Bipolar Check-in #85

My christmas was good. I took a 3 hour nap before my sister came over. It could have been the dramaine I took. I took a different kind then normal.

I liked the presents I got. I got 2 books, 2 hoodies, and 2 pairs of jeans of my mom. A book from my brother. And an Amazon gift card and a Kohls gift card from my sister and her family. Everything fits great. I was a bit worried about one of the hoodies and the jeans.

My mom is pretty sick with a cold but I still feel decent. I could really tell tonight how much the increase in Prestiq has helped things. I felt legit happy tonight.

There was a shooting at my complex. Just as I entered past the gate the police pulled me over and asked if I was involved in the shooting. I said no and he said to leave the area. I went 2 seconds up the road to my apartment. Now I’m home with Ariel.

Today has gone well. I went to the dog shelter and to a movie. I got to spend time with three dogs today, all of whom wanted to give a ton of love and cuddles. One of them was a big licker-the entire time she was on my lap being pet, she was licking my arms and hands. The movie theater had a decent crowd too. Now, I'm exhausted even though it's only 6:30 pm. I was able to not give in to the temptation to have an energy drink as late as I did yesterday so, hopefully, I'll sleep well. It took me forever to fall asleep again last night.

I'm glad I decided to spend Christmas by myself. It was kind of people to invite me to their house, but I have enjoyed the time alone.

I just took benedryl because I itch all over. I can breathe ok and don’t see hives. New food I ate was goose tonight around 6.

Yay Christmas is O-V-E-R!!! I attended my support group's virtual drop-in but only for the first hour as it was pretty boring. It went on for four hours. I just thought i'd rather play Scrabble. I also listened to more stand-up comedy podcasts. They're amusing and get me laughing. Thanks to all who participated in the virtual Christmas dinner thread. It was yummy!

Had a good Christmas, my sister and niece stopped by. They liked their gifts. I got a Steve Madden purse/wallet and a Steve Madden winter beanie for Christmas plus they brought over some homemade lasagna and rum cake. Both of which are very delicious. The rum cake is super super strong. Had a small slice tonight. Gonna have some tomorrow morning with coffee. I have half a whole cake. My niece is like almost 20 now. She’s grown into such a wonderful person. I remember when she was just a tiny thing, she was born in 2005 when I was like 11. (My sister is 20 years older than me) she’s this little actual adult now it’s so cool to see. She was happy with the music theory for bass players book I got her. And my sister was really happy with the astrology book I got her.

@Blue_Bird I got a Steve Madden wallet too!

Nice! I’m happy with mine. I needed a new purse since the strap broke on my old one and my zipper broke in my wallet. This purse is really compact and has the wallet built into it , it has card holders. I’ve been meaning to purchase a new purse and wallet for awhile now so this was perfect

@Blue_Bird:

Glad you had such a nice Christmas. Thanks for sharing. It was heartwarming to hear about!

I'm in a MUCH better mood now that Christmas is over! Whew. All that awkward socializing was really mentally draining. I'm looking forward to a day of cleaning and novel planning and hanging out with my husband and daughter and the cats. ❤️ It's going to be nice! I had cool dreams last night, one of which inspired a novel idea in me, which is good. Pretty excited about that.

I didn't do any of my cleaning chores yesterday. Didn't have time. So the apartment is a disaster. I'm looking forward to listening to some of my tunes and getting to work slacker though! My sister texted me merry Christmas yesterday, which was really sweet because she NEVER texts me, and I grudgingly sent my parents a merry Christmas text.

Oh, and today I plan on doing some online shopping using the gift cards I received. Yippie! 😊

And I'm NOT going to stress about the ezine today. I'm putting that up on Monday damn it!

@Scooter9

What's this drug trial thing you're doing? Are you sure it's worth it? You really seem like you're suffering right now. 😔

I had a nice Christmas, unexpectedly I played cards but then was back in my apartment in time to have my Christmas meal and watch call the midwife. Was very low key and nice.

Today I see my therapist in a couple of hours. It’s weird so much time in between sessions. Weeks. Makes it hard to really talk.

N3 had me for the name draw and he got me a new black winter coat! It is long - down almost to my ankles! It should keep me plenty warm! It’s to replace the too-small dirty white coat that I’ve had for years. And N1 loved her books on coffee!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 There was a shooting at my complex. Just as I entered past the gate the police pulled me over and asked if I was involved in the shooting. I said no and he said to leave the area. I went 2 seconds up the road to my apartment. Now I’m home with Ariel.

I am glad you are safe! That is so scary! There was a shooting at the apartment complex I lived in when I was in grad school that shattered my sliding glass door in the living room while I was asleep. (Shot was intended for the apt. of shooter's ex-girlfriend, out of town at the time.) I was pulled in by the police, questioned, grilled about ex-boyfriends, etc. A short time later, I was in the psych hospital for panic disorder and PTSD.

Christmas went fine since it was just H, my daughter, and me. We are celebrating a late Christmas with my family and extended family on Saturday. I can't say I am looking forward to it.

I slept well last night, woke to my cat Pecan with her head and front paws on my chest. That really made me not want to get up, it was so sweet. I went for a jog this morning, 3.5 miles and 0.25 miles walking to warm up and cool down. It was so humid outside, I had to shower immedately upon getting back in. I read with the SAD lamp, refilled meds, did some sketching, washed & folded laundry. I will probably read more today along with the usual meal preparation. It's rainy outside this morning, perfect weather for reading my mystery book.

Took a walk to the library to return some books. They weren’t due yet but I needed to get out of the house some and into the cold air and get some exercise. Then I practiced violin.

I feel like crap and I think I'm just getting covid again or maybe the flu and this is that pre mental health stuff I get. I was just in bed all day because now I'm having issues on the other end (sorry tmi) but I wasn't very hungry all day then I had to shut down everything about an hour ago because of another migraine. Now its better after being in the pitch dark with no music and drinking water.

But my mom has a real bad cold so I'm guessing I'm next. I don't know what I want from Amazon or Kohls with my gift cards. I seriously just wanted to lie down all day instead of think.

Struggling with a blinking head cold and determined not to let it affect my mood

I'm not sure what is up with my mood. I was feeling okay today and then, out of the blue, running an errand (that went completely fine) turned in to me being full of rage. Now, the smallest thing can put me over the edge. I'm not sure if this is the depressive crash I get after hypomania, if it's hypomania irritability, or some type of mixed state. My mood is definitely off, but it has never been off in this way before. If it's a depressive crash, I just have to wait it out and pray it doesn't get to bad or last to long. I think one of the worst parts (maybe the worst) of having bipolar disorder for me is the fact that nothing can be done when I hit a depressive episode, especially since they always come with passive SI.

It is still taking me forever to fall asleep too, to the point where I don't even want to try going to bed because I don't want to deal with the struggle.

I did manage to deep clean the kitchen and go to the dog shelter today. The dog shelter didn't go as well as it has been the last few times, but I did end up getting to hang out with two of the same dogs I took outside yesterday. I'm scheduled for another shift at the shelter tomorrow. Then, I'm not signed up again until next week.

I got a nice Christmas gift from the universe late last night: i discovered the work of Bill Hicks. He was an American comedian, satirist, and musician. I really like him. He's savage about capitalism and the mass media, subjects which i've been interested in since i studied them in my Mass Communications degree.

I stayed up til 3:30am listening to him perform and watching a biography of him. I finished both today. His music is groovy! I'm a bit worried about the erratic hours i've been keeping lately but i felt it was a special occasion, so i allowed it. Just wish i would sleep in later since the daytime is so grim for me. I'm not hypomanic today.

This might sound kind of whiny, but i feel kind of bitter that i'm not good at anything i care about like being a fiction writer, a singer/songwriter, or a comedian. What am i good at? Scrabble. What an absurd thing to be good at, so obscure. I try and tell myself that it's better than not being good at ANYTHING, but i still feel kind of jealous.

Janeoncemore - i know i owe you a pm - as soon as the sun returns! But Scrabbler sounds like a fun persona for any and all of those occupations. Being able to pull out of the air (and some random letters) the perfect word to express your idea? Excelsior!

One of my favorite jokes is scrabble-based. I was playing against my brilliant nephew, and i said, "What has 4 eyes...?" And he instantly recognized the joke "... and 16 legs etc i dont know either but its crawling up your sleeve!" None of the other relatives got it but we were cracking up, as i did indeed have 4 "I's"!

Have an appointment with my therapist this morning. Don't have much to report as I'm feeling fine. Quite happy now that Christmas is over. 😊 For now my husband has off on New Year's eve and day, which will be nice. I can't wait to take the Christmas tree down! I did some online shopping yesterday and have some things coming in the mail. Yay!

I'm getting excited for the Imminence concert in March and for the Explosions in the Sky concert in April (that one is in Madison, so we're spending the night and it'll be our yearly romantic getaway ❤️). I have to figure out what to wear! Lol.

In February my husband and I are getting our tattoos. Yippie! I'll finally be able to get my Sleep Token tattoo! Once my septum piercing heals a bit more I want to get my eyebrow pierced. I don't know why I have this sudden urge to get piercings! I just have this NEED to be pierced.

Ah shyt. I just remembered the ezine. Have to get that up! I also have a lot of submissions to catch up on. I'm pushing into April now. I keep on getting short story submissions and no poetry! I need poetry submissions! Does anyone on here write poetry and want to submit? Lol. Just kidding.

I used my sunlamp for 20 minutes this morning. Now I'm trying to do my daily workout but I'm a bit worn out today. I've done half of my 300 reps. Overall I'm ok and I'm better then yesterday.

Edit: I finished my workout. I pushed myself and did 320 reps instead of 300. I got dressed and I feel better.

Good morning friends!

Slept great, I'd have liked to sleep in a little later than I did but my cat woke me up as usual around 6:30am lol

I plan on getting on the treadmill and practicing violin today, probably study some music theory as well. And talk on the phone to my friend since he wants to call later

I have a few plans for January. I'm gonna go to the movie theater twice and see movies, I picked out one movie it's called Wolf Man and comes out January 17th. I still need to pick out one more. And I'm gonna go to that little Italian pastry/coffee shop maybe 2 times. And I plan on going to the new Bubble tea/ Boba tea shop downtown. I might see about finding a new takeout place to try out too. I like planning little outings for myself to make things more interesting

Oh and I have to do my taxes when my W2s come in so I can get my tax reurn

Anyway, I feel good today! Motivated and ready for the day

Did 30 minutes on the treadmill at an incline of 7. Started feeling dizzy after I got off. So am just trying to slow down now

I finished the book I was reading. Also studied music theory.

Now I’m dissociated and paranoid and thinking my meds are poisoning me

I’m convinced I’m dying. Idk if it’s just a panic attack though