Bipolar Check-in #79

I met with my new doctor a few weeks ago. He didn't really do a physical but he checked my blood pressure which was like 130. Then he checked my lungs and heart and all that. My blood pressure was 140 somewhere and they just shrugged it off. Idk. Maybe it is just somatic but then how do you fix that...

What does it mean when you smell something really bad? Like eggs or something. Idk if its me or my room but its nauseating.

I'm about to go take a shower and sleep somewhere else. I sprayed air freshner and fabric spray but its not helping.

I put 2 of my blankets in the washing machine and sprayed more air freshener and I put on another shirt and the smell is still there. Wtf?

Had a chat with my PsychNP not long after this. I've always liked him as a sounding board and he managed to talk me off the proverbial ledge.

Conclusion: If the man who unintentionally triggered me wasn't mad and not going to bring it up, why should I? Also, I'm getting closer to even keeled again, so I'm not going to rock the boat.

Disconcerting, but nothing I couldn't come back from!

I'm sleeping just 3-4 hours a night and I'm so tired all day.

My pdoc increased Vraylar to 3 mg from 1.5.

She also prescribed a low dose of Seroquel for my sleep problems.

Dewed - re smell - is it your nose? Or does your mother smell it on your sheets too? I wouldnt be surprised if you smell like a Taqui or whatever it is you kids eat! Whats in your lunchables? Plus they are getting banned from schools for lead.

Lol. Your post reminds me of this sitcom I binge watched during the pandemic where the dad said "you kids and your Pink Freud music!"

I took a really good shower this morning and I can still smell it a bit. So idk. I haven't been in my room all day.

LOL. I said nose because when i googled, it said you could have old snot up your sinus. That was not the scientific term.

Well, it looks like I'm hypomanic. I'm sleeping very little and I'm obsessed with goals and goal-based activities.

At least I'm aware of it, so I can check myself.

I went to the gym today, it was a light workout so I'm not tired.

My doctor wants me to go to another hospital for a second opinion about my rotated right intestine to see if they think its an issue. Its a fairly local hospital. My coritsiol test came back and it was low. So I'm not sure what that means. It wasn't all that low but it wasn't normal. I'll have to wait to hear back from my doctor.

I've kept some food down today. I am a bit queasy right now but I'm holding down the fort so far. I've lost 3 pounds since Monday.

I’m not having a good day. Since yesterday I’ve been troubles with constipation. Plus I’m dripping blood on the floor from the hemorrhoids while I try to pull up my underwear and pants. It’s not my period I am sure of that. It’s bright red blood dripping from me. So I put on a maxi pad but I’m still ruining my underwear. I did call the drs office and the nurse said to take Miralax twice a day and add Colace.

Today has been a long one. im soooo sleepy.

My husband was a menace again today and made me walk to the store with him. I did not enjoy it. Had my appointment with my therapist this morning. Only reason why I didn't cancel is because my husband was being a menace again and was all like, "You need to talk to someone. That's why she's there. You haven't been out of the apartment in nine days!"

The appointment went fine. There was no where to sit in the coffee shop, so we ended up going for a drive. We talked about phentermine and my weight a bit. She told me there's a metabolic shift all women go through in their forties. Great. She encouraged me to call my GP and see if there were any other meds we could try (besides contrave or the injectables, which my insurance won't cover and I can't afford. $1000 a month? Ha! I'm on SSDI! So I called my GP and have an appointment scheduled with her on the 16th.

I'm just trying to figure out how someone can go from being on top of the world to down in the sewers in less than a month. Honestly, I listen to songs I would listen to while I was hypo--super happy songs--and now they just make me bawl. I need to get my **** together. I don't understand why my pdoc didn't increase my Cymbalta at my appointment last Wednesday. 😒 I'm not maxed out on it. I'm thinking about calling and requesting an increase.

I don't think decreasing my gabbies are going to make me feel better.

But I'm not the doctor.

You would be surprised how fast we can slip into such a low after being so high @raspberrytorte - but the good news is if you're sitting in a low, you can absolutely bounce back from that too!

I had a really good day today because I didn't go to work today. Really not excited anymore to drive an hour for a $10/hour job. I feel obligated to the owner because she gave me a job when I have a record, and the only reason I keep it is I need a job to report to probation. But that commute is starting to get to me and it doesn't make much sense anymore especially since her business is really failing.

Ended up going to Zaxby's and getting an amazing salad, which they are famous for around here. Also went to the post office and mailed out a letter to my penpal. My life is pretty good, I have to start learning to enjoy it more.

No word about my husband. Last I heard he was in a psych ward, but he has no way of contacting me.

I slept for 5 hours last night!

It looks like the low dose of Seroquel helped. I'm still tired but it's better than during the last several days.

Still very focussed, but I'm not spending it shipping, just obsessing over what I'm working on.

@raspberrytorte see if your pdoc will put you on 25mg of Prestiq. It can help with appetite and weight loss. It was listed in the list of side effects from the text I got from my doctor.

But just be careful because I heard Prestiq can sometimes cause mania but I never had that issue.

I'm already on a **** ton of meds. I don't think my pdoc wants to put me on anything new unfortunately. I think his goal is to get me OFF meds, hence weaning me off the gabbies. (Though why he's so insistent it be gabapentin is beyond me. I'd rather go off something useless, like topamax.)

I can't keep anything down again today. I ate a protein cinnamon bun and drank some water and then like 5 minutes later puked it up along with my daily vitamin. That was around 6AM and it was my first time eating since 1PM yesterday. Then I threw up some more water a few minutes after taking a nausea med. I'm doing all this crazy grocery shopping because I just want to be able to eat pizza without barfing. I'm at my lowest weight since Febuaray 27th and I know part of its the Prestiq but also part of it is this stomach stuff. I'm eating like 900-1100 calories a day.

Mood and anxiety wise I've been fine. The Prestiq is working well for it. It makes me drowsy though.

Actually I think the sips of Pedialyte I'm keeping down are helping right now

@Mountaindewed have you tried sticking to the BRAT diet for several days to help your stomach calm down? (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast (dry but I put applesauce on it b/c I'm sneaky like that). I think when you are that nauseous and vomiting so much that giving your system a break might help.

No but I have rice and toast I can try. I think we might have bananas.

I tossed up the pedialyte and now I have a headache and I'm drowsy. I made some rice and I took a couple bites and its staying down but I'm not too hungry.

My non-boyfriend is coming today so we can scout out the train station and it’s parking lot before our trip to Chicago. And today my period started. Only one day after my fertility friend app predicted.

Now not only am I depressed but I've developed a negative attitude, AND I'm going through phentermine withdrawal. That's some nasty shyt. I wasn't even on it that long! And I thought I was tired BEFORE. I can tell I'm doing worse today because my actual ESA won't leave me alone. I see my pdoc again on May 15th. I'm not sure if I want to call or tough this out until then. I guess who cares really.

Meanwhile I'm starting to get a backup of submissions and still have interview questions to write, but I just can't seem to make myself do anything!

I don't even like promoting my book anymore because with my negative attitude I'm starting to get jealous of everyone who is having more success than me (which is, of course, EVERYONE), instead of just being happy for them and moving forward in my quest. I mean, for an impulsively published book with no ARC readers and no audience and no marketing plan (because I was hypo as **** when I published it) it hasn't done poorly. I just wish I wouldn't have published it while hypo is all because I didn't think things through.

But I guess I can treat it as a learning experience. A very painful learning experience that is making me bawl. 😭

Oh, I've also started boohooing about my mental illness (part of the whole negative attitude development). I NEVER boohoo about that. I'm really going downwards. My boat has a hole in it. It's sinking.

Oh, and my therapist recommended I make a list of the things that make me mad 😡. I did that this morning. It didn't make me feel better. I don't know what the point was.