Bipolar check-in #71

Finally finished my laundry. Well, almost- my sheets are still in the dryer. But it took a while because someone else was using both working washers when I went down to put my laundry in. So, I had to set a timer and hope that other person would come back on time to switch over their clothes. Once I got mine in, I used both washers- there are 3 but one is broken- and then used the third dryer to dry my clothes. After those were done, the other two dryers were free, but I just used the one I'd just used to dry my sheets. I had just missed getting my laundry in before that other person- so I had to wait to start it up. So now the clothes are all folded and in piles in the living room on the floor.

N3 is supposed to come over this evening to help me decorate my tree. I hope he doesn't cancel. He's been busy all weekend. Doing what, I don't know.

I have my yearly check up tomorrow morning. I hope I can get up in time and not sleep through it. She's going to yell at me because I didn't lose any weight - I did but I gained it back and it was only 2 pounds so who cares, right? I did get out and exercise a lot this summer, 3 times a week, but since it got cold I haven't gone to the gym. I haven't been there in ages. Lazy me. And N1 is obsessed with working out! She has a personal trainer and that's all she talks about, really. I'd better stop talking about this because I'm starting to feel obese- oh wait, I am!

EDIT: Got the clothes put away and the sheets on the bed!

That is wonderful, about your mom @Moose72. Have you ever danced?

Good for her for not encouraging her students to starve themselves. There has become a tremendous awareness, over the past 25-ish years in the ballet world, to put a stop to creating eating disorders among ballerinas. That awareness came in great part because of a compelling autobiography titled Dancing on My Grave by Gelsey Kirkland. George Balanchine forced his dancers into eating disorders or they were out. Period. The book is just fascinating.

The first 2 ballet teachers I had in the 70's (when women were already encouraged to be unnaturally thin, and so many women lived on diet pills) wanted their students to be as thin and light as thin 12 year old girls. They harped on it constantly. I was "lucky," because I had a thin build already, so going from 110 down to 102 was easy. Fortunately, I wasn't particularly interested in food and I wasn't inclined toward an eating disorder, or I could have dropped down to a dangerously low weight. But I was too tall to be a serious ballerina anyway, so dance for me was just a wonderful, healthy hobby.

I had friends in my dance classes, though, who tortured themselves over the weight crap. It was pitiful. They were obsessed with losing weight and it was obvious that their bodies were not structured that way. The dance teachers... looking back, I'm angry at those women, really disgusted by them.

Hello! Checking in. Been MIA lately I know. My real life activities and the people in my life are keeping me busy. I have been enjoying Christmas festivities until now. Went to a wonder chorale and symphony concert last night and am going to church tonight to listen to the Christmas cantata. I’ve got my Christmas shopping done and everything nicely decorated.

This next week includes a symphony Christmas offering with an appearance from Santa, a bell concert, a Christmas party and baking goodies with my daughter.

I’m doing well. I’ve made several new friends online and irl. I enjoy their company. I’m on the go 24/7 these days. I still workout 5 days a week and practice excellent self care.

I appreciate the private messages welcoming me back. I have not yet responded and I apologize. I’ll get right on that.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love

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Originally Posted by otroo Well I did a couple of more doordashes this evening and I am proud of myself. This is like the first legit job I have had in over 10 years. I think I am going to apply for a job at Autozone so I don't have to use so much gas in my truck. If I get hired at a parts store I can part time doordash in the Spring when the weather is nicer and I can ride my little Honda bad boy gets like 75mpg. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

Autozone would be a great idea! You seem to be such a friendly, easygoing person, that type of work sounds excellent for you. I always look forward to shopping at Autozone because the employees are so friendly.

Yes, I danced from age 5 to 12 or 13. I quit dance and violin at the same time because I felt like I was doing too much. I kind of regret it- especially ballet. My mom always said I had a dancer's body, especially my feet. Wow about "Dancing on My Grave"- I wonder if my mom's heard of it.

That's great that you didn't succumb to an eating disorder. I've only been 102 pounds when I was 14 and not dancing but I'm only 5'2". At 17 I was 105. Back at age 33, I was 117 when I was doing judo all the time. But I didn't have an eating disorder. Just lots of working out- 3 x a week. I've tried to get back into judo a number of years ago, but it was no use. I was too fat to comfortably practice judo anymore and certainly am now. I was embarrassed to go back to judo "fat". I think there's a certain expectation in judo to be thin and muscular- lithe, if you like.

P.S. This is my 16,000th post!

I'm hoping some of you see this and will give me an opinion. I could post on the Psychotherapy board but you guys know me here and I don't want pages of opinions, just a bit of feedback.

I mentioned, a page or 2 back, about my most recent session with Mary (therapist). She spent 3/4+ of the session talking about her cat, the vet visit, the high cost of the vet care, how she had to "dip into her savings," and that she thought of me and what would I do because she knows I don't have the money for that kind of care for my cats. (She's correct and she knows how much that worries me.)

I was terribly upset (triggered) by the session, her personal disclosure was not only common, but very inappropriate. I sat there, frozen. I left upset, I'm still upset. I'm scheduled to see Mary tomorrow. I don't want to go to the appointment. I'm tired of setting out for a session with an agenda of topics I want to discuss only to spend the session listening to Mary chat about her personal stuff, as if I'm her girlfriend.

I could go tomorrow and tell her that the session was very upsetting for me. I could take a break and cancel. It's a bit ridiculous, because her birthday is Thursday and she will be working. I'd feel weird to skip tomorrow then go in on Thursday and bring up such a negative issue on her birthday.

I'd appreciate hearing any ideas. Thanks.

I had a case manager like that- she only wanted to chat with me like we were best friends and not do any work. I couldn't bring up the important topics that I needed to discuss because she would come back with stuff about her day or week or whatever. I wouldn't worry about it being Mary's birthday. You're not responsible to celebrate that with her. That should be her private issue. I don't think I've ever had my PDOC or a therapist or case manager tell me it was their birthday nevermind expect me to celebrate it with them. That must be very frustrating for you to have you list of important things you'd like to discuss and to have Mary sitting there talking about her cat!

I think you need to mention these things to her, or nothing is going to change.

If it were me I would need to say something and the sooner it is over the better. Until recently if I needed to confront my therapist about something I did it in writing but the most recent time I was able to do it verbally which felt good.

If it were me I would do it as soon as possible to get it over with.

Mawmaw is doing better today and the nurses are pleased with her eating and drinking. Pawpaw is ok too. Stupid rude hateful relatives are coming this weekend so I’ve gotta clean. They are so hateful to me and the stress always gets to me. Luckily I’ll have time since I’m out of school, practicum and group training.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Yes, I danced from age 5 to 12 or 13. I quit dance and violin at the same time because I felt like I was doing too much. I kind of regret it- especially ballet. My mom always said I had a dancer's body, especially my feet. Wow about "Dancing on My Grave"- I wonder if my mom's heard of it. That's great that you didn't succumb to an eating disorder. I've only been 102 pounds when I was 14 and not dancing but I'm only 5'2". At 17 I was 105. Back at age 33, I was 117 when I was doing judo all the time. But I didn't have an eating disorder. Just lots of working out- 3 x a week. I've tried to get back into judo a number of years ago, but it was no use. I was too fat to comfortably practice judo anymore and certainly am now. I was embarrassed to go back to judo "fat". I think there's a certain expectation in judo to be thin and muscular- lithe, if you like. P.S. This is my 16,000th post!

It's great, though, that you had the basic foundation of dance. Yes, 5'2" is a nice height for a dancer.

Nastassya loved dance and I so wanted to have Noah in dance class, even if for only a couple of years, but the stigma for boys in most parts of this arts-ignorant country is ridiculous.

I was graceful, very flexible, but too tall and - lol, size 10 feet. Hardly dancer's feet. Oh, well. Food was just never especially appealing to me. I hated cooking. When I was 17 I joined the local CoOp, became vegetarian, and ate "hippie food." A lot of brown rice, haha. It was only when I started taking Seroquel in my 40's that I began having a crazy appetite & the stuff got my metabolism all whacked up.

But judo! That is SO cool, Moose! I always wanted to try...can't recall the name...Aikido, I think?? Oh, well.

Congrats on your 16,000

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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 Mawmaw is doing better today and the nurses are pleased with her eating and drinking. Pawpaw is ok too. Stupid rude hateful relatives are coming this weekend so I’ve gotta clean. They are so hateful to me and the stress always gets to me. Luckily I’ll have time since I’m out of school, practicum and group training.

Oh, that's excellent news! I'm sorry about the stupid rude hateful relatives, though

I’m glad they are doing well. As for the relatives they do realize don’t they that you and your mum have been exposed to covid and need to quarantine?

I had a case manager like that- she only wanted to chat with me like we were best friends and not do any work.
@Moose72

Well, your post sure is an eye-opener. It never even occurred to me that she may be lazy about working. I didn't know what she was doing. I guess I thought she was just trying to be friendly. What did you do about your case manager?

Thank you @BeyondtheRainbow. When I'm angry I feel like I want to get it out there and fix things ASAP. I wish I could get that feeling going! I'm trying to. Every time I picture myself walking up to the clinic door all I see is me turning around, running away, jumping in my car, turning up the radio so I don't have to hear my thoughts, and driving out of there as fast as I can.

I wish I didn't have a therapist who caused me so much confusion.

How's your mom doing @Nammu?

Better, she’s off oxygen now, so that’s an improvement. I’m thinking she’s coming home tomorrow or Tuesday. They started her on the IV antivirals Friday so she’ll probably be done tomorrow. My nephew stopped by this morning and picked up hearing aid batteries and clothes for her to wear home. I enclosed a note telling her that I was doing well and that seems to have reassured her.

Oh I told him but they don’t care. We tried to tell him not to come last year bc if it we didn’t wanna risk it but they came anyway. They’re such hateful people I dread them
Coming

@*Beth*
[quote]Well, your post sure is an eye-opener. It never even occurred to me that she may be lazy about working. I didn't know what she was doing. I guess I thought she was just trying to be friendly. What did you do about your case manager?[\quote]

She left for another job so that took care of that.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Better, she’s off oxygen now, so that’s an improvement. I’m thinking she’s coming home tomorrow or Tuesday. They started her on the IV antivirals Friday so she’ll probably be done tomorrow. My nephew stopped by this morning and picked up hearing aid batteries and clothes for her to wear home. I enclosed a note telling her that I was doing well and that seems to have reassured her.

Wow, that is terrific! Gosh, I do hope they keep her until Tuesday. This trend since the '90's of sending people home from the hospital so quickly (and the popularity of outpatient surgery) has always made me nervous.

[QUOTE=Moose72;7284490]@*Beth*

Quote:

Well, your post sure is an eye-opener. It never even occurred to me that she may be lazy about working. I didn't know what she was doing. I guess I thought she was just trying to be friendly. What did you do about your case manager?[\quote] She left for another job so that took care of that.

Well, that's good. Mary will be 72 this week. She's sure not planning to retire. I kind-of wish she would so I could just get out of it. We are bonded, but from the very beginning of therapy with her I have found it very stressful.

Well, the five and a half hours helping a customer with a non-working $1000 phone were for naught. She dropped my company and went elsewhere, which considering how they led her (and me) on for a good two and a half days, I can't really blame her. To her credit, she contacted me at my other store and thanked me for my efforts, told me what ended up happening (Her new phone carrier accomplished in 15 minutes what I being stonewalled five hours for!) and offered herself as a character reference if I sought another job. Strength of weak ties. I'll take it!

I've got my appointment finally to look at my pinched nerve. Took three months and two cancellations (on the doc's part) to make this one initial appointment happen. Frustrating to say the least, but it's at long last happening!

Oh yeah, meds. I made a miscalculation on Friday and decided to try and pick them up after my shift at work at the other store. Apparently the Wally World pharmacies in my neck of the woods are starting to cut opening hours. I chose the one I did because it, at the time, didn't and it helps when I'm off 6-7pm to have a pharmacy open a bit later than 7pm. Well, my neuro appointment will give me a good excuse to go and get my meds.

On the plus side, my Christmas present to myself should be coming in today! The GCHQ Puzzle Book (GCHQ being the British version of the NSA) is a collection of puzzles and challenges that apparently relax the hackers and codebreakers there. At least that's what it says on the tin! I'm excited to see if I'm completely out of my depth! Ha ha!

No appointment with the PsychNP today. Something about a half day. Anyway, still a busy day!

Mum just called. She waiting for the doctors to make their rounds. She expects to leave today. I’m guessing tomorrow. But we’ll see.

I'm extremely tired right now (6:15 pm). Hubby and I drove a ways to get to an urad (government office) near where our upcoming property is so Hubby could get a new ID and a change in the automobile registration address. It was pretty treacherous as it was snowing all day long and the roads were super slick. A tractor trailer almost jack knifed (scissor jacked) in front of us. It took us much longer than usual as there were inevitable accidents. On the way back, Hubby thought to take back roads to avoid the standstills on the highway. Tractor trailer drivers decided to do the same and paid the price of not being able to get up hills. We had to go around them. One was trying to pass a stuck one and only managed by both of them folding their side mirrors in. In any case, we got home OK.

I made what will be my only Christmas cookie batch of the year. They don't even tempt me right now. Only Hubby tried one. It was a push to finish them. I had at least made the dough before we left for the government office. It needed to chill, anyway.

Tomorrow we go to Prague again. The weather should be fine. We only have one week before we leave for our trip. Though we did a good amount of Christmas shopping, we need to buy more. The New Jersey part will surely be ultra stressful. When we get to Mexico, I hope to just sit on a beach lounger most of the days. We have to pack a lot. Clothes for NJ chill, summery clothes for Mexico, and all of the gifts. Though we'll leave the gifts behind, we'll replace that space with stuff we can't get in CZ.

Oy! That sounds like a hair raising and fingernails biting ride! Uff da! I’m glad you’re home now and can rest.

Soooo the increased dose of risperdal makes me sleepy through out the day. I hate it. My minds still not letting my sleep well either .

I would definitely tell her about all this. If you don't, nothing will change. If you do, there's a chance your therapy will be about you as it should be. I know there's a part of you that like's Mary, but if nothing changes you won't make any progress and you should probably find a new t that can actually help.