Bipolar check-in #68

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I'm not quite sure what its called. She developed some kinda condition. She needs to see the doctor twice a week now until the 17th but like she can still go to work. So I guess thats a good sign that she doesn't have to be on bedrest. Shes a teacher and shes dropping my nephews off tommorow so she can set up her classroom. My mom said its something to be concerned about but nothing to panic about and she will be closely monitored. She is technically due in 2 months but she is delivering a month early and I think I've heard stories of babies being born 2 months early and being ok. They have to be in the hospital for a long time but they are ok. But hopefully she'll make it to the 17th.

Oh, babies born a month early do just fine nowadays. I got a kidney infection when I was a month away from my due date with my daughter. The infection caused my water to break, so my daughter had to be delivered quickly, by emergency cesarean. She was completely healthy - and that was 37 years ago!

If her OB didn't put your sister on bed rest I'm sure everything is going to be fine.

wfc, when is your pdoc appointment?

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I was watching the 6:30 national news and they showed a city with cars submerged around the area from a flash flood. Could have knocked me over with a feather when they named my city as the one in the pics. I knew it had been raining all day but didn’t think much of it. I’ve been hard at work today on a house project - cleaning out brother’s room. We’re thinking of converting it to either an office, home gym or meditation room. Trying to keep things positive. I’ve decided to go to that Griefshare class alone. I think it will be highly beneficial. There’s also a bible study starting Wednesday that I’m interested in. I guess I’m dipping my toes in slowly. I am still seeing my neighbor on a regular basis and he’s been a huge support and downright fantastic. Today was tough with brother’s room. It will take more than one day but I made real progress today. I’m pleased. I hope everybody has a peaceful evening.

Wow, so much rain. That's wild.

A meditation room would be so very lovely. I know that clearing out his room has to be very challenging.

I'm so glad you've decided to go to the Griefshare class. And how wonderful, about seeing your neighbor. It's been a little while now. What a blessing.

Oh, @BeyondtheRainbow I am so happy for you! Yippeee! So much good news. Finally seeing your psychiatrist in person is, imo, sooo much better than telehealth. And like you say, just get there early and it'll all be fine.

I'm much calmer and feeling more stable with the increased Lamictal dose. What an enormous relief. Why did med due tell me that Lamictal "isn't really a mood stabilizer"? I mean, yeah...I get that it's technically an anti-seizure med, but ???

The only concern I'm kind-of having is that all day my heartbeat is fluttering. It's uncomfortable and a little bit worrisome because the "Lamictal symptoms" lists say let your prescriber know right away if your heart beat is fluttering. Of course, if I contact him he'll tell me to drop the dose back to 200mg. and I'll go crazy again. So I'm thinking that I'll sleep tonight and see if I have the heartbeat thing tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't.

I'm not feeling confident with med dude. He was okay until I was in crisis, then he seemed to lose confidence, ability, and knowledge. And his lack of experience was glaring. So I am going to check around and hopefully get connected with someone who has more experience with psych meds. I may need to go to the town nearby, about 15 miles. The mental health services there are so much better because there is a very large university in that town. The gas cost is a big problem, but if I can plan a week or 2 in advance it would be a help.

I had a wonderful skate today! About 2 hours of pure joy! I have this idea of wearing my skates everywhere I go, but I suppose grocery stores would make a big deal out of it (although they don't have "no skates" signs).

David...ugh. Since he turned 75 his self-centeredness and his OCD has become extreme. His environment is seriously dangerous. A major fire hazard, filthy, and with almost no running water. His emotional abuse of me is to a point at which I see him much less than I have for some years. I'm going to try to avoid calling him or answering his calls tomorrow. I must have a break, especially if my heart is being weird like this. I need some peace in my body.

Well, luvs, I'm off to bed. @buddha1too, you're in my loving thoughts.

This afternoon we head to s-i-l's house. We have nothing else on our schedule today except seeing her. We wanted to stay there to ensure we don't miss our morning appointments regarding the property we might buy, tomorrow. Traffic on the highway north has been horrible, lately. I made a batch of red currant muffins and almond biscotti because s-i-l loved them in the past, but oddly they're not quite as good. I think I know why. Even made some chocolate hazelnut biscotti. They are so-so, too.

I went to my GP yesterday because of a physical ailment I've dealt with for over a week. Hopefully with what she prescribed I'll get over it. If not, I need to go to another doc who can deal with it more aggressively. It's a common condition I've had for decades, but this last week it's been more severe than ever. That on top of my mental stress regarding the property buy and move has been challenging. I'm not that old at just over 50, but I'm feeling so.

@*Beth*, I do have a bit of perfectionism about me, but not about everything and nothing in any severe way. With some stuff I'm quite laissez faire. For example, I can excuse myself looking a little unkempt in public or being overweight, and when packing I'm happy enough throwing some stuff in a box or closet, while Hubby perfects the arrangement. It's a matter of my personal priorities. I also easily let bygones be bygones...just move on and not dwell forever. Psychologically, that's helpful for me and a behavior I've mostly had throughout my life. I guess a personality trait. The perfectionism I do still have has even eased over the years.

My anxiety has been rough all day. I've had all my valiums and everything else I can take now. I think I really just need to eat something legit. I haven't eaten much since Tuesday night. This morning I went to a gas station I don't normally go to and I found some cool sodas. Then I went to the grocery store to pickup some more applesauce and some more containers of orange tic tacs. My sister is dropping my newphews off in a bit so she can set up her classroom. Basically I'd feel a lot better physically and emotionally if I ate a package of gluten free pad thai noodles. Zero gIuten and zero sodium, but theres carbs which I think I need right now.

My therapist wants me to get an actual food and allergy test done from my doctors and also get checked for celiacs disease. According to the at home test I did I'm highly senstive to quite a few gIuten products including wheat. So I don't think I'm being a "hypocrondiac" I know the high red blood count level was a legit issue and not in my head and I'm getting on going treatment for it.

I just woke up from a 2 hour nap. I ate some noodles before and I do feel better mental health wise. Although I'm in a bit of a fog. I'm not really sure, most nights now I'm getting between 9-11 hours of sleep. I said it would all make sense soon though.

I called my stupid pharmacy yesterday to see if my Lamictal was ready (I couldn't give two shyts about the thorazine, I have like three months worth) and they didn't even say if they got the prescription just "your ACT team will pick your meds up for you. Bye." wtf? So, not even sure if doc sent over the lamictal, not sure if it's ready today, haven't had a call from anyone from ACT telling me to pick it up from them or they'll deliver it or anything... what happened to the days you'd see your doc in person, they'd write some scribbles on a pad, you'd bring the paper to the pharmacy, wait 30 minutes, and get your bottle??

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots ... what happened to the days you'd see your doc in person, they'd write some scribbles on a pad, you'd bring the paper to the pharmacy, wait 30 minutes, and get your bottle??

Yes. What happened, indeed.

I don’t know. I like the electric transfers for prescriptions. I see the doc then go about my business, get an email from my pharmacy that the meds are ready then go though the drive though and pick them up. No waiting around. If I have a bladder infection or something similar I can just call the clinic and they send the prescription in, no need to see the doc and get a script. Just drive though the pharmacy. Even better back when I didn’t have a car. The prescription was called into the pharmacy nearest me and I could walk there pick it up without waiting for it.

Well, at my pharmacy that I am now forced to use your doctor sends in the (typically incorrect) prescription(s), you don't get called when you're ready you just call every morning until they say it's ready, then you get down there and they say "we have a question for the nurse." Then you walk around the city for two hours, go back, ask if it's done, and they say "five minutes."

And with ACT it's even more complicated. Like I just found out yesterday they picked up my meds then today dropped them back off at the pharmacy. Soo if I hadn't been on ACT I could've picked them up yesterday myself and started the Lamictal today but now I have to wait until tomorrow.

Wow that’s unnecessary and incredibly incompetent. No wonder you’re pissed.

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Originally Posted by Nammu I don’t know. I like the electric transfers for prescriptions. I see the doc then go about my business, get an email from my pharmacy that the meds are ready then go though the drive though and pick them up. No waiting around. If I have a bladder infection or something similar I can just call the clinic and they send the prescription in, no need to see the doc and get a script. Just drive though the pharmacy. Even better back when I didn’t have a car. The prescription was called into the pharmacy nearest me and I could walk there pick it up without waiting for it.

Well, my pharmacy is a small, independent one and it's a few blocks from my apartment. They deliver my meds at no cost, which is terrific. So in that sense the electronic transfer is good. The part I'm not fond of is not having that piece of paper in my hand and being able to hand it to a pharmacist - I'm talking days way back, before pharmacy techs were the ones who handle things, while the pharmacist is hidden way in the back. But those days are long gone.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots Well, at my pharmacy that I am now forced to use your doctor sends in the (typically incorrect) prescription(s), you don't get called when you're ready you just call every morning until they say it's ready, then you get down there and they say "we have a question for the nurse." Then you walk around the city for two hours, go back, ask if it's done, and they say "five minutes." And with ACT it's even more complicated. Like I just found out yesterday they picked up my meds then today dropped them back off at the pharmacy. Soo if I hadn't been on ACT I could've picked them up yesterday myself and started the Lamictal today but now I have to wait until tomorrow.

Yes, again I so understand your frustration. Absolutely. They make it sooo difficult to get your meds, then when you've had enough and say f**k it - they call you non-compliant. My pharmacy never calls to tell me I have meds ready, I always have to call them. Just the whole process, it's exhausting.

Tired at the moment and wish I could crawl into bed and sleep until tomorrow morning. I guess I did a stupid thing. I had a therapy appointment, then realized the blood lab is close to the therapy clinic. So I drove to the lab, did this weird sign-in that was completely by computer. No receptionist, not a single employee in this big room. It was stifling hot; apparently their air conditioning was down.

Anyway, the woman called me back quite quickly and I had my blood taken. As I sat there it dawned on me that I haven't taken the lithium for several days, because that dipshyte med dude raised the Lamictal dose and I didn't have the gas money to get to the lab, so I just stopped taking the lithium.

Ha, so I have no idea what will happen now. Will the blood lab show zero lithium, or ???

This whole thing is so insane.

I talked to the program dr today and she said to try 3mg of haldol to see if that helps the side effects without screwing up my mind. I figure it’s worth a shot bc if I start having paranoia again I can just immediately up it back to 4mg.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I talked to the program dr today and she said to try 3mg of haldol to see if that helps the side effects without screwing up my mind. I figure it’s worth a shot bc if I start having paranoia again I can just immediately up it back to 4mg.

Good! I hope the Haldol does the job.

I had fun at my building's women's coffee social this morning. One woman had had a handsome contractor in and i had tried to get her to let me make an excuse to come over but she didn't want me distracting him so we funned about that. We were outside today in the garden because it was so nice out and i had my dog with me so i just brought her to the group. My dog didn't speak but she listened supportively, haha!

The days are getting shorter and the wild energy of my mania has evaporated and i have to pace myself rigorously. I try to just do one chore a day. My mood is okay tho, so thankful for that. Still enjoying life but just accepting that i have only a small fraction of the energy i had while manic and have to prioritize ruthlessly. I went to my drop-in yesterday for just the first hour. I had been going 12 hours a week. Now i'm just going one hour a week.

An appealing man made a gesture yesterday. It could mean anything. When i went to leave he leapt to his feet, dashed to the door and held it open for me. We've connected over our interest in African wear. He's very positive and pleasant and educated and a former electrical engineer and he's nice and tall and has a car and knows how to cook and is my age.

I'm too exhausted to consider romance at the moment tho. And anyways, his gesture could have meant anything. Or nothing. No matter, i don't have the energy for a relationship now so i'll just be casual drop-in friends with him. If he's still around when i get manic next April i can take action then.

It was so nice to see my pdoc for real today! I of course was late because I left an hour early so I would have time to find her but got caught in 40 minutes of stand-still construction and then was confused about where I was going, but I did make it (and she's always late so probably my late was just about when she was ready). She is letting me lower my clozaril dose a little, just 2 nights per week at first and then next month maybe another night until we're down to even doses if I tolerate it. We've not changed my dose in 5 or 6 years and I'm having some side effects that are bothersome so ief this work it would be wonderful. I'm not starting it until I get home from vacation next week though.

I forgot how long the 5 hours of driving roundrtip to see her is. At least I know now where her office is and that I should just use the valet parking. It's only a little more expensive and is way, way easier where her office is now. In fact parking is so bad she's parking at her old parking lot and walking to avoid the closer lot. Enough said....

I hope tonight is restful. Sometimes I get wired after that drive. At least the construction site was done for the day on the way home.

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow ... I forgot how long the 5 hours of driving roundrtip to see her is. At least I know now where her office is and that I should just use the valet parking. It's only a little more expensive and is way, way easier where her office is now. In fact parking is so bad she's parking at her old parking lot and walking to avoid the closer lot. Enough said....

Oh, good, I'm glad you now know right where her office is. That is a long round-trip! Good for you for being such a reliable patient.

So, I'll be on the job a day later than anticipated, but my supervisor said starting Tuesday would be a done deal and even gave my start time! I'm thrilled!

The leaky pipe became a very leaky pipe today. I managed to plug the hole (somewhat) with duct tape and got the replacement parts lined up to install in the morning. My mistake: asking my dad for a roll of duct tape and answering honestly. I get home, plug the hole and start housekeeping stuff. I pick up my phone after two hours: eight missed calls from both dad and cousin. Cue faux indignation, gaslighting and interference to the point I could realistically call the cops on them both. They want to fix my sink for me, even though I know how?

The utilitarian part of me says let 'em, especially if they're paying for it. Of course, there's the "Let's rip out the pipe and let the house rot away under a standing pool of water so his "commands" are ignored and his investment is for naught." part of me. Not a wise move at this juncture. Anybody ever met anyone that makes you want to "cut off your nose to spite your face?"

Tomorrow will be interesting. Hopefully a resolution on the plumbing side of things!

My mom surprised me a week ago. She's help me clean and pack my entire life. My hair was so bad I had to cut it really short but she dyed it so it doesn't look so bad. We had got an eviction notice right before she came. But they're letting us live out our lease.

Your haircut is really cute and the colors are cool, Miguel'smom. I'm glad you're mostly packed and had some valuable help. My husband and I have had the assistance of a friend, so I know the value.

We're about to leave for some necessary tasks relating to our upcoming new home. I hope the current owner remembers to unlock everthing. Hubby sent a reminder, but didn't hear back. I think I wrote that I'm doing all of the measurements. At least I'll be alone and not tagging along barely understanding the business stuff. On our way here yesterday I asked Hubby to not have his sister and nephew tag along. I reconsidered this mkrning, but he had already told them that it's best not to have too many people there. I guess I am relieved, as both are kind of types that would get too involved. Plus, I don't want anyone breathing down my neck.

First dose of Lamictal down. Next week I'm gonna tell my fss person to NEVER pick up my meds unless I explicitly state I am unable to drive, cannot get a ride, and need them delivered to my place. I'm just hoping one day they'll switch me over to a month's supply instead of a week's because going through this shyt every week is exhausting.

The increased thorazine dose is helping me sleep so for that I am grateful.