Bipolar Check-in #80

@LadyShadow

You're very pretty!

@Blue_Bird

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your therapist. That has to be so hard. And shocking for that matter. You are in my thoughts.

@HALLIEBETH87

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. That's way too young to die of a heart attack. And how heartbreaking that she left small children behind. 😢 You are in my thoughts.

@Blue_Bird and @HALLIEBETH87 I am so sorry for each of your losses.

@LadyShadow risperidone has been a game changer for me! I'm glad it helps you too! I tried SO many antipsychotics before risperidone and they either didn't work at all, didn't work that long, or gave me really bad side effects. For some, just one dose gave me debilitating side effects. I started at .5 mg of risperidone. Within just a couple of days the guy I was dating at the time said he could see a noticeable improvement and I sure felt a heck of a lot better. For reasons I don't remember (maybe, just my brain getting used to it?) I had to increase to 1 mg at some point. My pdoc said he has had patients go as high has 16 mg with risperidone so, hopefully, that means this is a med I can stick with for a long time, even with any needed dose increases (as long as I don't get side effects at higher doses that is).

I was on risperidone for a bit and it worked great and then they switched me to 37.5 of the Risperdal Consta and that was awesome until the hospital fkkked up and gave me 50 and I became delirious. Thought I was breaking into people's apartments and drinking beers with my sister in Boston and got lost in a corn maze and was kidnapped to this cabin in Maine where this dude had a moose head on the wall and a totally occupied gun rack. While in patient. It also rained ants and cocaine.

Incredibly rare reaction though. They actually had to report it to the FDA because that is not any sort of listed side effect and the doc there couldn't find any other cases of that happening. But yeah, Risperidone was good for me too until 50mg of the consta for me.

I'm throwing up a lot this morning and its really hot out so I moved my therapy appointment to virtual. I don't want to end up with heat stroke or dehydration or some ****. I'm already dizzy when I stand up and I'm in the AC.

I'm actually wearing shorts and a white cooling T shirt and sandals today instead of my normal jeans and black t shirt and Nikes though.

A bit tmi but if I could just take a shyt I think I'd feel a lot better.

So sorry for your loss @Blue_Bird and @HALLIEBETH87! Death has a way of changing the survivors - it made me appreciate the time I have with the people in my life.

I had a tough workout at the gym today. I sweated a lot, which my trainer said is a good thing.

The swelling in my feet from a reaction to Vraylar continues to improve a little each week I can more easily fit into my shoes and I'm not as quickly made tired by doing simple things like going up the stairs.

My anxiety is way up for some reason. Not even the Klonopin is helping much. And of course the depression follows it, it is worse too.

My T and I tried to figure out what was causing the anxiety but she ended up just giving me advice about how to cope with it for now. Can't really get to the bottom of it in a single appointment. Her advice helped a little.

Is your anxiety up from stopping Vraylar? I had to stop Vraylar for the water retention in my feet & ankles as well. I just couldn't take it, which was too bad because the Vraylar did help me with motivation. Did your doctor put you on another med in place of the Vraylar?

Docs haven't even looked at my lab results, but they're on the patient portal, and yeah, looks like the hep C is as active a as puppy at a dog park. Waiting for them to call back and try to force me into another $40,000+ treatment not covered by my insurance with no guarantee of it working because obviously it hasn't in the past. Probably try to get more testing or some shyt too. Pissed.

Yes I think it's related to stopping Vraylar. My anxiety was under good control on Vraylar, but I had to stop it cold turkey because the swelling was spreading to my knees, and hands.

My pdoc did start Rexulti, 11 days ago, so I guess I'm still waiting for it to start working. Haven't noticed any effects from Rexulti yet.

Thanks for asking

I am so incredibly thirsty but nothing is staying down which just is making me more thirsty. I've had like 4 bottles of hint water and a bottle of watermelon Lipton iced tea and a can of Liguid death iced tea and I threw it all up and I'm like frantic or something right now.

If you can't keep still water down, then I think you need to go to the ER. Something is not right and you need at least a saline iv to get water into your system.

Today it hit me that part of the reason bipolar symptoms weigh me down (when actively experiencing them and when stable) is because my brain never adjusted its expectations to what my day to day life can look like. Despite it being a few years, I guess I still haven't accepted that this is a chronic thing that isn't going to just magically go away and that, even if I end up being stable for years at some point, it will still impact my day to day life because I will have to work to keep that stability.

The past couple of days have been rough to say the least. Was feeling overwhelmed with emotions this morning, and it is really starting to affect me. I am also aware that it's been all happening this past week in which my period was supposed to come and hasn't yet. Don't know what the cause of these intense feelings are but they are having an impact on my current relationship.

Wondering if I should be alarmed, wondering if I don't even know how to be in a healthy relationship with someone who isn't putting me in danger every five minutes. It is a weird feeling to have. Do I even know how to be happy? My mind seems to be rejecting it and I am worried.

^^^This!!! Especially with the heat

I'm trying to avoid the ER. I'm still puking a lot but I don't feel dehydrated. And I'm not like lethargic. My skin is kinda dry and itchy though. I ordered some watermelon and some Liquid IV for a fast delivery from Walmart. My mom asked if I needed to go to the ER but I'm just trying to deal with this on my own.

Liquid IV is some good shyt. Most people in my hiking group use it (I use just the straight up hydration multiplier, not the "special ones.") It has natural caffeine in it just so you know--I mean the sleep one obviously doesn't but I'm pretty sure all the other ones do.

If Liquid IV has caffeine in it, you shouldn't drink it if you can't keep water down. You need to avoid it along with teas containing caffeine. Caffeine is not good for an upset stomach.

Just try water first, maybe some Gatorade too help replace electolytes. Don't drink things containing caffeine. Caffeine will likely just upset your stomach more.

I looked it up and apparently only the "energy" one has caffeine in it.

I threw up 2 bottles of LiquidIV. But now I'm keeping just plain regular water down. And I kept all my meds down. So thats a good sign. I went to the bathroom and it was like floating. Which was weird. Google says it could be harmless or something I'm dealing with my GI doc. I'm kinda tired but I think its the dramamine. I don't think I'm in any sort of medical crisis. My temp and blood pressure were normal.

Well now I just threw up again. I know I'm not taking this seriously enough and I should probably get to the ER. But what if they stick a tube in me or something. I'd rather deal with the throwing up.

You really do need to take this seriously. Dehydration is nothing to mess around with. If you are throwing up water, you really need to go to the ER.

Seriously, man, go to the hospital. Chances are that "tube" will just be intravenous fluids in your arm, and that is a wayyyy better experience than dehydration. Is there another tube you're worried about?

One of those ones they put in you when you can't keep any fluids down. They have a certain name.

I'm pretty sure dehydration treatment is IV fluids (water+salts). I've only needed treatment for moderate-severe dehydration twice and once was at a XC race and they didn't even need to take me to a hospital for it because they had an ambulance prepped for someone to pass out running 5k on an old crop field in 95degrees. Both times were just the good ole' drip.

A family member had dehydration and they were treated with IV drip and a night in the hospital as a precaution.
@Mountaindewed, tap water should stay down. If it doesn't, then something is not right. Even if you're in a/c, you can quickly become dehydrated which can lead to organ failure and you definately don't want that.

My anxiety was a little lower today. Klonopin helped about 40% and my T's suggestions and general activity today did the rest.

The anxiety is on the way back up but it's time for my second dose of Klonopin so I'm not surprised.

Mood-wise, I'm still low so the Rexulti isn't working yet but it has just been 12 days since I started it. I'm thinking of asking my pdoc if I can increase the dose.

Today has been a rough day. In part because of bipolar disorder and in part situational. These last two days, my phone use as been WAY out of control. I really am ready for summer vacation to be over already-at least work gives me something to do. I should have gotten that second job I thought about-I didn't because I was hypomanic when I had the idea and was worried about my physical health. Now, because I return back to work at the end of July, it doesn't really make sense for me to get one-I'd barely be past the training phase and would be back to my full time job.

I have counseling tomorrow so, hopefully, that will help. And, I signed up for my first volunteer shift at the small dog rescue this weekend so that should be fun.