Bipolar check-in #71

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Another shooting.... Looks like an employee went postal on his coworkers. There was a guy like that at my last job. My coworkers would joke all the time that he was going to come shoot up the place one day. He did have issues but I think he was pretty much harmless. Me and him were polite to each other. But it obvisouly happens in places.

Oh, no. Where?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Wow Beth, way to manipulate med dude into a better place.

Thanks, I appreciate your vote of confidence. Nammu, I felt like I was pulling teeth.

What a wonderful experience and memories of your coOp. Gosh, I miss that simplicity.

I wish you could see her or someone like her. She specializes in difficult cases so options like Emsam and clozapine are available and in my case she's not afraid to combine the two strong meds. She's been my pdoc for 19 years so I can barely remember fighting with previous ones although I did.

I'm sorry it's so hard. I'm glad med dude at least raised your topamax dose.


Are you anywhere near a big teaching hospital? I have been seeing my pdoc since she was in private practice before she moved to the big hospital but it's more likely to find doctors like her at teaching hospitals. That's why I drive so far to see her (that and it's so rural here that there aren't any options, much less someone experienced in difficult cases).

So it turns out I was taking triple doses of gabapentin! I was taking 3 pills but they were 300mg per pill and I was supposed to take just the 300mg, but when I took it before I was on 100mg pills, which is why I needed to take 3. I just assumed I was oh the same dose so I took 3!

No wonder it was working so well on my anxiety!

I'm back on 1 pill now.

I joined a health club which has a sauna, hot tub, pool, and lots of machines and free weights. I'm getting a fitness constitution on Monday where they'll tell me what to do to meet my goals. I just want to lose some weight and improve my heart.

Beth a Walmart in Virgina.

I didn't sleep good last night. I was out of my regular melatonin and I tried my old stuff and I didn't have much luck. This morning I picked up my Geodon and more melatonin. My anxiety was kind of off today too because my brother in law was taking me to get my haircut and my beard trimmed at a certified barber. I had never been to one and I was nervous. But my hair was a mess and my facial hair was all over the place and I really needed a barber to do it not just a regular hair stylist. So he took me this afternoon. They were nice and I got a super nice masculine haircut and a really nice beard trim and now I feel Iike I can leave my house without my hat. I'm actually looking forward now to Thanksgiving. My brother in law paid and he was so excited for me. Now I am at home trying to rewind but I also have to get ready for my trip. My mom finally fixed our hotel situation so we will be staying at 2 different ones. One Thursday night and one Friday night. Just based on our plans for both nights she says it makes sense driving wise. Idk if thats true or not but I don't drive so I guess I don't have a say.

I don’t think mum is going to PT today. She’s down in the dumps. She just picked at her lunch and isn’t dressed yet. But what can I say? This week I didn’t go to any aqua fitness classes. I’ve been waking up at around 2 and not getting back to sleep. The cold then seems a bigger obstacle than ever. The idea of putting on a swimsuit, then clothes, then outer wear, bah humbug.

I do need to go out though, to pick up meds, return a library book and get mum a different choice in birthday cards. She didn’t really like what I bought home last time. I get cards at the dollar store, 2 for $1 so it’s limited choice. But geez cards have gone up! $5-$6 dollars apiece elsewhere.

Tomorrow is looking good. Maybe even up to 40F! Yay 😁

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I wish you could see her or someone like her. She specializes in difficult cases so options like Emsam and clozapine are available and in my case she's not afraid to combine the two strong meds. She's been my pdoc for 19 years so I can barely remember fighting with previous ones although I did. I'm sorry it's so hard. I'm glad med dude at least raised your topamax dose. Are you anywhere near a big teaching hospital? I have been seeing my pdoc since she was in private practice before she moved to the big hospital but it's more likely to find doctors like her at teaching hospitals. That's why I drive so far to see her (that and it's so rural here that there aren't any options, much less someone experienced in difficult cases).

What an excellent situation, Rainbow. I'm happy for you that you have it.

Yes, I live about 30 miles from an enormous teaching hospital. I had psychiatric care there on and off (depending upon my insurance/ability to pay out of pocket) between 1987 and 2015. In 2015 they stopped taking my insurance and hiked their hourly rate from $80 to $120 out of pocket. By now the cost must be much higher. I just don't have it monthly and I'd really need it more often than that, plus the gas to get there. It's really too bad, because the place itself is there. The only somewhat down-side of the teaching hospital was that I had a new pdoc every June because of rotation. That actually wasn't too bad, though, because they were all friendly. There was one I was really sorry to lose, but for some reason the rest were easy to work with, too. The entire system there ran smoothly. They did seem to "think outside the box," too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9 So it turns out I was taking triple doses of gabapentin! I was taking 3 pills but they were 300mg per pill and I was supposed to take just the 300mg, but when I took it before I was on 100mg pills, which is why I needed to take 3. I just assumed I was oh the same dose so I took 3! No wonder it was working so well on my anxiety! I'm back on 1 pill now. I joined a health club which has a sauna, hot tub, pool, and lots of machines and free weights. I'm getting a fitness constitution on Monday where they'll tell me what to do to meet my goals. I just want to lose some weight and improve my heart.

Well, it sounds like that dose may have been a good one for you, since it was working well, Scooter. Oooh, the health club sounds fabulous!

I saw Dr. D. today, the addiction doctor who is supposed to help me get off Klonopin. When I met him 2 weeks ago he was so kind. Encouraging. Today was, what can I say. Very disappointing. He was sick, stuffed up and snotted up (I was frankly glad he was wearing a mask), so maybe he felt cranky. I explained to him that I followed his instructions and told him the withdrawal effects I felt. He immediately denied that the sleep disruption I've been experiencing ("hovering sleep") is from decreasing the Klonopin. Well, of course it is. Do doctors ever simply google anything? Spend an hour on a mental health forum?

Anyway. He got kind-of rude to me, honestly. I guess he was irritated because I didn't have the reaction he had wanted me to have, plus he was sick and who knows what the heck else.

So he barked at me WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS, said I can do this or I can remain on the Klonopin, whichever I choose WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS and I told him I feel discouraged. He told me to come back in a month. I came home and cried.

What a moron! Sick or not!

That stinks

Happy Thanksgiving to all my non-native American neighbors! (And sorry on behalf of my ancestors to the Natives)

Goodness gracious Beth you’re just having terrible experiences with prescribers. It’s horrible to half to be the reasonable one with a dr! And to have one be mean and rude is difficult to deal with too. We get it so often in this ride of bipolar. Drs don’t take our opinions and reports of symptoms seriously. It sucks. I hope dr d goes back to being a nice guy and it was just because he was sick, not that it’s an excuse.

Hello, been a while since I chimed in.. This year's been too weird for words for me. Weirdest of the weird is my reaction to adding welbutrin to my mix. I *feel* upbeat, and quite well; well enough for them to write the coveted "IN REMISSION" on my record. All the while I've picked up about 30 pounds, and am having issues with both memory and out loud speech. I can listen well enough, make notes, write up what I'm trying to accomplish; but I go and try to have an unrehearsed, verbal conversation with someone, and its just a trainwreck of unrelated words and phrases that barely make it past the "is that really English?" check. I really don't want to get into the typical roulette wheel of changing up meds every appointment, I want these two meds (Abilify and Welb) , to play nice and keep me in the normal world space. But dang, I'll be doing my job, typing away, and have a brief pause, and its whole context and end goal just disappear.

The change in capacity between typing and speaking is just bizarre.

Anyway, wishing, where possible, that everyone can have a great Thanksgiving.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Goodness gracious Beth you’re just having terrible experiences with prescribers. It’s horrible to half to be the reasonable one with a dr! And to have one be mean and rude is difficult to deal with too. We get it so often in this ride of bipolar. Drs don’t take our opinions and reports of symptoms seriously. It sucks. I hope dr d goes back to being a nice guy and it was just because he was sick, not that it’s an excuse.

Thanks so much for your understanding, wfc. David's comment was "The guy's no healer." He encouraged me to make a complaint to the administration. Seriously, Dr. D. was abusive and I found his behavior triggering. It reminded me of the way my stepfather would be when he started off on an abusive rant leading to very bad violence.

I'm rapidly losing faith in doctors - to the point at which I'm having intuitive feelings of eventually moving towards going into alternative medicine; the expense is major. That said, a place to start is with my niece, who is an acupuncturist, and maybe that's a blessing right in my face that I haven't been seeing. Not that I wouldn't pay her, but I know she'd see me at a very low rate, or allow me to pay her out. I mean, I'm in NorCal, sitting in the smack center of alternative medicine everywhere I look. I am sooo fed up with abusive azzholes for MD's and having my reality denied. And I am always, always polite. The whole thing is just wrong.

Hello Everybody!

I hope you're all enjoying your holiday, if you're having a holiday today. If not, I hope you're having a peaceful day/night. I always enjoy the TG Day parade in NYC, it's fun and relaxing. Reminds me of being with my sister-friend when we were little girls, excitedly watching the parade on TV.

This day is just plain stunning. Sparkling! A bright, high sun with a high of 68 degrees - 70 tomorrow and Saturday! What a fabulous blessing, and one I certainly need. Oddly, the overnight lows are in the mid-30's, but those haven't bothered me. The leaves on the tree outside of my bedroom window are off, so I can see the pretty red lights that decorate the movie theater a few blocks away. I like that. There's a big tall, tall redwood tree outside of my kitchen window, redwoods stay nice and green year-round, with their gorgeous thick red bark. I love that tree. Sometimes I really do hug it.

I'm still upset about my appointment yesterday. Shaking inside. Not only because it didn't go well, but from the doctor's actual manner. The "Okay! You can do this OR you can NOT do this! Your choice!" As if I have control over how my brain reacts to medication withdrawal - as if having this damned illness isn't hard enough to live with. As if I'm being purposely "difficult."

I've decided I will continue to continue the small decrease of A.M. K-pin (P.M. dose as usual, in accordance with Dr. D.'s suggestion). I have a month to decide whether I will keep my appointment with him. So, in the meantime I'll discuss things with med dude who, while lacking in experience, is empathetic and does listen well. And I'll monitor how I feel inside, if I feel I can give Dr. D. a 3rd chance or whether I feel just too triggered. Can I emotionally safely decide on a "2 out of 3" - hoping that just maybe his rotten mood was the result of him being sick (still not acceptable, I know). I will never trust him, but if I can use the guy for my ultimate purpose, well, I have a month to make that decision.

Hugs all around~

Hi there @rwwff! It's good to see you. So what you're saying is that Wellbutrin has caused the cognitive and speaking issues? If so, I'm so sorry about that. I am wondering, thought, if the Abilify is the culprit. Or perhaps the interaction between the 2 meds. From what I've heard and read, both of them help so many people with bipolar disorder. And I TOTALLY feel you on the "roulette wheel" - excellent metaphor!

I have heard/read and directly experienced, though, that Abilify can cause agitation and cognitive problems. I've not heard that about Wellbutrin.

Just for the record, neither med did anything helpful for me - but that's me.

I'm just tossing some thoughts out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear That stinks

Thank you so much, Fuzzy. I know you've been in the same shi*ty situation, also many times Flush them all

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlived What a moron! Sick or not!

I don't like to over-use the word, but in this case it really IS the most accurate word for me to use. The man was TRIGGERING

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃 I take the day to mean to take time and give thanks.

We had a pretty nice day for Minnesota. Was in the 40s today but very foggy on the drive over. The kids were all well behaved so it was a nice time. I got a new list of new Minnesota authors. My mulled 🍷 was a hit. There was only 3-4 of us drinking it so the one bottle was more than enough. My sister and brother-in-law are soon leaving for the the south, Alabama coast, so they brought Christmas presents 🎁 for the kids. 2 girls and 4 boys but no meyhem. Just had the one plate of food, minus cranberry relish. Was nice. Glad it’s over for the year.

Glad you enjoyed yourself nammu!

I am sorry beth that you got triggered from your moron PDOC.Do you have a copy of the ashtons manual, maybe you could just use dr.d to help you use it.
That others dr. does need to be reported. I think if you were to try to have another visit. I think you could tell him how he made you feel.
keep us posted.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi I am sorry beth that you got triggered from your moron PDOC.Do you have a copy of the ashtons manual, maybe you could just use dr.d to help you use it. That others dr. does need to be reported. I think if you were to try to have another visit. I think you could tell him how he made you feel. keep us posted. (((((HUGS)))))) bizi

Thanks, bizi. Dr. D. is the doctor in question. He's the one who talked me up about how important he believes the Ashton Method is, how he believes in using it for Klonopin withdrawal and also higher doses of Gabapentin. When I asked him yesterday about exactly what he'd told me at our first appointment he backtracked and made all kinds of excuses and I don't know what the heck.

He acted just like a used car salesman who was trying to sell me a car, but then ran my credit and when it didn't pass he did a 180 and couldn't get rid of me fast enough.
Acted like most doctors I encounter - a jerk with no people skills.