Bipolar Check-In #78

I thought today would be a boring stay at home day. I changed into my long John winter pjs for a day of lounging. Then a friend called and asked if I wanted to come down and play games. So I got changed again and went down. Then we decided to go to bingo. That was slightly disappointing, I won one game but the pot was divided 3 ways and not very much. But still out of 17 games I was the only one at our table to win any game.

I’m looking forward to the new year. This year was a lot of chaos and change.

@Nammu

I'm looking forward to the new year too. Got a good feeling about it.

@BeyondtheRainbow

I'm happy your biopsy results came back normal. What a relief!

Oh yes. I wanted to congratulate you too. What a relief 😅

So my doctor is out of town and his partner prescribed the muscle relaxant for my back. I was cautious in my email to the doctor, saying "if there's one I can take" because I'm on 2 meds with lots of interactions. She wrote back that I definitely could have a muscle relaxant. I now think she thought I was being cautious about asking for it instead of worried about interactions (because I knew my own dr knows to check everything). I just did a search and it interacts with clozapine. It's marked as major but I don't think it's that bad really; I'm pretty sure I've taken meds with the same level of interaction before. But now I'm nervous about the med and there's no way to get in touch with them until Tuesday. I guess I'll use with caution?

I can't believe this. I don't blame her; she had no idea that I was the interaction queen and if she's not familiar with clozaril she might not have known to check for interactions with it.

Oh well. Good thing my back is healing. I realize that this is partly the muscle relaxant but advil is helping a lot too.

Too much stress this week....

Congrats @BeyondtheRainbow on your biopsy!

I took the plunge and went to a cannabis store (it's legal here in Canada). I spoke with the staff there and told them my major problem is anxiety and they suggested that I try a couple of CBD oils (they don't contain THC).

I took the oil last night and it started to work within an hour. It just calmed things down and caused me to relax a little more. The effect lasted throughout the night but I woke up several times from really odd dreams.

I took it again this morning and am feeling some relief from the anxiety. The guy at the store said he takes the same oils 5 times a day.

I'll see how it goes. The oils are expensive - $90 for about a week supply, but if they help it'll be worth it even if I don't take it every day.

They said at the store that they have more potent oils depending on how I do with these.

Dealing with a customer with clinically delusional thinking. She has been in at least half a dozen times certain that an ever changing "they" have been "hacking" or "tapping" her phones. All of the "hacks" she references are buttons pressed or just quirks of the phone. She refuses to admit to pressing buttons, insisting "they" have done it.

To that end, she has had three numbers passed between six phones and is surprised when the prepaid company suspects fraud. She gets angry when people won't help her and/or indulge her conspiracies. She's burned every bridge she could have in my store, including mine as of today.

As an added bit of "fun," any time she's called out on her BS, she tries to say everyone's bullying her, a "poor old woman who just had a stroke." I'm 75% sure she's lying. I'm well aware brain trauma can cause confusion, agitation and cognitive issues, but she seems to drop the confusion and becomes very clear eyed and very demanding when she thinks she can get money from someone. Or if she can get someone she doesn't like in trouble. Which for her is everyone.

I'm in the break room right now, but I've got an inclination she about to be banned from my store.

Fun day.

I had my last PT session today. She asked me if I had any "fecal incontient incidents" and I said no since what I was dealing with earlier this week has nothing to with my work with with her and there was no need to embarras myself even more. I was honest about my urinary hesitation and the shower chair I got. She said I probably get dizzy only in the shower because I take really hot showers and my blood pressure goes up. She said to turn the water down and open the curtain a bit to get some air. So thats another answer I got. My shower chair was great though. Its a bamboo one so it doesn't look like a medical one. I used it this morning and it was so easy taking a shower.

I think I forgot to take my AM geodon. I feel a bit off mental health wise and I found a Geodon in my bed. I'm not sure if its from this morning or not. I take them in my sleep.

Overall things went well today.

I see my pdoc on the 8th. I don't think I need him to do anything with my meds. I think I just need to diet and excercise and go back to work and get a hobby. I think I have 2 hobbies already. My meds work for me anyways.

So angry 😡 for no reason.

So on wednesday I finally get to see my pdoc. i am going to ask him to give me latuda because i took it for a very long time a while ago and ir was amazing but i had to stop it becasue there was no generic and my insurance wouldnt cover it. but now there is a generic! i am hoping he will say its ok because honestly im getting tired of feelign this way and also the vraylar is not helping at all-im on 1.5mg.

latuda is a great med for bipolar depression so i am hoping hes cool with it. also hes leaving and i have to ask him about seeing a new pdoc.

My blood pressure is 133/93 and I don't feel too good. I took a valium and I'm hoping to just sleep it off. I didn't do or take anything weird besides taking tums instead of Pepcid. I felt like I was tripping earlier in my sleep. But I took less melatonin then normal. So probably it was just background noise.

I'm still off my rocker a bit. I'm listening to the song Fix You by Coldplay and I'm hungry it feels like I smoked something.

I’m doing okay. Except for when I think about work

@HALLIEBETH87

I hope your pdoc is okay with the latuda. It's great it's in generic form now. I'm sorry to hear he's leaving. That has to be hard.

Having a few physical concerns. Short of breath - blood pressure 162/100 when it’s always 110/70 and 93% oxygen sat. Having trouble standing and walking. Dizzy and light headed. Yikes! Running lots of tests to get this figured out.

So excited for 2024. Lots of fun things planned. I’m happy this morning.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day

I think he will. He’s pretty cool. I’m sad he’s leaving as I’ve only seen him a few times

Yeah. That really sucks. Personally I always have bad experiences with new pdocs because they always want to **** with my meds, regardless of if I'm stable or not, and they don't LISTEN. I hope you find a good new pdoc. Maybe the new one will be even better than your current one!

Gotta think positive and ****.

Well, got all my med refills (except diazepam) for the month. Am liking CVS a lot more than my old pharmacy! They're faster. They're efficient. They don't hassle me. In fact, they don't give an f about me! They just care about filling my prescriptions. I like it. I'm out of melatonin and can't get more until Monday earliest. Boohoo!

Still have to write my flash fiction.... the pressure is on!

Nervous about my appointment on Wednesday. If Dr. K doesn't increase my q when I ask I'm ****ed, so I'm kind of freaking out. I need to CHILL OUT! God!

I feel like **** today. I'm lethargic. My anxiety is through the roof. I'm about to go take my 5th valium. All my meds aren't working. This just happened suddenly this morning. I slept over 10 hours and I haven't had any coffee. Just a couple sodas. Idk. Its just some weird crap feeling I don't normally deal with. I can't think of anything that is stressing me out. I was feeling pretty good up until this 7AM this morning. Or late last night or some ****.

Does anyone else have dreams where they are living in an different universe? I have dreams a lot where I'm in a coma and I can hear people discussing things. Then I wake up and it was just a dream.

I've taken my nightly Geodon. I took an extra 20mil earlier. And a dramamine. And no luck on the moods anxiety or just general bad feelings. I want to eat something but I'm not hungry. What is my isssue.

I've also been having a ton of dreams about me missing or forgetting about work or coming in half dressed. I know they are common dreams. I have about the same 3 dreams.

I had sleep paralyis so badly last night. My mind was working but my body wasn't. I was finally just like "you need give up trying to move.

I have no idea why things were so weird today.

Bit the bullet and bought me 5 year old son his own iPad.

The ONLY reason why is because he’s ALWAYS on my iPad and it’s causing tension when I want to use it. There’s certain games he likes that we can no longer download on his old iPad because it’s ancient. I got the iPad through my phone service provider so I don’t really pay that much more per month because he got me a good deal.

Life is good and I’m glad I finally did it

Pdoc never called me back yesterday. I hope she calls Tuesday.

I got a new phone! My old one wouldn’t dial out and incoming calls went straight to voicemail without ringing! Texts would say unsent. In short, my phone was useless!

Flash fiction WRITTEN! Whew. Thought I wasn't going to make it.

What kind of things do you write?

Been gone most of the day. Poor Sir. The second time I left I turned on the TV on low for him. Won bingo again but so did two other people so I had to split the pot three ways. One of these days I’m gonna win a full high pot. Tonight was just 4 of us playing games and splitting a pizza.

Mostly speculative, like magic realism, dark fantasy or horror. But anything really. Really nice of you to ask.

I came across a short poem that makes me feel better about my inertia.

"In stillness lies wisdom.
In quiet there is peace.
In solitude you'll remember yourself."

-- unknown

I mopped yesterday and did some garbage today, so still getting a few things done. I'm happy to have the freedom to do as i please.