Bipolar Check-in #79

@Mountaindewed

You can just quit it. I was on it for three months and quit it cold turkey, no problems, and I usually get terrible withdrawal from everything. Sorry the wellbutrin didn't work out for you.

I didn't sleep last night, so I spent the majority of today sleeping, which I realize is not good. I was just SO tired. Now I'm probably not going to sleep tonight and I have shyt to do tomorrow. I'll probably go to bed at eleven and wake up at one. Sigh. I guess I'll just deal with my fukked up sleep schedule. I'm going to try taking a melatonin tonight and see if that helps at all. It definitely can't hurt.

I guess right now I'm feeling a little anxious about going to bed tonight because I'm pretty sure I'll wake up in the middle of the night again and for whatever reason that causes me a lot of anxiety.

I guess I just have to maintain a positive attitude. I also feel really guilty and ashamed of myself because over the course of the day I took 600mg of seroquel (I'm prescribed 400mg), and, even worse, at 3AM I was so desperate for sleep I took 125mg of loxapine, which only made me lightly dose for like an hour unfortunately, but I was desperate. I'm prescribed 50mg of loxapine and don't even want to be on it. So I feel a whole lot of bad. I feel like a seroquel addict. I mean, I have a serious seroquel problem, and it's starting to scare me.

I'm just not happy with myself right now.

MuddyBoots, I realize this is not your MO, but please consider, should something like this happen next time, expressing your concern and indignation to the tech and suggesting to the tech that the tech call, if not the police, then at least the building security. This way you will do the needful but stay out of trouble yourself.

I'm so fukking depressed 😔. I know. BOOHOO. Woke up at 3AM and couldn't fall back asleep, no matter how hard I tried. Going to go nap free today and see if that helps. Also going to start weaning myself off seroquel. It's not good for me. It helps my anxiety, but I've gotten so FAT. Like gone up four pant sizes fat. Christ! Plus I abuse it and everything, which isn't good.

Gave myself second earlobe piercings today. Stupid jail made me take them out the day after I got it done by a legit place, and they closed of course, but I just took the earrings and stabbed my lobes with them this morning.

I think I figured out the source of literally all of my problems. Both physically and mental health wise.

Its my vision. I'm supposed to wear glasses but I don't because I don't see too many guys with them. But my vision has sucked so much lately and I think its the cause of my nausea and dizziness and also if I can't actually see whats going around me then yeah I'm gonna be pretty paranoid when I'm out shopping.

My mom kinda just told me all this after we got home shopping and I needed 2 Aleve and a zofran. I guess I just need to finally get my eyes checked out. I'm looking into places right now.

Today I went out grocery shopping and I was anxious but I managed without any problem. I'm ok now.

I have an appointment set up with Target Optical on the 20th. I have my old glasses on now and I can see and they do seem to be helping out my stomach. I plan on getting some clear frame ones.

I'm a fat land whale.

Hi all! I’m home from going inpatient now. My mouth is so dry from the cogentin!

Welcome home Moose! My dentist recommends xylitol mints for dry mouth. They sell them at Walmart. I got a fruity kind from Amazon. They do seem to help some.

I forgot what a hassle this could be. My pharmacy has been trying to fill my adderall for a week (I have a smaller dose for a week, then back to my original dose). I got the smaller dose filled but it will run out Monday. I had to call around to find a pharmacy that had the bigger dose, call my provider to send the prescription transferred-- and they send the wrong one, which I had to call back and figure out all this on my own. It was exhausting BUT I got the right prescription so it means I wont go without starting Monday. Another month's crisis averted. I'm just glad it's taken care of.

I know this isn't an ADHD thread, but to understand the Adderall shortage and the absolute pain it is to try to make it work, take a look at this article. ADHD Medication Shortage: We Deserve Better Treatment

They also prevent cavities. I have a jar on my desk and a jar next to my bed to remind me to take them.

Well ive began applying for the MSSW program at my new school. saw my apt roday and its awesome! im feeling excited to move in now as before i was sad. i am gonna start packing soon. just gotta get boxes lol im gonna call monday and withdraw from my second class i was gonna takethis semester. and i have an essay to wrte for my application ot UL. i also am goin to see ballet version of Romeo and Juliet tomorrow!

I love Prokofiev's Romero and Juliet ballet.

I took sleep meds at 2:30 this afternoon because I was really anxious and I fell asleep until 7. I am still anxious and my stomach hurts. I'm hoping this is still just the Wellbutrin stuff getting out of my system. My stomach might hurt because I ate some mini Ritz crackers for lunch and I thought they had matcha filling in them but they actually had mustard cheese. Yeah I'm kind of at a loss though right now.

I just put on my old glasses and wow did that make a diifference.

I found out my insurance covers my eye doctor for free. And $400 worth of glasses. So I'll try to get the clearest frame possible and then maybe a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses.

I feel like I should go to the ER but then I'm also like you're ok its probably not a big deal.

I am feeling better with cough. Am going to do some work that is overdue. Will play the Romeo and Juliet ballet as background music as I work. Thanks for reminding me of this ballet!

It's 5:30 AM. I slept 2 hours and have been up since 12:20. I've had 3 doses of gabapentin. I may be slightly calmer but definitely not sleepy. This is the 3rd time this week. It just sucks.

I see my pdoc Monday. I know she's going to tell me to take 100 mg of Seroquel on these bad nights. I don't want to because I'm fighting hard to lose weight and don't need another drug working against me and because it will make me sleep so much on the days I take it. I also don't want to get into a cycle where I depend on Seroquel. I'm already afraid that's happening because it has had such a clear and dramatic effect as a mood stabilizer even on just 50 mg.

I do not understand this.If I were having a mixed episode I would but I don't feel manic and the depression is mild now and improving except for this sleep thing and at least half the time, sometimes more, that's not bad. It's just very bad when it is bad.

@BeyondtheRainbow

I completely understand your sleep struggles. I've been up since 2AM. I don't even bother with my prn seroquel anymore because it does nothing and melatonin is like taking a sugar pill. Equally worthless. I hope your sleeping struggles resolve on their own and you don't have to resort to increased seroquel.

((((Hugs))))

Feelin' a little odd today. However, I am still working towards getting myself "back together". I messaged my old therapist about getting back into therapy. She's willing to see me again, and even offered me a spot in IOP if I wanna go that route again too. I might do it. I'm a little anxious about my doctor's visits next week. I see my pdoc just to check in on my med restarting, and my PCP to try to get migraine meds and GERD meds. (It's a new PCP, so I dunno how she'll feel about it. I mean, I know it's a simple thing but some are picky about specific drugs they want to use. We'll see)

Last night was rough but I finally got to sleep at 12:30. I woke up at 6:57. I've been wearing my old glasses all day and I haven't had any issues with nausea or headaches or dizziness or anything. I actually feel pretty good tbh. My anxiety has been fine too I think the Wellbutrin is out of my system and the lamictal is starting to do stuff.

It's my birthday today!

Happy birthday!

I'm really anxious. I'm trying just to relax but its hard.

@Scooter9 Happy Birthday 🎉

@Mountaindewed

I understand how hard it is to relax when you're anxious as ****. Have you tried making a list of things to do, to try to keep your mind occupied? When I went off clozaril I had a really bad anxiety episode and my husband suggested I make a list of things to do throughout the day to try to help my anxiety and keep my mind occupied. It didn't really work but I did it anyway. It could help you though. Anxiety is a *****.

(((Hugs)))

I was hallucinating and kinda freaking out before bed and woke up screaming from a nightmare and then talked in my sleep sporadically during the night so I’m sure everyone at the shelter fking loves me right now lol 🙃

Idk what I’ll do today. I’m sick of just hanging out at the library. Yesterday though I saw someone arrest one of my friends that got kicked out of the shelter for drugs. Yeah, still not attracting healthy people…

Maybe I’ll go to the mall and people watch. Maybe get a pair of earrings since I get them for free since I got my ears pierced again there a few weeks ago (right before I had to take them out for jail and had them immediately close up. I did pierce them again myself though.)

Right now I gotta find a place to drop a Mitch though lmao.