Bipolar check-in #70

@Beyond the rainbow ;

I had to cancel therapy today because I still wasn't feeling good. I felt bad but I could barely breathe let alone talk for 45 minutes. She was super nice about it. I was having some anxiety if I should go to the ER or not. I felt like I was having issues breathing and I had this weird post nasal drip that would fill my lungs just as quickly as I swallowed it. I took some cough syrup and then I slept all day. When I woke up it was way past the time I take my meds but I didn't feel too bad mental health wise or physically. Now I'm starting to feel things again physically but not the breathing issues. I was having the strangest dreams when I was sleeping.

So glad that you found a canadian company that you can trust.That is outrageous Maybe you can get other meds that are not nearly as expensive and get them cheaper as well.?
bizi

I think it is 988.
I have never tried it but know it is a life saver for some.
You are a good friend!

That is a long time to wait on tenterhooks. I’m thinking of you.

@BeyondtheRainbow, the testing definitely seems like a good idea. My sister and I are thinking of doing something similar for screening for biliary tract cancers, since our mom died from one and our brother is fighting one now. We have no idea where it came from, though.

I hope your test results don't show any vulnerabilities. I read that actress Angelina Jolie's did and she did go through with the surgeries you mentioned. Apparently her mother died from breast and ovarian cancers.

Thanks. The waiting is really hard. I"m hoping after this time I'll just be able to relax until I am near my next 6 month scan. This one is hard because I'm having both an MRI and a mammogram (and I'm sure an ultrasound after the mammogram because of cystic breasts). Plus I have a lump I can feel so I may have to have anther biopsy. And the MRI tends to pick up extra stuff so the first MRI can lead to testing that wouldn't be done otherwise. Plus I've got this genetic testing.

I just need to get more relaxed with this. I'm not sleeping and really not leaving home except for therapy and my small group Bible study twice a month.


I hope you are having a fabulous time!

It's a good idea to talk to a genetic counselor. There are familial syndromes that they test for. The test I'm getting is for 54 different problems. My family has enough cancer on one side that they seem to be suggesting my siblings be tested also for a gene increasing tendency towards cancers. I'm not clear if that is before or after my results; I thought it was based on my results but her note sounds like they should do it regardless. I'll have to ask.

One thing I found surprising is that if Medicare doesn't cover the testing it's only $250. That's a lot of money but I expected thousands. I know that doesn't matter to you but I just was surprised.


I'm completely willing to be like Angelina Jolie. I already had a hysterectomy so removing my ovaries would be a possible recommendation and I would chose prophylactic mastectomy if there were more risk than there already is. Some women get mastectomies for what I have just because the constant scans, biopsies, and surgical biopsies get frustrating. I can completely see that although I'm not far into the process to be frustrated, just scared.

If the breathing gets too bad don’t hesitate to go to the hospital… that’s what they’re there for and that’s one of the covid red flags.

Hopefully you will turn the corner soon and start getting better.

Checking in. S reversed his decision on the cell phones. That’s really good. I check on several people a day.

I had to book my vacation package by the 18th. I booked the Hilton Garden Inn in downtown Gatlinburg. Very nice. We’ll tack it on to the end of the travel up north to break up the trip and have something to look forward to. It’s not Vegas as I anticipated but we’re excited all the same. Can’t get enough of the beach or the mountains. I’ll be with mom so this will be a very mild trip by my standards.

M texted me this morning in response to a very loving, kind email I sent her regarding irreconcilable differences at this time and where I thought we might go from here. I believe we will work it out eventually with a lot of hard work. We just need a pause in order to reset. I’ve practiced radical acceptance in this and it’s been a huge period of growth for me. Teaching people how to treat me. What my self respect will no longer allow.

We’re hiking to Mt. LeConte today. There is lodging (kerosene lamps and such) but it’s only accessible by challenging hiking trails. We’re taking the Alum Cave trail. It’s shorter - 5 miles - but more difficult. We’ll stay the night then hike back down in the morning.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Much love.

It’s snowing ❄️! Way to early for this! It won’t stick, but there go my flowers. Bah humbug. Snow! I have a lot of running around to do. I need a 1/2 inch dowel to hopefully fix my fan. It’s not the season to buy fans in this neck of the woods. Have no idea why it snapped off. Then I need to get my tea and a bunch of groceries.

Day 5 and I'm starting to feel better. I'm not having the severe cough or runny nose and I'm not having the breathing issues. I still can't smell but I can taste. I'm still very tired though. I thought I read or heard maybe when Trump was in the hospital that day 5 is mild then day 6 or 7 is when you have a set back. I don't know if that is still the case or not. Especially with a vaccine. I hope not. I seemed to have gotten it pretty good though with being fully vaccinated. I found some Allergra in the cupboard which is working better then the cold medicine for my nasal and throat stuff. My mom is feeling better so she went to Walgreens and picked up my Prestiq which I am almost out of and also some name brand pepcid which has helped with my nausea and heartburn which was pretty bad and a couple Gatorades. My brother is still healthy as a horse as normal. So I'm hoping this really is a turning point for me and I won't have a setback. We had the heat on for a bit and I didn't realize just how cold I actually was. The heat made me feel better too. Its off now so my chills have returned. But overall today was much better. For the last 2 years theres been something going on each October. My first surgery was in 2020, then my second one was last year, then Covid this year.

It looks like we may have snow before the end of the weekend. (I can't remember when exactly; I don't want to know). It is too soon!

When I lived in Michigan we once had our first real snow on 10/15. It felt so wrong. That was a bad winter, the worst of the 3 I was there for by far.

Yeah, this was way to early. It didn’t stick. Funny thing is that it was colder out yesterday. Brr. I’m hoping to make it past thanksgiving before getting any sticking snow.

I love carafate! I’m feeling so much better

Thanks everyone for the well wishes on my first day yesterday. It’s ALOT of work for the pay. Now I’m not afraid of hard work at all but I’m still going to apply for other jobs that better fit the skills I have to offer.

So it starts I was called this morning to see if I wanted to come to work to cover a shift today. I didn’t get the voice mail until after 1 today. I do think this is a job where being called to work extra shifts is very common.

Our weather has really cooled down to the point I will need to take a lite jacket or sweater tomorrow since I will be working until 10pm

Hope everyone has had a good week !

Anyone have fun plans for the weekend ??

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About time Girl about time !!

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@christina. Glad your first day went well. Uffta they were calling you to fill in already! Yeah now that you have a job it should get easier to find a better fit, job. It’s like boyfriends if your single it’s hard to get one, but once you have one then more are interested!

~Christina

So happy that you have found work and that it is close to home!I am glad that you are applying elsewhere. I hope something in the medical field pops up. Are there facilities close to you?
bizi

My back is feeling better but now my hand is killing me! Severe pain that keeps me/wakes me up at night. So I booked an appointment with the hand specialist. My thumb and forefingers are numb/ tingly as well so may it’s carpal tunnel. Who knows. I’ll have to get a nerve test I’m sure. Maybe I’ll be able to get cortisone shots. I hope something helps because OTC pain meds don’t. Nor does heat and ice.

RS and I are going away to the mountains this weekend for our anniversary. We’ve been married one year. Though this year has been tough we have gotten through it beautifully. He never stopped respecting me or listening to me, and he didn’t hate me for my multiple hospital stays. I’m very excited for the Halloween events. We’re also going to go on a waterfall trail. I hope the leaves are turning because if so it will be absolutely gorgeous.

We made it to Mt. LeConte. It was a challenging hike but we made it. There is no electricity here but we have a small cabin with kerosene lamps, propane heat and a sponge and bucket to wash up in. The view from the rocking chairs on the front porch is spectacular and stunning. Sunrise this morning will be incredible. We’ll leave when it warms up a bit for the tough trek back down the mountain.

I think through the weekend, we’re going to hang around the cabin enjoying the cabin, the peace and quiet and each other’s company. I, in particular, have been very active and want to relax in the hot tub and in front of the fireplace and enjoy the falling leaves. He will help me improve my poker and foos ball games. I, in turn, his pool and rummy games. Fun.

We’re leaving Monday morning. I won’t be leaving for up north until Friday. I remembered our date night at the symphony. I also remembered my grief class, my book club, my drum circle, my bible study and my ladies luncheon. I need to stop the mail and board the dog, etc. Yes, S would gladly do it - but he’s done enough. He’ll go back to his house while we’re gone but keep an eye on things.

Even in this most peaceful place of total serenity with my favorite person in the world…depression found me. I needed to text a crisis line and contact my therapist yesterday. She validated that I had enough stuff going on for 3 people and she normalized what I was feeling. As I type by the lamp, I feel better this morning. Hopeful and back to normal. I’m so tired of this. No rhyme or reason. Year after year.

I hope everybody has a peaceful Friday and a peaceful weekend. Much love.

I’ve been up for hours, much too hot to sleep. I did order a new fan but it won’t be here until the 23rd, so I foresee a lot of sleepless nights. The good thing about being up at this time on a Saturday is hours of old time cartoons. Love the pink panther.

Sorry you’ve been up for hours. I have to sleep with a fan as well. Pink Panther - good stuff.

Past few days have been pretty uneventful. Work has went by like a breeze, I didn't have to deal with the abrasive rep and his antics and family has been relatively quiet.

My mom's cornea transplant is this coming Thursday, so Sunday services tomorrow will possibly be the last time I see her in a while while she recovers. I hope there's a positive outcome.

Work has been great! Got top sales reward two weeks running, my low performing store is even on the up and up and I had a customer who just HAD to talk to my boss over the phone to brag about my performance. I do have to figure out that abrasive rep's schedule. If he's not gonna be a regular fixture in my work environment, I'm not gonna bother. If he is, well, there are issues to address. His abrasiveness extends to customers. He started an argument with one and was so aggressive with another (He had them boxed in while making his pitch.) that they crammed themselves and their cart into a small split in the aisle between a support beam and the shelves (3/4 the size of a shopping cart) to escape.

Got one of my final historical letters before I have to decide on resubscribing. It's a letter from Teddy Roosevelt pre-Presidency to his toddler aged son, affectionately called "Ted-Ped." He writes a quick letter to be read to little Ted-Ped, but on the back, he sketches out a little story complete with pictures featuring a cow and a goat going on a stroll and running into a big ferocious bear which they get away from by the skin of their teeth. It's no wonder that Teddy Roosevelt, Jr. (Ted-Ped) led a swashbuckling life, just like his father.

Basic bit of info about me: I tolerate the cold better than most, so I don't turn on the heat generally unless it's getting really cold. My Sophie-cat doesn't feel the same way. She's taken to burrowing herself under the covers when I'm in bed, which is sweet. I don't mind it one bit, but the cat doesn't seem to remember I'm a restless sleeper. I've woken up more than once in the night to a muffled, but unmistakably annoyed, meow. She might make me give in and light the pilot light.

Today's my Friday. Apart from meeting my mom tomorrow, I've got a lazy weekend ahead!

I've been feeling unwell for a couple of weeks. I took a covid test at home and it was positive. My whole family has it.

On Friday I was in major pain on my right side and was having trouble breathing so I went to the hospital. It turns out that I have a blood clot in my right lung. They are treating it with a blood thinner.

Despite all this, my anxiety has been pretty good. I haven't had to take Klonopin for the past 3 days.