Bipolar Check-in #79

Thanks everyone for your support. I really appreciate it. Last night I took a zofran, an Aleve, and my new antacid together and I feel pretty good today. Not stomach bug nausea like, and my anxiety and moods are fine too. The pharamacist is filling my valium right now. I am kinda itchy though so I think I will go to 25mg Lamictal. But the itchiness could just be in my head. I don't see a rash anywhere. I'll ask my therapist tommorow for the name of the pdoc they know.

Yeah I know about the med disposal places and the syringes in coffee canisters until its full and you then dispose of it correctly.

I'm thinking of going off the wellbutrin. I feel like it is doing nothing for me but making my depression and anxiety worse maybe if I just went back on my lamictal that would be enough. My stomach is going crazy right now.

I slept for just 5 hours last night, as compared to my usual 9-10.

I tried to go back to sleep but finally gave up.

I'm on day 3 of 100mg of Seroquel, so maybe that's it (dropped from 200 to 100). I'll see how it goes tonight and if I wake up again, I'll go to 150 for a few days.

Still anxious and low but that's pretty much normal for me.

I'm listening to up beat music and doing something I like to try to raise my mood.

I bought a gene test on the recommendation of my pdoc to test for mental health meds. I just took the sample and will return it tomorrow or Friday.

Had an interesting appointment with my therapist today. I brought up going on Wellbutrin and she said it sounded like a good idea. She said I'm TOO chilled out. I have to agree with her. For most things I've developed a whatever attitude and spend most of my time laying in bed, listening to music. She said I have a chilled out baseline and not enough activity. She said the wellbutrin would raise my energy levels. She's going to sit in on my appointment with my pdoc on April 3rd.

My pdoc is pretty open to suggestions. I wouldn't want to go off Cymbalta completely, but if there was a way we could decrease my dose and add a bit of Wellbutrin that would be great. Right now life is just passing me by while I lay in bed, being a lazy **** and listening to music. I have zero energy and nothing really phases me (except for when I'm being accused of ****ing DRINKING or how I can't sleep at night). I don't know.

I made the mistake of being honest with her about my seroquel problem and OF COURSE she brought up being med monitored again.... ugh!

Whatever I guess.

I'm not cleaning the apartment for them or making myself look presentable, so they're just going to have to deal with it.

Omg my pdoc called and said I looked super manic earlier but she didn’t know how I’d react to her telling me and given I was just fking arrested for assault she wanted to tell me over the phone. Wuss.

Lamictal and seeing if a baby dose of lithium fks up my kidneys. And Benadryl for the sleepiezzzzzzz

I've been on 2.5 valium for 2 days now. Is that technically a withdrawel now? Or just a taper? I'm out completley and they said this morning they would have it ready today. I feel ok though. I took an Aleve and my stomach med which majorly calmed my anxiety so I'm not even missing the valium much. Like is this even anxiety to begin with or my twisted intestine thing. It responds to Aleve but not to valium...

Do you mean 2.5mg?! Weren't you on 15mg? That's a serious decrease! If I were you I'd be feeling like shyt.

My therapist had to reschedule my appointment today. Unfortunately, I really needed to talk to someone about life today. I have so much going on. Too much. I feel overwhelemd. my wedding is in 17 days and i dont feel ready

I meant I take 3 pills a day and I decreased the pills from 3 to 2.5. I don't know how many mg that is.

Its 12.5 I think

I don't know if melatonin and cough syrup is bad. To be honest with you, melatonin doesn't help me sleep all that much. It's kind of like taking a sugar pill for me.

Decreasing your diazepam from three pills to 2.5 should be fine I'd think. That's not too drastic of a cut.

@HALLIEBETH87

I'm sorry your therapist canceled on you and that you feel so stressed out. (((Hugs)))

@MuddyBoots

Oh! Who did you assault? Did they REALLY deserve it? Were they being an asshat? Was it worth spending a week in jail? Sorry. Writers are nosey. Lol. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

I am very prone to akathisia but the combination of Gabapentin and high doses of Vitamin B6 (plus a general B complex) has erased akathisia almost entirely, until it is very infrequent and barely noticeable.

Gabapentin is also known to improve sleep architecture. I just do not know if Gabapentin is accessible for you, now that it is increasingly treated almost as a controlled substance. However... if Valium is accessible, so should be Gabapentin. And Gabapentin is a far more benign drug than Valium.

So I have bronchitis and am now on Benzonatate. One dose and it is already working! It can be taken as needed.

Do not have pneumonia which is a relief. Do not need antibiotics.

My blood pressure at the urgent care was 91/61 and my head was spinning. The urgent care doctor was nonchalant about it – he told me this BP is technically still normal and is way better than having 190/60. I wholeheartedly agreed that it is better, but, curiously enough, last time I was at my internist's office with 90/60, she was worried and made me stay in the office until they measured the BP again and the systolic climbed to over 100. So I guess different drs have different attitudes.

I was told to expect cough to last 4 more weeks, but it is nothing serious.

I am going to take another Benzonatate now and hope to be able to breathe during the night.

could your baseline impulsivity be BPD, unrelated to bipolar/sza?

@raspberrytorte it was this (like 5'6") dude being super douchey and aggressive at the pharmacy to the tech and I just told him to chill and he lashed out at me and said something like "hit me, I dare ya" so I got all ragey and just flipped the fk out.

@Tart Cherry Jam
Yeah, I think my baseline impulsivity is definitely BPD. It's just hard to know when that gets amped up into mania soooo idek if I can believe the pdoc when she said I was super manic

I am defienetly feeling it now without my valium. I took the last 1/2 at noon yesterday. I keep rubbing my face and taking deep breaths and I feel restless. I have another couple hours until the pharmacy is open. They sent a text late last night saying it was filled.

My therapist switched to remote. She has a stomach bug and I had wondered if I was dealing with one the other day. My mom isnt too happy she switched again but I don't really care.

My mom is sick with something too now. We just keep passing stuff back and forth from my house to my sisters house.

So I'm not sure its all or even mostly anxiety. I just drank some Sprite and I feel better. Idfk

I guess it is a lot of anxiety. Even with 2 valium. I ended up taking all my meds for the rest of the day around 10:30. Minus my 3rd valium. So I just feel sort of ok right now.

My weight is still the same as when I started the wellbutrin. I've cut way down on carbs.

Oh good, I slept almost 9 hours last night.

So I'll continue with 100mg of Seroquel, but I think I'll go to 50 for 7 days and then stop instead of stopping after 100.

I was just talking to the adult pdoc here at work iw ork with about how a pdoc i saw when i was very unstable and had no insurance forced me to take lithium even though i kept telling her it messes with my hypothyroidism and made me physically ill EVERY SINGLE DAY. he was like wow you know you can sue her. i said she was kinda a *****. i saw her until i switched docs and finally got off lithium. she was convinced bc i have bp i HAD to take it and thats just not true. i have acquired hypothyroidism FROM lithium in the first place.

hes really cool. i think we are lucky to have him at our office.

in other news...the weather is pretty but my mood is not. im in quite a low mood for some odd reason idk. i just wanna hide in my room. i have a wedding in 16 days. i move out in 2 weeks. this class ends this week and im pretty sure im gonna end up with a damn C. it sooooo hard for my entire class right now. im praying i make a B. please send good thoughts i do. im considering switching programs to another school online here where i lve that my fiance got his MSW at and had NO issues like i am!

The lady that runs the shelter wants to have a meeting with me Monday uh oh. I hope it’s not because others were complaining about me waking them up at 5am when IVE GOTTEN 2 INCREDIBLY BROKEN HOURS over the past three days.

Oh and the bytch that complained went to bed at fking 9. Yeah, that’s when she started snoring.

My therapist kind of gave me a hard time about going off the Wellbutrin. I told her there was no way to get ahold of my pdoc before April so I was just going to go off it. Shes going to email me the names of a couple pdocs she knows of. I didn't mention the lamictal.

I asked if we could come up with a daily schedule which she was more then happy to do. So we figured one out and she emailed it to me.

Now I'm lying in bed and I feel like I'm going to fall off and I've been feeling that way lately and it feels like some weird dissociation feeling

its probably that floaty feeling you can get when you go off meds.

My anxiety is through the roof right now. Its really bad. I just have the heebie jeebies and throat anxiety. Can I just stop Wellbutrin 150XL cold turkey after just 2 weeks? I don't need to cut them in half or something. I just want it totally out of my system. One of those all that glitters situations for sure. Or the grass isn't greener. Whichever one. All I've had is 2 weeks of partial insomnia, weight frustration, and now the anxiety is popping up.

I’m quitting my school tomorrow. I’ve already started the application to a better program