Bipolar Check-in #81

Good morning. I slept good last night finally after barely sleeping for several days. I went to the food pantry this morning and got some food. Two of the things I’m most excited about are a big bag of chicken drumsticks which I plan on cooking in the crockpot with some buffalo sauce and having with blue cheese dipping sauce. The other thing I’m excited about I got is a whole cake, it’s a strawberry shortcake. It’s really good. I had some with some coffee today. I should be good on food until my Foodstamps come in on the 2nd of September.

I don’t have a whole lot planned today. Just getting on the treadmill later and practicing violin. Though my motivation is kind of low today so I don’t even know if I’ll do any of that. I’m gonna try to. If not I’ll just spend a lot of the day reading. I found a new Celtic song by one of my favorite instrumental composers on Apple Music so I’ve been listening to that on repeat and it’s really good.

I might just take it easy today and chill cause the food pantry was kind of stressful and took a couple hours. So I’m kind of worn out from that. Idk we’ll see how the day goes. Maybe I’ll get a burst of energy later.

You know what, I am gonna push myself to do that stuff today. I’m going through a breakup right now so it’s probably best to keep myself busy

My boyfriend and I were together a year and a half. I broke up with him the day before yesterday. We both agreed it was for the best. It still hurts a lot because we both love eachother but it just wasn’t working with us being long distance now

This is the song I’m listening to

Rough start to the morning. Just so many issues with doctors and medicine and my CPAP machine was blowing too hard again last night, I swear it is broken and I am starting to suffer. I am really tired.

Feeling moody - I don't get anxiety much but as @BeyondtheRainbow said it's just awful, and I hate it too girl, I understand your pain. I am doing a number on myself today - just in "beating up myself" mode. Yesterday I felt so good, but today I am hovering in guilty mode. I hate the up and down so much - just fighting through it and hoping I can get some resolution with all these doctor issues.

@Blue_Bird
So sorry to hear about your breakup

For those of you struggling right now, you are in my thoughts

I'm doing fine, mood is level, sleep good. I took a walk/jog this morning, finished reading my library book and am going to the library this afternoon with my daughter. Though she is driving so that is nerve-wracking. I have to keep myself calm and not get too anxious.

My anxiety magically disapeared last night. It was like a light switch, it just shut off. I just had to wait it out. I've been up since 1 something but I haven't had much anxiety or a lot of stomach issues.

My mom and I went to the gas station, Dollar General and Platos Closet. I was going to get a pair of blue Nike dunks but they were $100. So I got an $8 Carhartt beanie. I also ordered a Levis jacket from the Levis store this morning. I returned my other one to Amazon since it didnt fit and I was looking around at sites where I knew I wouldn't get a fake. Kohls didnt have them. But the actual source had them and with discounts and stuff I saved $43 and I know this is a legit one and not a fake like so many on Amazon are.

I kinda want to go to Dennys because they brought back their fried cheese melt sandwhich. They have a beetlejuice menu so they renamed the fried cheese melt to the afterlife melt. But I've been waiting awhile for it come to back whatever its called now.

So far today my anxiety and stomach are pretty good. I didn't have any anxiety being out and I was wearing my big framed black glasses. Having my glasses on is probably why my stomach is so calm. We got Sonic this morning and I ate a burger in the car with no problem.

Still suffering from mushy-brain-syndrome. Brain just feels tired, like I completely fried it or something. The audiobook version of my book is finally available on Amazon, so I'm completely done with that project and have no excuse NOT to start my new writing project.

I had a quiet day. I have the worst awful stomach ache and i'm worried because they usually last about twelve hours to several days. I'm able to drink water and eat digestive biscuits, so i am determined to do that, as dehydration and deprivation just made things worse last time.

I found out my former brother-in-law died in March, just a month after my former father-in-law. It made me sad because he was just in his sixties and it was cancer. My poor former niece, losing her dad and granddad within a month of each other.

I had a nice time looking back thru my Facebook page. It cheered me up to see how active and engaged i used to be. This current two-year bout of mild depression has really taken the stuffing out of me. I thought i might be embarrassed at the posts i made during hypomania, but was relieved to find i just sounded really joyful. I like being that person but she is too expensive and unsustainable.

@Blue_Bird:

Sorry to hear you broke up with your boyfriend, but you sound very sensible, that long-distance relationships are not too worthwhile.

@June08:

I get morning depression too, so that makes four of us here. I feel better in the evenings. The afternoons are so-so. Glad parent night went well. It's hard to remember people you don't see on a regular basis. Glad your homeroom class is getting along nicely.

@Crazy Hitch:

I'm glad you're trying to improve your work situation by looking into primary schools. That takes courage! I know the obstacles are hard, but all you can do is keep at it.

@BeyondtheRainbow:

Sorry to hear about your anxiety. I hate anxiety worse than depression.

@Blueberrybook:

Glad to hear you are feeling relatively well and hope the drive to the library with your daughter at the wheel was not too overwhelming.

Hugs to all!

Thanks for all the support during my anxiety issues last night. I finally got to sleep about 7 AM with the help of 400 (taken 100 at a time) of gabapentin.


Now I'm just exhausted. I'm not even taking my shower tonight. I just need to rest and sleep. I can shower in the morning.

I'm still anxious but not panicked like I was at times last night.

Trying to buy a condo within the week. Don't think I can but hopefully we'll be one step closer by the end of the week.

Have a counsellor appointment in 30 minutes. Really hoping she can help me with this mess called my life.

Can’t sleep. Yeast infection worse. Monistat causes intense burning and itching. Seeing the dr this morning.

Hope you get the help you need!

I feel better this day, more relaxed. The worst day so far, was a dark day with much rain. Maybe Autumn is early this year?

I have decided to start using my "Sun-lamp" in the mornings. I cannot afford to fall lower in mood now.


I was home from vacation early in May. Then we had some really good summer temperatures at home before it became mixed, some days sunny and some days with rain.

I hope the lamp helps, because I have a lot to do both for work and study.

Am sending good wishes to all!

I just got pulled over for speeding! Luckily he cut me a break and didn’t give me a ticket.

I am at the dr now.

They sent off a yeast culture that won’t be back until Monday. Meanwhile the pharmacy is going to take two hours for my prescription!

Sleeeeeeeepy today! All I want to do is sleep!

My anxiety is fine again. My stomach is not fine today. We went to a middle of nowhere Dollar General that had really good stuff. My agoraphobia is getting better again. This is the second day I've been out. I didn't take my first valium until noon. My glasses are helping with my anxiety at least.

I slept good last night. I fell asleep at 6 and then I woke up sometime around 8 or 9 but then I got back to sleep from 10:30 until 7.

I started back on my pantropaloze and it didnt cause any anxiety. I didn't restart my dramamine, or Align though. I had been taking the Align the longest of the 3 and then I stopped that at the same time as the others so maybe that was the cause of my bad anxiety? I think I read dramamine can sometimes backfire on you too.

So I looked up Zofran and I didn't even have to dig around. It said a common side effect was anxiety along with paranoia and restlesness. I've been taking 16mg a day for weeks....

Plus it interacts with some of my pysch meds.

Still waiting on the pharmacy…..

It’s been two hours! Where’s my script!?

It would not play but I was able to find it quickly on utube.
I loved it! like chanting mesmerizing Thanks for posting about her.

Definitely a better today even though I feel like I didn't get a lot accomplished even though I really did. Worked on my resume some and sent it off to someone that lives in my community to try and find a job here. Working out in Raleigh is really starting to get to me - being an hour away is really hard on me sometimes.

Just kind of reflective today - went to my church group last night and met a lot of new people. I am really starting to like where I live and am going to try and more things to do in the community. Cleaned up my whole house, (especially my microwave it needed a good cleaning), and feel really good about it. Will spend some time with my boyfriend tonight, we reconciled so things have been going well. Just feeling better - the emotional HELL that's coming with being without Lithium and my period coming soon has been really hard - but I am going to fight, fight, fight, through it - I refuse to be heavily medicated anymore - bipolar or no bipolar.

I'm here but just don't have much to say. Some days are like that. H is struggling with a lot of stuff right now at work and with projects around the house and I think it's affected me a bit.

(((HUGS))) to everyone!

Finally got the cream. It’s helping

I’m doing fine. My dental stuff is improving, I still take one Tylenol codine tablet daily to help me eat.

Went to the cousins picnic today. That was a success. My jello salad was almost gone, so yay! My one cousin though gave me a huge container of peeled sliced tomatoes. Way too many for me, just because I said how good they were. They come from her garden. Ran into someone after I got home and she said to bring them down tomorrow and I can divide them up. So that what I’ll do.

I don’t know if I’ll go to the art festival tomorrow tho. It’s very hot and humid out there. Monday will be worse but I’ve no plans for Monday. Today wasn’t too bad with the wind. So I guess if my daughter is willing we’ll chance it.

Once I rest up I’ve got to get in the shower. Despite the wind it’s so humid that my hair is wet from sweat. Did I mention yet how much I hate humidity? 😂

Sorry for all the depression on the board. That’s got to be hard. Purple vibes to you all.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why this happening. I'm taking all my meds. Nothing has changed. I'm having horrible tactile hallucinations of the negative entity running its fingers up and down my back and resting on it and I can feel it staring at me. I woke up at 3AM with it standing (floating?) as a black humanoid figure.

When I got up I put my hoodie on, hood up, and that helped the paranoia a little bit, but then I could hear it whispering in my mind, "I'm here. I'm here. I'm here."

WHY is this happening to me?? Why is this delusion starting to envelope me again???? I take 50mg of loxapine and 400mg of seroquel!!! I've been FINE for a long time!

I think I need to take a nap. Maybe the negative entity will be gone when I wake up.