HELP! MY 5 year old!

Hi, i have a 5 yr old son he is diagnosed with adhd. He is on risperdal and focalin xr. His dad and i have been seperated for 2 years now. I had him put on the meds after struggling with anger/emotional/hyper issues for as long as i can remember... Well he was doing ok on the meds, listening to me, a little hyper still but there wasnt as much argueing or tantrums like before this would go on fot hours! Well his dad doesnt agree with the medication, so sometimes he will :forget" to give it to him when he is there, sometimes the whole weekend and sometimes just a day. When he comes back to me he freaks out at the littlest thing, like tonite i told him no about something and he went A-wall! He screamed, threw things yelled at me, told me no he dont want to...nothing would help. not grounding, taking things away or spanking all he did was cry and cry until his chest and his head hurt! It was terrible! I couldnt get him to calm down! I dont know what to do. Then his dad says he is fine over there, he "listens" to him... i dont know is it possible he is biploar? His psych told me it is something they want to test for in the future...but what do i do as far as his dad not giving him meds? How do i deal with him when he acts like this? Im scared, if he were a teen i could not control him! Please help me!

((((((((((((((( brinad ))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry this is so difficult.

You mentioned a psych, for meds? Is your son seeing a psychologist or therapist? If not, I would suggest finding one that specializes with children ASAP.

Also, please find a therapist for yourself...someone to talk with but also someone that can guide you in dealing with your son during these times.

You're both in my prayers.

KD

(((((brinad))))) I'm so sorry that you're going through this and have the added burden of an unsupportive ex. I would recommend a therapist. He needs to learn how to calm himself down and express his frustration in a more appropriate manner.

ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior, it excuses lack of impulse control. When he goes off like that I would put him in his room and let him throw his fit without the benefit of your reaction.

I don't think that spanking is helpful in this situation. Grounding is something that will happen in the future. He's feeding off of your reaction I think. Calmly tell him that you cannot understand him when he's screaming and if he continues to misbehave he will have to go to his room until he can behave. Then put him in there, if he comes out, put him back in without reponding to him. If he trashes his room in his temper tantrum, he needs to help clean it up. Once he's calmed down, tell him how much you love him and that you want to help him.

It's not a quick fix, and I know you're frustrated and hurt for your child. You're instint is to comfort him in his distress. But these skills are so important, he needs to learn them now when he's young.

Ideally it would be best if dad were to be supportive and speak to him and explain that he is expected to behave no matter where he is. Does he perhaps see his father treat you with a lack of respect and therefore think that this is acceptable behavior? How would his father deal with this situation if he was there?

The meds don't make him behave, they give him a couple extra seconds to decide if he wants to act on an impulse.

Is it possible for dad to speak to the doctor about how important the meds are? A group session? How does his psych suggest dealing with these outbursts?

We did not give our son meds unless he was in school. Holidays, summers, and weekends were med free.