Bipolar Check-in #83

@Nammu:

Yes, The Hunter's Moon is really spectacular! So glad i stepped out onto my balcony tonight to see it! It was just by chance. Now i'm considering cultivating an interest in astronomy. Problem is i live in a big city and there's so much light the moon is about the only feature in the night sky i can see. Hmm...

My building is a condo apartment building and most residents are seniors. We've had a couple big projects like you and uproars over them too. It really is quite a lot to ask, to turn your home upside down for the various projects. One uproar got so heated management allowed people to opt out.

I was wrong about what my pdoc would do. I'm to get a clozaril level drawn Tuesday when I'm in the city and hopefully that will be low enough to go up on that instead of upping the Seroquel. In the meantime I'm supposed to keep taking my PRN doses in the afternoon and if I have a really bad day I can increase to 25 mg of PRN Seroquel. So help is coming but I have some uncomfortable days left.

I trust her and I'd rather go up on clozaril than Seroquel but on the waiting is hard. It's just a few days but that seems like a long time right now.

Grr h says no tattoos next month because it's concerning.

@ghostsinthehouse welcome!

______


I'm struggling today, but was also able to get a few things done after school. Not going to lie though, I'm worried about future me. I just don't know how many more crashes/depressive episodes I can handle, especially now that my physical health is bad too. I don't feel like I have a greater purpose in life so I'm worried one day I'll run out of reasons to fight this. Depression sucks and I long for the day I can tell you guys I'm feeling better and to have it stick for a bit. I'm so grateful to have a med combo that helps keep mania/hypomania at bay (knock on wood), but still am really struggling.

My students saved the day today. My brain was mush because I was so tired, but my students reminding me about things helped keep the class running smoothly!

Think I’m over the mania for the most part. Was up for an hour at 4 am but managed to sleep till 7:30. Now I’m having coffee at Tim Hortons. Texted Caleb- he’s trying out a brand new breakfast place this morning. I hope he likes it because he was bored of the old one.

I need to do laundry but I did take a shower yesterday. Apartment still messy. Cat has strewn the laundry everywhere- I call her sock bandit because she carries socks in her mouth while meowing!

Omg I'm SO sick and to make matters worse I just got my period and had no Tylenol or midol in the apartment so I had to go to the store and figured I would also stop at the pharmacy. I was out of my prn seroquel so needed it. And I needed my loxapine, but they said they had to order it or something and it wouldn't be there until Monday. Boohoo. Luckily I have enough left for five days and have like five bottles of the 10mg capsules if I get desperate. Took some DayQuil. Hoping that'll help bring my temp down. I'm boiling hot right now.

Because I'm so paranoid of my psychiatrist being pissed at me I was thinking about giving the med adjustment another chance. I don't think it will work, but I don't want her to be pissed off at me! I'm bringing Husband to my appointment with her on the 28th, just in case she is ridiculously pissed at me.

@Ghostinthehouse Welcome! I've found this thread to be very supportive & hope you will find it so too

So sorry for those of you who are sick. Hope you all feel better soon! @raspberrytorte Ugh getting your period while sick is the WORST! I feel for you

I saw the moon early this morning when I let my cat Midnight in. I agree it is a wonderful sight.

@Blue_Bird Your kitties are adorable! I absolutely love Mustachio's name

Too many people posted for me to reply to everyone. Hugs for those of you who need it and for those of you feeling numb. I hate feeling numb. Meds always give me that numb feeling too when I'm stable, and I hate that but it is definitely better than depression & my last round of mania wasn't all that great either. Pdoc doesn't seem to mind me being numb I guess he feels it is better than the alternatives?

As for me I'm doing okay this morning. I had to skip pilates because my arm is very sore from getting the COVID & flu vaccines yesterday. At least I am not feeling sick from it. I hope my daughter is feeling okay today as the COVID vaccine tends to give her a mild fever as well as the sore arm. She's not up yet and went to bed fairly early for her yesterday so I'm not sure.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Oh wow, I managed to take a photo of a comet!

I was feeling pretty low on Wednesday but went on a day road trip up north. In the evening, I was in a place with a good, clear view to the west so I stayed until sunset to try for the comet that I knew would be there.

I ended up staying for about an hour and captured the attached image at the very end.

I wasn't feeling low after that!

@Scooter9 Wow! You have taken some wonderful pictures lately. I love it!

Doing a load of laundry. It always takes 1.5 hours to get it done. But nobody else was doing laundry!

With everything that happened with pdoc I forgot the good news. I have my interview for PCA services Monday.

Well my masters graduation
Is same
Day as my little sisters dental school graduation. Guess I know where my family will be. Last time
I got my bachelors it was Same
Thing as my sister planned her wedding that day.

I’ll never be enough. I’ve always been the screw up and she’s the smart one so yeah

With everything that happened with pdoc I forgot the good news. I have my interview for PCA services Monday.

Haili you are enough. I'm in aw of all you have accomplished even when sick. You're an inspiration to me that I may accomplish my dreams one day even with setbacks like currently. I'm sorry your family can't see the wonderful person you are.

I went to coinstar today. I had like $13 of change I had sitting in an empty coffee canister. Next time I’m gonna wait till it’s completely full to cash it in but that was so cool! It had been sitting there for years and I knew there had to be at least like $10 in there but I never knew what to do with it cause I don’t like using change in the store. So I got a $10 bill and 3 quarters, a nickel and 2 Pennie’s back. I spent it on 20 lb box of cat litter and a little tiny box with 7 packets of individual instant coffee. And then the change leftover from that purchase I put back in the canister to start the whole process over again. The canister wasn’t even nearly full when I exchanged it. So next time I’m gonna wait till it’s completely filled and exchange it and see what I’ve saved it’s fun.

I’m doing well. I slept super good last night. My mood is good. I sleep better when I’ve exercised which I did do yesterday. And I took a long walk today carrying the 20lbs of cat litter with me. Plus I’m gonna get on the treadmill again today.

Ty so much

@HALLIEBETH87 your family is really missing out. You're an amazing person, and I agree with Victoria'smom that you are a huge inspiration. Despite all these challenges, you got a freaking MASTERS! You've overcome so much, and if your family can't see that, fkkk 'em.

@Scooter9 awesome pic of the comet! What do you use for a camera or have any recommendations? I'm pondering getting something that isn't my phone haha.

I hope you feel better, @raspberrytorte. It's up to you if you're giving more lamictal another chance, but didn't you say when you went back to the lower dose you felt a lot better? Or has that changed? I understand the idea of "do what your doc tells you," but I also believe genuinely doing things within reason that work better or the same with less harm when a pdoc doesn't live in our minds and bodies, but merely observes it for a short every 2 weeks to 3 months (or so). (Also take my med-managed-*** word with discretion. I might just be jealous of having control over meds hah)

Welcome @ghostsinthehouse! It's always a pleasure to see someone new join in

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A few months ago I went hiking and my pdoc kept telling me about the importance of a whistle and bug spray (I think mosquitos crave bug spray based on this summer), and med nurse this morning was talking about that so I told her to tell my doc that, yes, indeed I have two whistles--one for my overnight pack and one for my day pack. I know if I forget something it's going to be a whistle (I clipped the original whistle to my overnight pack and it's easy to forget to take off since it's not actually in the pack with other stuff).

Told med nurse my next hike is probably going to be Mt. Cabot, but I didn't tell her it's like a two hour drive in good weather, a 6 hour book time hike (average hiker (me), good weather (not for another 6 months)), and the gates are only open 8am to 4pm so I'd probably either turn it into an overnighter (there's a shelter on one of the trails to protect you from weather) or at least find a cheap place to stay in the area the night before. Winter hiking is actually easier for the most part just because footing doesn't suck and it's easier to bite into ice with spikes than get traction on wet rocks with normal footwear. And the rocks are covered in snow. That makes things sooooo much easier. Just heavier packs and a real risk of hypothermia on some mountains (looking at you, Prezis!)

Working on picking out some pictures for a calendar I'm getting my mom for xmas (yeah, going through on that idea). It's going to be cat themed!

I'm feeling pretty sick today but I found some Dayquil high blood pressure stuff this morning so I'm not coughing as much. Its just an overall bad cold thing. I watched the first 2 episodes of The Villians House season 2 and I'm just pretty zoned out today.

My first thought when I woke up was how I was feeling. Then my second thought was the election. So yeah I just feel like crap but I haven't taken any valium yet.

@MuddyBoots

I didn't feel good on the med change. I was crying. I was bawling. I was wailing like a baby about stupid things that normally wouldn't make me cry that much. I feel much better now that I'm back on my normal doses, and the increase in Lamictal was already turning me into a moron, like I knew it would. If I would have stayed on it I would have ended up in the hospital. Husband agrees with me. That's why I told him he had to come to my appointment! He knows me better than my new psychiatrist. My therapist told me it was disturbing how fast I had such a bad reaction to the med adjustment... but that's just the way I am. I always react to meds and med adjustments quickly.

I don't know. I took my full sertraline dose this morning.

@Blueberrybook

Yeah. Having your period while sick is definitely no fun. I'm also early. And I had no indication it was even going to start. That never happens. Very odd. And I don't have any cramps or anything! I don't understand my body.

I took the day off. Didn’t get dressed until noon. Finished my one book and ran to the library. Then stopped by the hamburger shop and got a root beer malt to go. I woke up with a very sore throat don’t know if it’s a med reaction or the start of something. Everything tastes off too. It’s an odd day, cloudy but warm, but not a rain drop in sight. It’s very dry, fires are everywhere. Makes me sort of paranoid. I have my ids, money and keys all together ready to grab and go. In Wisconsin not too far away a whole block went up in flames. We need lots of rain. I have nothing on the calendar until Wednesday but I’m hoping to get myself out there and mix with people before that.

I’m feeling less depressed. Like it’s gone from a 1/10 to a 3/10. An improvement is an improvement right. I think it’s in part because I’m not back at work yet. My psychologist has told me to stop putting lesson plans up because I’m really struggling with that. I’m worried about the repercussion and who will contact me if I completely stop. The assistant principal will likely text me but my certificate of capacity says no capacity to work so there’s that. Sorry for the rant.

We’re probably going to the grocery store in the mall later on. It’s Sunday and I don’t have much to do. My partner wants to take my son to the park later on.

I'm coughing nonstop and its freaking me out. I'm coughing so badly I'm throwing up. And I'm really short of breath. My mom doesnt think I need to go to the ER. I'm just trying to get comfortable somehow.

I drank some hot tea with honey. Now I seem to be more congested then coughing. Idk why hot tea aeems to help the most out of all the stuff I have. I don't feel like I'm in an emegency situation anymore which is good.

Speaking of, based on my recent cycles my period should arrive in a week and a half. My cycles are getting longer. I use Fertility Friend to track them.

I wasn't due for another week at least, and tmi but usually I can tell I'm about to have my period because my boobs get really sore, but this month, nothing. So weird. And no nauseating cramps. I don't know what the fck is going on! Lol. My cycles are getting longer too. My periods used to last three days... now they last a whole week. Fck man.