Bipolar Check-in #74

wildflowerchild25 · Apr 29, 2023, 06:31 PM

I am feeling better today. It didn’t start out that way but now I’m feeling a bit lighter. I had severe SH thoughts and urges before but I braved the weather after the rain moved out (temporarily) and went on a brisk walk. I felt much better after I came back. I’ve eaten terribly today so I feel bad about that but one day out of this many isn’t bad I suppose.

I couldn’t sleep last night, but I did get to sleep by 11. Terrible nightmares though. In one, RS tried to force me into an IOP and said if I didn’t go he would know I was lazy and attention seeking and he didn’t love me anymore. Later on he got into drugs and I threatened to divorce him and he didn’t care. Clearly trauma related. I suppose for some reason this year is harder than others in regards to my first husband’s death. I guess because I’ve spent the past year or two first admitting the abuse and then trying to heal from it.

I’m still feeling pretty bad about myself but I’m just relieved I’m not so weighed down by depression right now.

My ex MIL has CR overnight. Tomorrow they’re going to the arcade for the day, so RS and I are going to head out to Lancaster PA for some antique shopping and lunch. I apparently went there with my first husband but thanks to a round of ECT back in 2014 I have zero memory of it. Like I only know I went because it came up on my Facebook memories. Otherwise I’d have thought I’ve never been there. Should be fun! Hopefully I feel well tomorrow.

raspberrytorte · Apr 29, 2023, 07:46 PM

I'm having visual and tactile hallucinations. Fear the negative entity is coming back. I'm scared. I need to get some sleep!

Samicat · Apr 29, 2023, 08:00 PM

Welcome @jiggleypuff22!

Went to a writing group today with 7 other people I don't know well. It was good. But now I'm beating myself up over social mistakes I've made in the past.

Samicat · Apr 29, 2023, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

I saw someone speak about Meet up in another post and I hadn’t been on it for years, so I checked it out. I might join a meet up near me, but I’m still a bit nervous.
I want to meet more people where I live but I don’t live in the city so it can be quite difficult.

I know there are dating apps to meet people as friends but I’ve had a negative experience with one of those so I don’t want to do that.

I just want to make friends. Hopefully when I transfer my work to nearer where I live there will be people I meet there. (I’m currently working in my old city still).

I’m quite a social person but it takes it out of me. I relate when people refer to themselves as an extroverted introvert

I’m an introvert at heart but I do enjoy and need to socialise to stay well otherwise I just get inside my own head too much.
It helps me to have very close friends but they all live around the world- literally! So we message and video chat. Time difference is a pain though.

Anyway, I hope you’re all well! Lots of hugs

I relate to this. I'm more of a traumatized extravert. I crave social interaction but I've been beaten down in many ways which have made me socially self-conscious.

JaneOnceMore · Apr 29, 2023, 08:16 PM

Another quiet day. It was mostly unpleasant, trying to amuse myself with little success. I ended the day watching a Jerry Seinfeld special that i actually saw him do live years ago. It was still funny. Bo Burham is still by far and away my favorite comedian but Jerry's entertaining too. It was cold, windy and rainy so the weather matched my mood. I think that's called 'pathetic fallacy' in a story. Samicat would know... ?

Rosi700 · Apr 30, 2023, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@Rosi700, I'm glad you look forward to getting home. Thanks for sharing what you did about moving within the EU. I'm not quite sure what "home groups". Can you explain?

In the popular countries where there is much sun, people usually have a gathering place for people from their home country. Some places it is a protestant church (because of the catholism in these countries) or it may be a special restaurant or other where people from the same country meet and great.

Even from the church, almost everthing from hiking and games start there. I don't know how it is in the Czech Republic, but you can try to google for American clubs or similar if you want to have more contact with people from USA.

Rosi700 · Apr 30, 2023, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm at a laundromat as I type this. After days of heavy work in my dad's house with Sis (and today also nephew) many of my clothes were sweaty. Plus, I packed more warm weather clothes than cool. It's been chillier and rainier than expected.

The labor is clearly a bit much for Sis. I feel bad for that. Tomorrow will be rough, too, but then we'll have a little break. She was struggling to walk on her injured heel by the end, and I don't think she's used to such labor. I'm fine, in that respect, being almost seven years younger, thinner, and frankly, used to the labor of moving and cleaning. What I am bothered by is the extreme pollen outside and breathing in of dust and other hazardous stuff in the filthy house. She refuses to wear a mask, but I must for much of the time. I also had to push her hard to even wear gloves. I also wear glasses. She won't. And still my lungs feel negatively affected.

My hair is wet after a long shower, but I don't care despite being at the laundromat.

Hubby arrives Monday night. I can't wait!

Glad your hubby will arrive soon. Sorry about all the trouble with making the house ready.

Rosi700 · Apr 30, 2023, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am feeling better today. It didn’t start out that way but now I’m feeling a bit lighter. I had severe SH thoughts and urges before but I braved the weather after the rain moved out (temporarily) and went on a brisk walk. I felt much better after I came back. I’ve eaten terribly today so I feel bad about that but one day out of this many isn’t bad I suppose.

I couldn’t sleep last night, but I did get to sleep by 11. Terrible nightmares though. In one, RS tried to force me into an IOP and said if I didn’t go he would know I was lazy and attention seeking and he didn’t love me anymore. Later on he got into drugs and I threatened to divorce him and he didn’t care. Clearly trauma related. I suppose for some reason this year is harder than others in regards to my first husband’s death. I guess because I’ve spent the past year or two first admitting the abuse and then trying to heal from it.

I’m still feeling pretty bad about myself but I’m just relieved I’m not so weighed down by depression right now.

My ex MIL has CR overnight. Tomorrow they’re going to the arcade for the day, so RS and I are going to head out to Lancaster PA for some antique shopping and lunch. I apparently went there with my first husband but thanks to a round of ECT back in 2014 I have zero memory of it. Like I only know I went because it came up on my Facebook memories. Otherwise I’d have thought I’ve never been there. Should be fun! Hopefully I feel well tomorrow.

Sorry that you have to go through so much now!

Scooter9 · Apr 30, 2023, 12:55 PM

Just back from the gym with my trainer. I'm tired.

This was my first workout while on Klonopin. I felt a little dragged down.

SH thoughts are back today, pretty vivid and I'm making plans again. Trying to overcome this.

Sunflower123 · Apr 30, 2023, 01:03 PM

I had a lovely visit with my daughter today. All is well in my world. It’s been a long time coming. I’m really happy right now.

My family has lots of wonderful events to look forward to: my niece is graduating from college, the pool opens soon, we’re going to Florida for two weeks, my 56th birthday, Mother’s Day, my mom’s 88th birthday, my daughter’s birthday, my nephew is coming in from the marines to visit, a big family reunion and my daughter’s wedding. Going to be a busy summer. Not sure yet when daughter’s wedding will be. We discussed details today but no date.

The most peaceful I ever am is floating in that pool. I’m so looking forward to that. Last year at that time, brother had passed and I could barely get myself down there. Rough time.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Mountaindewed · Apr 30, 2023, 01:25 PM

I am so exhausted. I slept through dinner with my sister and the kids. I had the door open and I didn't have my music on and I didn't hear a thing. I woke up for an hour or so and read until I fell back asleep. I got up at 6 but my stomach hurt so I took a zofran and got back to sleep until 8.

But all day I've just been drained of energy. I haven't made my food or water goal. Also my lower lip is numb and tingly and kinda swollen and I'm not sure thats good. I started a new med on Monday. I don't know if its a side effect

Rosi700 · Apr 30, 2023, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samicat

Welcome @jiggleypuff22!

Went to a writing group today with 7 other people I don't know well. It was good. But now I'm beating myself up over social mistakes I've made in the past.

Past is gone Samicat! Please stop self blaming!

Sometimes I look back and see that here and there I did mistakes, but I try to not dwell on them. We all have to live in the here and now and let past be past. The only thing one can do if one has hurt somebody, is to say I'm sorry and move on. If it is many years ago and one dosesn't have contact any more, I have found out that the best is to forget.

Be kind to yourself!

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samicat

@Pinny - I hear you. I feel tired all the time. I know it's because I'm so anxious. Anxiety is such a part of my mind that I don't even "feel" it anymore except if there's a lapse where I do yoga or meditation and then I feel the exhaustion from always being on edge.

Hugs for all who are tired or feeling low or stressed/anxious.

Money is always a worry for us. I really wish it wasn't. Food prices have gone up so much and it's scary. I definitely worry about the future - I've lived in poverty most of my life and I'm really hoping to not be poor when I'm elderly. I've decided I cannot return to my call-center job when my disability leave is over, which means I will have to find another job and/or take training. The training program I'm considering costs $4K plus I would have to survive for the 10 months it takes to complete it full-time. But I really can't see any other way to get into another field.

Many hugs.. I hear you on the huge struggle for just basics. I swear it gets harder every single month.

I know personally I could not work in a call center type employment.. are there any help for the funds to get education/ certifications in the field your looking into ?

Hang in there

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jiggleypuff22

Hello. I am brand new here. I have bipolar too. My therapist cancelled a phone appointment with me today. I was holding on to so many things I wanted to get support for this week. Its may 8 before they could work me back in. Bother. I have been looking for support groups to fill the void and stumbled across this place. Nice to meet everybody.

Welcome to MSF

Glad you’re here !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Samicat · Apr 30, 2023, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosi700

Past is gone Samicat! Please stop self blaming!

Sometimes I look back and see that here and there I did mistakes, but I try to not dwell on them. We all have to live in the here and now and let past be past. The only thing one can do if one has hurt somebody, is to say I'm sorry and move on. If it is many years ago and one dosesn't have contact any more, I have found out that the best is to forget.

Be kind to yourself!

Thanks. I do try. One of those mistakes was just a few weeks ago (at least i think it may have been a mistake).

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Can't catch a break. Hoping for good news next week or we're ****ed. I have to remain under control. I hope this doesn't bring on an episode. I'm so scared. Like I did something wrong when I didn't. I wish things were easier. H says I'm worried prematurely. I don't deal with uncertainty well. Sorry so cryptic but any good thoughts please. It's nothing life threatening just negatively life changing. With a small possibility it'll be positively be life changing.

Good thoughts coming your way

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosi700

Hi all, It is a bit difficult to write because my PC has got a hick up. It is very hot here. Bipolar Check-in #74

For all that it is worth, I have tried the weather conditions here, for almost two weeks. My family and I have discussed the opertunity for me to move into this part of EU now that I have become older. Every person inside EU can move to another country in the Union, but the rules for what to pay out of one's own pockest varies, from country to country with regard to how much one has to pay when sick and for medication. How easy it is to get more support when one ages is different as well.

There are always some "home-groups" for people from different countries in each EU country. The possibility to become totally lonesome is minimal, but of course there is no garantie that one will be integreated as a real friend.

I think I will have it best at home even if we have these cold winters. It was the hard winter + depression that made me reconsider moving .

So in 1 1/2 week I will be home again. Believe it or not, I look forward to it. I think my depression is under control now. I will have to use my tools of course, but I hope to manage when I am home again! Bipolar Check-in #74

May you all expereince some "good energy" to help you in your daily struggles!

PS. Please excuse any spelling mistakes.

Glad your feeling a bit better

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I'm getting my iPad repaired! It hasn't worked in a year and I've been putting off getting it fixed. But it's in the shop now and I should have it back in a week!

The SH thoughts are so much better. They're still there but not as strong as before and I'm not looking for opportunities.

Still having the tactile hallucinations but I'm learning to live with them. They feel like spider webs on my skin, it's really strange.

I'm back on Klonopin, that's med #5. I know there are some on more than that here but it's a big deal to me.

No word on the IOP yet but I think that's probably a couple of weeks away.

Hope things start improving quickly !

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Had a paper making class this morning. Was fun. I’m running into people from the senior center every time I go out. That’s both ok and awkward. Awkward because I’m terrible at small talk. And nice cause I’m getting to know people here. There’s 25,000 people but the events I go to are geared towards older folks and art, so the same people. Librarian events, senior events, artwork events and the Y. I used to let my deafness stop me from going places but now that I’m a senior there’s others who have hearing aids too and can’t hear well, but I’ve one up on them, I can read lips! I’m so glad my town has an artwork center. It’s great.

I think it’s great your getting involved and meeting people

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm at a laundromat as I type this. After days of heavy work in my dad's house with Sis (and today also nephew) many of my clothes were sweaty. Plus, I packed more warm weather clothes than cool. It's been chillier and rainier than expected.

The labor is clearly a bit much for Sis. I feel bad for that. Tomorrow will be rough, too, but then we'll have a little break. She was struggling to walk on her injured heel by the end, and I don't think she's used to such labor. I'm fine, in that respect, being almost seven years younger, thinner, and frankly, used to the labor of moving and cleaning. What I am bothered by is the extreme pollen outside and breathing in of dust and other hazardous stuff in the filthy house. She refuses to wear a mask, but I must for much of the time. I also had to push her hard to even wear gloves. I also wear glasses. She won't. And still my lungs feel negatively affected.

My hair is wet after a long shower, but I don't care despite being at the laundromat.

Hubby arrives Monday night. I can't wait!

Thanks for popping on. You have been on my mind knowing you have so much going on. I’m glad your taking precautions health wise while dealing with that literal mess. Glad your hubby will be here soon that’s going to really help you physically and mentally.

Please remember you’re self care.

Take care hun

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Samicat · Apr 30, 2023, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Many hugs.. I hear you on the huge struggle for just basics. I swear it gets harder every single month.

I know personally I could not work in a call center type employment.. are there any help for the funds to get education/ certifications in the field your looking into ?

Hang in there

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks for responding.

I will see if there are any bursaries or tuition discounts I could qualify for. I'm less concerned about the tuition than about how I will live while completing the program. I will also look into a government student loan since they are now interest free here.

I worked in call centres for 25 years and really they were not that bad until recently. I can't believe I will quit that job to make much less money, but the stress is too high. Plus working from home I will save a lot of money and time.

Sorry that you are feeling the money pressure too. I think I will write another post about it below.

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am feeling better today. It didn’t start out that way but now I’m feeling a bit lighter. I had severe SH thoughts and urges before but I braved the weather after the rain moved out (temporarily) and went on a brisk walk. I felt much better after I came back. I’ve eaten terribly today so I feel bad about that but one day out of this many isn’t bad I suppose.

I couldn’t sleep last night, but I did get to sleep by 11. Terrible nightmares though. In one, RS tried to force me into an IOP and said if I didn’t go he would know I was lazy and attention seeking and he didn’t love me anymore. Later on he got into drugs and I threatened to divorce him and he didn’t care. Clearly trauma related. I suppose for some reason this year is harder than others in regards to my first husband’s death. I guess because I’ve spent the past year or two first admitting the abuse and then trying to heal from it.

I’m still feeling pretty bad about myself but I’m just relieved I’m not so weighed down by depression right now.

My ex MIL has CR overnight. Tomorrow they’re going to the arcade for the day, so RS and I are going to head out to Lancaster PA for some antique shopping and lunch. I apparently went there with my first husband but thanks to a round of ECT back in 2014 I have zero memory of it. Like I only know I went because it came up on my Facebook memories. Otherwise I’d have thought I’ve never been there. Should be fun! Hopefully I feel well tomorrow.

Glad things are improving a bit

It’s really terrible what your first husband put you through. Keep kicking and clawing for mental day light.

I’ve said it before but I truly mean this….

“ YOU ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE “

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I'm having visual and tactile hallucinations. Fear the negative entity is coming back. I'm scared. I need to get some sleep!

Self grounding !!!!! You got this

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samicat

Thanks for responding.

I will see if there are any bursaries or tuition discounts I could qualify for. I'm less concerned about the tuition than about how I will live while completing the program. I will also look into a government student loan since they are now interest free here.

I worked in call centres for 25 years and really they were not that bad until recently. I can't believe I will quit that job to make much less money, but the stress is too high. Plus working from home I will save a lot of money and time.

Sorry that you are feeling the money pressure too. I think I will write another post about it below.

I hope you can find some financial help to make things a bit easier.

I worked a call center back in my late 20’s there was lousy management and unreachable quotes so I’m sure things are easier with realistic expectations.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

~Christina · Apr 30, 2023, 03:35 PM

Jane I’m sending you good positive wishes. Keep pushing self care even if you don’t think it’s working

Sunflower So many things coming up that will be positives ! Good for you

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Bipolar check-in #71	BeyondtheRainbow	Bipolar	989	Dec 29, 2022 07:00 PM
Bipolar check-in #59	Nammu	Bipolar	1002	Nov 01, 2021 09:05 PM
Bipolar check-in #56	Nammu	Bipolar	1353	Jul 02, 2021 04:18 PM

Menu

Bipolar Check-in #74

My Support Forums