Bipolar Check-in #82

I feel fine mental health wise but its just the same stomach stuff. Energy wise I'm a bit down but my depression seems ok at the moment. I did have to reschedule therapy to Thursday. I was going to do telehealth but she asked if I'd rather come in on Thursday. I'm her first appointment so maybe she figured she could get an extra 45 minutes. She told me early this morning she was going to be a bit late anyways. The switching to Thursday may have worked out better for her as well.

I plan on going out tommorow. Right now I feel fine. I'm just eating celery sticks and listening to music.

I'm feeling HUGE anxiety at work right now. Like I'm having a mini panic attack. The work load is just too much right now.

I’m doing good, my therapy session went well. I slept good last night. Paranoia is kind of bothering me lately. Trying to distract myself from it.

I’ve been on a movie kick lately so been watching a lot of movies. And shows to be honest too. I watched the newish Studio Ghibli movie The Boy and the Heron that came out last year and it was really good. I also am gonna watch Hocus Pocus maybe tonight because I’m ready for Halloween.

I read a lot today. Also cleaned my apartment. Did my most hated task of vacuuming.

I got a free month trial to YouTube premium. Which is nice to be honest because I use YouTube a ton. Right now I’m listening to a Christmas music playlist. lol idk whether I’m more excited about Halloween or Christmas. Both probably.

I planned a little outing for myself for tomorrow. I’m gonna walk down to that Italian bakery/cafe and get a large caramel macchiato and 2 chocolate Sicilian cannolis and enjoy them at one of their tables while I read on my kindle. Should be nice. 🙂

My daughter needed me to come watch her daughter while she went to the doctor. Was a close thing. I took my Dr oked extra ambian last light and slept until 11am. Needed to get there in an hour! Oops. Just made it. Spent the day watching a bluey cartoon. Quite the nice cartoon. It’s about a dog family. Cute. I’m spending the night just vegging out.

Still found myself with depression today. I eventually gave in and texted my therapist yesterday. I’m blessed that she gets back with me any day of the week. I missed a family dinner tonight. Just wasn’t up to it. I do plan on leaving the house early and getting a massage, pedicure and a healthy smoothie before therapy tomorrow. It was such a beautiful day today and I couldn’t bring myself to go out and enjoy it. The constant struggle is getting to me. I make it worse when I compare my life to people who have no mental illness.

I’m thinking I will volunteer with a hospice group that needs volunteers. It’s something I have a very strong compulsion to do.

I hope everyone has a peaceful night

What the **** is rhetoric. Its the word I've been hearing the most today. I kinda want to crawl into a hole for some reason. Or at least take some zofran and tylenol

I showed my mom a picture of the Casa Bonita resturaunt thats based on the South Park one and my mom said "I don't get it. Are you saying you want to go here?" I had to explain it was in Colorado. I do not live in Colorado.

I went in to my mental health drop-in today and had a nice time. We chatted and then played a word game. I did well. It was so nice to be among people of all shapes and sizes and abilities. I felt like i was seeing INSIDE people today, not like TV, where i am just a spectator and only see their surface. One woman has a bad skin condition and i even enjoyed her today, she's charmingly curious. Another woman has a lot of charisma and she always makes a point of being friendly to me. I welcome the attention, as she is so cool. So it went really well and i look forward to going back soon.

Hugs to all in need!

today lasted forever. idk where i am mood wise. i seem to e up and down. saw swrling silver confetti today for a few minutes. dont know what thats about. it was weird. probably wont tell t about that tomorow. he will over react. burned my chin with flaming hot cheese pizza. left blister thats still burning. ouch!

practicum tomorrow. id rather do nothing

@Sunflower123 I hear what you are saying about feeling worse when comparing yourself to those without a mental illness. I end up doing the same thing. Once, I heard the saying "compare and despair." I try to remember this, but that's easier said than done.


I changed my mind and decided to message my gynecologist about alternative options instead of waiting another month or two to see if my body adjusts to the med. I'm just so over the depression so would rather try something new sooner than later, especially since I'm not a huge fan of the med I'm currently on anyway. I'm up for the placebo pill this week; hopefully, that doesn't trigger bipolar symptoms. And, hopefully this doctor gets back to me. The last time I messaged her, she didn't...

What's weird is that, when I get depressed, I sometimes almost wish I was hypomanic because at least I could enjoy things. But, I have to remember the happy part of how I experience mania doesn't last long before the irritability hits. And, then there's the crash.

It was a funny (in a good way( day at school. I teared up laughing so hard because one of my students said his long term science experiment looks like his grandpa.