[Blueberrybook]

Not sure if this is a trigger, but just in case:

I'm 46, and I've been dealing with mental health issues since I was 20. On the gamut of psych meds since then. In and out of therapy. I don't know if anything will help. Along with bipolar, I have panic disorder, OCD and also annoying peripheral neuropathy and stomach issues (ulcer history).

Possible trigger:

I don't know, lately I'm feeling like it's never going to get better, and I just can't wait for life to be over. I'm not suicidal per se (definitely no plan), but I'm just wishing I were at the end of my natural life and wanting it all to be over. My luck, I'll live till I'm 100, and I'm not wanting a long natural life. I feel like I wish my natural life would just end already. I have told my pdoc this , and he frowns but doesn't make any med adjustments just mentions therapy, but I've had it with wasting money on therapy. Therapy just hasn't helped me, and I have seen over a dozen different therapists with different types of therapy (CBT, DBT etc.).

Am I the only one feeling this way?

[unaluna]

I'd say you are preaching to the choir.

Life's a beach and then you are unalive.

[Scooter9]

I can relate to the feeling of things maybe not getting better. I've been depressed since 2017 and I've tried different meds and therapy.

But for some reason I hold on to the hope that things will get better. It might take time and I have to hold on as long as I can.

I recently started Vraylar and my anxiety is lower which is giving me hope that I'll find something that works even if it's not Vraylar.

Take things one at a time, go slow and be patient with yourself.

[MuddyBoots]

Relatable. I'm simultaneously floored and amazed I'm still alive.

What would need to change for you to want to live (aside from the obvious "not be mentally ill")? Can you reasonably work towards that?

[JaneOnceMore]

I feel the same. I just want to outlive my dog. I'm sure you want to live for your daughter. I'm 57. I don't want to live a long life either. My younger sister died over a year ago at 53 and she had a husband and booming career and everything to live for. I can't help thinking, why couldn't it have been me? (She died of natural causes.)

[Blueberrybook]

What would need to change for you to want to live (aside from the obvious "not be mentally ill")? Can you reasonably work towards that?

Ugh. I don't even know at this point. I can't see my life changing to the point of looking forward to anything ahead. Just tired of it all.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Ugh. I don't even know at this point. I can't see my life changing to the point of looking forward to anything ahead. Just tired of it all.

Understandable. It's rough and seemingly endless. We're here for you though, and if there's anything we can do to help, let us know. Even if it's a kick in the butt to brush your teeth, take a shower, have a healthy meal, or step outside for a bit (please make sure you're taking care of yourself. Even if it feels impossible, it's doable and will help)

I do hope posting here again, even if you don't stay a prolonged period of time, helps you know this isn't a battle you're facing alone.

[ForestGhost]

Hey there. Yes, I feel the same way as you. Can I just tell you first - I so appreciate you sharing your thoughts about this? Do you know how comforting it is to know I'm not alone about thinking this way?

I live with chronic illness. Since the past year, my ability levels have dropped and I can do even less than what I was able to do before. So things are definitely going downhill. I will also be 60 soon, so really ... not much chance of things getting better.

Do you think it's possible we find ways to just keep going until the natural end comes? Like you, I am not actively planning/contemplating ending my own life, but I get tired of living too. Therapy has been helping me but I realize it doesn't help everyone. I wish it could for you.

Can I also tell you that I respect and appreciate you for how you manage to keep going? I know you're not looking for applause but I had to mention it. I honestly believe it takes a LOT of strength and a LOT of courage to be a human. We are so vulnerable to our moods and thoughts and so many of us just fade away. I mean, being rich and famous isn't always the answer. Look at the rich and famous people who ended their lives ... so it obviously didn't ease their pain enough.

Maybe people like us can just keep plodding along, see what happens next. I'm still open to the possibility that there are better moments further up the road. How about you?

[unaluna]

Yes, blue, so glad to hear from you again. Ive been wondering how you were doing.

[Blueberrybook]

Thanks so much everyone. I hate to know that others feel this way too, but I am glad of the support and knowing others can relate to these feelings.

[Brokenbone]

I’m much younger than you and it really does feel so hopelessly tiring to feel that way. Like I imagine i have 60+ more years of this. I can’t even imagine myself having to exist the way i am for the rest of my natural life. What slow torture