapy seems to be, at least in part, how to accept that you will benefit from meds.

So my husband brought up raising puppies to pass the cgcu test. It would be an investment. But our returns will be better and it's something we can do. We'd have to start off slow. 1 dog at a time.

How are you doing MM?

I'm not sure I'm hyper focused on this dog idea. I'm calmer but flat. T wants me to talk to my Dr. my concerns is I don't sleep w/o the thorazine. It looks like my CP is getting worse. I know I should be grateful that I'm not in a wheelchair yet but it angers me and to know it will continue to get worse especially after moving to a colder climate bothers me.

Hugs
(sorry I can't add much to this discussion, I've had lots of distress for want of a different word, from meds)
I hope you feel a bit better soon

(For me personally I never find should'ing myself helps at all.