Bipolar check-in #68

Thank you @soup du jour. Yeah now finding a job and stuff like that won't cause so much stress and anxiety and I won't have to worry when I go to the doctors. They are normally pretty good though.

Goodness I do hope you get better soon! It could be Covid but since you can’t really go out anyway I don’t suppose it’s totally necessary to get tested given that there’s still not much they can do about it. If you ever got some home tests you could do one of those just to see. You will get better though, I know it’s taking a long time but the fact that you can hold down food is a good sign.

Try to get as much sleep as possible, I know it’s hard with your cat but sleep will help too. That’s what I had to do when I had Covid. I think I slept most of the day for five days!

I kinda hope they drug test me today at my appointment. To prove how absolutely fked I am. I need a little help beyond 50mg of Lamictal (which I threw up today) and "do a self-care day."

I am in boatloads of pain right now. Withdrawing from like four things right now (including Invega).

My head keeps repeating "11, 42, to the universe I say adieu"

I’m really sorry to see this. What a situation to be in. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope something can be worked out soon.

Congratulations @Mountaindewed. Yay!

Thinking of you

@*Beth* how are you feeling?

I’m still under the weather. I had an appointment yesterday to get checked out but felt too poorly to go. I know, I know. That makes zero sense. I even had a ride. I just could NOT get out of bed and get ready. I’ve rescheduled for Tuesday. I would have made it sooner but we’ve waited a month to take Mom’s Passat into the dealership in the morning for the engine light being on and that’s the only car we’re driving right now. My AC is out and I am really uncomfortable driving brother’s big ole truck. I’d never ask sister for a ride. Not going there. Too toxic.

I talked to my daughter for awhile last night, watched a good movie and had a good meal of meat loaf, baby carrots, green beans and strawberry daiquiri sparkling water. That lifted my spirits.

The pool closes Monday. That’s a departure from the norm. I’m going to try to get down there each day starting tomorrow until it closes. Just not well enough today.

I have a tracker on my phone that lists the dates I’ve left the house. The pool is so close it doesn’t register as a leave. Anyway, my phone says I haven’t left the house since July 30. Either that’s an error, I’m confused or I’ve been sick and in bed for longer than I thought. Concerning.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Well last night I didn’t sleep well but it was party my fault for. Reminiscing on the past. I was stuck in a loop about my first hospitalization, it was traumatic but it’s in the past. After I let go of the past and concentrated on my breath and my visual calm image I fell asleep. Still 4 hours isn’t enough but I did go to aqua fitness this morning. I forgot to re- set the alarm I had it an hour too early.

Thanks @Jennifer 1967

Congrats @Mountaindewed!

I started volunteering the other day, first day was Monday. It's not really a position, you can sign up for a shift to volunteer any time. I signed up to do it 3 days this week and some days next week

Mondays shift was easy. Todays was hard. I was cutting tomatoes and filling salad dressing containers. I was about to serve people lunch on the main line and then they switched me over to the salad bar, that threw me off and I got extremely nervous, panicky, and almost cried but I didn't, I kept myself from crying, it was hard because the tears were right there waiting to come out. But I pushed through it. I was very shaky when serving the first couple of people their salads but it got better after that and the rest of the shift went really well. I don't deal well with stress or feeling pressure obviously. But I am going back again on Friday.

I felt the urge to flee as soon as I felt like I was about to cry but I managed to stay, so I'm proud of myself for that

I know it may seem stupid but I don't do well with feeling pressure or stress and I also have severe social anxiety

Thanks @Blue_Bird.

My appointment went fine. There was no interpreter which makes them more nervous than it does me. I’m used to reading lips and he took his mask off for me. I pretty much navigate the world without sound or an interpreter. He’s really insistent on getting my sleep regulated and I really didn’t want to try the new one he suggested. But every drug comes with scary sounding side effects. So I’m going to be back on the ambien at 5 mg as needed. He’s not in favor of stopping the AP but we can talk more once my sleep gets regulated. After the appointment I stopped in the grocery store to get ice cream and mum’s cinnamon rolls, then stopped at the gas station to fill up. With my cents off gas was down to $3.20 a gallon! It was just $17.75 to fill up.

I got up and went straight to the gym this morning. I brought an old dish towel to help with my face getting sweaty. I got very sweaty! I watched "The View" while I walked- it's such a silly show. And Whoopi Goldberg looks terrible- old and tired.

I came home, took a shower, called C. He was still at work even though it was after noon. We talked about half an hour and I had lunch.

I wrote a long-overdue email to my friend G. Last one was in May! We've been writing emails for almost 20 years! We've yet to meet. I look forward to his reply.

I went to my mom's to water her flowers and this time, it seems that the painter did do some work. I still don't completely trust the situation but I'm doing what my mom asked me to.

Did the dishes and now I'm watching "Only Murders in the Building" on Hulu. I'm way behind. I'm trying to catch up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Goodness I do hope you get better soon! It could be Covid but since you can’t really go out anyway I don’t suppose it’s totally necessary to get tested given that there’s still not much they can do about it. If you ever got some home tests you could do one of those just to see. You will get better though, I know it’s taking a long time but the fact that you can hold down food is a good sign. Try to get as much sleep as possible, I know it’s hard with your cat but sleep will help too. That’s what I had to do when I had Covid. I think I slept most of the day for five days!

Thank you, wfc

I'd take a covid test just out of curiosity, but I don't even want to drive with my mind all loopy. And David is useless today because he's all wound up about something with his car and mean and nasty to me, as usual.

Anyway, your advice is very good. I had to do laundry finally today, I just have to make it through the steps of getting the laundry done. Then I will sleep. I hope I can make it through the laundry, I am so exhausted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I kinda hope they drug test me today at my appointment. To prove how absolutely fked I am. I need a little help beyond 50mg of Lamictal (which I threw up today) and "do a self-care day." I am in boatloads of pain right now. Withdrawing from like four things right now (including Invega). My head keeps repeating "11, 42, to the universe I say adieu"

Boots, how did your appointment go?

Your head is pretty clever. 😊

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I’m still under the weather. I had an appointment yesterday to get checked out but felt too poorly to go. I know, I know. That makes zero sense. I even had a ride. I just could NOT get out of bed and get ready. I’ve rescheduled for Tuesday. I would have made it sooner but we’ve waited a month to take Mom’s Passat into the dealership in the morning for the engine light being on and that’s the only car we’re driving right now. My AC is out and I am really uncomfortable driving brother’s big ole truck. I’d never ask sister for a ride. Not going there. Too toxic. I talked to my daughter for awhile last night, watched a good movie and had a good meal of meat loaf, baby carrots, green beans and strawberry daiquiri sparkling water. That lifted my spirits. The pool closes Monday. That’s a departure from the norm. I’m going to try to get down there each day starting tomorrow until it closes. Just not well enough today. I have a tracker on my phone that lists the dates I’ve left the house. The pool is so close it doesn’t register as a leave. Anyway, my phone says I haven’t left the house since July 30. Either that’s an error, I’m confused or I’ve been sick and in bed for longer than I thought. Concerning. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I understand how you couldn't make it to your appointment. You've rescheduled, so that;s a positive thing.

Gosh, the pool is already closing? Will it be autumn for you in September?

I'm sending you love and peace. Be gentle with yourself, Jennifer.

I hope you can make it through the laundry, too. You deserve a good hard, deep sleep- one that lasts 2 hours but feels like 5 minutes.. Doesn't have to be long, just wonderful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird ...

Birdie! Congratulations! Wow, I so admire you for volunteering, and pushing through your anxiety is amazing! You done good

Today was sort of a mess. I feel better now though. I woke up at 1:45 still feeling the high of the name change. I tried a gummy melatonin but it didn't work so I stayed up. My weight was good. Today was the day I get my weekly shot.


I am getting an outpouring of support from friends and family on Facebook about my name change. Some who never liked any of my stuff before. I feel very supported. My weekly shot like last week is making me nauseated and I've lost my apptite a bit. I had some soup and a protein shake and some ramen. So I did eat some things. I see my therapist tommrow morning and I've lost about 6 pounds since we last met. I hope she won't give me too much trouble.

Anyways this morning was rough but things are better now.

I am so glad your appointment went well @Nammu. I have a hatred of Seroquel, but I will say that a very low dose (25mg.) does help with sleep without causing all the terrible side effects. Just an idea.

I am awed at how well you accept and function without hearing. It's amazing to me. How old were you when you lost your hearing?

I was about 3 1/2 when I got the measles. I was too young to ask why I couldn’t hear anymore, I just thought that’s how it was. It was my grandma who noticed I couldn’t hear any more. I can very clearly remember when she took me to the doctor and he used a tuning fork, when he placed it on the bone behind the ear I could hear it. They sent me to a special preschool and I did so well that they had me start regular school instead of Deaf school. I was the first person in the state to be main streamed.

Alright. It was just the injection, quick & easy. No drug test. Driving was awful though. Thankfully I switch teams so I no longer have to drive 3 hours round trip or sleep in my car for any appointments.