This isn't good.

I'm pretty sure I'm hypo right now and that I was in a mixed state the past couple of days. I'm holding things together but it's very hard and when I saw my therapist she even said I seemed hypo. The problem I'm having is that the negative entity is back and that it's running its hands down my back and I can feel it resting on my shoulders and when I look at myself in the mirror I don't recognize my own face because it's staring out through my eyes. I am getting very paranoid. Luckily I see my pdoc on Wednesday so I can talk to him about these problems I'm having and see if he can help me. I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I can just hear the negative entity taunting me and telling me, "I'm here." I don't like it at all. I just want to write my novel without the negative entity bothering me.

Don't know. Sorry. Had to vent.

I mean, I feel quite jovial. It's just that the negative entity is bothering me again. Do you think if I just tell it to shut up it would go away because I can try doing that.

Maybe practice some mindfulness activities to stay in the moment when you get caught up
Feeling it?

That's a good idea! Thank you. I will try doing that and hopefully it'll go away because it's really distracting me from my work.

Oh dear. I'm so manic right now! I wish we lived by a park because I would totally go on the swings even in this oppressive heat.

I loathe the side of town we live on. It's pretty much the ghetto side of the city and ugly and busy! Too much traffic. I suppose I could walk to the store but there's nothing I want to buy and I only have three dollars and some change on me anyways!

And I LOATHE shopping!

Can you get some exercise and get some
Of that. Energy out?

One time I was extremely mixed/manic and I called about it and the nurse on the phone completely dismissed me because she asked if I was going on any shopping sprees and I said no because I don't have any money and even when I'm jovial I hate shopping!

I certainly can and will! It's probably best I don't go put in public right now anyways.

Well we'll well. I managed to drug myself into two hours of rest which is better than nothing but I have to conserve my prn seroquel because I'm allotted 100prn but the pharmacy only gave me 50mg tablets for some reason. Idiots. I'm kind of novel stuck right now so I'm contemplating in the bedroom right now. I think my problem is that I stopped taking my full loxapine dose on purpose because it makes me feel awfully weak and I don't like feeling weak but obviously I shouldn't have done that so I took the full dose before I went to bed last night. I drugged myself to sleep by taking 600mg of seroquel and seven benadryl even if benadryl doesn't make me tired for some reason it's very strange. I am NO LONGER ****ing with my meds!

Two days in a row of taking my prescribed loxapine dose.... feeling MUCH better! No more paranoia or negative entity, AND I got three hours of sleep last night.

Very glad to hear that1

I was bad last night and didn't take my full loxapine dose again and I didn't take my prazosin or trazodone but I should be fine because I'm feeling much more stable now AND I'm not stuck on my novel anymore which is a good thing. Yay!

I'm on too many ****ing meds!!! And the trazodone and prazosin seems redundant to me since my loxapine knocks me on my *** about an hour after I take it and I'm on seroquel so I have no problems drugging myself to sleep for a few hours and I asked my pdoc if I could go off prazosin and trazodone because they're pointless but he didn't think it was a good idea for some reason and I don't know why. I'm going to call tomorrow just to say I'm not taking prazosin or trazodone anymore.

It just sucks I can't exercise because of my stupid hernia. The doctor said I can't put any strain on my abdomen because it would just make it worse and my intestines are already sticking out and it's really gross and uncomfortable I cringe whenever my bellybutton hits anything. Boo hoo! I don't even care about getting surgery. I just want it to get fixed! We're going on a short vacation tomorrow which will involve a lot of walking which is a good thing because I'll get some exercise in 😀

What goes up must come down. : I have full body depression and just want to sleep but we're on vacation right now.

Oh my god. SO depressed. Strong SUI feelings, but luckily my rational brain is overpowering my emotional brain right now.

I seem to live with SUI feelings. It's almost a comfort to me. The knowledge that I can "check out" whenever is something I just live with. Anyway, you sound like you are speeding out most of the time. To drug oneself to sleep is never a bad idea if sleep is desperately needed. The full body depression is a smart way to put it as it can feel that way. Everytime I want to get off my meds and do it it becomes a mistake. Maybe just accept it for a stretch. Keep writing to us here.

I just got out of the hospital. I was involuntarily committed by my therapist/case manager. At the hospital they put me back on all my meds so I feel fine now. 🙂 Unfortunately now I'm going to be med monitored at night to make sure I take all my loxapine. Sigh. What a hassle.

I feel stable now (how boring!), but am still having some paranoia. Like, I can feel the negative entity staring at me in the dark. Luckily they moved up my appointment with my pdoc and I'm seeing him on July 5th, so I'll mention it to him.