Bipolar and psychosis

I’m not sure where to post issues related to bipolar disorder but influenced by psychosis. I guess schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorders are close to being the same. But I’m going to post in bipolar, since it’s the most active part of my problem.

I have depression and psychosis right now. Tomorrow I might have giddy hypomania but reduced psychosis. Under the mood changes is the foundational sense that certain people want me out of their life -even when they haven’t said so, or told me the opposite or even complemented me. It happens with people I have revealed my heart to usually. I can think of 2 people in particular.. a guy who has been very good to me, we used to play in a band together. I always feel like I’m overreaching my welcome and that he says things behind my back about how dramatic I am. The other person is a woman who I let myself fall in love with. This disorder makes me paranoid so I worried she was wanting to hire another to take my place. (We’re in a band too). So I got very jealous and tried to make her feel left out and hurt by saying something dumb on Facebook. She noticed, we fought about it for several weeks, and she said she’s forgiven me. But I still feel like she’s not being honest and that she wants to replace me.

Whatever disorder I have, it makes not believing my hurt emotions very hard. In other words it’s hard to believe the truth of the matter.

I can perceive the truth but I can’t ever feel it, unless I’m in a hypomanic state. And that’s not good because I do risky things when I’m hypomanic.

I just need someone to help me process these emotions so that I can see the truth clearly.

Thanks for reading this.

Ask yourself what you know to be FACTS. Like what concrete evidence do you have. You almost need to play judge. Look for the evidence. If there is none it’s probably psychosis.

I get suspicious and paranoid when I’m entering psychosis in its early phase.

Do you have low self esteem that makes you think this way?

Hi handb, welcome to the forum. Life is confusing in many ways for most people. When someone has a mental illness things like relationships can be even more confusing. That's my experience, anyway. I mean, when we have strong mood swings and psychosis it's really hard to be sure of what's real and what's not when we have thoughts and feelings about our relationships with people.

What kind of music do you play?

I do have low self esteem. I contribute that to a lot of the underlying dissatisfaction I have of myself that causes me to "hallucinate" in a paranoid way. Thanks for answering my post.

I play banjo in bluegrass bands.

Warm welcome to the forum. It's very difficult to tell, like Beth said, facts from reality when you have psychosis. Sometimes it can be helpful to get someone else to fact check with you (ask them if what you're experiencing is a similar reality to theirs).

By the way, you are very welcome to this subforum. It's way more active than the schizoaffective forum and plenty of people with schizoaffective (myself included) are regulars here.

That’s very cool! When I was young, my dad took us to Greenfield Village (now collectively known as The Henry Ford with the museum and a building having to do with cars). We’d sit on the grass and listen to the bluegrass band play. My dad loved it!

Welcome!! I had a friend who was on a punk-band. He was a bassist. I myself can only play synthesizer, but private and for myself. And not any Pet Shop Boys (read Chris Lowe)-style. More like 99% amateur.

I have bipolar “unspecified” on paper, but some doctor told me it was type 2. I’m not sure why it takes years to get the right diagnosis, but sometimes (as in my case) it can. Feel free to ask. I’m also not that old member here but not anymore new too. Use to write my diary am every now and then (feel free to read).

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