Bipolar check-in #71

Oh Minnesota is notorious for hot humid sticky days, in July and August with humongous mosquitos but not as hot as Texas. One year in Texas we had three months over 100 degree temperatures. Oh that was a bad year. Minnesota is definitely a 4 season place. If you don’t like the weather, wait and you’ll get something completely different. But there’s enough absolutely gorgeous days to keep people here.

It's hard for me to ever feel comfortable here. It's both my experiences and typical anxieties about opening up to other people. My therapist thinks it's a good idea for me to utilize all forms of social support I can get though, so I'm trying to be more open to the idea. Trying to post a little more.

That's very courageous of you, Brentus. I hope you stick around.

Today is going well. Still snowed in essentially but with heat, food, water, and most importantly, soda haha. I couldn't live without my soda. It's actually quite pretty to see snow untouched. Snowed in with no place to go is the only way to enjoy such conditions.

It sounds beautiful and so peaceful.

It sounds like everyone is handling the blizzard relatively well. I'm hoping everyone is safe and warm! We got hit pretty hard, yesterday I was so tempted to go outside because it was -6 degrees F, but a wind chill of -30 degrees F! I decided I probably didn't need to know how cold that felt. haha

It seems that only a very few other people and I are the only regulars on the Bipolar Disorder board who have not been hit by these wild storms. Most have. -6 degrees sounds dangerous to me, let alone a wind chill of -30 degrees.

This all reminds me of my late sister's best friend. She lives in the North Pole (Alaska). She loves it there, so good for her. When she goes out to get her mail from her mailbox she has to keep a cork between her teeth so her teeth don't freeze together.

I was recently denied for disability, and I will appeal once I receive my letter explaining why. It's not a death sentence and as someone mentioned earlier, it's common to be denied the first time. I really do think they do that to deter people from applying and limiting who gets it by expecting people to give up along the way. I am not happy about continuing to wait, but this one should be quicker, and I have better access to information this time around.

I am so sorry. All the bureaucracy that disabled people are forced to go through is appalling. I'm dealing with it with my medical care right now and earlier today I was coming unglued. Do you have a lawyer? I don't believe I ever would have been approved for SSDI had I not had a lawyer.

I'm going to run out of medicine before I can see my doctor. I really kinda screwed myself over with that one. I'm trying my best but it make be 2-3 weeks before I can see someone. Maybe my doctor will emergency prescribe my meds (probably minus adderall) without a visit just so i dont have to go without so long. I'm hoping for the best on that one. I have to say I feel so exhausted and tired of dealing with people, and problems. and things. I just want to go to bed and forget the world a lot. I guess the winter makes me a bit depressed in general. I don't think I'm at an all time low, but this is definitely not the best place to be. Especially since I did myself no favors by causing more problems by avoiding them.

Please don't beat up on yourself. We all tend to do it when we're having a hard time, because we're discouraged and depressed. And tired of dealing with people, problems, and things. If you call the clinic is it possible for you to see your doctor sooner than 2-3 weeks? Even a phone appointment just to refill prescriptions? I'm sorry if I'm suggesting something you've already thought of.

I don't have much more to add other than social interaction is very hard for me and I tend to shy away from people due to very bad experiences. I internalize a lot of it to being flaws that make me unloveable, unhelpable, unbecoming, inflexible and hell to be around. There may be ounces of truth, but my therapist says if I'm gonna give credit into some of the bad, I have to give credit to some of the good -- in this case, the fact that maybe it's not all me or all in my head. So, here's to playing devil's advocate with myself. I am sensitive to the way people decide to approach me or a situation, I'm cognizant of that, I hope others who interact with me can understand that too.



I've done something I'd rather keep private, but want to share it because it's a Christmas miracle I'd even give it a chance considering my pattern of thought on the subjects. I just want to go into a new year with the past being the past, and trying to create a brighter future.

Brentus, that is huge! I read your words and smiled for the first time today! To me, that's what it's all about, right there. Thank you, because you've given me inspiration I haven't had lately, and desperately need.

---
New Hampshire summers can be wicked humid too. Like @*Beth* said: 3pm, 3am, doesn't matter it's all insufferable.
---

Ooo I nearly burned the house down! I’m simmering oranges, cinnamon sticks and cloves on the oven to make it smell like Christmas. The water was gone and I was smelling toasted cinnamon!

I’ve been on topamax for over a year now and the dopamax effect was major to begin with but it did get better. I don’t remember how long it took though. I have to admit though I still have moments where I wonder if I’m getting early onset dementia but 90% of the time I’m able to function normally cognitively. It has so many benefits for me physically and mentally so I don’t want to give up on it. I hope you have the same easing of the dopamax effects soon too!