Bipolar check-in #68

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Originally Posted by Moose72 So now he said "Let's postpone getting together until Wednesday,"! WTF is wrong with him? If he cancels again I'm gonna have to de-friend him. Lots of that going around lately.

That's BS, Moose. I don't think he deserves any more chances after this.

How did you appointment go, @Nammu?

How did you appointment go, @Nammu?

It’s tomorrow afternoon so I don’t know yet.

I do know I slept last night. It took awhile to fall asleep but I slept 7.5 hours!

Well my name is now legally changed. I was a nervous wreck the entire time. There was one other person in the name change department. I assume another trans man. About the same age as me. He didn't have a lawyer with him or any family. I felt bad for him. Anyways since I had a lawyer I got called up first. I was like a deer in headlights. I had to raise my right hand and all that. I answered all the questions correctly but I was basically dissociated the entire time. I didn't know if I had to face the audience or the judge. So I was halfway facing the judge and halfway facing my lawyer. The whole thing took less then 5 minutes and then my lawyer ushered me and my mom out so I didn't get a chance to hear the other guy. But yeah I have my correct name now. I didn't have my hat on and I still got gendered correctly by the security guard. Although he called me "buddy" I didn't get any strange looks from anyone although I was very well dressed and I had blown dried my hair. I had major sensory overload when my mom and I got in the car and I didn't feel like going out to eat or anything. I just wanted to go home and take my meds. I couldn't take any of the ones that make me drowsy before I went. Once I got my meds inside of me I felt much better and I am estatic now.

So I woke up at 6 am. So basically I took a 2 hour nap last night. All was fine, bugs ✓, someone felt behind me✓, seeing things in my side vision ✓,and then my fingers got tingly, and I was convinced my finger nails were going to fall off. I had to wake up my husband for reassurance. Took my meds really early to deal with it and laid down for the day. I haven't fallen asleep. Now I'm tired but okay-ish.

Congratulations, @Mountaindewed.

That's one heck of a night's sleep, @Nammu!

Had another dream that honestly should have seemed more positive than the feelings surrounding it. Anyway I had trouble getting out of bed again. I actually had the day off from program and I knew that if I just sat around all day I would be as depressed as yesterday. I was gonna go to my gma’s again but decided not to but I did decide to go to the gym. After I walked the half hour I felt better. I came home starving though so I quickly ate a bowl of brown rice, a banana, and a mini ice cream cone. I wanted to eat more but I stopped myself. I was so tired though, I fell asleep. But at least I woke up in time to pick up CR this time!

I started to feel a little down again so RS and I decided to go on a walk in the park. There’s a little trail that’s partially through the woods and partially on pavement. It was so nice out when the sun was setting. Still warm but with the lower angle of the sun not as hot as it’s been at sunset in the middle of the summer! And there was a very nice breeze.

So now I feel better. And I have not binged today. I know that will only make me feel worse about myself. I Will probably have a snack soon. Just to keep me full until I fall asleep.

Now he called today to say he can still do tomorrow BUT he'll only have 2 hours to spend with me. Saturday would be better, he said, as he will have FIVE hours to spend. Doesn't matter. No matter when I say I want to get together, he will cancel- probably at the last minute!

🎉🎉🎉 Congrats @Mountaindewed !

I feel so bad for you @Miguel'smom.

Beth, how are you feeling? Did you get a lab drawn?

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ...

WOW, what an amazingly special experience for you!

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Now he called today to say he can still do tomorrow BUT he'll only have 2 hours to spend with me. Saturday would be better, he said, as he will have FIVE hours to spend. Doesn't matter. No matter when I say I want to get together, he will cancel- probably at the last minute!

I'm sorry.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Had another dream that honestly should have seemed more positive than the feelings surrounding it. Anyway I had trouble getting out of bed again. I actually had the day off from program and I knew that if I just sat around all day I would be as depressed as yesterday. I was gonna go to my gma’s again but decided not to but I did decide to go to the gym. After I walked the half hour I felt better. I came home starving though so I quickly ate a bowl of brown rice, a banana, and a mini ice cream cone. I wanted to eat more but I stopped myself. I was so tired though, I fell asleep. But at least I woke up in time to pick up CR this time! I started to feel a little down again so RS and I decided to go on a walk in the park. There’s a little trail that’s partially through the woods and partially on pavement. It was so nice out when the sun was setting. Still warm but with the lower angle of the sun not as hot as it’s been at sunset in the middle of the summer! And there was a very nice breeze. So now I feel better. And I have not binged today. I know that will only make me feel worse about myself. I Will probably have a snack soon. Just to keep me full until I fall asleep.

Good for you for not bingeing. I know that is so difficult. I cannot keep sweet foods in my home because I will binge on them. It wasn't really a problem for me, but during covid when I was stuck inside I found myself bingeing.

The trail in the park sounds lovely. I recently discovered a sweet little park, not far from my apartment. I can skate there if I ever get well.

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow Beth, how are you feeling? Did you get a lab drawn?

Thank you for asking, Rainbow.

No, I haven't had a lab draw because I think I've caught something. I haven't been this sick in about 9 years. I had the nausea going on for some days until Sunday night when I got violently nauseated, vomiting, etc. Praise the Universe, the nausea seems to have abated. Now my stomach is just a wreck and I think I'm running a fever. And chills. More than anything, absolutely fatigued. Could sleep for a week.

I don't think I have covid, although both receptionists at my therapist's office were sick, tested positive for covid a week ago, and have to be out. There's one receptionist in particular that I spend time talking with and there's no plexiglass, she's just behind a counter. So it isn't impossible that I have covid - and I'll tell you what, if I do I'm sure glad I was vaccinated + 2 boosters, because I cannot imagine being any sicker than this and not being hospitalized.

But, who knows. I may just have a virus. Ugggh, I had a dream that I had AIDS. Always a terribly sad, upsetting memory for me...my father lived in San Francisco between 1975 and 1988, he was an interior designer, and so, so, so many of his colleagues either died of AIDS or were close to men who did. And I have several friends who are HIV+ - although the treatment now is a miracle. A blessing.

Anyway, the AIDS memory crept into my dream.

It's going to take a while to recover from this thing.

I'm sorry you are so sick Beth. I will say that doesn't sound like lithium toxicity. Totally understand not getting the lab drawn because you are so sick. I had that happen once.

I wish I could bring you Gatorade and make toast for you.

So I just woke up a little bit ago. I'm doing better than I was. But h is up I have to get back on a better sleep schedule. I'm going to take my meds again tonight even though I took them this morning.. I don't have time for this. Thank you guys for all the hugs.. and my nails didn't fall out like h promised they would not.

So, I was in an awkward position tonight. I misjudged the amount of gas I needed to get back home, to the extent that being behind any slow car would leave me by the side of the road. I live 30 miles from my workplace. Any money I could withdraw doesn't become available until 6am. I called my parents and I got the "How could you put yourself in this position?" spiel. Like I'm calling from jail. Also, sleeping in my car for the night or losing my new job and starting the unemployment process again? You can guess what I was thinking.

After exhausting every avenue I could think of, I put on the hat of the supplicant. I begged. I pleaded. I appealed to decency and a small amount of pity. Someone was willing to spot me a small amount for gas. I'm grateful for his charity, but I hate it at the same time. Given how my family reacts to any charity that's asked for, can you blame me?

It's not even poverty that put me in that position. It's just bad timing. Also, if my gas had held up even a tiny bit better, I would have made it to 6am. I do want to pay that young man back. In a nod to the Lannisters from Game of Thrones, Aurelius pays his debts.

I got mixed up on my days. How could tomorrow be Wednesday already? I have no idea where Monday went. I hope you get such good sleep tonight, too, @Nammu, and that your appointment goes very productively.

You are so kind @BeyondtheRainbow. I love toast and it's silly - I don't own a toaster. I have promised myself to buy one by fall.

Thanks @buddha1too

Thanks @Moose72

Thanks @Beth*

Congratulations, @Mountaindewed! I imagine this will make your life even a bit easier and certainly more comfortable for you.