Bipolar check-in #68

Things have turned around. My sisters due date has been pushed to September 27th. So she's pretty stable right now. She sounded really good when she came to pick up my nephews. My mom said she is excited about going back to work. My lawyer called last night and said everything is all set to have my name changed at the end of the month. She'll be with me and my mom at the court house and the judge will ask some questions and it should go fairly easy. I am super excited. I'm really looking forward to my vacation now that I know my sister is stable and the name thing is for sure happening. I feel pretty good today.

I emailed my therapist half an hour ago because my therapy session is 2 days after the name change. And I don't think I can just go into a session without warning with a new name. I hope she isn't too pissed at me for not telling her. I just got my dates confused. I thought the court date was the day after our session. My brain has been a bit foggy lately I don't know if its what I'm eating or the Prestiq. I've just been getting confused on my dates.

So, the plumbing issue is resolved... somewhat. The part of the plumbing that was causing the issue was what feeds hot water to the kitchen sink and because everything under there was installed in the 70s, they had a completely different setup, sizes, the works. My replacement parts didn't work and the proper ones had to be special ordered. So, I just yanked (proverbially speaking) the offending connection out and capped the line. I know a proper hardware store in the area, but they're about 45 minutes out.

At any rate, no leak, but also no hot water for the kitchen sink. I'll take it for the meanwhile!

Got about 4.5 hours of sleep last night. Did more research on rebound insomnia and figure it will take a couple more weeks to get though this. So I’m planing on “ Keep Calm & carry on”. Until my appointment in two weeks.

Today in fitness the instructor read a leaflet on healthy living. The instructors are very much into whole health. Among other things it was suggested to take a picture each day of something that inspires you. I think I could find something for a couple weeks but after that I’d have a hard time. But I’m gonna do that starting today. That and the suggestion to end each day with gratitude. I do like to find things to be grateful for but doing it each day would be more helpful.

Third client in crisis this week. It’s a hard time
For
Folks.

Be kind to yourselves y’all

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom My mom surprised me a week ago. She's help me clean and pack my entire life. My hair was so bad I had to cut it really short but she dyed it so it doesn't look so bad. We had got an eviction notice right before she came. But they're letting us live out our lease.

Oh, wow. I'm so glad your mom was able to help you out like she did. And your hair will be so much easier to care for now.

Oh! I just saw your pic. CUTE hair cut and I love the colors!

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots First dose of Lamictal down. Next week I'm gonna tell my fss person to NEVER pick up my meds unless I explicitly state I am unable to drive, cannot get a ride, and need them delivered to my place. I'm just hoping one day they'll switch me over to a month's supply instead of a week's because going through this shyt every week is exhausting. The increased thorazine dose is helping me sleep so for that I am grateful.

Every week?! That is crazy. Exhausting, to say the least. Every month is hard enough.

The sleep is essential, I'm so glad you're getting it.

I agree about picking up your OWN meds!

So yesterday late afternoon med due called to ask how I was doing. ??? He reminded me that he can't increase the lithium until he gets the lab result. I told him that yeah, I got that already. I suppose he felt bad, was concerned, whatever, but I admit that I was a bit sharp with him. The last thing I need is another mental health provider to take care of. I'm learning, finally, that their feelings are their own and not for me to handle with kid gloves.

I asked him if he decided to raise the lithium dose (I'm sure he will) can we do so over the phone instead of me coming in AGAIN? He said, Oh, uhh, why, is it hard for you to come in? I was a bit snappy, yes. I told him that I have other medical appointments on Monday and Tuesday, and that, well, I have a life to live, ya know how it is....

So he said he'd "make an exception" and talk with me by phone so I don't have to come in. I was in a few days ago! Do I really have to sit right there in his office, just for him to tell me he's raising the dose? Seems more than absurd. If he hadn't seen me for weeks, sure - but a few days ago? Why?

Are these people aware of the gas prices in this state right now? Every time I turn my car on and run the a/c it costs $. Do I really have to spell it out for them? Apparently, I do. Nice to live a life of privilege. Speaking of which, Anne Heche just died. Gee, maybe not a good idea to drive at an excessive speed while all coked up.
I feel sorry for the woman whose house burned down when Heche slammed into it. I mean, that seriously sucks big time.

I'm sorry, I'm all bitter and shyte. I'm going to turn on the a/c and (literally) chill out. Then I'll be skating for some hours - following a cool shower. And re-reading one of the most profound novels ever written, East of Eden. But I won't attempt all three at once. Or perhaps I will.

I'll most likely be back tonight.

I had a rather heated argument with my husband after the appointments we had. As we weren't heading home (like I thought), but returned to s-i-l's, she witnessed it.

Too often, my husband makes decisions and plans without properly discussing them with me as "a partnership". That tendency makes me feel treated as a child. I've discussed this with him in the past, but his tendency continues on, at times. When with his sister and nephew, he tends to focus on conversing on certain such issues, in Czech, with them more than me, as I sit aside frustrated. I do partially or fully understand when they start getting too involved in our business. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against extended family "input" but not active pushes of what/how we should do yada yada, and again, not at times in a language I'm not fully understanding. Indeed, it was a time Hubby and I needed to be alone...heading home.

So, Hubby "informed me" we were staying another night this afternoon. Then this evening, he "informed me" we were all taking a trip tomorrow morning in the direction of the city we live in. When they're all sitting there at the time, it's hard to nix the idea. However, tomorrow I will be wearing today's dirty underwear because it was my plan to already be home as I type this. Right now they are all outside in the cold night air in front of a bonfire. I'm inside typing. I went in because I was a) tired, b) needed to tend to a physical health issue that I can't fully do so outside of home, c) don't have a jacket/sweater because I wouldn't have needed one if we returned home today and just DON'T want to borrow one, d) I've had enough socializing for the stressful couple days, e) I'm pissed off as hell, f) I wanted to write Hubby a note expressing my hurt and disappointment in his disrespect. A written note is often better than a verbal conversation as his knee-jerk reactions are usually defense, excuses, or similar. He inherited his family's "Always right" attitude, which is challenging to deal with. Though this is surely a factor in his treatment, I can't help but wonder if our 13 year age difference has also always been. Plus, perhaps my being on disability these many years. Prior to the latter, I was the bigger money earner. That helped ofset these other influences. Or, the dude is really a bit short on common sense.

Actually, I did pack an extra pair of underwear, but I wrote to him that I didn't. Not sure how else to guilt the sucker. He can't easily suggest I ask to borrow one of s-i-l's.

Ohhh @Soupe du jour, I very deeply feel for you. I swear, I was just messaging a friend on this forum who is angry and distraught over the same thing you've posted - and that I have also experienced this week!! - a husband who makes decisions, financial and otherwise, without consulting his wife.

Here's a skit by the great and brilliant Carol Burnett. Take a peek

Not much to say. I'm hoping my wheel on my car will be fixed tomorrow morning. Nervous about how it will go though. My step dad can't stay the whole time. Went out for b bim bop with N3 and his gf tonight. We had to stop at the store on the way back so I could get toothpaste. I got regular paste. All toothpastes seem to be whitening these days. Thanks Beth- now I'm stuck on Carol Burnett videos. It's supposed to go down into the 50s tonight so I've got the window over my bed open. I can hear summer bugs singing- crickets and others.

There is a 12 year difference between my parents, and I notice my Dad has always treated my Mom like a child. Made me decide at a very young age that I didn't want to get married.

I’ve been taking klonapin at night for sleep and 1 MG of Xanax for anxiety at work since I went back on Wed. It hasn’t helped much. I’m really, really struggling. She prescribed Propranolol to go along with the Xanax but I just picked it up after work this evening so I’m not sure how it will work.

I too think about my kids being traumatized and devastated. And I know how it is to be transfixed on the thoughts. Do you have a safety plan that you can refer to tonight? Is there an emergency or after-hours number you can call? If the thoughts get really bad, go to your local psych ER, if you have one. My thoughts are with you. I will be praying for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu ... ... it was suggested to take a picture each day of something that inspires you. I think I could find something for a couple weeks but after that I’d have a hard time. But I’m gonna do that starting today....

I love that idea! I'm not huge on the gratitude thing, only because I fear it can get into toxic positivity - and also because the concept butts heads with my stupid OCD fears, or PTSD, or whatever it is ("If I'm grateful for this that means it will be taken from me"). But I think the inspiration idea is beautiful. And fun.

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Not much to say. I'm hoping my wheel on my car will be fixed tomorrow morning. Nervous about how it will go though. My step dad can't stay the whole time. Went out for b bim bop with N3 and his gf tonight. We had to stop at the store on the way back so I could get toothpaste. I got regular paste. All toothpastes seem to be whitening these days. Thanks Beth- now I'm stuck on Carol Burnett videos. It's supposed to go down into the 50s tonight so I've got the window over my bed open. I can hear summer bugs singing- crickets and others.

You're welcome, hun. Any time I have some songs I can suggest that will get stuck in your head, too, if you want

WHAT is b bim bop? Sounds like a dance from 1947.

I buy toothpaste on Amazon (or from the natural foods store). It's called Auromere Auyervedic Herbal T-paste. It's lovely. All good ingredients and it's the only toothpaste I've found that doesn't burn my mouth.

I so enjoy hearing the summer bugs. I have my fingers crossed for your tire to be fixed tomorrow.

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Originally Posted by downandlonely There is a 12 year difference between my parents, and I notice my Dad has always treated my Mom like a child. Made me decide at a very young age that I didn't want to get married.

Makes a HUGE difference. My husband is 16 years older than I am and although it is me who caretakes him, he has always treated me like a not-very-bright child. It enrages me.

Thank you for telling us what's going on @cashart10.

1 mg Xanax and Propanalol aren't much. You're on stronger meds, right?

Also @cashart10- I understand the problem of not being able to go IP because of work. People can say all they want, but real is real. But do you know there's 988 now? You can call, chat online, or text. Just google 988 and all the options pop right up.

Oh I feel like crap

My inspiration today was my cat, he’s so laidback and calm. He inspires me to let go my fears.

I do like gratefulness but the understated kind not the gushy Pollyanna kind, the quiet contemplation. I can understand the fear of having something taken from you if you appreciate it too much. That’s a fear I used to have.

Starting Sunday the temperature will be 100 degrees, over 100 all week - including the hottest day of the year so far, which will be Tuesday, at 106 degrees. I have my new patient appointment that day with a new GP. Fortunately, the drive isn't very far. Although that's not entirely fortunate because the car a/c doesn't have a chance to kick in.

106 degrees


My life 24/7:

A few years ago when I was still in Texas there was a streak of over 100 degree days that went on for months. I holed up in my apartment and canceled most of my appointments because my car wasn’t working and there was no shelter at the bus stops. I never acclimated to the Texas heat. Mind you, I’m not a fan of the 40 below zero weather either but it never last for months. Oh Beth, that heat! I truly sympathize.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu My inspiration today was my cat, he’s so laidback and calm. He inspires me to let go my fears. I do like gratefulness but the understated kind not the gushy Pollyanna kind, the quiet contemplation. I can understand the fear of having something taken from you if you appreciate it too much. That’s a fear I used to have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu A few years ago when I was still in Texas there was a streak of over 100 degree days that went on for months. I holed up in my apartment and canceled most of my appointments because my car wasn’t working and there was no shelter at the bus stops. I never acclimated to the Texas heat. Mind you, I’m not a fan of the 40 below zero weather either but it never last for months. Oh Beth, that heat! I truly sympathize.

Yes...a heat wave. Thrills. Texas heat is vile and vicious because it stays right through the night. There's absolutely no break.

You know what gets me? The medical people tell you to be extremely cautious about overheating when you're on psych meds. Then they give you appointments on days that are over 100 degrees. I mean, what gives? I would cancel my Tuesday appointment, but then they'll get all pissy and not reschedule me for a month.

Okay, wow, I really hate when I see the title of a post and open it, thinking that I'll offer help to the person then I see something like I just read on this board. I really, really did not need to see that. Does the person truly want help or is the person a sociopath? Or a troll?
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Entirely different subject - prayers for @~Christina. And much love to her. She has a corneal ulcer.