Bipolar check-in #68

Finally the big lump on my arm has gone down! It’s still there but a smaller bump that doesn’t itch like crazy, and the warmth is gone too! So finally I’m getting back to normal. I didn’t go to aqua fitness this morning as I was still number 6 on the waiting list when I went to bed last night. So I didn’t set my alarm and I did take 5 mg of sleeping meds. So I slept. Cool dreams of where I was at a convention and we were doing team building exercises and solving puzzles. Just before I woke up we were being shown the solutions, ohhh if only I could have hung on a bit longer to see the solutions! Now I’ll never know!

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed My mom freaked out and went over to the pharmacy right away. They fixed it and had to make a report about it. I wonder if anyone will get into trouble. You can really screw someone up by doing something like that.

Sure can! Good that they had to make a report.

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom We're sick. So no injection for me. 14 days starting yesterday. Don't know what to do about the inspection or my meds. I miss Miguel.

I'm sorry, Mm.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots Well, looks like I won't be picking up meds today...!!!!! the only pills I'm taking now are for side effects from the injection. Yeah, I just called the pharmacy and the call won't go through and I'm about 99% sure my doc didn't send over the refills so I'm not going down until I get a hold of them on the phone. Every time I call this stupidass pharmacy it says "Welcome to Verizon Wireless, your call cannot be completed blah blah blah" but I can call anybody else just fine.

WTF?!?! Have you gotten through yet?

I'm so glad that you've turned a corner for the better!

Maybe I missed this but where are you going on your vacation?

Nope. I tried calling before I left and still couldn't get through. They're closed for the day now.

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Meet the peer support person. She was supposed to be here at 3pm and I got off my exit at 3:05pm and I still beat her. She wants me to apply for housing ASAP and try to come up with some big goals for myself and then next time we meet we'll break them down. If I could do anything, I would go back to school, get a STEM degree, and get some sort of gig in engineering or research. But the thing is I have zero ability to sit still and focus on one thing for more than five minutes. I just hope I can find a place of my own before my dad dies (which for all I know could be tonight).

I see t in person tomorrow thank God. I’ve been struggling so bad with trauma this week since I last saw him.

If I had just told someone about the abuse. Instead I hid it for ten years. I went to school with bruises and kids made fun of me. I had so many chances to tell. I could have told a teacher, preacher or even the social workers who came to school. I could have told. Now I’m messed up. My mental health is my own damn fault.

I feel similarly. Even my bus driver knew and she brought it up to me and I just said "I can handle it." That was my big chance to tell someone and have the dude put in jail for years, but I blew it. But we were just kids, doing whatever we were raised to do. I can't count the times my dad said "any attention is good attention" and that mentally engrained from a young age (coupled with neglect) really f**ked me up.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 ...I didn’t realize how very stressful it was working hard to keep brother alive until that stress was removed. So much less stress, sleeping better, hair growing back quickly, no more hopelessness and the list goes on. I loved him dearly. Having said that, there has been a silver lining or two. I feel guilty even thinking it. ...

Please work on not feeling guilty, Jennifer. Trust me...that sense of relief is a very, very normal part of processing through the grief process. It's wonderful that you are aware of it and able to express it.

@HALLIEBETH87 @MuddyBoots

It is extremely unusual for children to "tell." I remember very clearly 2 things. One, that I didn't know what a "normal" family was and two, that even though I was extremely anxious and depressed in my home I was terrified of being removed and put in some strange place, away from my school and my friends, and leaving my very ill mother alone with only my insane and exceedingly abusive step-father.

Thank you @moose

Wow, so here it is August. "Hot August Nights." We'll see. Today is again slightly, oddly humid and there was the magnificent scent of rain, only a few measly drops fell. There is a terrible wildfire up north, though, and dry lightning makes it much worse.

At any rate, summer weather is far from over for us; the heat is likely to continue until Halloween - although hopefully, we'll have some chilly mornings.

My son just told me that San Fran(cisco) is "foggy and cool." Sounds like nirvana.

I am doing substantially better. I haven't taken extra Lamictal, so I believe it's the Luvox (SSRI with a focus on obsessive thinking) that is helping. And I'll see Mary tomorrow, thankfully.

Time to go get my laundry...take a shower...do work with the book biz.

Thank you, each of you, and love to all of you.

Nope nope nope this is NOT your fault. You were a kid. When we are young we don’t do things that we as adults would now do !

I’m glad your seeing M in person tomorrow!

Love ya !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Well I see Richard Wednesday and will talk with him about ways I can deal with years and years of no employment.

I’m calling and cancelling the phone intake appt for Voc Rehab. No reason to waste my time or hers.

I had to go to HellMart to pick up my meds today. I’m telling ya that damn place just annoys me to death. Not the pharmacy just HellMart in general. I hate it !!!! My state has a Zero sales tax on food the entire month. It seems stupid to be excited for it. But hey every penny counts !

When I get my SSDI payment this month ( so much depends on this ) I’m going to buy some appropriate shirts for a job. Local listings has openings at Home Depot and many drug stores. I just need a simple job. I want as close to full time as I can get. I have the 9 month ticket to work program. I truly hope I can manage to do this full time work. At least for 4-5 months I just need to pay off bills and starting saving as much as possible then I will drop to part time.

Steve needs parts to work on the truck to get it running. Having just the one car is tough. What he will be doing would cost about 5000.00 to have a shop do it. I’m beyond grateful he can pretty much fix anything mechanical. Just need to buy the parts.

Well I’m sick of my weight. In a week or so I’m switching us to full on Keto ! If I can’t lose any then I guess I’ll just accept that my meds make it impossible for now . Mentally I’m stable and with my finding a job I can’t risk destabilizing my life right now.

It’s good to see all of you taking care of yourselves!

Much love friends !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

@~Christina

So good to hear from you.!
what about a book store?can you stand for long hours?
I would not be able to do a regular job because my memory
is so bad and I feel that I have lost alot of my memories due to drinking and taking psych meds for so long.
love you!
bizi

My therapist and I agreed to start IFS (Internal family systems) therapy next week. We're going to somewhat learn together as he's had some training but has never used it. So we'll have an adventure but I think it will work well. He has brought it up before and then we didn't do it (about a year ago) and he said he just wasn't as comfortable then. So that will be different at least. I think I've learned most of what I'm going to learn without a crisis from the things we've done before. Being fairly stable I can take a risk at trying something new.


After therapy I did a few errands and then went to PT. I want to be able to go to the state fair tomorrow so I had them tape my foot. I don't know how much it will help but it's worth a shot. Years ago I had my foot taped when I had the same condition (plantar fascitis) and it really helped. This is kinesiotaping though and that was athletic taping so it's different. It will help me know if I need them to tape it before my vacation in a couple weeks.

It was a long day and I'm hoping I'll get to sleep fairly soon so I can comfortably wake up early to go to the fair. I hope that the fair isn't a huge mistake for my foot. I can't stop my entire life for this. It's been hurting for months and if I'd stopped everything because of it I'd be so stressed and lonely.

hugs to anyone who needs one

Ugh, I'm trying to get the "mention" thing to work and it just won't.

Nammu - I'm SO glad you slept well last night. I was so caught up in thinking about your dream, I skipped over the sleep part! What is your plan from here...will you be taking the 10mg.?

I have an appointment with Voc Rehab the next town over in the morning. I can make it no problem. The problem is I still haven't taken a shower. There's a civic center/gym quite literally next door to where I'm supposed to meet the guy, so I'll take advantage of that and leave my cousin out of my business for a little bit longer!

Employment wise, neither one of my interested leads have called me back. If by the time I finish my Voc Rehab appointment, no one has called, I'll send a friendly "Hey. How's it progressing?" kind of message.

Took my doc's PRN and it's starting to work somewhat. I'm going to lay in bed and see if I can sleep!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Well I see Richard Wednesday and will talk with him about ways I can deal with years and years of no employment. I’m calling and cancelling the phone intake appt for Voc Rehab. No reason to waste my time or hers. I had to go to HellMart to pick up my meds today. I’m telling ya that damn place just annoys me to death. Not the pharmacy just HellMart in general. I hate it !!!! My state has a Zero sales tax on food the entire month. It seems stupid to be excited for it. But hey every penny counts ! When I get my SSDI payment this month ( so much depends on this ) I’m going to buy some appropriate shirts for a job. Local listings has openings at Home Depot and many drug stores. I just need a simple job. I want as close to full time as I can get. I have the 9 month ticket to work program. I truly hope I can manage to do this full time work. At least for 4-5 months I just need to pay off bills and starting saving as much as possible then I will drop to part time. Steve needs parts to work on the truck to get it running. Having just the one car is tough. What he will be doing would cost about 5000.00 to have a shop do it. I’m beyond grateful he can pretty much fix anything mechanical. Just need to buy the parts. Well I’m sick of my weight. In a week or so I’m switching us to full on Keto ! If I can’t lose any then I guess I’ll just accept that my meds make it impossible for now . Mentally I’m stable and with my finding a job I can’t risk destabilizing my life right now. It’s good to see all of you taking care of yourselves! Much love friends ! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The Walmart where David insists upon shopping at is disgusting. It's so dirty I'm surprised the health department doesn't crack down.

Food isn't taxed here unless it's prepared food. It's good you get a month away from it.

I so admire you for undertaking the job situation. I haven't worked at a "real" job for 7 years and I'd be lost as to how to go about working again. I mean, I wouldn't even know what kind of shirt to wear...you're way ahead.

Let us know what Richard suggests.

Much love to you, too

Rainbow, I'll be waiting to hear how the IFS therapy goes.

What is wrong with your foot? Please be cautious. I had pain around my right heel and up toward the back of my leg, I kept wrapping it with all sorts of different types of wraps, even did PT. Then pain got worse, until I could barely walk. I finally gave in & went to an ortho doctor and it turned out I had torn my Achilles tendon. I had to have pin thingies put in to repair the tendon. Just please be careful.

I hope you have a great time at the fair!

The county I live in still has a free admission fair (amazing). It's a nice little fair and David and I will be going later this month. I don't think they have a roller coaster, but if they do I'm going on it. David definitely won't, so he can watch and I'll wave to him.

I've done a load of research and have decided on the skates I'm going to buy in a couple of days. They're an upgrade and I am so, so, SO excited! They're Moxi's, which are nice skates.The ones I'll be buying are their less expensive skates; I figure if I'm still skating in a couple of years I'll upgrade even more. But skates can get crazy expensive. I also need to buy knee/elbow/wrist gear. I am over the moon with excitement! I've decided on the skates I'll be buying because I like the wheels (made for indoor & outdoor) and because they have a wide boot. I've gone barefoot and worn sandals so much in my life that my toes are spread apart. But i also have an extremely high arch.

Here's a pic:

I am very concerned about wildflower. Hasn't she been gone for weeks? I'm sad for her, and I miss her.

I hope your foot taping allows you to enjoy the fair. I experienced plantar fascitis in the past, too. Mine has mostly eased.

It's nice that you and your tdoc will try a new therapy focus together. His honesty about his experience with it is admirable.

The "mention" feature always worked for me, until one time a few days ago. The culprit (after a bit of testing) seemed to be a font issue. I always use the default font (I guess Times New Roman) but that one day I copied and pasted a member's name for the mention because I forgot the hard to remember number that followed their name. That name was in a different font. Once I switched it back to Times New Roman it worked. I'm not sure if any other font would allow it to work.

The skates you're interested in are super cool!

I hope wildflowerchild is well, too. She had seemed very much in danger for a long time.

I've been feeling in a slight malaise, lately. I kind of wonder if it isn't some leftover effects from the covid I had. Plus the Seroquel IR that was prescribed a while back. I'm going to ask my pdoc to either switch me to more XR (instead of the IR) or maybe even do something quite different, like get rid of the IR and put me on a small dose of Abilify, while still keeping (for at least a while) the Seroquel XR. I obviously don't want to do anything too wild during the period of the house purchase and move. Plus, I may only see my current pdoc three or four more times before the move. It'll be hard having to look for all new doctors, but at least it's close to Prague, which has even more options.

The realtor said that all of my husband's changes to the contract were accepted. Thank goodness! Tomorrow is the day we're supposed to sign the thing and pay the deposit. We have a friend who manages various construction projects who seems to be already set to get going with them, which is good. He will likely stay in the new place (with his little doggie) while managing and working on making part move-in ready. He said it'll likely take a month, which is fine.

Hubby's friend is leaving CZ this Saturday. He's coming this afternoon for a "brunch". I chose one of the easiest vegetarian meals I could think of. Hubby insists on building a stupid bonfire outside this afternoon. Honestly, I think it's silly today. I told him that he and his friend can enjoy it by themselves.