Bipolar Check-in #79

@Scooter9

Happy birthday 😊!

@Scooter9:

H@pPy BiRtHd@Y!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎁🎈🎂 Scooter!!!!

Hi. New to forums. Kinda checking things out.
I am in the midst of a major depressive episodes.
Feeling my way around here.

Hi jazzyjazzjazz

Welcome to the forum! 😊

I feel a lot better today. It seems to be a night time thing lately. I made a grocery list last night and then just suddenly crashed.

Happy Birthday @Scooter9!

I'm happy you feel better 😊.

I got some lozenges with to this effect though my mouth felt dry again once the lozenge was gone. .

Been a... contentious week at work. My already complex relationship with the competition at my store just got more complicated.

Basic summary, my employer and my competitors are both outside contractors hired to sell phones. I work with prepaid devices and they work with postpaid. Think TracFone vs Verizon Wireless. My company's contract allows me to talk up the sale, but forbids me from completing the sale, at the register or otherwise. My competitors have access to the registers and computer systems to complete the sales. So... I have to rely on them, in many instances, to complete the sale. They get commission on those sales, just like I do, but selling my phones isn't their primary goal.

My problem: On multiple occasions, they've taken advantage of my inability to actually cash the customer out to try and steal my already completed sales. They've also acted as vultures, ready to swoop in when I step away, even when I've completed the sale and am trying to get the customer cashed out. Multiple different reps have tried this across different days.

I'm torn. On the one hand, they're shamelessly trying to take advantage of my reliance on them to complete sales, in order to undermine my business. On the other hand, it's not working. There were six attempts I witnessed in the course of the past work week, but only one succeeded.

My boss is aware of what's going on, but I'm hesitant to get her involved too much, just by the nature of my professional relationship with the competitors and the dynamics. I don't want to completely torpedo my relationship with them over antics that aren't working for them. I also don't want to sit on it until it legitimately becomes an issue.

So much plotting! I feel like I'm in an episode of The Tudors!

I've been on 200mg of topamax for about two months now to supposedly help my weight and hunger. It's not helping. I'd like to just go off it.

PEOPLES ON OR WHO HAVE BEEN ON TOPAMAX, WILL I GET WITHDRAWAL IF QUIT THIS COLD TURKEY?

I know I should probably ask my pdoc, but he's so SLOOOOOOOW. He'd probably make me wean off it in six weeks and make no other necessary med changes at my next appointment (which is on April 3rd). I'd rather just be off it by my appointment.

It's seriously doing nothing. It's just a pointless med that I'm on.

Welcome jazz

I've been on and off topamax a few times and the first couple times I was just on 50-100mil. I had no trouble going off cold turkey. Now I'm on 75 mg twice a day and even going down 25mg a day has been an issue for me.

So the higher dose is where I had the issue at.

I use it for my moods too.

Thanks, everyone, for your birthday wishes, it means a lot!

I went out with my family for a late lunch and am enjoying a little rum at home.

Happy Birthday Scooter!

I took my Geodon correctly today. I didn't take a 20 at 11AM and the 80 at 2PM. I took both at 5PM. Then I realized my hunger was under control all day for once. So I think messing with the timing of my Geodon really screwed up my appetite.

My anxiety was ok because I was wearing my glasses all day. Not being able to see gave me the creeps I guess. So my stomach was ok too since I didn't have nausea or dizziness and I could read signs and see the TV.

My glasses are these big blue framed ones that look like the designer Brandon Maxwells. But blue. I wouldn't wear them out in public but in the house and doing grocery drive up pick ups they make a big difference. I hope I can find a decent looking pair in a few weeks.

My depression has gotten intense enough to do something about it. I emailed in to my doctor to ask about Caplyta. It interests me because it targets bipolar depression and is an anti-psychotic. I tolerate anti-psychotics well except for weight gain and sedation. Anti-depressants make me hypomanic.

At this point i'm just going to ask questions about Caplyta. The cost is pivotal. It's a new drug and i found it quoted at $50USD a pill, which is absurd. If it's on the provincial formulary (Canadian) i can consider it, but it will make budgeting hard. But, hey, if i'm not here, budgeting doesn't matter.

Unfortunately, my doctor is out of the office for about six weeks, so i'll have to deal with his replacement. I can't cope tho. I drank a bottle of wine last Sunday night. Sunday nights are the hardest time of the week for me.

It helped pass the time, but i didn't like how i got cravings for it for the few days after, as i have alcoholism in the family. I didn't like the taste or the effect that much anyways. And i was sorry to break 18 months of abstinence from alcohol (not that it's ever been an issue for me).

But i'm not keeping up with my activities of daily living. And last night i was so desperate for relief i took a cab down to an old haunt of mine, a very modest evening drop-in, but it was closed. So that was $30 down the drain.

I'm wasting my life, lying in bed and lying on the sofa. I've exhausted all the possibilities for entertainment here at home and i'm too sedated to go in to my afternoon drop-in.

I saw the posts about Caplyta here. Sounds like people have had a wide variety of experiences on it. I've got to do something tho.

Welcome @Jazzyjazzjazz

You are on a high enough dose to worry about getting a seizure if you stop cold turkey, as this is (and originally was developed as) an anti-seizure med.

I take 200mg of Lamictal and 3200mg of gabapentin. Do you think I still have to worry about seizures?

Oh that is right. Good point. Probably not.

Today is the start of my new "regimen". I decided it's time to try to get back into the swing of things. I reached out to start therapy again. I'm gonna try to eat better, and go walking/exercise more. If I'm going to make changes for the better, I might as well go all in. I'm in a better place when I feel better. I feel better, when I do these things.


Slept great last night. It's rare I sleep well, without waking up, but I did last night! I feel refreshed. I've got a busy week packed. (Busy for me, it is really just one thing tuesday and one thing wednesday haha). I'm feeling prepared for my appointments and the week.

EDIT: Just heard back from the therapist. I can start individual Therapy on the 25th but start IOP today.

I once went to the DBT for Bipolar group co-led by three women, one of them an intern. Her mantra was "success breeds success". I think it applies to your approach.

I think its safe to go up to 75mil of Lamictal. Its been a week on 50mil and I haven't had any issue.