Bipolar check-in #71

I'm home! My Abbycat is starting to belive it's real. (I live across the driveway from my mom so I go back and forth between the 2 houses when I'm pet sitting.


The fish did not die on my watch!

I'm suddenly feeling anxiety about my biopsy, which is on the 29th. I'm still ok with it and know it's just a little procedure and I may feel a little bad for a day or two for no reason anyone can come up with.


For whatever reason I feel rather sure that I'll be having another surgical biopsy. I'm even ok with that.

What I'm anxious about is just the waiting. First I wait another 10 days and then another few days (can't remember how many) for pathology. That time between test and result is rough and now that I have the pre-cancerous cell history it will be that much harder.

I'm hoping to be able to pick up my Emsam that day and keep worrying about the logistics of that. (Same hospital, connected but separate buildings somewhat far apart). We use valet parking because it is actually cheaper so I think when my biopsy is over I'll have to walk over to my pdoc's building and then back to the building where my test is. Not sure what else to do. I just hope I feel well enough. I may wind up driving up this week to get the Emsam when it arrives (if it arrives) but I'd really rather avoid a 5 hour trip if I can.

One thing at a time...


It's ok. I will be fine. I can touch a chicken. (I'm scared of birds). I can do this too.

We got our first snows of the season the day before yesterday and last night. Not a lot, but it was still nice to see. Today I have the house to myself for much of the day, as Hubby is meeting his friend at our new property.

I've had several doctors appointments lately and all kinds of things seem wrong with me. I fear I might have or be close to having diabetes type 2. The GP ordered further testing. My thyroid functioning is low again, so I'm now taking my Synthroid the way I'm SUPPOSED to, despite it working out OK for years. I had 14 days of non-stop period, but I think it's finally stopped, but only because my new gynecologist prescribed a hormone medication. I have to go back for the pap smear. I've had longer ones up to 23 days in the past (and irregularities for a few years) and am not yet dead, so I assume it isn't anything THAT bad. I don't know what's wrong. I think something more than just ovarian cysts, which I've had for years. He told me to go for a mammogram soon, but I don't expect any problem with that. She won't prescribe my Synthroid, but is rather sending me to an endocrinologist. Hassle! She also wants me to see a nephrologist again, because of my kidney functioning. Hopefully nothing worse is up than the usual. I also need to see an ENT, as my hearing has been poor for a while, and worsened this past week. It's clearly an issue I've had several times in the past. Hopefully the ENT can do what past ones did, which brings immediate relief, and lasts usually for three years. I've also had GI issues for a long while. Hopefully they are more stress-related than anything. Maybe IBS? Who knows! My first psychiatrist appointment isn't until early February. I do not yet have a therapist. Hubby has also been referred to other doctors and ordered to get more tests. I just hate having all of these doctors. It's overwhelming! I'm also notably depressed, surely because of countless stressors. I've been hiding in bed or on the couch under comforters. Yesterday my stomach was upset, I think because of the hormone pills, but today it seems better.

I've called my brother much more often than in the past. It is what it is. He's fighting. He still voices that I need not come. I don't feel psychologically ready. Yet, about a month ago my nephew sent me an email begging me to. I responded that "it's not yet the right time", but that I will come when it is. I haven't heard from him since.

It may all seem unbelievable, I know. I'm just hoping a lot of my (and Hubby's) medical issues aren't nearly as concerning as I fear. That the sun will come out (it was foggy for several days until yesterday) and much of it will be gone. I try to cope by meditating on "nothingness/void" (śūnyatā), in the meantime, like Buddhists. I don't write/say anything about my woes to anyone in my family other than my husband. They have even worse things going on. But if I do get diagnosed with diabetes, I'll ask my sister for advice. She has it and is now controlling it quite well.

I totally agree! And I think it's good to have someone besides my husband in the house. I've been thinking about a cat this time around, but Hubby still leans towards parrots. Yes, I would love whatever kind of pet. Do you think Gus is a little jealous?

When I adopted new pets I never thought I was replacing the old one. Just, as you wrote, giving love to a new pet in need. Your Maddie needs you, and I know you and your husband need her. A while back, Bp Magazine had a full article on the role pets play in helping us folks with bipolar disorder.

I do think getting into our own home will help and allow me to finally work on integrating into this new culture. It's possible we could be in by February. We may even consider moving in when things are almost, but not quite done.

I think I’ve made that recipe! It is really good. I don’t make it now, RS hates cheese. I’ve gotten used to making dishes without cheese but when we’re out I still get my cheese!

I know the feeling of struggling with multiple health problems. It can be so overwhelming. Did some alone time help at all ?!

Hugs I’m here if you need an ear

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