Bipolar Check-in #82

I feel fine mental health wise but its just the same stomach stuff. Energy wise I'm a bit down but my depression seems ok at the moment. I did have to reschedule therapy to Thursday. I was going to do telehealth but she asked if I'd rather come in on Thursday. I'm her first appointment so maybe she figured she could get an extra 45 minutes. She told me early this morning she was going to be a bit late anyways. The switching to Thursday may have worked out better for her as well.

I plan on going out tommorow. Right now I feel fine. I'm just eating celery sticks and listening to music.

I'm feeling HUGE anxiety at work right now. Like I'm having a mini panic attack. The work load is just too much right now.

I’m doing good, my therapy session went well. I slept good last night. Paranoia is kind of bothering me lately. Trying to distract myself from it.

I’ve been on a movie kick lately so been watching a lot of movies. And shows to be honest too. I watched the newish Studio Ghibli movie The Boy and the Heron that came out last year and it was really good. I also am gonna watch Hocus Pocus maybe tonight because I’m ready for Halloween.

I read a lot today. Also cleaned my apartment. Did my most hated task of vacuuming.

I got a free month trial to YouTube premium. Which is nice to be honest because I use YouTube a ton. Right now I’m listening to a Christmas music playlist. lol idk whether I’m more excited about Halloween or Christmas. Both probably.

I planned a little outing for myself for tomorrow. I’m gonna walk down to that Italian bakery/cafe and get a large caramel macchiato and 2 chocolate Sicilian cannolis and enjoy them at one of their tables while I read on my kindle. Should be nice. 🙂

My daughter needed me to come watch her daughter while she went to the doctor. Was a close thing. I took my Dr oked extra ambian last light and slept until 11am. Needed to get there in an hour! Oops. Just made it. Spent the day watching a bluey cartoon. Quite the nice cartoon. It’s about a dog family. Cute. I’m spending the night just vegging out.

Still found myself with depression today. I eventually gave in and texted my therapist yesterday. I’m blessed that she gets back with me any day of the week. I missed a family dinner tonight. Just wasn’t up to it. I do plan on leaving the house early and getting a massage, pedicure and a healthy smoothie before therapy tomorrow. It was such a beautiful day today and I couldn’t bring myself to go out and enjoy it. The constant struggle is getting to me. I make it worse when I compare my life to people who have no mental illness.

I’m thinking I will volunteer with a hospice group that needs volunteers. It’s something I have a very strong compulsion to do.

I hope everyone has a peaceful night

What the **** is rhetoric. Its the word I've been hearing the most today. I kinda want to crawl into a hole for some reason. Or at least take some zofran and tylenol

I showed my mom a picture of the Casa Bonita resturaunt thats based on the South Park one and my mom said "I don't get it. Are you saying you want to go here?" I had to explain it was in Colorado. I do not live in Colorado.

I went in to my mental health drop-in today and had a nice time. We chatted and then played a word game. I did well. It was so nice to be among people of all shapes and sizes and abilities. I felt like i was seeing INSIDE people today, not like TV, where i am just a spectator and only see their surface. One woman has a bad skin condition and i even enjoyed her today, she's charmingly curious. Another woman has a lot of charisma and she always makes a point of being friendly to me. I welcome the attention, as she is so cool. So it went really well and i look forward to going back soon.

Hugs to all in need!

today lasted forever. idk where i am mood wise. i seem to e up and down. saw swrling silver confetti today for a few minutes. dont know what thats about. it was weird. probably wont tell t about that tomorow. he will over react. burned my chin with flaming hot cheese pizza. left blister thats still burning. ouch!

practicum tomorrow. id rather do nothing

@Sunflower123 I hear what you are saying about feeling worse when comparing yourself to those without a mental illness. I end up doing the same thing. Once, I heard the saying "compare and despair." I try to remember this, but that's easier said than done.


I changed my mind and decided to message my gynecologist about alternative options instead of waiting another month or two to see if my body adjusts to the med. I'm just so over the depression so would rather try something new sooner than later, especially since I'm not a huge fan of the med I'm currently on anyway. I'm up for the placebo pill this week; hopefully, that doesn't trigger bipolar symptoms. And, hopefully this doctor gets back to me. The last time I messaged her, she didn't...

What's weird is that, when I get depressed, I sometimes almost wish I was hypomanic because at least I could enjoy things. But, I have to remember the happy part of how I experience mania doesn't last long before the irritability hits. And, then there's the crash.

It was a funny (in a good way( day at school. I teared up laughing so hard because one of my students said his long term science experiment looks like his grandpa.

Wow, it took me an hour to go over everyone's posts I have missed. It feels like forever since I have been here! I have missed you guys so much As Tropical Storm Helene is kicking our butts here in North Carolina a lot has happened with me. I will try to sum up as much as possible, I know how hard it is reading a wall of text for a post.

I got a new job. I will be working as an Accountant at a local prestigious CPA firm. I got offered the job because I did well on the interview, but mostly because a very well-known prominent man in our community comes to our local AA homegroup and attends almost every meeting I chair on Fridays - he really stuck his neck out for me and just proves another reason why AA and recovery can change someone's life.

Community has become a very important word for me. Especially being a part of this one here on this site for so many years, even if it's just online. I have been growing so much in my church, volunteering to help teams of people clean the church every other month, and the most important thing to me: becoming part of the Legions of Mary. This is the most life-changing moment for me. When I used to go back and forth in all the psych wards for so many years, a representative of the church would come and give us a sacrament and pray for us. I would participate all the time because of all my suffering and despair. Now I have come full circle because after Easter, I will be one of the church's representatives to travel around North Carolina visiting mental hospitals, nursing homes, and anywhere someone needs a prayer or help. This made my mom cry when I visited my parents on Sunday; she said, "it looks like you've found your mission."

I can't tell you enough what all these events have done for me - and I know it's because this is the place, (PsychCentral/MSF) is where I found myself again with all your support, new members and old. I have been on this site for well over a decade, and not once have I ever felt alone here. So thank you everyone, I am truly grateful, and especially a heartfelt thank you for @DocJohn for working so hard to keep this place going for all of us.

Oh, I am also keeping my store job in Raleigh - candle making classes are in full swing, and we've just added body butter making classes which are beyond fun!

I love you guys, hope you have a great week!

Just some pics from the store and the classes:

Got some work prep work done for the October issue of the ezine tonight. Got my booty in gear. Think I've already met my quota for the October issue and will have to start accepting submissions for the November issue. Whew. I'm definitely behind! And I still need to write those interview questions... but luckily that's for the November issue.

Congratulations @LadyShadow ! You are such an inspriation.